Roles should NOT be stereotyped. Can't believe I have to make a thread about this... very upsetting.

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    Mar 16, 2011 8:06 PM GMT
    My incentive for creating this thread is to enlighten those who have not been enlightened about the issues with stereotyping roles in relationships.

    Yes, many of you have been lectured about this, which is great! You can agree then with what I will have to say.


    1) Top/Bottom/Versatile Roles in a Relationship


    Some people here have given the impression that the top should be the one in charge of everything both in sexual and non-sexual aspects of the relationships. There are those of you who say the opposite for the bottom. While it is your view and everything, it pisses me off to see you say that. NO... that is NOT how it works at all.

    Top and bottom are terms that are defined as the "giver" and the "Receiver" respectively.
    It has NOTHING to do with who should be in control and who should not be in control. There are words that define those elements perfectly:
    "Dominating" and "Submissive"

    Now, use simple mathematics and you can find out the potential combinations of these five terms:

    Simple chart:

    ----------------------------Top----------------Bottom--------------------Vers
    dominating-------------DT-----------------DB-------------------------DV--
    submissive-------------ST-----------------SB-------------------------SV--

    Now, if you mix them you will find that there are a ton of combinations:

    dom. top - dom. bottom
    dom. top - sub. bottom
    dom. top - dom. vers
    dom. top - sub. vers
    sub. top - dom. bottom
    sub. top - sub. bottom
    sub. top - dom. vers
    sub. top - sub. vers
    dom. bottom - dom. vers
    dom. bottom - sub. vers
    sub. bottom - dom. vers
    sub. bottom - sub vers
    dom. vers - dom. vers
    sub. vers - dom. vers
    sub. vers - sub. vers

    Assumption: assuming top/top and bottom/bottom will not work (assuming that if they do decide to switch roles in sex, then they are versatile).


    So, in the above cases, we have 15 different combinations (With our assumption made - without it there would be more).

    This is to show you all that when you stereotype who should be dominating and who should be submissive you are cutting off MANY possibile combinations. There are people in life that fall into each of the above combo's... so watch your tongue when referring to roles.

    This ends the SEXUAL part of this discussion. The next parts are not referring to "in the bedroom" acts.

    -----------------------------------------------------------

    2) Dominating/Submissive Roles in a Relationship.


    Now, the above have been defined in terms of sexual relations. What if we were to try and expand them further than just the sexual part of a relationship?

    Here is what we can say about that:

    Dominating and submissive (in slang terms) are referred to as someone who "decides what goes on in a relationship" versus someone who "accepts the decision that is made," respectively.

    Some men will talk before hand and bluntly state what role they enjoy taking on before hand. If that is already determined via conversation with your spouse before hand, then great! You both know what you are getting yourselves into and are content with the choices made.

    However, if neither of you talk about the "roles" in a relationship before you get in one, then try to treat each other equally, give each other the ability to share the same power, and respect both of your decisions.

    -----------------------------------

    3) Sub/Dom and Height factors combined with Man/Woman Roles in a relationship?

    Now, what about the woman/man stereotypes out there?

    Women and men can both be dominating and submissive in a relationship.
    People who think women are the ones who take orders and men are the ones who give orders were born too late. Yes, 50 years ago, it was like that, but also, 50 years ago, gays were killed by the masses... does that mean it is right? NO.


    Some examples:

    "He is the bottom one, so he must be the woman in the relationship"

    No! Bottoming has to do with receiving NOT with being a woman. In fact, you are BOTH men.

    Don't get this confused with choosing to *act* like a woman. If a man chooses to act like a woman then OK.... otherwise, if you see two men holding hands together, and one says he is the bottom and the other says he is the top leave your knowledge to that only. Don't start assuming now who is the woman and who is the man... they may both be acting like MEN (since they are, naturally, men).

    "He is the short one, so he must be the submissive one in the relationship!"

    No! Being short does not make you submissive in a relationship! Even though being taller does show that you have the potential to be the dominating one of the pair, there are still many pairs out there that go against this way of thinking.

    "He is the submissive one, so he must be the woman!"

    No! Submissive has to do with wanting to give in to (or submit yourself) to someone. There are men who enjoy doing this to women and vice versa. In a gay context, there are dominating men that like act as the woman and vice versa.

    The above three quotes can be reversed using top (for the first one), tall (For the second one), and dominating (for the third one) respectively. You can also use man instead of woman (for the first one), dominating (for the second one), and man (for the third one).

    ---------------------------------------


    Source: My mind.

    I hope this somewhat got those out there that stereotype to stop.
    It helps everyone.

    Peace









  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 16, 2011 9:43 PM GMT
    Can I tickle your tummy?

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    Mar 16, 2011 9:46 PM GMT
    tl; dr

    However, I will be drinking dark chocolate martinis with a friend later this evening. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Mar 16, 2011 9:54 PM GMT
    Well if you look at the Science of the largest oldest creatures on this Earth it is made of the dominant ones looking for rights to the most feminine ones. Don't LIVE YOUR FUCKING LIFE AS A WHALE... God that is such a primitive example of purpose. WE KNOW LOVE... That raises us a bit higher than whales. TO LOSE IS NOT SUCH A SINFUL THING... Just look for the second best or the third best or whatever comes right after. IT WILL BE FIRST SOMEDAY!!! God is NOT FUCKING THIS MEAN people. He gave us emotion... WHO YOU LOVE THE MOST WILL BE SEEN BY GOD. And if he comes back here to test you, so what??? We all are going to become the Star of confusing accomplishment's even if God were to give up on this planet right now.
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    Mar 16, 2011 10:03 PM GMT
    Perhaps you could make a chart
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    Mar 16, 2011 10:06 PM GMT
    beneful1 saidPerhaps you could make a chart


    in color please.
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    Mar 16, 2011 10:28 PM GMT
    AvadaKedavra said
    beneful1 saidPerhaps you could make a chart


    in color please.


    Interactive would be best.

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    Mar 16, 2011 10:29 PM GMT
    DJdorchester said
    AvadaKedavra said
    beneful1 saidPerhaps you could make a chart


    in color please.


    Interactive would be best.

    With instructional video.
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    Mar 16, 2011 10:50 PM GMT
    paulflexes said
    DJdorchester said
    AvadaKedavra said
    beneful1 saidPerhaps you could make a chart


    in color please.


    Interactive would be best.

    With instructional video.

    Will there be a quiz?
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    Mar 16, 2011 10:51 PM GMT
    Caslon17000 said
    paulflexes said
    DJdorchester said
    AvadaKedavra said
    beneful1 saidPerhaps you could make a chart


    in color please.


    Interactive would be best.

    With instructional video.

    Will there be a quiz?
    Yes.
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    Mar 16, 2011 11:07 PM GMT
    paulflexes said
    Caslon17000 said
    paulflexes said
    DJdorchester said
    AvadaKedavra said
    beneful1 saidPerhaps you could make a chart


    in color please.


    Interactive would be best.

    With instructional video.

    Will there be a quiz?
    Yes.

    If I flunk, will you give me a spanking?
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    Mar 16, 2011 11:09 PM GMT
    Caslon17000 saidIf I flunk, will you give me a spanking?
    No. That's reserved for the honor students.
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    Mar 16, 2011 11:11 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidtl; dr

    However, I will be drinking dark chocolate martinis with a friend later this evening. icon_biggrin.gif



    Play automated message:

    Mohamed sincerely apologizes for the absence of a TL; DR version. Unfortunately, due to the amount of effort placed in the original post, there will not be a TL; DR version as it is necessary to read the whole post. Once again, he is sorry for the inconvenience and he hopes you have a great day.
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    Mar 16, 2011 11:16 PM GMT
    AvadaKedavra said
    beneful1 saidPerhaps you could make a chart


    in color please.


    done.
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    Mar 16, 2011 11:17 PM GMT
    _Mohammed_ saidEverything you assume about other guys' relationship could be wrong

    There, now you have a short version
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    Mar 16, 2011 11:22 PM GMT
    bhp91126 said
    _Mohammed_ saidEverything you assume about other guys' relationship could be wrong

    There, now you have a short version


    That sentence is great... Really. (Sarcasm)
    It does not explain why it is wrong to stereotype.
    It does not provide any examples.
    It does not provide any arguements.


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    Mar 16, 2011 11:24 PM GMT
    ungrateful whelp
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    Mar 16, 2011 11:33 PM GMT
    bhp91126 saidungrateful whelp


    You typed that sentence so you can get a thank you from me for finding a TL;DR version to my post?

    It is not a TL;DR version of my post, it sums up maybe 50 % of what I am trying to say. A good TL; DR version would be concise for those lazy people who don't like reading my long posts, yet sums up everything in the post. Since, it is necessary to read the whole post, there is no shorter version for those that reply with TL; DR. So, I will give you a thank you for trying.

    Thanks!
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    Mar 16, 2011 11:42 PM GMT
    You're sexy when you get your panties in a twist. icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 16, 2011 11:44 PM GMT
    unfounded7 saidYou're sexy when you get your panties in a twist. icon_wink.gif


    >.< !!!!


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