The last straw

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 17, 2011 4:58 PM GMT
    How do you prevent a guy from dicking you around? I have had relationships with so many guys who just don't seem to answer text messages and don't seem to care about me at all. Most of them just disappear. I can't explain how bad it makes me feel, what it does to me, my self esteem, etc..everytime it happens. It makes me so mad that I go crazy.

    Some have said learning how to put yourself in a position where u wont be dicked around in the beginning is best, ok, how do you do this? You can't control everything...u can't make them respond. U can't protect them from acting rude or inconsiderate to you. So what does this comment mean? I have fallen into a severe depression from the last occurance of this happening to me...I believe I have lost faith in all PEOPLE period.

    I can barely get out of bed. And I am so full of hate, anger and sadness. Please help me if you have learned to deal with this, or if you can help me with advice, thank,s
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    Mar 17, 2011 5:32 PM GMT
    Be happy with your life and yourself and don't define your self worth by the outcomes of your dating prospects. If someone dicks you around that is no reflection of your character nor does it mean you're a worthless human being. If we all defined ourselves by our dating experiences I think we would all be pretty miserable people.

    Don't let them dick you around.

    Lower your expectations

    Don't put the dick on a pedestal
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    Mar 17, 2011 7:05 PM GMT
    yz250mxrida saidBe happy with your life and yourself and don't define your self worth by the outcomes of your dating prospects. If someone dicks you around that is no reflection of your character nor does it mean you're a worthless human being. If we all defined ourselves by our dating experiences I think we would all be pretty miserable people.

    Don't let them dick you around.

    Lower your expectations

    Don't put the dick on a pedestal


    Good solid advice here. When someone dicks me around, plays games, and so forth, I dont see it as a knock on me or my character, it really is a knock on them as a person.

    Dont worry about it, relax, and be happy. When a guy is a douche good thing they showed me before I wasted tons of time with them.
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    Mar 18, 2011 11:55 AM GMT
    I learned to deal with it by acting uninterested, and letting them initiate dates, and it has been somewhat effective so far.

    I think a lot of guys like the "chase" of getting a guy, and if you're too eager then it turns them off, which I totally don't understand, but apparently chasing you makes them feel like they've earned you or something icon_confused.gif

    Ugh I don't even understand my own sex...

    One thing to think about is the dating pool you've been drawing from. I've been dating solely through online sites, and one thing I've noticed about them is that:

    a) Guys have profiles on many different sites

    b) The different profiles are sometimes wildly different, like they'll have a profile on plentyoffish stating how they're looking for romance and true love, and then they'll have a profile on manhunt.net stating that they're looking for just hookups and sexy-time.

    c) The guys on these sites rarely change. Seriously. I've been on and off for 2 years now, and 90% of the guys in my area have just got a new profile, or are exactly the same. (I have an awesome memory icon_biggrin.gif ).

    So a lot of these guys don't know what they want, which makes them pretty prone to flaky jerk-offish-ness. Moreover, they're fucking picky, or crazy, because most of them have been online jerking around for at least a few years.

    So if you're relying on online dating, try switching it up and joining some GLBT organization, or maybe try a non-cruisey gaybar.

    I know how devastating it can be on your self-esteem... Don't give up though, just trying switching up your tactics a bit.
  • macguyver32

    Posts: 75

    Mar 18, 2011 12:25 PM GMT
    yourname2000 saidYou're a beautiful guy, Sylas! A guy who's worthy of you will come around and when he does, you don't want to be cluttered up with thoughts about all of these assholes you seem to be meeting.

    People's words and actions say infinitely more about them then they ever will about you...they're certainly not a yardstick to measure yourself by.

    Forgive these guys (just for closure) and move on; take it as a practice run. As you move forward, you'll better see the signs of time-wasters before you invest your heart in them.

    From Desiderata:
    Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
    Neither be cynical about love,
    for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
    it is as perennial as the grass.

    Big hugs, man.


    What he said.

    And in my experience, it's partly our natures as men and it's also part of our society in that we have so many choices and so much variety that we seldom try to stay involved with someone. I second the forgiveness idea expressed above. You can't let yourself become jaded, as that will work against you rather than for you. Forgiveness lets you take the good parts of the experience and leave the bad. I have always been able to find something to learn about each person I meet regardless of how they treat me in the long term. I fully understand the sadness and pain of being ignored or deserted by someone. That is just something that you have to go through, but forgiveness helps reorient you for the next time.

    Just remember we have all been there. Some of us come out of it and are stronger and wiser. Some of us come out of it bitter and emotionally reclusive. For your sake be the prior. Keep your chin up and keep going.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Mar 18, 2011 12:32 PM GMT
    You don't say much about other aspects of your life. If you can "barely get out of bed", what about work or school. How do you get along with family or friends?

    My suggestion is that you get some counseling to begin. I'm more concerned about the "anger and hate" that you have and needs to be expressed. We can give you some ideas, but if you are having issues with school or work, the issue is broader. Hard to give you good ideas without the whole picture.

    I certainly wish you well. There are good guys out there so long as both of you have a sense of common expectations based on what you both want.
  • fitdude62

    Posts: 294

    Mar 18, 2011 12:51 PM GMT
    Already a lot of good info here.

    Remember, we can never control what is done to us or how we are treated. The only thing we have control over is how we react.

    IF someone "dicks you around" then drop them like a hot potato! Do something good for yourself. Take care of yourself first.

    Peace
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 18, 2011 1:17 PM GMT
    Sylas saidHow do you prevent a guy from dicking you around? I have had relationships with so many guys who just don't seem to answer text messages and don't seem to care about me at all. Most of them just disappear. I can't explain how bad it makes me feel, what it does to me, my self esteem, etc..everytime it happens. It makes me so mad that I go crazy.

    Some have said learning how to put yourself in a position where u wont be dicked around in the beginning is best, ok, how do you do this? You can't control everything...u can't make them respond. U can't protect them from acting rude or inconsiderate to you. So what does this comment mean? I have fallen into a severe depression from the last occurance of this happening to me...I believe I have lost faith in all PEOPLE period.

    I can barely get out of bed. And I am so full of hate, anger and sadness. Please help me if you have learned to deal with this, or if you can help me with advice, thank,s


    Why and how have you had so many relationships with so many guys is what I want to know