Dating guys with different political and/or religious views. Is it a problem for you?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 18, 2011 3:02 AM GMT
    So I'm a pretty liberal guy and I'm completely averse to all forms of organized religion. Ideally, I think I would get along better with a guy who had similar views as mine. I would also guess that those would be the type of guys who would more interested in me.

    It seems I've been wrong all along! As of the last 5 guys I've dates, it turns out:

    - They were all conservative and/or republican (4 had voted for Bush!!)

    - Two of them went to church

    - Two were openly racist!


    Of course I usually only found this out after going out with them a couple of times. But I've started wondering, what gives? Do opposites really attract? It certainly didn't attract me at all, once I found it out...


    Have you had this happen to you often? Does it matter to you?
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    Mar 18, 2011 6:12 AM GMT
    It depends on the person, I believe there is no one-fits-all rule on this.

    On religion:

    I don't have a religion, but I have firm beliefs that don't go well with the precepts of Christianity. I wouldn't be able to date someone too devout (in a traditionalist way) particularly if they were "in the closet" and I were their "means to sin". And yet...

    My former boyfriend was an ex-seminarian (now on his way back to become a Catholic priest, we split before he went back to seminary) but we were able to talk theology and God-talk while cuddling in the couch and saying "I love you" to each other, and have a perfectly good relationship on all aspects. As I said, it depends of how the person settles the question of his religion and his sexuality so it doesn't leak existential drama into the relationship... on the other hand, a guy without spirituality/philosophy of some kind would bore me.

    On politics:

    I lean right in economics issues, libertarian in social issues but I'm a pragmatist at heart so I would welcome hearing about other ways to deal with public policy even if they are "lefty" (heck, living in Mexico I am accustomed to daddy state solutions) and I would be open to change my mind on particular issues (or to change minds!) so I wouldn't really have a problem with a person with different political ideology... unless they were freaking commies and were criticizing me for my business oriented mentality every step of the way icon_lol.gif

    Edit: Also, I wouldn't date someone with prejudices like racism, those are a deal breaker.

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    Mar 18, 2011 6:53 AM GMT
    I will not date anyone who harbors any type of racism. It is definately a deal breaker.

    Where religion is concerned, I wouldn't care so long as we didn't try to convert each other.

    Where politics are concerned, it would only be a deal breaker if he refused to see my point of view. Reverse is true as well. It is ok to have heated, intelligent discussions, but I don't think I could, in good conscious, date anyone who is a straight line party voter. That would tell me he didn't read the platforms of either party and doesn't vote singularly on issues.
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    Mar 18, 2011 6:58 AM GMT
    Could not and will not date a guy whom is openly racist; I will not deal with ignorance.

    As far as political and religious standings, I don't have a problem with a person having standing morals/values, and I don't have a problem with a person believing in something; to deny a person of either the two would be wrong. I have my own set of values/morals that I go by, and I have my own beliefs.

    I do, however, have a BIG problem with someone attempting to force their said values/morals, and/or beliefs onto me. As long as that line isn't crossed, dating should go just fine.
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    Mar 18, 2011 7:09 AM GMT
    heybreaux saidHonesty...We are all kind of racist, who hasn't said something about a race of people? But anything that is exclusive of others, name calling, ugly, my race is better than __________ B.S. -- can't handle that at all.


    Such bullshit. I have NEVER said anything racist or bigoted about AN ENTIRE race or whole ethnicity of people. And I know quite a few people who fall into the category with me. So no, not all of us are 'kind of racist'. icon_evil.gif

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 18, 2011 7:15 AM GMT
    Religious would be harder than political but even with differences in religion, as long as our core values are the same it doesnt really matter.
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    Mar 18, 2011 7:18 AM GMT
    heybreaux said
    ErikTaurean said
    heybreaux saidHonesty...We are all kind of racist, who hasn't said something about a race of people? But anything that is exclusive of others, name calling, ugly, my race is better than __________ B.S. -- can't handle that at all.


    Such bullshit. I have NEVER said anything racist or bigoted about AN ENTIRE race or whole ethnicity of people. And I know quite a few people who fall into the category with me. So no, not all of us are 'kind of racist'. icon_evil.gif



    Have you ever talked about white voters and black voters and who they might vote for? That is racist and that is what I meant, don't take it out of context.


    That isn't racist and it wasnt what you said, whether that was what you meant or not. Example: To say that 80% of black voters voted for Obama or that 90% of white voters voted for McCain isn't racist. I didn't take a blanket statement out of context. It reads as it was typed.
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    Mar 18, 2011 7:25 AM GMT
    i wouldn't need a boyfriend to agree with my views but he would have to be rationally minded. that way we could debate our views and learn from one another instead of butting heads. i think that makes for a healthier relationship anyways. icon_smile.gif
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    Mar 18, 2011 8:16 AM GMT
    racist no.

    repeublican...........hmmmm.......It's kind of like aliens the possibillity is really low but i wouldn't rule it out completely icon_confused.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 18, 2011 8:57 AM GMT
    Racist=No, would not date.
    Politics & Religion= doesn't matter as long as it is a part of who they are, not their entire identity. I will respect differing views and expect the same in return.
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Mar 18, 2011 9:04 AM GMT
    wow, i am sorry to hear about your bad dates. listen, those are just random events. now as for them being republican or christians that is another story. i usually do not have a problem with guys who are republicans and are christian. as long as they are not trying to push their views on me than they are good.
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    Mar 19, 2011 12:00 AM GMT
    ErikTaurean said
    heybreaux saidHonesty...We are all kind of racist, who hasn't said something about a race of people? But anything that is exclusive of others, name calling, ugly, my race is better than __________ B.S. -- can't handle that at all.


    Such bullshit. I have NEVER said anything racist or bigoted about AN ENTIRE race or whole ethnicity of people. And I know quite a few people who fall into the category with me. So no, not all of us are 'kind of racist'. icon_evil.gif



    The words "racist" and "racism" stir up lots of emotion and are hard to define, as they mean different things to different people. Here's a definition: "a belief or doctrine that inherent differences among the various human races determine cultural or individual achievement, usually involving the idea that one's own race is superior and has the right to rule others".

    Racism can be internalized, externalized, institutionalized, subconscious, etc. I think that everyone is racist to some extent (some are just more so than others). Only newborns are not racist because they haven't been fed the biases from their family members, friends, teachers, popular culture, and society. However, once they are old enough to understand language and concepts, even young children can unknowingly demonstrate internalized racism, for example. This was demonstrated in the doll experiments. Surprisingly (or not?), the results did not vary significantly when the same experiments were repeated many decades later (YouTube video).

    Rather than being yes/no, it's more of a spectrum. Based on what you have said, it sounds like you are at the end of the spectrum of folks who conscientiously make an attempt to not let someone's race affect your estimation of them. However, the children in the video linked above could be considered racist under the all-or-none definition of racism. Here's my interpretation of the word (note that the Avenue Q video below is satirical):

    100% racist

    kkk.jpg
    ...Still quite racist

    In between (everyone else)

    Not really racist
    mother-teresa-pics-0101.jpg
    ...100% not racist

    bradenton_newborn_photographer_preston00


  • mizu5

    Posts: 2599

    Mar 19, 2011 12:07 AM GMT
    I cannot see myself with someone who is overly devout, as religion and I don't go well together. And by this I mean more towards catholicism, islam and judaism.

    Being a little bit religoius is perfectly good, just not overly devout. I will not have any religious symbols hung on my walls.

    Politics are something I'mnot too interested in or bothered by, but it may be bewcause I am Canadian and nothing changes too drastically in Canada if the opposite party comes into power.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 19, 2011 12:37 AM GMT
    I have to say for me, it's not really an issue. For it to work we have accepted we both have the right to different views. I mean I live with an American, and right there, there is a diffrence.
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    Mar 19, 2011 12:40 AM GMT
    highcaliber saidSo I'm a pretty liberal guy and I'm completely averse to all forms of organized religion. Ideally, I think I would get along better with a guy who had similar views as mine. I would also guess that those would be the type of guys who would more interested in me.

    It seems I've been wrong all along! As of the last 5 guys I've dates, it turns out:

    - They were all conservative and/or republican (4 had voted for Bush!!)

    - Two of them went to church

    - Two were openly racist!


    Of course I usually only found this out after going out with them a couple of times. But I've started wondering, what gives? Do opposites really attract? It certainly didn't attract me at all, once I found it out...


    Have you had this happen to you often? Does it matter to you?


    I'm black (obviously) and liberal. The last guy I dated was white and extremely conservative. We dated for a year.

    He and I were ideologically incompatible. After a while our arguments began to bother me, particularly because we often disagreed on issues involving race--this means we disagreed a lot! I didn't break up with him because of our divergent ideologies. But I'm almost certain we would have had problems later on.

    What did I learn from the experience? Interracial dating is challenging enough. Common ground is important if you want to build something long lasting. Besides, you sometimes have nothing else to fall back on.

    So,if I ever enter into another interracial relationship, it will be with someone whose political ideology is compatible with mine. Put another way, I'll probably never date a white conservative.

    That said, I'll be friends with anyone, as I try to respect all views. Some people very special to me are staunch conversatives. I just can't marry and play house with them icon_lol.gif.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 19, 2011 12:42 AM GMT
    people who irrationally or ignorantly align themselves with a political party/ideology - that is a major problem
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    Mar 19, 2011 12:51 AM GMT
    It's fascinating that self-professed liberals can't accept views that differ from their own. How tolerant is that? :-) I don't think I could date an intolerant liberal :-)
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    Mar 19, 2011 12:54 AM GMT
    highcaliber saidSo I'm a pretty liberal guy and I'm completely averse to all forms of organized religion. Ideally, I think I would get along better with a guy who had similar views as mine. I would also guess that those would be the type of guys who would more interested in me.

    It seems I've been wrong all along! As of the last 5 guys I've dates, it turns out:

    - They were all conservative and/or republican (4 had voted for Bush!!)

    - Two of them went to church

    - Two were openly racist!


    Of course I usually only found this out after going out with them a couple of times. But I've started wondering, what gives? Do opposites really attract? It certainly didn't attract me at all, once I found it out...


    Have you had this happen to you often? Does it matter to you?


    Is this the opposite that is meant when it is said opposites attract? Somehow I don't think so...

    It all depends on the opposites - some I can live with - others I can't. And I'm not saying what they are - just in case my soon to be soul mate is reading this.
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    Mar 19, 2011 12:58 AM GMT
    Looking at gay society, it makes sense. I bet that the majority of those in an open relationship are less religious than those that aren't in one.

    Which one ends up being more successful?

    From what I have seen, here in Canada, those that are in a monogamous relationship are more successful. In the states, it could be the opposite.
  • tazzari

    Posts: 2937

    Mar 19, 2011 1:09 AM GMT
    I wouldn't hold going to church against someone (depending, to be honest, on the church!). For some people, religion can be a call to service, humility, etc. The church I go to is very Open & Affirming (it's on all our stationary and signs), we have an annual Matthew Shepard Sermon (and a Martin Luther King sermon), and we feed around 3,000 people per week.

    Lots of good advice here, though!
  • thirdoz

    Posts: 69

    Mar 19, 2011 1:31 AM GMT
    I take a live and let live approach. Plus I don't mind a nice debate. But if they couldn't discuss politics with me without resorting to personal attacks or general lack of respect I couldn't play nice with them either. A different religion, or how religious or nonreligious someone is just doesn't matter to me as long as everyone's accomodating. Bonus points, though, for a willingness to participate and share in any observances a partner has.
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    Mar 19, 2011 2:12 AM GMT
    IF they can think and support their positions and enjoy being challenged at pretty much any opinion they try to comment on in my presence while at the same time maintaining intellectual integrity, there would be no problem.