How can i make him comes back to me

  • liljay

    Posts: 13

    Mar 18, 2011 6:24 PM GMT
    i'm from hk he's from uk what can i do to make my bf comes back to me?
    we kinda live together. i'm just so happy whenever i'm with him, and i'm so thankful everyday, i'm a really romantic guy so i kinda talk about relationship almost everyday, and then day we broke up was so terrible, i just need someone to talk to coz i was so upset, then i called him i said i'm so tired with many many things... and then i ask him if he could come over to my place just spend the night time here in my place, but he doesn't like to , coz he just want sometime for himself. so i said ok just after you've done everything you wanna do or you need to do, he still didn't want to, so i said so can we just meet up, he said fine , then we meet up but of coz i counld tell he didn't really want to meet that day then we talked after that i said maybe i move some of my things back to my place maybe it would be better, i think we see each other too much
    then i went to his flat and then we talked about(relationship thing) then he suddenly said to me " i don't feel the same" "i don't love you anymore" just like that sudden, but a week ago he just told my mum how much he loves me ,and he even called his mum the same week and told her no one makes him feel this way before. i have no idea how come a person's feel for someone could gone that sudden, i need some advise i don't know what to do i really miss him and love him so much!!! we break up once before for 2 or 3 months then he came back, but i'm not sure about this time, all i know is he have quite alot going on his job and things also he has depression, i really love him! even he has hiv i would still love him no any less !!! my heart is still bleeding. i'm not gonna give up on him anyone ?!


  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 18, 2011 11:03 PM GMT
    I don't know if he could have been anymore explicit. He already told you that he didn't love you anymore. Give it up and move on. You're living in a fantasy world right now. The best thing that you can do for him and yourself is to let go of him, and the sooner that you can do that the sooner that you can put your life back together. If you truly love him, set him free. And have some self-respect. Best wishes.
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    Mar 19, 2011 12:18 AM GMT
    liljay, when he told the Moms he loved you he could mean love like you love your family - not the love of a lover. They are different and a good relationship needs to have BOTH kinds to work well.

    -Doug

    PS he's not in love, dear man. Let him go.
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    Mar 19, 2011 2:05 AM GMT
    Tell him you agree with the break up, and that you accept just being friends.
    Then start doing things you wouldn't have done if you were still with him, like dating again or spending more time on hobbies/people you missed.

    If he comes to his senses and realizes he has lost a great guy like you who is so devoted to him as you are, he'll come back to you eventually.

    But by then, you will likely have found someone else (more likely still, someone will have found you!), and then you will have to make a choice... between the man who loves you, and the man who realized he loves you after realizing how empty his life was without you.

    Whatever happens, smile and know that the best is still to come!





  • liljay

    Posts: 13

    Mar 19, 2011 5:27 PM GMT
    i just back from the concert, we met early today and we walked for abit in shopping mall then we went to have dinner the whole time i just acted we are just friends and it was really diffcult and i just wanted to runaway...but i didn't, the whole time we just kept talking about his work and my studies and my plan i said i wanted to go to Canada for good and mentioned i wanted to go to Tibet, he said he may go to Singapore for few days at the end of this week but he is not sure blah blah blah we talked things like that, then i met his coworkers and then the concert was nice then after that i asked him if he want to have some desserts and he said yes so we end up having desserts he and i only and we chated a bit and while we were eating dessert but i was abit slinet at the middle and just stare at the glass reflection, coz i was thinking we are not couple anymore but the feeling was still like we are (to me) ;( i was quite sad but he asked me why am i suddenly so thoughtful is everything orite?! and of coz i wasn't orite but i can't say anything, i wanted to say honesty i still love you so much i want you back .... but i can't so i end up just smile to him and said i'm ok silly ... and then he took me to train station then we hug n said goodbye, i kissed him on his face, just that then he asked me to call him when i got home and i said the same thing to him, then i looked back wave goodbye, at that time i really sad i could cry any min maybe i alreay did cry so load inside icon_sad.gif so when i got home i didn't call him i just txt him i said " hey i think you are enjoying your bath so i don't want to disturb, so i think txt is better than i call uicon_smile.gif i'm home now hope you can take some more rest in the water lol thank you for the night such a lovely nighticon_smile.gif thank you J"
    i don't know what is next ..... i still feeling hurt i'm so upset i still really really love him :S
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 19, 2011 5:29 PM GMT
    Make him a mix tape?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 20, 2011 5:39 PM GMT
    find a new one.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 20, 2011 6:07 PM GMT
    Sorry to say this, but you CANNOT make him come back. SORRY... sorry.

    I'm sure you have many friends. It might help to stay with your friend for a while, until you feel better. It isn't easy but you will get over him, believe me. You need someone to talk to.

    Don't try to call him or get him to come meet you anymore. STOP that, because he will only reject you and that will hurt you even more.

    You need time to heal and seeing him ISN'T going to do that. icon_sad.gif
  • liljay

    Posts: 13

    Mar 22, 2011 6:22 AM GMT
    he came back once before, i just don't know i feel so bad, how can i make his attention again? i can do anything for him to come back
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    Mar 22, 2011 12:34 PM GMT
    You are trying to find him reasons for not loving you anymore so you can still hold on to that tiny string of hope that if his "problems" was resolved, he would eventually come back and love you again. The truth is if he doesn't love you anymore, he doesn't love you, no matter how sudden the changes were, no matter how many reasons you could imaging.I suggest stop all contact with him, do not see him (unless he write a 5 pages letter begging you to take him back) and let him die in your heart. This is gonna bleed badly inside you and at time you will feel like as if you going to explode by this overwhelmed feeling inside of losing him but you have to bite on your lips and keep moving on. Tears are good, let them out, each time you cry, you are one step forward to forget about him.

    "sometimes it lasts in love, sometimes it hurts instead" (Adele-someone like you)

  • offshore

    Posts: 1294

    Mar 22, 2011 12:42 PM GMT
    liljay saidhe came back once before, i just don't know i feel so bad, how can i make his attention again? i can do anything for him to come back




    Bro, there is NOTHING worse than a clingy ex. A relationship takes TWO to work. If one doesn't want to continue, and other other try too hard, it will only make things go from bad to worse. MOVE ON.

    P.S. Can I make a presumption, You are Asian and he's White?
  • liljay

    Posts: 13

    Mar 25, 2011 8:39 AM GMT
    yes i'm asian
    he asked me to go to his landlord's wedding the other day
    i haven't replied him yet the day after he called me i'm just so tirrified so i didn't pick it or reply as in nothing
    what should i do i feel really bad
    somebody help me plz
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 25, 2011 8:41 AM GMT
    Maybe you should try to get him to want to come back.
  • liljay

    Posts: 13

    Mar 25, 2011 9:05 AM GMT
    yes but how ? i can do anything for him i don't mind to give up anything for him to come back, if i can choose i don't mind to spend my 10 years lifetime exchange
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    Mar 25, 2011 9:38 AM GMT
    liljay saidyes but how ? i can do anything for him i don't mind to give up anything for him to come back, if i can choose i don't mind to spend my 10 years lifetime exchange


    a good healthy relationship is about equality, if you had to lose yourself in order to keep a relationship going, it is not worthy staying. your view of what a great relationship has been distorted by romantic movies/stories, seek professional advice before you complete destroy yourself.
  • offshore

    Posts: 1294

    Mar 25, 2011 9:59 AM GMT
    liljay saidyes but how ? i can do anything for him i don't mind to give up anything for him to come back, if i can choose i don't mind to spend my 10 years lifetime exchange


    THAT is why you will NEVER get him back.

    Do you know why I asked if you were Asian? A number of Asians, due to tradition, education, culture or whatever you want to call it. Have this mentality of:
    - If I'm in love with someone,I am willing to do ANYTHING to make my partner happy.

    It's almost like you want to LIVE YOUR LIFE FOR your partner. Adjusting what you do to suit his taste.

    That, is the start of many sad stories involving inter-racial relationship with one side being an Asian.

    This may sound like the ultimate devotion, the ultimate sacrifice, or the true expression of love to an Asian. Unfortunately in the eyes of someone with a western style bring-up, that is the worst thing you can do.

    Like said by the poster above, a relationship is a TWO WAY bridge. You may feel like you are expressing true love by catering to your partner's every need, bending backwards to please him while ignoring your own happyness.

    You may feel like you have done eveything to please, but in his eyes, you are putting a MASSIVE amount of stress on him. To him, your actions are actually really SELFISH. Yes - caring for others too much to the extent of impact your own happiness IS SELFISH. because you are not giving him equal oppotunity to express his love for you.

    Look, the Asian way of expressing love is:
    - I love you, I will do anything, as long as you are happy I am happy.

    The Wester way goes like:
    - I love you, I want to make you happy but never to intrude on my own enjoyment of life. If I am happy in this relationship, you, as my partner, should also cheer for me.

    In conclusion, you lack self-confidence. Your fear of loosing someone is so strong you ca not see that this relationship will NEVER work if he's not into you, NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO.

    Unforunately this is a trend for a number of Asians.

    Get over it, this will NOT be the the end of the world. You will fall in love again, and break up again probabaly many times in your life.

    Most of all, ensure your own happyness, if you enter into a relationship, thinking by being with someone and cater to THEIR NEEDS so their confidence and joy will rub off on you will always have a bad ending.

    Find yourself first, THEN have a relationsip.
  • bluecrow

    Posts: 166

    Apr 18, 2011 2:25 PM GMT
    There's nothing you can do to make him come back to you.
    I know it's tough and hurt, but you just have to deal with it like everyone else.
    I will all pass and you will eventually not feel so hurt any more.

    Play it cool if he asks you to go out as friends. You don't have to be his boyfriend, but you should still keep a way to contact with each other or just being friends. If one day he comes back, lucky you, if not, too bad.

    However, that's hope you will find another by then, so you always have the upper hand to say NO to him, take him down down down!!

    Good luck bro! icon_wink.gif
    You know life is tough, As an Asian, you have to learn to deal with it like every other Caucasian. (I was once an Asian, and I had once or many times been there. ;)
  • mybud

    Posts: 11837

    Apr 18, 2011 2:37 PM GMT
    Dude...set him free..if he returns set goals for your relationship...Don't degrade your self respect to chase him....He'll hate ya for it...and then bale...for good....BUD
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    Apr 18, 2011 2:48 PM GMT
    Dude, let it go already!!! I don't mean to sound rude, but this is pathetic, you sound so clingy and not respectful of your self. Have some dignity man.
    He will never have respect for you if you are like this. Don't be a doormat shoe can just wipe his feet on. That's so unatractive.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 19, 2011 3:08 AM GMT
    Nothing. There is nothing you can do.

    No go and find another.