Hey guys, I need some advice please .

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    Mar 19, 2011 9:49 PM GMT
    Hey guys just wondering if you could shed some light on my current situation,how do you know if your boyfriend is hooking up with other guys ?I wont bore you with the details but objective advise would be helpful,or just some really good insight .Btw,his friend is gay and only comes around when we are having problems.My bf says he is not inclined to hook up with guys .That he likes women but his whole demeanor changes when his friend comes around .Am i being stupid ???
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    Mar 19, 2011 9:56 PM GMT
    Without any real information...always go with your gut, baring any deep seated insecurities issues you may have..
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    Mar 19, 2011 10:07 PM GMT
    sarah1 saidhow do you know if your boyfriend is hooking up with other guys ?
    When I encourage it and we share them. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Mar 19, 2011 10:08 PM GMT
    well ,i guess a better question would be this ....can a straight man and a gay man be best friends ? I mean ,my bf doesnt go out to clubs or hang with any of his friends friends really .We both came out of really bad marriages he wanted to date then but i told him i was not ready and we both dated other people of the opposite sex .I dont want to come off as close-minded or judmental in any way i am totally fine with him having gay friends straight friends whatever ,its just his personality takes a dive in to cold waters when his friend comes around .
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    Mar 19, 2011 10:47 PM GMT
    ....does his dick taste different?....


    you know is kinda hard to even know, only option is to a. call "cheaters", b. go to Maury n get a lie detector test, cuz they are 1000% accurate,.c. just talk to him....
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    Mar 20, 2011 12:12 AM GMT
    Thanks for the comments ,I do appreciate it and I am just trying to understand .He said I am the love of his life and we both want trust and neither one of us wants a low-jack on us 24/7.
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    Mar 20, 2011 2:48 AM GMT
    sarah1 saidThanks for the comments ,I do appreciate it and I am just trying to understand .He said I am the love of his life and we both want trust and neither one of us wants a low-jack on us 24/7.



    Then you need to speak with him about all of this, dear love. Be frank, be kind and warm, and speak from your state of trust.

    Get back to us, will you?

    -Doug and Bill of meninlove
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    Mar 20, 2011 3:04 AM GMT
    sarah1 saidMy bf says he is not inclined to hook up with guys. That he likes women but his whole demeanor changes when his friend comes around. Am i being stupid ???

    Should we assume that you are a female, Sarah? Your RJ profile doesn't indicate, since we have no need for a gender field here.

    "Not inclined to hook up with guys" doesn't sound very definite, if that's how he phrased it. I think a straight man would say that he "NEVER" hooks up with guys, and rather forcefully.

    But whatever his sexual orientation, and your own gender, the fact that his demeanor changes (I presume you mean for the better) around someone else, compared to you, cannot be a good sign. Whether for sexual or other reasons, he may have lost his interest in you. You want a guy who sparkles for you, not for others.
  • gsh1964

    Posts: 388

    Mar 20, 2011 3:15 AM GMT
    Being a guy who was married to a woman for 10 years, I of course would deny the question when she would ask.
    So talking about it doesn't really help, until he's ready to come out, if he really is gay.

    Here's what I tell people if they ever ask me how they can tell if someone is gay.... if your wondering and questioning if someone is? They most likely are.
    Be honest, think of straight guys in your life that you know are straight...would you question them?
    Think of gay guys in your life, do you ever question if they are straight? I can promise that your answer is no.

    I'm not giving this advice to be undercutting or outing to your boyfriend, I just saw the pain it caused to my ex-wife when I did finally come out. I wouldn't want you to go through the same thing... it hurts pretty bad. It hurt me seeing her go through it.

    Best of luck.
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    Mar 20, 2011 3:16 AM GMT
    Not enough information. Ask him
  • timmytwister

    Posts: 169

    Mar 20, 2011 5:01 AM GMT
    Sarah, when you're just hanging out and you think the moment is right, say this:

    "You know you mean the world to me, and I have to know something. If you care about me AT ALL you will answer honestly.
    Do you think you're into guys?
    If it's true and you don't want me to tell anyone, I promise I won't. But I really need to know. If you care about me, you owe me the truth."

    If it ends up being true, move on; don't try to make it work. You'll just torture yourself.
    Take care of yourself.
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    Mar 20, 2011 5:48 AM GMT
    nothing for me to add...there's some really good advice and perspectives already shared above
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    Mar 20, 2011 10:46 AM GMT
    I think it is normal.