Masculinity- What is your definition of it?

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    Mar 20, 2011 9:55 PM GMT
    I hear a lot of guys on here saying that they are either "masculine" or that they are into "masculine" guys. So my question here is, what is your definition of masculinity? What makes a guy masculine? Is it the way he dresses, or perhaps the way he talks? Is it the way he interacts with other guys and/or women? Is it all the above combined, or perhaps none of the above? What is your personal definition of masculinity?
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    Mar 20, 2011 10:03 PM GMT
    Very few here can you tell you that because it is truly subjective, but it's clear that people tend to associate big muscles and plain clothing with masculinity, as well as a shallow interest in mainstream sports.. That does not a man make

    To me it has nothing to do with sexual orientation or identity, but many people seem to associate the two which is completely false.

    It's a state of mind.
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    Mar 20, 2011 10:12 PM GMT
    I can tell you what is not masculine. When an Hermes Birkin purse falls out of a purportedly masculine dude's mouth when he begins to talk, he's not masculine. icon_lol.gif
  • charlieviiper...

    Posts: 328

    Mar 20, 2011 10:17 PM GMT
    masculine is when he's my big spoon when we're cuddling icon_redface.gif
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    Mar 20, 2011 10:24 PM GMT
    For me, a masculine person is a person that does NOT do any of the following actions:

    a) Lisps when he talks.
    b) Limps his wrist and flicks it everytime he talks.
    c) shakes his hips excessively from side to side while walking.
    d) wears lady dresses of any sort.
    e) uses the word like in every sentence he tries to formulate.

    Done.
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    Mar 20, 2011 10:32 PM GMT
    ^^ I agree wholeheartedly
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    Mar 20, 2011 10:33 PM GMT
    muscle makes the man, knowledge and the mind complete him.

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    Mar 20, 2011 10:51 PM GMT
    Masculinity can be defined as a man who doggedly turn up to work every day at a job he hates in order to sustain his wife/partner and family, and to stay out of debt. He is also the one who, after several warnings, risk his job by taking his boss outside to "teach him some manners" after watching him harass a female colleague over a period of time.
    If the above seems to imply only straight men, then I'm pretty sure that many Gay men can and does meet the mark.
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    Mar 20, 2011 11:02 PM GMT
    The best way I can put it is this way: the difference between Blaine and Kurt on Glee.

    Blaine - Is he gay? *look at him* Not sure. *look again* Maybe he's just English.
    ^^^ That is my perception of masculinity: being a sneaky gay.

    Kurt - one word into the first episode of season one you knew for sure he was gay
    ^^^ That is the Adam Lambert category, not that there is anything wrong with it.

    Why?

    Just the way they carry themselves.
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    Mar 20, 2011 11:03 PM GMT
    Search forums "masculine" http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/?searchtext=masculine&sort=4



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    Mar 21, 2011 2:26 AM GMT
    A superficial, imagist way to look at masculinity is: masculinity = muscularity. This is a simplistic way to to view gender albeit I don't think it's too far from being a cultural dominate.

    Laura Mulvey argues that masculinity assumes the subject-role or narrative drive to film and other visual pleasures. In this logic, masculinity is action-driven, and the symbolic "inertness" of muscularity questions its significance to masculinity. If muscles are just an object to marvel, how do muscles differentiate themselves from the sexual objectification of breasts or a woman's rotund ass?

    I'm currently taking a course on masculinity and film; it's interesting to say the least when you consider intersectionalities such as race and class, even sexuality.

    Norman Mailer may have summed it up neatly when he wrote an essay on black masculinity. Black masculinity is a different mode of equipping one's self--a marginal equipping that is against or at least different to the dominate forms of equipping of white middle-class heterosexual men. From how I read Mailer, masculinity, then, is polymorphous mode of equipping dependent on a multitude of factors, dependent on whether you are in the margins or the center.
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    Mar 21, 2011 3:07 AM GMT
    cold saidThe traditional conception of masculinity springs to mind when I hear the word, but I try to resist it. I consciously make an effort not to use the term because, in reality, I honestly cannot think of a single trait my male friends exhibit that my female friends generally lack.


    ^^ Agree.

    In terms of "men that act like men", I think the real men are the ones who don't have to tell you they're "masculine" in order for you to believe it (whatever your definition may be).

    Side note: I think that whenever someone creates a new forum and starts typing "masculine", that damn Microsoft Word paperclip should pop up and go "It looks like you're writing about masculinity in gay men! Can I help you to first search the 3,000 forums already posted on the topic?"

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    Mar 21, 2011 3:14 AM GMT
    cymraegman saidSo my question here is, what is your definition of masculinity?
    The total opposite of how my "straight boyfriend" behaves...kinda like today, when he invited me to go to the beach with him, then grab some sushi for dinner, then invited me to his new place to help watch him arrange pictures to hang on his walls and decorate. And all I got out of it was a hug when I left...damn straight guys. icon_lol.gif
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    Mar 21, 2011 3:17 AM GMT
    Wow, muscles make you masculine..... because I've known some big guys who are as feminine as my sister. To equate masculinity with muscles is about as retarded as sticking a fork in an outlet. Masculinity isn't something that can be measured or defined, it just is. It's taking care of yourself, confidence, outdoor skills, street smarts, power, honesty, magnetism...... it just is. Bear Grylls..... that, in my opinion, is masculinity. That's just me though
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    Mar 21, 2011 3:23 AM GMT
    Draper saidSearch forums "masculine" http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/?searchtext=masculine&sort=4

    Being yourself despite great personal risk.

    That would've come up in a forum search for "masculin" which would've captured threads with "masculinity" as well as "masculine," such as: "Define Masculinity" (http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/992844/).
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    Mar 21, 2011 3:27 AM GMT
    A lot of it has to do with how a guy carries/conducts himself; how he moves his body/his body language...
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    Mar 21, 2011 5:27 AM GMT
    Masculinity- What is your definition of it?

    Insecurity.
  • Joeyphx444

    Posts: 2382

    Mar 21, 2011 5:32 AM GMT
    I don't think a masc man is just a muscular, athletic jock who like sports, beer and sex. I think a masc man can love romance and the arts but also can go outdoors and rough around in the dirt.

    I think a masc man takes pride in his look and doesn't go over board with lookin perfect. I think a masc man doesn't just have to like metal and hard rock or alternative rock. He can like female artists and a wide range of genres. He doesn't blast and sing Lady GaGa or Britney though.

    I think a masc man can dress himself nice and professional, not just plain or sloppy.

    I think a masc man can be very laid back but at the same time strict and demanding. He knows what he wants and he goes after it

    Definitely worked out and is not afraid to hang at the mall or work in the yard all day. He definitely has a low voice and doesn't talk like a girl nor a like a caveman but a young man with professionalism.

    icon_biggrin.gif
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    Mar 21, 2011 5:32 AM GMT
    As a gay PE teacher and varsity football coach at a high school here in the South San Francisco Bay area I often think about the subject of masculinity and what that exact word means to gay men. I live/work in a world of hyper masculine men that would rather shit a brick than admit they are gay. This has always bugged me. Nonetheless, gay culture also has a boastful attitude towards masculinity. The word comes up all the time in personal ads - you know, "masculine guy seeks same." I have concluded that gay culture often equates masculine gay men with being the better type of gay man. If you are feminine in any way as a gay man it is a characteristic that is less than desired.

    So what is masculinity, anyway - a hairy chest and the ability to change the oil in your car yourself? Being congenitally unable to ask for directions when lost? Can you be "too masculine?" Is being a top somehow more masculine than being a bottom?

    One of the ways homophobes misunderstand gay men is in assuming we secretly want to be women. Gay men sometimes respond with camp humor, calling one another "girl" or "she." This is a funny way of defusing hate directed toward us, but it can cause us to become confused in relation to how we feel about being men.

    Growing up, gay boys are sometimes taunted with words like "sissy," that imply they are deficient in the masculinity department. I hear my guys on my football team say, "Quit acting like a girl or you run like a faggot." Both examples of which I have a zero tolerance.

    Many of the images of gay men in the media are unmanly in way that's supposed to be funny - the two gays on Modern Family, La Cage aux Folles, Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. Small wonder that one of the things that so upset the 'phobes about Brokeback Mountain was the image of two virile men with their lips locked on one another. More than one right wing critic has speculated that John Wayne must have been spinning in his grave.

    It's easy to over-generalize about gender roles, but it's clear that some qualities are positive and some are negative. On the plus side, being masculine is often associated with strength and competence, as well as secondary sexual characteristics like big muscles and lots of body hair. On the negative side, manly men often seem over-aggressive, stubborn, defensive close-minded... perhaps not too bright.

    I will be the first to admit that I am primarily attracted to rugged, muscled men. However, what I have a real hard time when gay men using the term MASCULINE ONLY as a vehicle to claim that if you are less masculine you are less worthy of being a valuable gay man. Masculinity should not be a tool gay men use to put each other down. Gay culture needs to cultivate those parts of ourselves that can lead to a healthier and less distorted sense of our own masculinity.

    Also - yes I am "OUT."

    How about them apples?
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    Mar 21, 2011 5:32 AM GMT
    Announcer: Attention Walmart shoppers, for this week only please enjoy an additional 10% discount on our damaged good section.

    _Mohammed_ saidFor me, a masculine person is a person that does NOT do any of the following actions:

    a) Lisps when he talks.
    b) Limps his wrist and flicks it everytime he talks.
    c) shakes his hips excessively from side to side while walking.
    d) wears lady dresses of any sort.
    e) uses the word like in every sentence he tries to formulate.

    Done.
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    Mar 21, 2011 5:45 AM GMT
    ...why are so many gay guys so concerned about masculinity??...i mean we are who we are right? and if you really think all those traits makes a man "masculine" then wow...idk, this whole idea of "straight-actin" just really amazes me...i mean dont be a stereotype, but if you're really trying too hard not to be one :i....

    anyways this probably makes no sense & will be ignored...so carry on...
  • sea_buddy

    Posts: 143

    Mar 21, 2011 5:53 AM GMT
    PE_Teacher said I have concluded that gay culture often equates masculine gay men with being the better type of gay man. If you are feminine in any way as a gay man it is a characteristic that is less than desired.

    However, what I have a real hard time when gay men using the term MASCULINE ONLY as a vehicle to claim that if you are less masculine you are less worthy of being a valuable gay man. Masculinity should not be a tool gay men use to put each other down. Gay culture needs to cultivate those parts of ourselves that can lead to a healthier and less distorted sense of our own masculinity.



    I think I want to print that off and save it. haha

    I completely agree that, no matter what masculinity really is or isn't, it shouldn't be used to tear down gay society and make others feel subclass.
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    Mar 21, 2011 5:56 AM GMT
    sea_buddy said
    PE_Teacher said I have concluded that gay culture often equates masculine gay men with being the better type of gay man. If you are feminine in any way as a gay man it is a characteristic that is less than desired.

    However, what I have a real hard time when gay men using the term MASCULINE ONLY as a vehicle to claim that if you are less masculine you are less worthy of being a valuable gay man. Masculinity should not be a tool gay men use to put each other down. Gay culture needs to cultivate those parts of ourselves that can lead to a healthier and less distorted sense of our own masculinity.



    I think I want to print that off and save it. haha

    I completely agree that, no matter what masculinity really is or isn't, it shouldn't be used to tear down gay society and make others feel subclass.


    It is a way of selecting your mate.

    Are you really upset that I dislike dating fem. men?

    Why does everyone have to have the same criteria of what person to date?
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    Mar 21, 2011 5:58 AM GMT
    Masculinity- What is my definition of masculine?

    My personal definition is:
    Weight/Height proportions
    Muscular body
    Moderately to extremely hairy body
    Medium, Large or Extra large cock, preferably uncut
    Big Balls in a low hung sack
    Cute face and blue eyes
    Deep voice
    Breathtaking smile
    Non-smoker
    Gay, optimistic, confident, affectionate, intimate, sweet and sensitive.
    Thoughtful, funny, with a great sense of humor.
    Life-long friend, who loves me as much as I love him! Always and forever!

    Yeah, I know...he doesn't exist! But if he does, he should email me immediately!
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    Mar 21, 2011 6:00 AM GMT
    I really dont get the fuss when people look for masculine men. I mean, it seems more than reasonable that a guy attracted to men might be attracted to culturally or biologically masculine traits. I personally am not generally attracted to flamy guys and it has nothing to do with their ' worth'. Maybe being gay for some people is only about physical qualities but for me it's about behavioral characteristics and personality traits way more than it is about penises.

    I think biological masculinity is about competition, confidence, acquisition and management of resources, strength of character, being able to stand on your own when needed, making decisions and acting on those decisions without worry over every little thing. Most importantly I think it's about security as demonstrated by not having the need to make big deals out of stuff that isn't, as well as not having the need to adopt subculture behaviors such as flaming around or grunting excessively in order to define oneself.