I'm in love with my straight friend

  • scottm9

    Posts: 19

    Mar 21, 2011 6:37 PM GMT
    So I'm completely in love with one of my good friends. We have a great time together and I really value his friendship but for me this has turned into something more. This is the second time I've fallen in love with a straight friend and it's killing me. I never seem to be attracted to the gay guys around me. He has no idea that I'm gay and I'm 90% sure he's straight. What can I do to get past this? The last time this happened I just cut off communication with him which took a long time to get over.
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    Mar 21, 2011 7:20 PM GMT
    I totally understand, I am only attracted to my straight buddies and I am not out but damn at times I think it has to show...icon_sad.gif
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    Mar 21, 2011 8:53 PM GMT
    Story of my life, haha. icon_razz.gif

    Really though, the best thing is to just not see him for a while... That always helps me, at least. And whenever a fantasy pops up in your head of you two together, shoo it away immediately and think about something else. I've found that getting involved with something that I like a lot really helps take my mind off of straight guys.

    Good luck!
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    Mar 22, 2011 4:33 AM GMT
    That happened to me before. It sucks. It really sucks. It broke my heart and I swear there is still a small hole in it somewhere that's not completely healed.

    He was my workout buddy and we saw each other at least two-three times a week, depending our training schedule. We would hang and go to movies or restaurants and sometimes he would stay over at my place. This went on for about two years. He was (and still is) extremely good looking and totally a hottie. I dunno why I never disclosed my sexuality to him or my feelings for him. I guess I was afraid of him rejecting me, or losing him as a friend. There has been times that I swear he might have feelings for me too, just from the ways that he would look at me or some physical interactions that we'd have. Eventually he moved back home to the south and I haven't seen him for 8 years now. He's still on my facebook and we'd contact each other on it sometimes, but there would be days that I would just miss him like crazy. I was totally devastated when he left, and seeing his status on FB that he's dating this chick now doesn't make me feel any better. I just wish him all the happiness in the world.

    My advice: if you have strong feelings for this guy, you better prepare yourself for some heartache. I'm sorry to tell you this but if he's totally straight, there's no way that there will be a future for you two except for friendship. Don't do it. Don't do it. Don't do it. Cut it off right now before you get seriously hurt man.
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    Mar 22, 2011 4:36 AM GMT
    Last night, I thought my "straight" friend was gonna molesterbate me right there in his apartment.
    Fortunately I'm mature enough to know that he's simply comfy with his masculinity, and isn't afraid to let his friends know he's a loving person.
    And he loves to cook. I could SO fall in love with him if he were gay. icon_lol.gif
  • scottm9

    Posts: 19

    Mar 23, 2011 4:27 AM GMT
    Ahoymedogs saidStory of my life, haha. icon_razz.gif

    Really though, the best thing is to just not see him for a while... That always helps me, at least. And whenever a fantasy pops up in your head of you two together, shoo it away immediately and think about something else. I've found that getting involved with something that I like a lot really helps take my mind off of straight guys.

    Good luck!


    I really can't avoid him altogether because he happens to work with me. I've been trying to avoid him outside of work but he is very persistent about hanging out and even though I know he is actively pursuing girls I keep clinging to the extremely slim chance he might be gay. I just wish I could find someone like him who happens to be gay.
  • timmytwister

    Posts: 169

    Mar 23, 2011 4:49 AM GMT
    paulflexes saidLast night, I thought my "straight" friend was gonna molesterbate me right there in his apartment.


    Bwaaahaaahahaha! Molesterbate... Paul always makes me laugh!
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    Mar 23, 2011 4:54 AM GMT
    scottm9 said
    Ahoymedogs saidStory of my life, haha. icon_razz.gif

    Really though, the best thing is to just not see him for a while... That always helps me, at least. And whenever a fantasy pops up in your head of you two together, shoo it away immediately and think about something else. I've found that getting involved with something that I like a lot really helps take my mind off of straight guys.

    Good luck!


    I really can't avoid him altogether because he happens to work with me. I've been trying to avoid him outside of work but he is very persistent about hanging out and even though I know he is actively pursuing girls I keep clinging to the extremely slim chance he might be gay. I just wish I could find someone like him who happens to be gay.


    Well if you work with him I guess there's no way to completely avoid him. Just don't go too wild with your imaginations and daydreams then.
  • alphatop

    Posts: 1955

    Mar 23, 2011 4:55 AM GMT
    Make him super drunk....
  • scottm9

    Posts: 19

    Mar 23, 2011 5:14 PM GMT
    AntoNomad saidMake him super drunk....


    Hahaha...We did get super drunk together one night. We were both half naked and I definitely thought there was an opening to make a move but in the end even drunk I didn't want to risk the friendship and come out all at once. I have thought about that night a lot. He was staring at me at one point almost daring me to make a move. Either that or he was just wasted and I was imagining that he had sex on his mind.
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Mar 23, 2011 5:19 PM GMT
    who among us here hasn't been in love with their best str8 friend?

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  • SoDakGuy

    Posts: 1862

    Mar 23, 2011 5:20 PM GMT
    That happened to me, but it turned into familial love towards him and vice versa.

    rnch saidwho among us here hasn't been in love with their best str8 friend?

    icon_idea.gif
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Mar 23, 2011 5:21 PM GMT
    scottm9 said
    AntoNomad saidMake him super drunk....
    ... he was just wasted and I was imagining that he had sex on his mind.


    a "wasted" (AKA drunk) man, be he gay or str8, DEFINATELY has "sex on his mind".

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  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 23, 2011 5:52 PM GMT
    Have u ever thought of just coming out to him? Not necessarily saying about being in love with him . That may totally blow his mind as an opener.Do that as the second bomb, somewhat later. After u gage his reaction to ur sexuality and how comfortable he is with that. If ur friendship is that strong , he should understand and respect u for being open with him. He then could b open with u and say if there were any feelings at his end. If he does reject u , and I hope he's better then that, what hv u lost. Ur already talking about avoiding him so u don't feel bad being around him.
  • scottm9

    Posts: 19

    Mar 24, 2011 2:47 AM GMT
    Thanks everyone for the advice. I think I'm going to try and keep some distance and concentrate on finding someone who I'm attracted to that's actually gay. I wish straight guys weren't so damn hot to me.
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    Mar 24, 2011 2:48 AM GMT
    Time to come out dude and make some gay friends.
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    Mar 24, 2011 2:53 AM GMT
    paulflexes saidmolesterbate


    I'm stealing this icon_lol.gif
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Mar 24, 2011 3:10 AM GMT
    i am a little different but here is what i would do. i would start looking at him as not being available. i would also stop hanging around him so much. i would start doing things with other friends. literally dude, you need to cut yourself off without losing a friend. does he know how you feel? i hope not?
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    Mar 24, 2011 4:12 AM GMT
    Why don't you tell him that you're gay???
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    Mar 24, 2011 4:30 AM GMT
    scottm9 said
    Ahoymedogs saidStory of my life, haha. icon_razz.gif

    Really though, the best thing is to just not see him for a while... That always helps me, at least. And whenever a fantasy pops up in your head of you two together, shoo it away immediately and think about something else. I've found that getting involved with something that I like a lot really helps take my mind off of straight guys.

    Good luck!


    I really can't avoid him altogether because he happens to work with me. I've been trying to avoid him outside of work but he is very persistent about hanging out and even though I know he is actively pursuing girls I keep clinging to the extremely slim chance he might be gay. I just wish I could find someone like him who happens to be gay.


    Dude the best thing I would say is enjoy being bros with the man but try to keep your feelings in check. Good friends are extremely hard to come by and i wouldn't trash a friendship over feelings that might be stronger than friendship. I would say let him know that your gay (when you see fit) then see where that goes as suggested above.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 24, 2011 4:35 AM GMT

    "What can I do to get past this?" You might start thinking of straight men in the same way you think of Grannie. icon_wink.gif




  • whenitrains

    Posts: 43

    Mar 24, 2011 4:43 AM GMT
    So do you want to be friends or do you want to fuck him?

    If you want a relationship - probably not going to happen. Suck his dick - now that is an easy feat to accomplish.

    If you felt that when you two were drunk and half naked he was 'molesterbating' with his eyes (I like that term btw) - do the straight dude thing and pretend you want to just jerk off and that you're comfortable with your sexuality too.

    Do the right thing... put on some straight porn, say your really horny - does he want to watch it with you? Whip it out start jerking and see if he jumps you?

    That way you'll see if he's into it - definately if he's pursuing women he's not gay, maybe he's heteroflexible?
  • scottm9

    Posts: 19

    Mar 24, 2011 7:39 PM GMT
    TakoTaiko said
    scottm9 said
    Ahoymedogs saidStory of my life, haha. icon_razz.gif


    Dude the best thing I would say is enjoy being bros with the man but try to keep your feelings in check. Good friends are extremely hard to come by and i wouldn't trash a friendship over feelings that might be stronger than friendship. I would say let him know that your gay (when you see fit) then see where that goes as suggested above.



    Thanks, I really think this is the best advice. We have too much in common to give up the friendship. It does hurt every time I hear him talk about girls but once I meet someone myself that should change.

    It's going to be awhile before I come out to him because he comes from kind of a conservative religious family and is too naive in the ways of the world right now. I do think I'll eventually be able to tell him though. It's funny his brother is 4 years older than him and it's been a long time since he's had a girlfriend. I could swear that he's gay. Maybe his brother will come out before me.
  • grapenerds

    Posts: 2

    Mar 28, 2011 3:56 AM GMT
    haha, wow. this really is the story of my life. but yeah, i chose to distance myself a second time and things are rough. hope everything works out with you.
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    Mar 28, 2011 4:20 AM GMT
    I'm generally attracted to straight guys more because I connect with them better and get along with them better. In fact, ALL of my guy friends are straight and a good majority of them are good looking but I can say I've only been attracted to maybe two or three of them. But after reading/hearing stories about gay guys revealing their feelings to their straight friends, I learned it's better to have that certain guy in your life as a friend than not have him there at all. Certain outcomes can include him telling you politely to back off or they walk out of your life. But despite my attraction to those individuals, I value their friendship way more than anything.