Would You Date a Guy In a Different Stage in Life?

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    Mar 21, 2011 7:31 PM GMT
    I've broken out the stages in life as follows:

    College Guy
    These guys:
    -Attend school full-time
    -Generally part-time hourly paying job.
    -Do not have a lot of disposable income.
    -Are still in the closet or not out at all.
    -Are likely to be living with roommates.

    New Professional Guy
    These guys:
    -Are done with schooling and are working a non-management position.
    -Have the evening and weekends free and have some disposable income.
    -Have some dating experience and a few have been in serious relationships.
    -Live with a roommate or alone.
    -Occasionally go out on the weekends to bars/clubs.

    Established Gay
    These guys:
    -Have an established career.
    -Purchased a their own home.
    -Have been in long-term relationships.
    -Have been through their phase of clubs/bars and do not go out as often anymore.

    Retiring Guy
    -Heading towards retirement.
    -Paid off their home.
    -Have been in several long-term relationships.
    -Do not go out to bars/clubs anymore.
    -Travels for pleasure.

    I left out age range since I don't want people to be obsessed with numerical figures. These are obviously generalizations.

    I would date guys who are new professionals or established and have fun with college guys. I would be friends with the retiring guy.
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    Mar 21, 2011 7:35 PM GMT
    Though to some degree your categories have accuracy, I can't help but perceive the structure has an implication of "the bookends...not so good...the middle? yay!". Also I don't fit into any of those really.
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    Mar 21, 2011 7:44 PM GMT
    I think those "stages" aren't the real stages. Stages in life to me refers to the mental maturity of a person. I've met several 30 year olds who are clearly in a different "stage" of life than even some of my fellow college-mates. I think it'd be very easy to date other types of "stages" that you've brought up...But I think it's quite different to truly date someone in a different stage of maturity level or intellectual advancement.

    I know it sounds pretentious, but sometimes you meet guys who are far older than you, who just don't have a clue. Most men I've met are still in the closet, while I've been out of the closet since I was 12, and I'm well-experienced in the long term relationship category...many people decades older than I, cannot say the same.


    So yes, dating in between those categories you've shown is most definitely possible. But I truly believe to be in a healthy, happy relationship, you must be on the same maturity continuum, regardless of age.
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    Mar 21, 2011 7:48 PM GMT
    Pretty good.

    After the last couple of years of the commercial real estate market, a few of us retiring guys will be working for the rest of our lives. Actually, I can’t imagine retiring completely. I’d go nuts and drive everyone around me nuts. However, you’re right about the bars. I don’t have much tolerance for that anymore and I’m sure they are just as happy not to have this old guy around. Straight bars are fine - even college bars – it’s just the gay bars that I despise.

    But as far as energy level is concerned, I notice not one iota of difference. I work out with those about 1/3 my age and even with boxing I’m not too bad. The basketball court is another matter – it’s been said that white men can’t jump so that’s doubly true of old white men.

    Once the business gets back on track, there could be pleasant days ahead.
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    Mar 21, 2011 8:16 PM GMT
    jayyp15 saidI think those "stages" aren't the real stages. Stages in life to me refers to the mental maturity of a person. I've met several 30 year olds who are clearly in a different "stage" of life than even some of my fellow college-mates. I think it'd be very easy to date other types of "stages" that you've brought up...But I think it's quite different to truly date someone in a different stage of maturity level or intellectual advancement.

    I know it sounds pretentious, but sometimes you meet guys who are far older than you, who just don't have a clue. Most men I've met are still in the closet, while I've been out of the closet since I was 12, and I'm well-experienced in the long term relationship category...many people decades older than I, cannot say the same.


    So yes, dating in between those categories you've shown is most definitely possible. But I truly believe to be in a healthy, happy relationship, you must be on the same maturity continuum, regardless of age.


    This response makes you fit perfectly in my college guy category. haha.
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    Mar 21, 2011 8:23 PM GMT
    AvadaKedavra saidI've broken out the stages in life as follows:

    College Guy
    These guys:
    -Attend school full-time
    -Generally part-time hourly paying job.
    -Do not have a lot of disposable income.
    -Are still in the closet or not out at all.
    -Are likely to be living with roommates.

    New Professional Guy
    These guys:
    -Are done with schooling and are working a non-management position.
    -Have the evening and weekends free and have some disposable income.
    -Have some dating experience and a few have been in serious relationships.
    -Live with a roommate or alone.
    -Occasionally go out on the weekends to bars/clubs.

    Established Gay
    These guys:
    -Have an established career.
    -Purchased a their own home.
    -Have been in long-term relationships.
    -Have been through their phase of clubs/bars and do not go out as often anymore.

    Retiring Guy
    -Heading towards retirement.
    -Paid off their home.
    -Have been in several long-term relationships.
    -Do not go out to bars/clubs anymore.
    -Travels for pleasure.

    I left out age range since I don't want people to be obsessed with numerical figures. These are obviously generalizations.

    I would date guys who are new professionals or established and have fun with college guys. I would be friends with the retiring guy.


    Wow, these are pretty sweeping generalizations. Where is this from, a textbook in the fifties? This linear progression is hillarous

    Do not have disposable income?

    Have purchased their home?

    Have paid off their home?

    So if a guy graduates from college and moves to some expensive city where property owenership isn't so easily attainable and he rents his whole life, but my parents get hit by a truck and I become a property owner at 20 does that make me established and him not?

    What if a guy didn't go to college?

    people are way too obsessed with stuff like this. If you meet a guy and you like him, date him. All these formulas and assessments of where people are and where they are suppossed to be are pretty useless. If they actually meant something then the people who use the would have a higher ratio of happiness and fullfillment in their relationships and IMO they don't. Actually, it probably makes it harder on them.

    I notice a lot of guys do that though, they just opportunistically select whatever guy they think fits into a specific slot that enhances their life and omit the possibillity of him and anyone like him ever having any value beyond that.

    "I'm in college and i dont have money so I'm gonna date older men"

    "I'm out of college and i want to have sex with young guys so I'm going to go after college boys. But I also want to be emotionally fullfilled so ill just pull my dick out of the college boy and call an "established guy while i wipe it off"

    "I'm older but i dont want to date men my age, i want supple young boys. I'm not just into them because they are young but for some reason I only ever emotionally connect with guys under 23 "

    This pattern plays out over and over because people don't want to be in real relationships, they want a guy to be an accessory to their life. Then they look around and wonder why they can't find a guy who treats them well or why the guy they picked didn't turn out to be who they expected. They probably overlooked a lot of people because of their narrow definition of who they think they can have fruitful interactions with. Straight people do it too.

    There are so many people who don't see younger people as having any value beyond sex. But from what I've seen, intellligence, maturity, and stabillity are NOT the product of how many days you have spent on earth, especially not with gay guys. Some of the stupidest people are established, and some of the smartest, most mature, most well-rounded people are college guys.

    I used to think that young guys who were jaded against older guys were shallow but there is a sense of superiority that I have encountered multiple times that makes me think a lot of more "established" guys are just dicks.

    If someone I liked ever told me that the only reason that they didn't like me was because I was in college, I would tell them to go fuck them selves with a tire iron that had been sitting in a pizza oven.
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    Mar 21, 2011 8:34 PM GMT
    Ariodante saidThough to some degree your categories have accuracy, I can't help but perceive the structure has an implication of "the bookends...not so good...the middle? yay!". Also I don't fit into any of those really.


    you're so analytical. must be the brows.
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    Mar 21, 2011 8:44 PM GMT
    dekiruman saidThis pattern plays out over and over because people don't want to be in real relationships, they want a guy to be an accessory to their life.


    I'd say this is at the core of why there are so few great guys out there. My perception is that most guys are looking for some kind of trophy, rather than a fully realized human being.
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    Mar 21, 2011 8:47 PM GMT
    I actually have thought about this a lot recently and was just talking about it not too long ago with a friend on here.

    My biggest issue with dating people that aren't close to me in age is that they will be in a completely different stage in his life. Of course it is difficult for me because I am somewhat in between the "college" and "new professional" area. But I am really just figuring things out for myself right now and sometimes I feel like I couldn't relate well on an emotional level with someone who has had it all figured out for 10 years now.
  • swedeinusa

    Posts: 285

    Mar 21, 2011 8:50 PM GMT
    Cut the guy some slack, he's trying to get some broad categories to give a semblance of what usually defines the men in those 'stages'.

    Anywho, your question...

    I would transcend the stages except the retiring stage and maybe the established stage. I go out way too much. icon_biggrin.gif Actually thinking about it, I'll still be limited since I'm stuck between College and New Professional. So in a roundabout way, no, I don't usually date a guy in another stage. I don't I ever have but I could consider it.
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    Mar 21, 2011 8:59 PM GMT
    swedeinmiami said he's trying to get some broad categories to give a semblance of what usually defines the men in those 'stages'.

    Anywho, your question...

    I would transcend the stages except the retiring stage and maybe the established stage. I go out way too much. icon_biggrin.gif Actually thinking about it, I'll still be limited since I'm stuck between College and New Professional. So in a roundabout way, no, I don't usually date a guy in another stage. I don't I ever have but I could consider it.


    icon_rolleyes.gif
  • swedeinusa

    Posts: 285

    Mar 21, 2011 9:07 PM GMT
    dekiruman said

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    Mar 21, 2011 9:09 PM GMT
    swedeinmiami said
    dekiruman said

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    Mar 21, 2011 9:10 PM GMT
    [quote][cite]AvadaKedavra said[/cite]I've broken out the stages in life as follows:

    College Guy
    These guys:
    -Attend school full-time -- Check
    -Generally part-time hourly paying job. -- Full Time
    -Do not have a lot of disposable income. -- Not True
    -Are still in the closet or not out at all. -- Been out since I was 12, 8 years this April
    -Are likely to be living with roommates. -- I live in my own room, in an apartment type dealio.


    i don't fit exactly 'perfectly' as you described, but relatively, i guess...! icon_razz.gif
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    Mar 21, 2011 9:23 PM GMT
    swedeinmiami saidCut the guy some slack, he's trying to get some broad categories to give a semblance of what usually defines the men in those 'stages'.

    Anywho, your question...

    I would transcend the stages except the retiring stage and maybe the established stage. I go out way too much. icon_biggrin.gif Actually thinking about it, I'll still be limited since I'm stuck between College and New Professional. So in a roundabout way, no, I don't usually date a guy in another stage. I don't I ever have but I could consider it.


    ^This
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    Mar 21, 2011 9:23 PM GMT
    jayyp15 said[quote][cite]AvadaKedavra said[/cite]I've broken out the stages in life as follows:

    College Guy
    These guys:
    -Attend school full-time -- Check
    -Generally part-time hourly paying job. -- Full Time
    -Do not have a lot of disposable income. -- Not True
    -Are still in the closet or not out at all. -- Been out since I was 12, 8 years this April
    -Are likely to be living with roommates. -- I live in my own room, in an apartment type dealio.


    i don't fit exactly 'perfectly' as you described, but relatively, i guess...! icon_razz.gif


    Refer to above.
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    Mar 21, 2011 9:52 PM GMT
    I'm in the college phase of life and I live with family. I'm wary about dating someone who's significantly more established than I am for fear that they will feel obligated to "take care" of me. I'm not looking for another Dad. I'm just looking for someone to share my somewhat disorganized life with, there has to be someone else out there in a similar boat.
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    Mar 21, 2011 9:57 PM GMT
    swedeinmiami saidCut the guy some slack, he's trying to get some broad categories to give a semblance of what usually defines the men in those 'stages'.

    Anywho, your question...

    I would transcend the stages except the retiring stage and maybe the established stage. I go out way too much. icon_biggrin.gif Actually thinking about it, I'll still be limited since I'm stuck between College and New Professional. So in a roundabout way, no, I don't usually date a guy in another stage. I don't I ever have but I could consider it.


    But they're just not good categories. If someone posts a generalization about a particular demographic that I think is misrepresented int he generalization, I'm going that have something to say about that.

    Take a look at Jayyp15 for example: The generalization is less than 50% accurate in its description of him as a college student. It doesn't really apply to me wither. It's just not a very good template.

    I dont even take issue with the generalization, but at least allow for more possibillities than

    college students are poor ramen-eating immature people who live in hives with other college students.

    Somehow when they graduate from college they magically accrue the wealth and self-esteem to burst out of their college cacoon of poverty and closetedness.

    They all become managers because all of them went to college of course. Then they all purchase homes.

    Then they retire, because everyone in this economy retires.........with a house......that's payed off.

    Bullet points about college guys are framed in a negative light

    Bullet points about middle guys are framed in a positive light

    Being a college age guy to whom a lot of this does not apply, what would you have me do? smile and say thanks?
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    Mar 21, 2011 10:18 PM GMT
    dekiruman said
    Ariodante saidThough to some degree your categories have accuracy, I can't help but perceive the structure has an implication of "the bookends...not so good...the middle? yay!". Also I don't fit into any of those really.


    you're so analytical. must be the brows.


    Their roots run deep into my brain and control my every word and action =o
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    Mar 21, 2011 10:34 PM GMT
    dekiruman said
    swedeinmiami saidCut the guy some slack, he's trying to get some broad categories to give a semblance of what usually defines the men in those 'stages'.

    Anywho, your question...

    I would transcend the stages except the retiring stage and maybe the established stage. I go out way too much. icon_biggrin.gif Actually thinking about it, I'll still be limited since I'm stuck between College and New Professional. So in a roundabout way, no, I don't usually date a guy in another stage. I don't I ever have but I could consider it.


    But they're just not good categories. If someone posts a generalization about a particular demographic that I think is misrepresented int he generalization, I'm going that have something to say about that.

    Take a look at Jayyp15 for example: The generalization is less than 50% accurate in its description of him as a college student. It doesn't really apply to me wither. It's just not a very good template.

    Of course he has his own apartment and a full-time job. Ask how this is possible. I had this conversation with him months ago.

    I dont even take issue with the generalization, but at least allow for more possibillities than

    Why don't you recommend some more?

    college students are poor ramen-eating immature people who live in hives with other college students.

    I never said immature. Most college students do eat on a budget and live with roommates or at home.

    Somehow when they graduate from college they magically accrue the wealth and self-esteem to burst out of their college cacoon of poverty and closetedness.

    College graduates make more money than college students. This is a fact. I would assume that people who are financially independent are more likely to out of the closet than someone who relies on their parents just because of the fear of being cut off.

    They all become managers because all of them went to college of course. Then they all purchase homes.

    Manager level positions require experience or/and college degree. Purchasing a home, if planned properly, is a better investment than renting.

    Then they retire, because everyone in this economy retires.........with a house......that's payed off.

    Yes, its really not that hard. My 401k has enough for a 20% down payment for a 1 bedroom condo in Manhattan. I have several friends my age who have purchased their own home. Two of my exes purchased their own homes.

    Bullet points about college guys are framed in a negative light

    Bullet points about middle guys are framed in a positive light

    It isn't about negative or positive light. There are certain experience that you just cannot obtain for being a live for only a couple of decades. Most of which was spent as a child.

    Being a college age guy to whom a lot of this does not apply, what would you have me do? smile and say thanks?
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    Mar 21, 2011 10:42 PM GMT
    I am in the retiring stage. I am not interested in romantically dating anyone out of my age bracket. But it is getting really hard to find a decent guy who is in respectable shape and around 60 yo.
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    Mar 22, 2011 12:07 AM GMT
    AvadaKedavra said
    dekiruman said
    swedeinmiami saidCut the guy some slack, he's trying to get some broad categories to give a semblance of what usually defines the men in those 'stages'.

    Anywho, your question...

    I would transcend the stages except the retiring stage and maybe the established stage. I go out way too much. icon_biggrin.gif Actually thinking about it, I'll still be limited since I'm stuck between College and New Professional. So in a roundabout way, no, I don't usually date a guy in another stage. I don't I ever have but I could consider it.


    But they're just not good categories. If someone posts a generalization about a particular demographic that I think is misrepresented int he generalization, I'm going that have something to say about that.

    Take a look at Jayyp15 for example: The generalization is less than 50% accurate in its description of him as a college student. It doesn't really apply to me wither. It's just not a very good template.

    Of course he has his own apartment and a full-time job. Ask how this is possible. I had this conversation with him months ago.

    He's an outlier in your given description. We both agree.

    Why don't you recommend some more?

    I could, but I would be here all night. I can’t even begin to give a list of extra possibilities. I also don’t have to because I never set out to distill entire age groups into bullet points

    I never said immature. Most college students do eat on a budget and live with roommates or at home.

    ^^^ okay. but what is the significance of this. If it's not about maturity, what is is about? money?


    College graduates make more money than college students. This is a fact. I would assume that people who are financially independent are more likely to out of the closet than someone who relies on their parents just because of the fear of being cut off.

    The average coming out age is 16


    Manager level positions require experience or/and college degree. Purchasing a home, if planned properly, is a better investment than renting.

    Of course it's a better investment, but is it one that most people make? Regardless of income, there are lots of people who own no property. There are people right here in New York who will rent an apt. for $10,000 a month. It's just not something all people are interested in.

    The home ownership rate in Ny state is only 54% and in the city it's probably lower.



    Yes, its really not that hard. My 401k has enough for a 20% down payment for a 1 bedroom condo in Manhattan. I have several friends my age who have purchased their own home. Two of my exes purchased their own homes.

    In theory you could. But why would you want to? Also, not everyone is like you. There are a lot of guys your age who don't have any savings/have bad credit/ are in debt/have withdrawn from their retirement and suffered penalties etc.

    It isn't about negative or positive light. There are certain experience that you just cannot obtain for being a live for only a couple of decades. Most of which was spent as a child.

    I dont disagree, but what changes would those experiences illicit in a person that it should matter that much?

    Being a college age guy to whom a lot of this does not apply, what would you have me do? smile and say thanks?
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    Mar 22, 2011 12:23 AM GMT
    i should be somewhere at the end part of that stage

    Established Gay
    These guys:
    -Have an established career : dream on
    -Purchased a their own home : no , but i'll inherit one
    -Have been in long-term relationships: never
    -Have been through their phase of clubs/bars and do not go out as often anymore. : i never had a "phase" , i started going to clubs in my early 40's and never do it often.

    but fair is fair, there will always be some misfits no matter what categorizing system you use.
    so now i understand my failure at dating.



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    Mar 22, 2011 12:31 AM GMT
    xassantex saidi should be somewhere at the end part of that stage

    Established Gay
    These guys:
    -Have an established career : dream on
    -Purchased a their own home : no , but i'll inherit one
    -Have been in long-term relationships: never
    -Have been through their phase of clubs/bars and do not go out as often anymore. : i never had a "phase" , i started going to clubs in my early 40's and never do it often.

    but fair is fair, there will always be some misfits no matter what categorizing system you use.
    so now i understand my failure at dating.






    Awww don't worry. Terms like "established" and all that are silly. you have a name and thats who you are. You're like a pixel on an hd screen. there will be times when you will blend in with those around you, and times when you stand out. But in the grand scheme of the picture you will always be important and special because without you, the image would never be complete.

    Don't try to cram yourself into a box, especially if you don't fit in it........who wants to be in a box? it's dark.....and probably smells.
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    Mar 22, 2011 2:27 AM GMT
    Um... I think at least 2 more categories are required. Established Guy definitely needs to be subdivided. And then there should be a "catchall" free-spirit category which truly is ageless and is characterized by spontaneity and lack of multiple material attachments.

    I have met very established guys who go out nearly every day of the week! I don't go out nearly as often as those, but I do go our frequently and tend to go for variety--not just bars! Some people don't go out as often but like to entertain and host dinner parties, cocktails, or wine tastings.

    But the answer to your topic is YES. I have dated guys in the various categories with the exception of RETIRED.