finding out your ex got a new bf after just a month

  • helios01

    Posts: 349

    Mar 21, 2011 10:46 PM GMT
    I feel so .... i cant even describe it icon_sad.gif
    he said it wasnt me that he needed to be a lone.....
    BS!!! how do you deal with that?
    i was just getting over the fact that it ended.... now this
    was i that easy to get over?
    thanks for listening..
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    Mar 21, 2011 11:07 PM GMT
    icon_sad.gif i had a similiar situation sooo i will be reading the replies too.

    it sucks.
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    Mar 21, 2011 11:28 PM GMT
    helios01 saidI feel so .... i cant even describe it icon_sad.gif
    he said it wasnt me that he needed to be a lone.....
    BS!!! how do you deal with that?
    i was just getting over the fact that it ended.... now this
    was i that easy to get over?
    thanks for listening..

    That quickly could mean he may have already been cheating, this guy lined up before you split. Or perhaps the "rebound effect" in which case the permanence is doubtful. You'll know more with time, assuming you stay in touch with him.

    But really, it's no longer important. Now you turn your gaze, and your interest, elsewhere. At only 22, you have the luxury of time. You can date, you can sample, you can have fun.

    One of the things I've learned is to exploit the place where you live. "Place" in terms of both your location, and also your age.

    At 22, you can do things I can never do. So do them! The gay world is yours. Don't let it take charge of your life, as happens to some, but certainly enjoy it. You won't be a single 20-something forever. And later, when you're 30+, and 40+, etc, you'll do the things those guys do.

    You've got the gay world by the balls, my man. Don't let yourself be detoured by this bump in the road. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Mar 22, 2011 1:01 AM GMT
    helios01 said
    he said it wasnt me that he needed to be a lone.....

    He probably said that to spare your feelings a little. "It's me not you" is one of those little lies people tell the other person when they break up with them, to soften the blow. For him the relationship was over long before he broke up with you.

    Move on fast
  • offshore

    Posts: 1294

    Mar 22, 2011 1:53 AM GMT
    This happened to me before but intsead of a month it was like, 2 weeks.

    That's when I realised it's time to cut off ALL my ties with that ex who 'wanted to remain freinds'.

    Never looked back.
  • UVaRob9

    Posts: 282

    Mar 22, 2011 2:01 AM GMT
    Back in 2008, this happened to me after 4 years with my ex. He got into a new relationship 48 hours after he officially ended ours. As Art_Deco mentioned regarding already cheating before it was over, that was definitely the case. Honestly when someone does something that shitty, it does have the fringe benefit of making it easier to get over them and move on with your life and eventually meet someone who deserves your time and affection.
  • Toddstud35

    Posts: 6

    Mar 22, 2011 2:07 AM GMT
    just know you're obviously better off without him. it's hard, i'm not gonna say it's not gonna hurt, cause you were obviously into the relationship with this guy, but...

    here's what i'm posing you ask yourself, not of him...

    was he giving you what you wanted, needed and deserved in this relationship?

    and...

    why would you want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you? it's a hard question to ask yourself, but...if you answer it honestly, you don't...

    take care. it's stupid, but time will help...
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    Mar 22, 2011 2:12 AM GMT
    helios01 saidI feel so .... i cant even describe it icon_sad.gif
    he said it wasnt me that he needed to be a lone.....
    BS!!! how do you deal with that?
    i was just getting over the fact that it ended.... now this
    was i that easy to get over?
    thanks for listening..


    yes you were that easy to get over.

    Now deal with it and move on
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Mar 22, 2011 2:25 AM GMT
    ha ha ha dude, some people do not need a long time to get over someone. hell me may have fallen out of love with you a while ago and just didn't know how to tell you. anyhow its over now so move and act like its not big deal. hell get yourself a new bf.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Mar 22, 2011 2:36 AM GMT
    I've never had the experience, but I can imagine how you feel.

    I would make the best effort to move forward. It wasn't meant to be and
    go on about your life. Don't focus on the negative, don't dwell.. thnk about the good things that are going to come up in your future.
  • cityguy39

    Posts: 967

    Mar 22, 2011 3:43 AM GMT
    My ex came to me and asked for a two week break. Two weeks and one breakup later he popped up with a new BF, he swears it just happened, my gut told me that's what he wanted the two week break for. He wanted to be friends, I can't be friends with a guy who could betray me like that. I totally know how you feel guy.
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    Mar 22, 2011 3:50 AM GMT
    HndsmKansan saidI've never had the experience, but I can imagine how you feel.

    I would make the best effort to move forward. It wasn't meant to be and
    go on about your life. Don't focus on the negative, don't dwell.. thnk about the good things that are going to come up in your future.


    I totally agree. Look, you're better off without him anyway. There are a lot of great guys out there. I'm sure your next bf will be a lot hotter, sweeter, more considerate, more loyal than that guy. Take a weekend trip away to heal yourself, change the scenaries a bit. When you come back throw out everything that will remind you of him (or put them away if they're valuables like jewelry lol). Rearange your furnitures or if you can, move to another part of town. After this you'll feel a sense of renewal and you'll get on with your life.
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    Mar 22, 2011 3:54 AM GMT
    How long were you two together before the break-up?

    That will help me decide whether he was into you or just pretending to like you so he can tell someone he has a bf until he finds what he really wants.

    I mean, if you have been together for only a couple months then he moved on pretty quickly, then you were most likely just a step for him in his path.

    If you were together for a really long time, then maybe he does in fact feel like he needs time alone.


    I could be wrong - there is always that possibility.

    But hey, it's worth a shot.
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    Mar 22, 2011 4:05 AM GMT
    Im sorry. It's very hard, it's happened to me to (took two months). Just stay busy, Find new hobbies, hang with friends a lot, talk to them about what's going through your head. And most importantly don't beat up yourself over it. I beat myself to shit over idiots before, but I learned from it and that's most important.
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    Mar 22, 2011 4:08 AM GMT
    I feel you. It sucks. Makes you feel like there was nothing special about you.
  • helios01

    Posts: 349

    Mar 24, 2011 8:56 AM GMT
    Thisguy152 saidIm sorry. It's very hard, it's happened to me to (took two months). Just stay busy, Find new hobbies, hang with friends a lot, talk to them about what's going through your head. And most importantly don't beat up yourself over it. I beat myself to shit over idiots before, but I learned from it and that's most important.


    thanx that is actually working... i try to read, play video games, work and whatever.... makes u feel like u are worthless when that thought comes to mind.... ugh >_<

    thanks everyone... ^_^
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    Mar 24, 2011 10:29 AM GMT
    Look you're not worthless ok.

    It just means that whatever the reason you broke up for... it's good you broke up. If you guys we're meant to be then he wouldn't be having a boyfriend.
    So yeah maybe he lied about wanting to be alone to make you feel better. Whatever. Be happy that relationship is over. He is not right for you. And you are not right for him!
    You'll find someone who suits you better soon enough!
  • TheAlchemixt

    Posts: 2294

    Mar 24, 2011 10:54 AM GMT
    UVaRob9 saidBack in 2008, this happened to me after 4 years with my ex. He got into a new relationship 48 hours after he officially ended ours. As Art_Deco mentioned regarding already cheating before it was over, that was definitely the case. Honestly when someone does something that shitty, it does have the fringe benefit of making it easier to get over them and move on with your life and eventually meet someone who deserves your time and affection.


    Wow man after 4 years and only 48 hours that's harsh man!
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    Mar 24, 2011 10:57 AM GMT
    Fuck it. Consider it a blessing that he ended it. Now you know what type of man he is and if anything he did you a favor. Better to find this out now then later or worse....not at all. Move on past it, buddy. He found someone a month after you guys broke up? That's another sign that he wasn't that into it. He clearly moved on and you should follow suit. Don't pull a chick move and get all hung up on the details. Keep it simple and move on past. His actions speak louder then words and you know this. You'll be fine.

    Go have your fun, find someone worth a damn and be happy.

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    Mar 24, 2011 11:07 AM GMT
    Life moves on. You only have control over your actions and it seems perhaps a little selfish to expect another person to act exactly how you do after a break up--that's the conclusion I came to after I had a really similar break up. You have to focus on your locus of control, which is your own life and not worry about what falls outside of that scope.

    As my kung fu master's wife once told me: "The best way to get over an ex-boyfriend is to get under a new one."
  • TheAlchemixt

    Posts: 2294

    Mar 24, 2011 11:25 AM GMT
    Guy101 saidFuck it. Consider it a blessing that he ended it. Now you know what type of man he is and if anything he did you a favor. Better to find this out now then later or worse....not at all. Move on past it, buddy. He found someone a month after you guys broke up? That's another sign that he wasn't that into it. He clearly moved on and you should follow suit. Don't pull a chick move and get all hung up on the details. Keep it simple and move on past. His actions speak louder then words and you know this. You'll be fine.

    Go have your fun, find someone worth a damn and be happy.



    +1 the man speaks the truth!
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    Mar 24, 2011 11:30 AM GMT
    get a dog.
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    Mar 24, 2011 12:04 PM GMT
    Mixleanmachine said
    Guy101 saidFuck it. Consider it a blessing that he ended it. Now you know what type of man he is and if anything he did you a favor. Better to find this out now then later or worse....not at all. Move on past it, buddy. He found someone a month after you guys broke up? That's another sign that he wasn't that into it. He clearly moved on and you should follow suit. Don't pull a chick move and get all hung up on the details. Keep it simple and move on past. His actions speak louder then words and you know this. You'll be fine.

    Go have your fun, find someone worth a damn and be happy.



    +1 the man speaks the truth!


    +2
  • neosyllogy

    Posts: 1714

    Mar 24, 2011 12:17 PM GMT
    MadeNUSA said
    helios01 saidI feel so ....

    was i that easy to get over?
    thanks for listening..


    yes you were that easy to get over.

    Now deal with it and move on


    +1
    You don't have any reason to be upset with him. He hasn't done anything wrong. It's not a crime to not have the same feelings for you as you for him. (People suggesting he may have cheated [no good reason to assume that] or is 'unloyal' are out of line IMO.)

    We often deal with sadness and dissapointment by masking pain with anger. We direct at what is technically a source (if he didn't find a bf, you wouldn't be sad), but indoing so imagine false culpability - he's done nothing wrong. If anything, he tried to spare your feelings because he cared about you [okay, maybe honesty would be better, but it was almost certainly well-intentioned].

    Number of important lessons to learn today. Among them is that the world does not mirror our feelings. Also among them is that it's not the world's fault. Learn from it, grow, and move onward. Definitely don't begrudge your ex. You should be happy for him if anything.
  • BardBear

    Posts: 533

    Mar 24, 2011 12:41 PM GMT
    Even better when they come over to your apartment, and, after a bit of chatter asks to use the computer...and makes a hook-up. Personally, I think they do it to live out that, "the best revenge is living well." It gives the illusion that 'see? I'm so OVER you.' But the mere fact that they do it so quickly and in front of us means that they still have some kind of attachment.

    Play the opposite. Be happy and ask them both out for dinner and a threesome, just to mess with their heads.

    Peace,
    Bardy