Yeah

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    Mar 22, 2011 11:41 AM GMT
    N/A
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    Mar 22, 2011 12:43 PM GMT
    Where is this article from? Nice guys do not equal insecurities -- trade marking the term doesn't make it true.
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    Mar 22, 2011 12:46 PM GMT
    True nice guys Are a myth im a pretty cool person and consider myself nice but i know there are things that other people will say think im a douche for beliveing or thinking
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    Mar 22, 2011 1:10 PM GMT
    I'm not sure that the initial assumption in the OP that "most Nice Guys (tm) are hideously insecure" is correct. Are they?

    Or are Nice Guys too trusting and forgiving, and therefore prone to being taken advantage of, and victimized, regardless of their level of personal security? The rest of the OP is built upon this presumption of insecurity, but I don't read any proof of that underlying contention, just a bit of opinion. Lacking that, the rest of the piece falls apart.

    As for myself, I'm not exactly the nicest guy, though everyone who knows me in person tells me I am. And I happen to be very secure (you don't have the career I did if you're insecure), which allows me to take chances with guys, and to risk a little. Yeah, sometimes I get burned, but usually not too badly, and I'm secure enough to not let it bother me, allowing me to move on cleanly. I consider it the cost of doing business.

    Neither am I a therapist, and I don't take on charity cases. I help out the needy, but I don't make them my BF or partner. At times I need a helper, too, not a hindrance.

    Now my partner is a Nice Guy, with a much better reputation than me. And it seems he's been made a victim before, though I wouldn't call him insecure, either. I make every effort to give him as much or more than he gives me, and to never let him feel used. On the contrary, lately I think he's been getting a bit spoiled, and I may have to do something about that. LOL!

    So an interesting topic, that may have some applications. But as a definitive study of Nice Guys I think it lacks universality, and certainly sufficient proofs of its basic premise of insecurity.
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    Mar 22, 2011 1:19 PM GMT
    A quote from Julia Sugarbaker on Designing Women, circa 1990-something:
    "The meek may inherit the earth, but they won't keep it!"
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    Mar 22, 2011 2:14 PM GMT
    People are rarely as nice as they think they are - take it from this nice guy.
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    Mar 22, 2011 2:41 PM GMT
    spiffy saidWhere is this article from? Nice guys do not equal insecurities -- trade marking the term doesn't make it true.


    This. Being "nice" and insecure are two very different things. Sometimes a person demonstrates both traits and sometimes not. I've seen many insecure people that were nasty to others.
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    Mar 22, 2011 3:39 PM GMT
    The general assumption that "nice" people are doormats is incredibly fallacious. I am probably one of the worst, coldest, most unfeeling, unemotional,selfish asshats around, but I could turn into a "nice" guy if the other guy proves to me that he's worth it--but he has to dig very deep to find that person in me. So, bottom line, not all nice people are intrinsically doormats, and not all assholes are intrinsically bad. Give me a nice gay guy anytime and I will cherish him forever.
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    Mar 22, 2011 5:12 PM GMT
    There's a difference between being nice, and being a doormat. The article you're sharing describes codependency to a t though. Bottom line is that you really have to watch a person's behavior, and read between the lines.
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    Mar 22, 2011 6:12 PM GMT
    Well, now that the term has been clearly defined perhaps I should stop using it. I just need to find a new word to label myself with to convey the fact that I'm not a douche bag. Anti-douche. It's not that I'm nice, I'm just the anti-douche.
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    Mar 22, 2011 6:39 PM GMT
    5ebastian saidArticle: Why "Nice Guys" are often such LOSERS

    First of all everybody is cool in their own way and second of all you just need some hobbies and just be nice to people, everyone likes nice people! btw no one is a loser! Not even you! Have more faith in urself you can chat with me sometime if ya want!icon_wink.gif
  • tokugawa

    Posts: 945

    Mar 22, 2011 10:33 PM GMT
    5ebastian said ... In order to truly love someone else, you must first love yourself.
    ...
    You don't have to be an ego-inflated, arrogant jerk. You just have to LIKE yourself. ...


    Gee, which is it?
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    Mar 22, 2011 10:49 PM GMT
    5ebastian saidit seems to me that this article is somewhat persuasive considering 99% of the guys here are self-proclaimed NICE GUYS and most of them (judging from their posts) are single.

    so inquiring minds wanna know, self-proclaimed "NICE GUY" why pray tell are you single?


    I don't think 99% of guys on here proclaim to be "nice guys." There's far too many dickheaded comments and general douchebaggery on these forums for that to be true, which I am guilty of as well.
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    Mar 22, 2011 11:02 PM GMT
    spiffy saidWhere is this article from? Nice guys do not equal insecurities -- trade marking the term doesn't make it true.


    A truly "nice guy" cares about your feelings...and sometimes, oh shit!, before his own feelings......yeah, I know....unheard of.......icon_cry.gif

    Don't ever confuse kindness for weakness.
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    Mar 22, 2011 11:22 PM GMT
    I've always been told that I'm a nice guy. I'm not a doormat or a "pushover". Being a nice guy doesn't mean that you are weak, vulnerable, a doormat, etc. Being a nice guy doesn't mean you are single or that you are miserable in a relationship.... especially when two nice guys are together for a lifetime. My partner will literally give the shirt off his back to someone needing it more..... unless they've asked. He will give people money, knowing they need it and would never ask, knowing he'll never see it again. But, let someone ask him for it, and he will tell them no.

    I'm proof that two nice guys can have a great life together, full of love, and not be walked on.
  • TheIStrat

    Posts: 777

    Mar 22, 2011 11:37 PM GMT
    Unfair generalization is unfair
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    Mar 22, 2011 11:45 PM GMT
    I disagree with the author's basic premise

    Nice does not mean insecure

    Affectionate does not mean needy

    Forgiving does not mean pushover

    A nice guy is nice to everyone, not just someone he's attracted to

    And a nice guy will stick up for himself, when need be

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    Mar 22, 2011 11:50 PM GMT
    I think you have to be balanced, be a nice guy mix with being a bad ass.

    So you won't get $#&@ed over

    This is true, when you try to be good to someone, most of the time they take that ish for granted which sucks.
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    Mar 22, 2011 11:51 PM GMT
    LittleDudeWithMuscles saidI disagree with the author's basic premise

    Nice does not mean insecure

    Affectionate does not mean needy

    Forgiving does not mean pushover

    A nice guy is nice to everyone, not just someone he's attracted to

    And a nice guy will stick up for himself, when need be



    Ta-DAAAAAA!

    The author of the article needs to work his/her shit out before he/she gets on a soapbox. It reads as a rant. icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Mar 22, 2011 11:54 PM GMT
    cold saidSounds like someone's butthurt because a self-proclaimed nice guy fucked them about and stole all their cash. In completely unrelated news, I've recently had a bit of a financial windfall. Who's up for beers?


    I am (yum!) Pour me a pint.

    -Doug
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    Mar 22, 2011 11:57 PM GMT
    Because mean people are mean because they have no insecurities at all icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Mar 23, 2011 12:22 AM GMT
    I read nothing in this thread.
    51%2B6cr%2BF0yL._SL500_AA280_PIbundle-24
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    Mar 23, 2011 12:27 AM GMT
    cold said

    It's liquid form is also delicious:
    Fanta_Grape_Can_visual.jpg


    I'm a fan of the medicinal form
    79160.jpg


    Incidentally "dime tap" was my nickname in college
    ...>_>
  • disasterpiece

    Posts: 2991

    Mar 23, 2011 12:30 AM GMT
    ^ Once, I faked being sick because I wanted dimetap. I miraculously felt better when my mother bought this terrible cherry-flavored flu syrup. icon_confused.gif
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    Mar 23, 2011 12:30 AM GMT
    I'm a nice guy but that doesn't mean I'm not gonna tolerate somebody's shit. I think this article is biased and has the idea and terminology of what it means to be nice or being a "Nice Guy" confused with a few other words and situations. Instead of complaining about a nice person (which makes no sense at all) how about it complain about the people who use and abuse kindness and give nice people a reason to turn sour. That sounds more practical instead of lumping nice people into some falsely based group and demeaning them.

    The person who wrote this article is either a user/loser who got their jollies off of fucking with nice people or is a bitter ex-nice person who has reached the end of their "nice rope" from many failed relationships to which they were the victims.

    It's on thing to be nice. It's another to be a pushover and lack a backbone. There is a difference.