Nervousness when meeting . . .

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 24, 2011 4:10 AM GMT
    So I have an account on A4A and MH (not the point of this discussion) and I've met guys on there that seem really cool that I would like to go out with, but whenever the time comes to actually meet them, I chicken out and tell them I can't. I really wanna get over my nervousness, but I'm not really sure how. Anyone have any ideas of how I can become less nervous about this? Weird question I know.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 24, 2011 4:14 AM GMT
    That's such a douche move to cancel. You can't meet guys yet because you're not comfortable with yourself. You'll get over your nervousness when you accept that you're gay and there's shit all you can do about it. Can't love anybody till' you love yourself.
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    Mar 24, 2011 4:37 AM GMT
    I dunno if you're comfortable with yourself or not, but that's not the topic here anyway.

    Well, let me ask you why you get nervous with this. Are you nervous because you haven't been on many dates with guys? Nervous because you dunno what to expect? Nervous of that you might get stood up or rejected? Nervous that you'll like the guy and the date will get out of control? Figure out what is making you nervous. I gotta tell you meeting guys is really not a big deal. Just make sure you meet in a public area where there are other people around if you're concerned about your safety. However, telling them you're gonna meet up with them but keep canceling is gonna make them think that

    1. You're not who you said you are, aka fake profile.
    2. You are rejecting them and you don't even want to meet face to face with them.
    3. You're a flaky person who would say anything.

    None of these is a good thing. Get over your fears and you'll see that the rewards are worth it. Otherwise don't promise guys that you'll meet up with them.
  • UncleverName

    Posts: 741

    Mar 24, 2011 10:34 AM GMT
    I had this too.
    I was almost hyper ventilating before I met my partner for the first time. I don't know why.
    I just forced myself to go through with it, and thinks went great. My partner said he had felt the same.
    I would just say force yourself to go through with it. Tell one of these guys that you're going to meet them, and tell someone else that you know where you're going to be (so that you're safe, but also so that they can ask you about it and you'll have to answer to someone else about whether or not you actually went).
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 24, 2011 11:09 AM GMT
    Are you kidding me with this? After reading what you just wrote I'm gonna call BS on you, dude. You're playing games and being a chicken. Hearing that means there's no chance you are gonna meet anyone from here either so you should think about that. LOL. How is meeting someone from online any different then meeting someone randomly on the streets? I don't quite fathom it since I'm gonna assume you meet people everyone day either at work or at school. What's with this timidness? This an security issue as in you are lacking it and confidence to add to the list.

    I have a simple answer to your solution. Grow a pair. You think you are the only one nervous about meeting someone from online? Don't be so selfish in thinking the person you are talking to isn't feeling the same. It's a huge gamble on both parties. When you pull little stunts like that it does have an effect on the other person especially if they are genuine in wanting to meet you. You need to feel comfortable with yourself for starters and then move on to actually meeting the person. Meet in a public setting and keep it simple. If they aren't willing to do that then move on but in all honesty you're being a cock tease and a flake when you pull shit this.

    I hope this helps you out.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 24, 2011 7:10 PM GMT
    Just be yourself. No need to put on a front. If you put on an act, you can get nervous. If you just try to be you, you're much less nervous. And don't worry about being judged.
    But you can try to be friendly and open.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Mar 24, 2011 7:20 PM GMT
    Well you need to think about what you want out of the meeting. Do you just want to get to know them as a friend... as a potential dating scene.. or sex?
    I'd communicate it to them in advance. If you really want to get to know them, it will help eliminate those who are just wanting you for sex (and potentially a poor experience when you meet them).

    I never (and I mean 99% of the time) don't have issues when I meet somebody. The reason.. we both know what it's about in advance and it is generally on my terms. Most of the time the experience is good or excellent.

    Just be yourself and enjoy the time. It can be awkward I suppose, but I always do my best to make it relaxed, comfortable and welcoming... but
    I love meeting others, you never know.. it might be a great friendship!

    And one other thing. Don't chicken out. If I wanted you meet you and you blew me off, I'd probably think you weren't very grounded.. not a good thing to do to guys you might want to get to know.
  • XxXxXxAZNxXxX...

    Posts: 615

    Mar 24, 2011 7:30 PM GMT
    I think to really get over a fear like this you may have to actually go through it. I know that sounds mean, but hear me out. I used to be that way with meeting up with people, but I got much more comfortable after doing it once or twice and now I'm so relaxed when I meet new people. It's more of a social experience; you have to live it to understand it. So I recommend trying at least once and see how you feel after wards icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 24, 2011 8:34 PM GMT
    xcuriousgeorge69 saidI think to really get over a fear like this you may have to actually go through it. I know that sounds mean, but hear me out. I used to be that way with meeting up with people, but I got much more comfortable after doing it once or twice and now I'm so relaxed when I meet new people. It's more of a social experience; you have to live it to understand it. So I recommend trying at least once and see how you feel after wards icon_smile.gif


    yep do it, i used to be that person who would cancel on guys.. douche move, now i meet guys fron the net every so often.. sure i still get nervous, but its not as bad, nor do i cancel icon_smile.gif.
  • rf_dal

    Posts: 380

    Mar 24, 2011 8:42 PM GMT
    I really hate "the canceller" icon_evil.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 24, 2011 8:46 PM GMT
    I hate when you guys start bashing the guy when he is trying to inquire about something important to him and he may be comfortable with himself his sexuality...but fear meeting people because he doesn't know what he is gonna get or. what will happen etc. I think those are valid issues.. I have had them too

    TO OP.. If you are nervous person- try meeting in public place or do a movie or something. Your expectations dont have to be sex . I think a lot of fear starts from that. Because he might want something that you dont and a lot of creeps out there. I met a few when I was your age .

    Forget those douchebags up there who are bashing you! take it slow, the only thing, be honest to the person so it doesn't appear like you are playing games

    Keep us posted!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 24, 2011 11:29 PM GMT
    LOL. And I love how people come out of nowhere and try to play hero and then become hypocrites in their statements when they call people douchebags just because they have hardcore responses for original posters. Imagine that.
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Mar 24, 2011 11:37 PM GMT
    Take your time when meeting new guys and after the first few times the nervousness goes away and you'll do fine. Remember...the first time is the hardest. I speak from experience. icon_wink.gif
  • chapguy123

    Posts: 25

    Mar 27, 2011 3:51 AM GMT
    Just think about the possibility of having the person be your boyfriend. Other than that, the nervousness of meeting new people never goes away. Just look your best and jump into the pool. If you're afraid of conversation, memorize some topics that you can use to fuel conversation. But don't let your chances slip away.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 27, 2011 3:57 AM GMT
    chapguy123 saidJust think about the possibility of having the person be your boyfriend. Other than that, the nervousness of meeting new people never goes away. Just look your best and jump into the pool. If you're afraid of conversation, memorize some topics that you can use to fuel conversation. But don't let your chances slip away.


    chapguy is right. If you don't take a chance then you don't have a chance. It's better to tried and failed than never tried at all. What's the worst that can happen, he says no?