Acting like nothing ever happened between you guys?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 24, 2011 7:33 AM GMT
    So how can guys just act like that? Pretend like nothing ever happened between you and him (been together for 8 months) after a break up? He tells me that his life is hard and that he doesn't want to drag me down with him. Yeah, and then two days later, I find him on Manhunt and Adam4adam looking for a guy to fuck. WTF?!!

    I mean just out of nowhere he sends me a text, "I think its best we end it." I try to call and text him to discuss this, but he continues to ignore me. I pour my heart out in a message, and he doesn't even take the time to try and help me through this. If we're going to end it, let's at least do it with some dignity and respect for each other. How can people be such douchebags? *sigh*
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    Mar 24, 2011 11:47 AM GMT
    bump
  • Ironman4U

    Posts: 738

    Mar 24, 2011 11:52 AM GMT
    I think you answered your own question...when you called him a douchebag.

    If he dumps you by text and doesn't have the courtesy or balls to talk to you, then consider yourself lucky. You got rid of a guy who has the emotional maturity of a 10 year old.
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    Mar 24, 2011 12:31 PM GMT
    tru_guy saidHow can people be such douchebags? *sigh*

    One man's logic is another man's confusion. In his mind, looking for quickies on Manhunt to get his rocks off may not be the same thing as having a relationship. Which, as he told you, is not something he thinks he can handle right now.

    Plus, you must consider the possibility that he lost interest in you, and his life being "hard" may be the convenient, and maybe even contrived, way to break up without telling you his real reason and thereby avoid hurting you more. It may also explain why he did it so quickly, almost surgically.

    Guys will do that to spare both of them a drawn-out and unpleasant scene when it comes time to split. Cowardly, perhaps, and little more than a rationalization for his actions, but some guys really don't want to face that moment, and would rather rip the bandage off the wound quickly than peel it away slowly. Again, his logic, your confusion.

    You were together 8 months, or is it you've been apart for 8 months now? That part of your narrative wasn't clear to me. Lots of guys do break-up after about 8 months, the time it often takes for the initial novelty & lust of a new relationship to wear off. Some guys, especially younger ones, lose interest when things fall into an everyday routine, and "the excitement is gone" per the old saying.

    Plus you write in your RJ profile: "I don't do the whole 'scene' kinda culture. I'm more of a regular everyday kinda guy that just enjoys the simplicities of life." Well, maybe your ex did need a bit more vitality in his own life, which is certainly available in the Twin Cities from my personal experience, especially the gay scene. Is he a "club rat" and you're not?

    Or, of course, your initial take could be correct, and he's simply a douchbag. You know him better than we do. At least you have the safety net of youth, and your college studies to fall back on. In a fairly open & friendly community, where I don't think you'll stay lonely. Good luck.
  • highbrow004

    Posts: 20

    Mar 24, 2011 12:39 PM GMT
    Time, buddy. All I can say is: "this too shal pass." sucks to hear, and I know you're caught up in emotion right now, but it will get better. I've been there a few times. Keep your friends close, make some new ones. Focus on you.

    That's all I got. Best of luck.
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    Mar 24, 2011 12:44 PM GMT
    Two days before he broke up with me, it was all "Oh hey, can't wait to see you this weekend."

    I just never took him to be this kind of a douchebag. Someone who doesn't even have the balls to pick up their phone or call.

    He was my first love, and I loved him SOOOO MUCH. I never thought it would end like this...over a text and with him giving me the cold shoulder.

    It's like he doesn't even care how I feel. Like I was just another fuckable guy, used and then tossed. Ugh, I hope karma comes around for him. DOUCHEBAG! lol
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    Mar 24, 2011 1:08 PM GMT
    It's cowardice--plain and simple. Some gay guys' balls are tucked so deep inside their nutsack you'd think they have a pussy. They might as well have one because they're worse than women. Your ex needs to grow a pair.
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    Mar 24, 2011 1:46 PM GMT
    DOMINUS saidIt's cowardice--plain and simple. Some gay guys' balls are tucked so deep inside their nutsack you'd think they have a pussy. They might as well have one because they're worse than women. Your ex needs to grow a pair.



    hahahahahahaha! I love you dom icon_razz.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 24, 2011 1:48 PM GMT
    Best way ... just Ignore as u never met him .. i know 8 months a lot .. anyways u will have to get over him icon_smile.gif
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    Mar 24, 2011 1:50 PM GMT
    tru_guy said...
    Yeah, and then two days later, I find him on Manhunt and Adam4adam looking for a guy to fuck.
    ...
    This means you are also on there.
    Pot, meet kettle. icon_wink.gif
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    Mar 24, 2011 1:52 PM GMT
    paulflexes said
    tru_guy said...
    Yeah, and then two days later, I find him on Manhunt and Adam4adam looking for a guy to fuck.
    ...
    This means you are also on there.
    Pot, meet kettle. icon_wink.gif


    but he was clearly there for a different reason.

    His reason was that his bf did not leave him with enough information about the break up and therefore he investigated himself.

    Difference.
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    Mar 24, 2011 1:55 PM GMT
    The one who loves the most is the one with the least power. If he jumps you today he is free tomorrow.
  • alphatop

    Posts: 1955

    Mar 24, 2011 1:59 PM GMT
    Freedom comes when you learn to say no..
    There's no greater power than a power of good bye...
    He is not worth it. Period.
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    Mar 24, 2011 2:30 PM GMT
    i developed a standard myself a while back. if ANYTHING of any importance needs to be said, it should be said in person. treat people like you'd want to be able to look them in the eye if you run into them later. like grown men. anyone who can't do this is just pretending to be a grown up. no amount of credentialing excuses acting so poorly. i developed this after having had a 6 month relationship with a guy who broke up with me over facebook chat. he was going to be moving, and we both knew it would end anyway. i cared for him, but was not in love with him. we could have had an adult conversation and remained close friends and said "that was a nice summer together". but instead, he will forever remain in my head as "facebook chat breakup" guy....


    seriously, i have to copy and paste the conversation into another document just to be sure i read it properly. i would have picked up the phone while he was typing, except i was too much in shock. also, my 12yo cat had just died and i was a wreck. breaking up wouldn't have upset me since it was predictable, but that delivery DID upset me because it was so lacking in sensitivity

    now, he is on the west coast and we are still facebook friends. he likes to comment on my pictures as if we are just friends. i don't care. i can't be bothered to think of him most of the time.
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    Mar 24, 2011 3:01 PM GMT
    paulflexes said
    tru_guy said...
    Yeah, and then two days later, I find him on Manhunt and Adam4adam looking for a guy to fuck.
    ...
    This means you are also on there.
    Pot, meet kettle. icon_wink.gif


    I actually deleted both my accounts when I started this relationship. The only reason I recreated an account on MH and A4A was to get in contact with him really after we broke up. He would not respond via phone or text, but I was sure he would read the messages on those websites. That bastard.

    Sure enough, he replies on A4A telling me he's sorry. FUCKING LIES. I probably would have believed him if he told me this in person or even over the phone, but I don't believe him like I did before.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 24, 2011 3:08 PM GMT
    You should be happy that you were served after 8mos, It could have been longer and time you'll never get back. I know it sounds harsh but think it terms of, if you had really fallen for this guy.
    He has shown you who he is and for that you should not want to see any more. learn and move on. Procede w/ caution those guys are everywhere
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    Mar 24, 2011 3:57 PM GMT
    Hey tru_guy I read your post twice before responding only to get a better sense of your distress, frustration and emotional pain. You are right. No one should deserve to have a relationship end with a "text message", an "email" or a "post it note" (Sex and the City), etc as they are all examples of avoidance behavior and really nothing much is gained by that sort of activity. He chose a very indignant, cowardly, insensitive way to break things off with you and your feelings are hurt in addition to the loss of your relationship so your pain is two fold or perhaps three fold; 1, the relationship gone, 2, how is chose to end it and 3, continuing the injustice of ignoring you and your crushed feelings.

    So what to do and/or how to handle such an injustice that now has you reaching out to a community of gay brothers?

    First, you did right for yourself by posting on here because getting the issue out into the open somewhat and "off your chest" relieves a bit of the burden and discussing it disempowers it.

    Second, reading what these guys have to say is helpful and those who wrote things that are not, well ignore them and what they wrote. (Aside: If your are not sure, I'll go so far as to point out which ones were mean, bitter and plain unhelpful!! Just ask me!)

    Third, put your energy forward toward things you can control and try your best not to seek justification for his very bad form. Do not seek answers from him, or track his behavior or search for incongruities in his weak explanation for the break up with you and what he is doing now. You will end up worse across the board. And rise above trying to exact revenge, if your head even went there, but doesn't sound like you did. You got better things to do with your time (go to the gym put your energy back on to yourself and get healthier and bigger!)

    And remember, ALL guys do not suck, relationships are worth it (but its not easy finding the right guy but when you do -wow!) and be good and true to yourself. It's easy to say, "be glad he is gone as he proved himself a douche-bag" but in reality, good riddance. You deserve a dude who communicates with you directly and not electronically. I'm sorry for your pain and that you feel you've lost out but it sounds like he's a mess and his loss.
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    Mar 24, 2011 4:00 PM GMT
    tru_guy saidSo how can guys just act like that? Pretend like nothing ever happened between you and him (been together for 8 months) after a break up? He tells me that his life is hard and that he doesn't want to drag me down with him. Yeah, and then two days later, I find him on Manhunt and Adam4adam looking for a guy to fuck. WTF?!!

    I mean just out of nowhere he sends me a text, "I think its best we end it." I try to call and text him to discuss this, but he continues to ignore me. I pour my heart out in a message, and he doesn't even take the time to try and help me through this. If we're going to end it, let's at least do it with some dignity and respect for each other. How can people be such douchebags? *sigh*


    Guess what. People have sex with others when they get out of relationships. The Manhunt and Adam4Adam business is his.

    If he was that uncommunicative with you regarding the actual breakup (over text? really?) then he isn't worth your time and it's better you find out the guy is a tool now than much later down the road when you are that much more emotionally invested.
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    Mar 24, 2011 4:29 PM GMT
    You just need to think about what he has done to you, and the type of person who would do that. Then you need to consider why you would want to continue contact with a person like that. The longer you have to think about it and the more angry you get, the easier it will be to move on and away from him. What would you tell a friend in the same situation?

    Without going in to details, my most recent ex (been almost 3 years now) never gave me enough in the relationship, then he walked away. We tried to maintain a friendship, but again, he didn't give enough. This time I walked away. You gotta learn how to draw lines in the sand.

    Good luck man.
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    Mar 24, 2011 4:49 PM GMT
    In a year's time, you will look back and think "What was I on?".

    He will be on the same course, wondering why he's so miserable.
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    Mar 24, 2011 7:32 PM GMT
    HeyDude saidHey tru_guy I read your post twice before responding only to get a better sense of your distress, frustration and emotional pain. You are right. No one should deserve to have a relationship end with a "text message", an "email" or a "post it note" (Sex and the City), etc as they are all examples of avoidance behavior and really nothing much is gained by that sort of activity. He chose a very indignant, cowardly, insensitive way to break things off with you and your feelings are hurt in addition to the loss of your relationship so your pain is two fold or perhaps three fold; 1, the relationship gone, 2, how is chose to end it and 3, continuing the injustice of ignoring you and your crushed feelings.

    So what to do and/or how to handle such an injustice that now has you reaching out to a community of gay brothers?

    First, you did right for yourself by posting on here because getting the issue out into the open somewhat and "off your chest" relieves a bit of the burden and discussing it disempowers it.

    Second, reading what these guys have to say is helpful and those who wrote things that are not, well ignore them and what they wrote. (Aside: If your are not sure, I'll go so far as to point out which ones were mean, bitter and plain unhelpful!! Just ask me!)

    Third, put your energy forward toward things you can control and try your best not to seek justification for his very bad form. Do not seek answers from him, or track his behavior or search for incongruities in his weak explanation for the break up with you and what he is doing now. You will end up worse across the board. And rise above trying to exact revenge, if your head even went there, but doesn't sound like you did. You got better things to do with your time (go to the gym put your energy back on to yourself and get healthier and bigger!)

    And remember, ALL guys do not suck, relationships are worth it (but its not easy finding the right guy but when you do -wow!) and be good and true to yourself. It's easy to say, "be glad he is gone as he proved himself a douche-bag" but in reality, good riddance. You deserve a dude who communicates with you directly and not electronically. I'm sorry for your pain and that you feel you've lost out but it sounds like he's a mess and his loss.


    Thanks, I'm glad to know other people can sympathize with me. Well, I guess I have been trying to seek an answer from him or at least have him hear me out you know? But after reading this, I feel like (yeah) I should just drop it. There seems to be no use.
  • dougkh

    Posts: 5

    Mar 24, 2011 10:12 PM GMT
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    Mar 24, 2011 10:43 PM GMT



    Don't worry man.......I promise you this will be a HUGE BLESSING IN DISGUISE TO YOU! You cannot see it now........I couldn't either at the time.

    Patience dude.....patience......u will feel SOOOO AMAZING in time! Your character and his could NEVER WORK! Water seeks it's own level. You will find someone like you by making choices that lead you to places where guys like you exist...he on the other hand........like i said.....just watch the video...I believe the car veering out of control, flipping over and crashing and burning is more than symbolic.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 24, 2011 11:50 PM GMT
    I went through the same thing. A clear case of douchebaggery.
    We'll find better guys. icon_wink.gif
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    Mar 24, 2011 11:53 PM GMT
    DOMINUS saidIt's cowardice--plain and simple. Some gay guys' balls are tucked so deep inside their nutsack you'd think they have a pussy. They might as well have one because they're worse than women. Your ex needs to grow a pair.


    Yup. That's probably the best answer so far.