Contact after breakup

  • Profire

    Posts: 224

    Mar 25, 2011 12:42 AM GMT
    BF and I broke up and wanted to know the protocol for making contact and wishing him a Happy Birthday. His birthday is a week away and I want to be nice yet respect his feelings.

    The breakup wasn't mean or anything. Basically, I am going through some issues and I wasn't able to hold up my end of the bargain of being a good BF.

    Do I call him, text him, send him a small gift and leave it at his house?
    Not sure what to do.
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    Mar 25, 2011 12:55 AM GMT
    I think a call would be acceptable route to go here. Things didn't end badly so I know I would appreciate it. I think the gift at the door would be a little creepy.

    Good luck bud.
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    Mar 25, 2011 12:59 AM GMT
    A text in this case is a little impersonal and might sound like you are wishing him a happy birthday because it is something expected but you don't really want to do it. I agree with NCReal06 that the gift at the door idea is a little creepy. A call is the best option.
  • Profire

    Posts: 224

    Mar 25, 2011 1:36 AM GMT
    Thanks for your comments.

    He is a good guy and I want to do the right thing.
    So no gift such as a bottle of his favorite wine (Heitz Cellars)?
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    Mar 25, 2011 1:41 AM GMT
    He was your boyfriend. If you really want to wish him happy birthday, give him a call! Nothing wrong with getting him a gift either if that is what you want to do.
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    Mar 25, 2011 1:46 AM GMT
    Yeah I say go for it. He doesn't have to respond if he doesn't want to but you're welcome to send him well wishes. I think some people prefer to have zero contact after a breakup but as long as you didn't split because they were abusive or something I see no harm.
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    Mar 25, 2011 1:46 AM GMT
    Profire saidSo no gift such as a bottle of his favorite wine (Heitz Cellars)?



    You can give a gift if you are actually going to see him in person, but leaving a gift on his doorstep if you have not seen him since the break up is not a good idea.
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    Mar 25, 2011 1:56 AM GMT
    my ex's birthday was a few weeks after we broke up. i left him a small gift at his doorstep.. texted him it was there and that was it.
  • shawn06

    Posts: 337

    Mar 25, 2011 1:58 AM GMT
    Honestly your the one who knows him so what do you think would be his reaction with a gift? I think leaving a gift at the door is an awesome idea, however it also seems to be a little romantic. If you feel like this might send a mixed message then you should consider just calling him and telling him you got him the gift and give it to him. It all depends, but at least showing you care by saying happy birthday and giving him a gift is a good idea.

    But if everything is cool and he understands that right now you two wont be together then by all means leave it at his door, I think it would be greatly appreciated and show there is no bad blood between you two.
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    Mar 25, 2011 2:01 AM GMT
    Profire saidBF and I broke up and wanted to know the protocol for making contact and wishing him a Happy Birthday. His birthday is a week away and I want to be nice yet respect his feelings.

    The breakup wasn't mean or anything. Basically, I am going through some issues and I wasn't able to hold up my end of the bargain of being a good BF.

    Do I call him, text him, send him a small gift and leave it at his house?
    Not sure what to do.


    Call the guy- he will love hearing from you
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    Mar 25, 2011 2:12 AM GMT
    Sometimes it takes a little time to reach a comfort level with each other. But if both of you are mature and open to it, you can turn it into a great friendship. I'm very good friends with all of my exes. Two of them have even been a couple for the last 15 years and we've always gotten along amazingly well.
  • alphatop

    Posts: 1955

    Mar 25, 2011 5:05 AM GMT
    Send him a hand writen letter, that's cool, instead of sms, email ...
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    Mar 25, 2011 5:07 AM GMT
    I would text but that's probably a generational difference, so I guess calling would be best.
  • needleninja

    Posts: 713

    Mar 25, 2011 5:10 AM GMT
    im going to say wish him happiness, because i recently broke up and although we were being friends and such and i was joking with him, hes been an asshole to me, and i pretty much dont talk to him.
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    Mar 25, 2011 5:14 AM GMT
    You know what you did to cause the break up.

    Base it on whether you would want a gift from you after what you did to cause the break up.

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    Mar 25, 2011 5:22 AM GMT
    Sure. Go ahead and call him and wish him a Happy Birthday. Worst case scenario he'll just hang up on you and then you'll have your answer. If he can't take in stride and just smile and be courteous of your act then fuck it and just move on.
  • TheAlchemixt

    Posts: 2294

    Mar 25, 2011 5:25 AM GMT
    I agree, give him a call. I wouldn't get him a present if the breakup was recent. You could just end up giving him mixed signals and confuse him.
  • liljay

    Posts: 13

    Mar 25, 2011 8:27 AM GMT
    dude you just played my ex part, it was kinda the same, he really when to my house and greet me happy birthday and also broguht me gift, but then i found out the gift was the snack we used to eat together, then i was so mad and sad i told him that i think i shouldn't take it, and i asked him to take it back, coz it just reminds me alot...... but at the end i took it as my aunt said if he didn't really think of you he wouldn't chose that, she also said to me things are not that bad try to be relax, coz i still want him to come back, even tho now it's been a month. i still miss him alot and i still think of him everyday but i'm not sure he do the same, anyway i hope you can be more aware if u do wanna greet him birthday, u must be careful icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 25, 2011 1:42 PM GMT
    You should do what feels right in your heart. Whatever that is, it's going to be authentic because it's coming from your heart.
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    Mar 26, 2011 11:20 AM GMT
    I don't think it hurts to send him well wishes in regards to his birthday. He will appreciate the gesture.

  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Mar 26, 2011 11:36 AM GMT
    Profire saidThanks for your comments.

    He is a good guy and I want to do the right thing.
    So no gift such as a bottle of his favorite wine (Heitz Cellars)?



    He has a birthday around mine so he must be an aries. They don't usually make a big deal with their bdays so any kind of token of affection is fine but keep away from anything romantic.
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    Mar 26, 2011 12:05 PM GMT
    Why don't you leave a comment on his wall (facebook), I think that's completely acceptable nowadays, cuz call- no, he's not your BF anymore so awkward! text- too impersonal gift-like others mentioned creepy lol
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 26, 2011 12:43 PM GMT
    depends on how long you have been broken up. Even losing a relationship initiates the stages of grief. If he's hit that anger stage, probably nothing will be right. I say just go with your heart, but don't be selfish. You may consider the day before or after.
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    Mar 26, 2011 12:45 PM GMT
    I think you should get back together icon_rolleyes.gif