yourname2000 saidSurely there are some other guys on RJ who can share a "how I met my dom" story??? (And I'm not asking for stories to jack-off to...I'm interested in how you broke the ice.)
I would also like to hear from other experienced BDSM'ers how they got into it... so I can do something similar.
Generally speaking, dom/tops can "sniff" sub/bots and sub/bots can "sniff" dom/tops like dogs in heat. Don't ask me how, but it's almost inexplicably instinctive. That's how you meet the right "partner" in the BDSM arena (and within the BDSM arena there are subcultures). And, by the way, if you have any preconceived notions of what a dom/top or sub/bot looks like physically, those notions--generally fueled by the media--are most likely outdated and inaccurate (for example, a substantial number of dom/tops look like your typical boy- or girl-next-door hottie).
Now, how do you get started? First, you have to know what makes your head spin. Does bondage (the "B" in BDSM) float your boat? Do you like having someone discipline or control you pysically or psychologically (the "D" in BDSM). Do you enjoy being subservient to a master (the "S" in BDSM). Do you get off on receiving some level of pain (the "M" in BDSM)? Once you've identified that, then you can pursue a course of action that will get you to where you want to be. Luck sometimes play a part. For example, in my case, I was introduced to the culture by a female sub who was 20+ years my senior who knew right off that bat that I would be a natural dom/top. She taught me invaluable practices and techniques that I was able to hone through practice over the years. Nowadays, there's a ton of information and resources that are availalble online. You might want to look into some of these online sites, such as collarme.com and recon.com; even craigslist has some helpful information/posts. A good number of BDSM practitioners are gender-neutral--meaning, even if a male advertises as a "straight" dom/top, he might not necessarily be averse to hooking up with, or teaching/mentoring, a bi or gay guy. There's no reason why you can't ask. In general, "authentic" BDSM people are polite, helpful, and live by certain rules. Establish initial contacts with people who share your interests and go from there.
Be very selective and discerning. Recognize that for every dom/top there are probably 10+ sub/bots, so there's significant competition for hot and experienced dom/tops--that's just the way the numbers work. Finally, acknowledge that it's never a good thing to have your life revolve around BDSM, although some BDSM-focused people live and breath BDSM (I don't subscribe to the latter). In my mind, the healthiest approach is to integrate BDSM into your lifestyle, but it should never be your lifestyle.