I'm in love with my straight best friend.

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    Mar 26, 2011 11:48 AM GMT
    Has anyone else been in this situation? My best friend has a girlfriend and says he's straight. But he hugs me every day. He smiles every time he sees me. I catch him looking at me all the time. He plays with my hair, and touches my ass and my hands a lot. We share our food and drinks all the time. If we don't see each other for a day, he's got to ask if I missed him.

    He acts a bit homophobic sometimes but he jokes about having sex with me all the time. Or he'll tell me when he's had sex with his girlfriend, then ask if I'm jealous. Drives me crazy. He knows I have feelings for him and I think he likes that.

    I don't know if he is Bi or maybe he hasn't worked it out yet. Should I ask him or should I wait and see what happens?

  • joselitoo

    Posts: 41

    Mar 26, 2011 1:02 PM GMT
    I was in the same situation.
    I fell in love with my BF at the first time I saw him, when he joined my class.
    Then I tried to be friends with him, it worked. We became best friends.
    We met everyday, really everyday.

    He didnt knew I was into him and I didnt believe he could be gay/bi.
    So I knew our friendship will only break my heart but I felt so alone and empty without him so I had to make this sacrifice.

    Our friends started to share gossips about us. they said we were a couple cuz we were always together and did the same things (touching each other, hugging, kissing on the cheek, shared everthing)

    One day he asked me if I could imagine having a relationship with a man and I said i dont know.
    Then he asked if I could imagine to kiss a guy. I said i dont know but I wondering how it would be.
    Then he asked if we should test it and so we ended up kissing lol

    We are a couple for 4 years now. He is 19 and I'm 18
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    Mar 26, 2011 2:17 PM GMT
    You just described almost every guy I work with.
    One in particular, I/we call my "straight boyfriend."

    PS. Don't fall in love with closet cases. That's the fastest way to a broken heart. Just have fun with them and enjoy fucking with their heads while they "think" they're fucking with yours...cause that's exactly what they're doing. icon_wink.gif
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    Mar 26, 2011 6:36 PM GMT
    There are tons of guys who have been in this situation. There is a new thread created every day.

    Its not a good situation to be in. I have done it. I will never again let myself fall for a straight guy.
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    Mar 26, 2011 7:46 PM GMT
    befriend buttugly straight guys...you wont get so attached to them
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    Mar 26, 2011 7:54 PM GMT
    JET001 saidHas anyone else been in this situation? My best friend has a girlfriend and says he's straight. But he hugs me every day. He smiles every time he sees me. I catch him looking at me all the time. He plays with my hair, and touches my ass and my hands a lot. We share our food and drinks all the time. If we don't see each other for a day, he's got to ask if I missed him.

    He acts a bit homophobic sometimes but he jokes about having sex with me all the time. Or he'll tell me when he's had sex with his girlfriend, then ask if I'm jealous. Drives me crazy. He knows I have feelings for him and I think he likes that.

    I don't know if he is Bi or maybe he hasn't worked it out yet. Should I ask him or should I wait and see what happens?

    Don't fall for it.

    The "plays with your hair, touches ass and hands" is just a feeling of comfort of him around you. Take the advice from the former posters and just have fun with it. No need to get your heart broken by it.
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    Mar 26, 2011 8:14 PM GMT
    JET001 saidHas anyone else been in this situation? My best friend has a girlfriend and says he's straight. But he hugs me every day. He smiles every time he sees me. I catch him looking at me all the time. He plays with my hair, and touches my ass and my hands a lot. We share our food and drinks all the time. If we don't see each other for a day, he's got to ask if I missed him.

    He acts a bit homophobic sometimes but he jokes about having sex with me all the time. Or he'll tell me when he's had sex with his girlfriend, then ask if I'm jealous. Drives me crazy. He knows I have feelings for him and I think he likes that.

    I don't know if he is Bi or maybe he hasn't worked it out yet. Should I ask him or should I wait and see what happens?



    Out of self-preservation, I would distance myself far away. This kind of thing tends to end up in heartbreak.
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    Mar 26, 2011 8:16 PM GMT
    My two closest male friends are both straight. One I have known for almost 20 years. We have both flirted with each other and made all the innuendo and even passed out drunk right next to each other. Neither of us has ever acted on any urges we may have had. The friendship is more important than any physical attraction.
    I think your friend is just messing with you for the attention and you may be reading more into it than is really there.
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    Mar 26, 2011 11:08 PM GMT
    Thanks guys, there's a lot of really good advice here. Thanks so much icon_smile.gif
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    Mar 27, 2011 7:45 AM GMT
    I don't think he is messing with my head intentionally. But yeah he does demand my attention quite a bit. He gets jealous of my other male friends. What's amazing is he knows me better than anyone else. He can tell when ever I'm feeling a bit down or if something is bothering me. No one else ever notices. He buys me awesome presents, and I do the same for him. He always cheers me up whenever I'm sad.icon_biggrin.gif
    He's the best friend I've ever had. Maybe I am reading more into it than I should. I appreciate all the advice and if anyone else has more I would love to hear it.
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    Mar 27, 2011 8:07 AM GMT
    JET001 saidI don't think he is messing with my head intentionally. But yeah he does demand my attention quite a bit. He gets jealous of my other male friends. What's amazing is he knows me better than anyone else. He can tell when ever I'm feeling a bit down or if something is bothering me. No one else ever notices. He buys me awesome presents, and I do the same for him. He always cheers me up whenever I'm sad.icon_biggrin.gif
    He's the best friend I've ever had. Maybe I am reading more into it than I should. I appreciate all the advice and if anyone else has more I would love to hear it.



    wow ur juss like me i am in the same thing my friend get a lil madd when i say i got a bf he always say no u dont and stuff and he even asked me if i would date him and the other day when he made me go to another town for a motorcycle he was rubbing my knee so i grabbed his crotch to make him feel ackward but he said o yea that got me a lil hard. but, my advice is to let him make all the moves because i think mines is bi curious but he is afraid of what others think so he stays in the confort zone of what he knows. mines even got madd one day because he fell asleep in a room and i would leave and go to my room and sleep he said y do you always leave me alone in here i wanted to wake up and talk to you or see you,hmmmmm. But, he is alos a attention whore that likes to get seen and accepted so i his actions move over till he kisses me i still do me and if he gets jealous or madd to bad the world is not all about him.


    And all my friends think he is gay or bi because of how we act. we argue like a couple hang out alot and he even wants to buy a house with me and we have talked about kids if he ever went gay so idk what he malfunction is but i juss brush him off.
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    Mar 27, 2011 8:17 AM GMT
    sounds like a closeted mo to me. i never fall for straight dudes.
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    Mar 27, 2011 8:17 AM GMT
    Yeah, I have the same kind of friend.
    He's got a girlfriend but anytime I meet him without her he is much more intimate. When she is with him he is very distant and hard to talk to.
    We used to hang out everyday but now I see him maybe once a month.
    I miss him every day.
  • captproton

    Posts: 316

    Mar 27, 2011 8:31 AM GMT
    Sure, he sends out confusing vibes, but a lot of "straight" guys do that. For some, it's a way to test the waters. For others, it's a passive-aggressive way to screw with their gay buds. Hard to say which side of the fence your friend is on.

    It's unfortunate that you are sexually attracted to him because it's highly--highly--unlikely he will act on whatever fantasies you are imagining.
    It sounds like you are projecting a lot on him here, despite the touching and the teasing.

    I have had two serious crushes on straight guys. Both were/are friends. One was my workout partner. A drop-dead handsome Italian guy built like a brick you-know-what. He was loyal and always a friend. He invited me to join him and his fiancee for dinner on occasion and we sometimes met for a beer. I got a vibe that he was mildly attracted, even though I am older. But nothing ever was said.

    The other friend was fit but wasn't into lifting. We went out for dinner or beers, and frequently so after I lost my job. He was a hugger, which was nice, but it often made me wonder. He always had issues with women and leaned on me a lot for advice (like I was in a position to give advice about women). I never opened up to him about my sexuality, but figured he knew anyway.

    He is a good-looking guy--Black Irish--and always impeccably groomed. I once noticed his eyebrows are slightly tweased--or shaved. The fact that he rarely dated and always seemed to want to hang out with me instead made me wonder if something else was going on his head.

    I moved out of state and have kept in touch, but I don't regret having had either of the guys as buds and I never have thought that either represented missed opportunities. In fact, I feel richer as a man for having known both.

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    Mar 27, 2011 8:36 AM GMT
    Me too, me too.
    We hung out and talked all the time often into the wee hours of the morning. He was very touchy with me. I would get a pit in my stomach waiting to see if he would call me. Totally fell hard for him but he really was straight, emotionally needy, kinda clueless about my crush, and just an affectionate dude. I never told him .. now I'm still good friends with him without the crush and friends with his wife too and his young kids.

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    Mar 27, 2011 8:47 AM GMT
    JET001 saidHas anyone else been in this situation? My best friend has a girlfriend and says he's straight. But he hugs me every day. He smiles every time he sees me. I catch him looking at me all the time. He plays with my hair, and touches my ass and my hands a lot. We share our food and drinks all the time. If we don't see each other for a day, he's got to ask if I missed him.

    He acts a bit homophobic sometimes but he jokes about having sex with me all the time. Or he'll tell me when he's had sex with his girlfriend, then ask if I'm jealous. Drives me crazy. He knows I have feelings for him and I think he likes that.

    I don't know if he is Bi or maybe he hasn't worked it out yet. Should I ask him or should I wait and see what happens?



    Oh God.....it's the borderline ones that really fuck up your head......
    Move on icon_exclaim.gif
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    Mar 27, 2011 9:11 AM GMT
    It's hard not to be attracted to him because he is so damn good looking. He does act differently when his girlfriend is around. Much more distant. But one time all three of us went out for dinner. He sat opposite me and rested his foot on mine the whole time. He constantly made eye contact with me. And while he was suppose to be saying "I love you" to his girlfriend he was looking at me.
    I've asked him a couple of times sort of jokingly if he loved me and both times he's said "of cause I do". I've also noticed that if other guys try to touch or lean on him, he reacts and moves away. But if I do it he's fine with it.
    Could be, maybe he is hiding something but feels comfortable with me. And he could be testing the waters too. Oh yeah, his favourite colour is pink. And he shaves his legs, (they're nice legs too). Just thought I would add that.

    But I think letting him make the first moves is a good idea.
  • Hokenshi

    Posts: 387

    Mar 27, 2011 9:12 AM GMT
    I read this thinking you were 17ish and since you were young the best way to learn is the hard way (that's what happened to me).
    At 38 though I think you need to just walk away from it, don't waste time hoping for something with him when you could miss chances with guys who want a real relationship with you (again what happened to me years ago).

    Get a fella and then tell your mate how great the sex is and ask if he's jealous now?
  • coastguy90814

    Posts: 661

    Mar 27, 2011 9:32 AM GMT
    This borderlines self hate.
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    Mar 27, 2011 9:35 AM GMT
    Well, from my point of view, If i did that and made a move, i will not only end up in being heartbroken, it will be like a scandal! (I'm Egyptian)

    But all i can say is, he is ur friend, he's always gona be there for ya, friendship is much much much more important than risking him out coz ur attracted to him!

    I say, u go on loving him, just luv him the way he is, if he shares the same feelings, u just don't give him hard time expressing them, "soit a l'aise" all the time give him the chance to love u they way he likes and after all! u see each other everyday right??

    Bottom line, friends are very hard to find, so dont throw away a good one for physical attraction!
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    Mar 27, 2011 9:43 AM GMT
    Two of my best friends are strait, although one has become more distant, as he has been going through some stuff and needs time to himself. They helped me get through loosing my father & my sister, which was no easy task. I' been out to them for years. One I've known for 31 years, & have been out to for about 11 years. The other I've known for about 17 years, and have been out to for about 11 years as well. Strait friends can be just as supportive as gay friends. For some reason, thus far, I quickly get over any crushes I have on any of my strait friends. I guess, once I know someone is strait, I know its a lost cause, & loose interest, lol.
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    Mar 27, 2011 9:46 AM GMT
    Thanks Amgad, I think you're right. I shouldn't push him to come out. It could ruin a great friendship. I'll keep loving him, but I think dating someone else would be the smart thing to do. His friendship means too much to me to put it at risk just for my physical attraction to him.
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    Mar 27, 2011 9:52 AM GMT
    I've been there, in High School, I only had to suffer. Idk what to tell you, I made a move and lost.
    You either take a risk and see if he wants more or you try not to be so close to him anymore 'cause you'll end up suffering.
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    Mar 27, 2011 9:59 AM GMT
    [quote][cite]JET001 said[/cite]Thanks Amgad, I think you're right. I shouldn't push him to come out. It could ruin a great friendship. I'll keep loving him, but I think dating someone else would be the smart thing to do. His friendship means too much to me to put it at risk just for my physical attraction to him.[/quote

    Good luck man...Anytime icon_biggrin.gif

    Tell us where it went icon_smile.gif
    Glad i could help!
  • acousticpunk

    Posts: 76

    Mar 27, 2011 10:20 AM GMT
    Oldest story in the Gay Man's Survival Handbook. We've all been through it.

    If you want to test the water, you've got to play the game.

    When he asks if you're jealous of him sleeping with his girlfriend, tell him, "Not really, I heard you were a bad lay."

    When he plays with your hair, tell him to pull it and that it makes you hard.

    When he grabs your ass, pinch his nipple.

    He's flirting with you, so flirt back.


    If you appreciate him as a friend, and you definitely want to stay that way, know your limits. Most of my best friends are straight men, and in some fashion or another they all like a little male attention.

    Have you ever thought that maybe he's just ACTUALLY comfortable with his sexuality?