Gay Couples: Living Together vs. Living Apart

  • in_this_corne...

    Posts: 704

    Mar 27, 2011 2:15 AM GMT
    Clearly all relationships are different - what works for some may or may not work for others. I've been in a 15 year relationship so I have my own thoughts about this, but I think it'll be interesting to read some other perspectives - hopefully from real life experience, not theory.

    I'm curious about gay relationships and when when they evolve to cohabitation or how long couples maintain separate domiciles - for a period of time or indefinitely.

    I've known couples who are sharing a home in a matter of months, but I also know couples who've lived separately for several years.

    If you've been in a LTR of a year or more, how long did you continue to live apart? At what point did you live together, if ever? What factors affected either decision? And, are you still in that relationship? If not, how long did it last?

    And lastly, do you think your living situation will be or is/was a factor in the success/failure of your relationship?





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    Mar 27, 2011 5:06 AM GMT
    lol, OK we'll bite. We met Nov 18, 1989. We spent three days and nights together, then two apart while Doug panicked over the idea that this guy could be his fit. He was, as it turned out. We lived together after that. It had a natural and expectant (of wonderful times) feel to it that never wore off. Monogamously so. Three weeks or so later, Dec 13th, we exchanged private vows and rings on the beach in Vancouver, with Willis the dog as witness.

    Now go forward to summer 2009. We legally married in the backyard.

    icon_wink.gif

    -Doug
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    Mar 27, 2011 5:26 AM GMT
    ^Nice

    My first love: We met ~Feb. 01, 2002. Feb. 14 we became exclusive. He moved to HI ~Mar. 01, 2002. He felt he made a mistake by moving so returned by May, 2002. Had a great summer togethericon_smile.gif

    I went back to college in another state in the fall. We mutually decided that we were not together. That lasted two weeks. He asked me to move to PHX with him.

    We both packed up and moved to PHX together Jan., 2003. This is when we began living together. About a year after first dating.

    We had a great relationship, but living together was sometimes a challenge. I'm such a bitch when it comes to my living space. I was raised with a white glove.

    I finally left him just before our 4yr anniversary. We kind of just became roommates and not lovers anymore.
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    Mar 27, 2011 6:57 AM GMT
    We moved in together after 6 months. I needed a place to live, and told him that I thought it was now or never. Been together ever since (just celebrated year 15).
  • in_this_corne...

    Posts: 704

    Mar 27, 2011 1:11 PM GMT
    hauptstimme said

    I finally left him just before our 4yr anniversary. We kind of just became roommates and not lovers anymore.


    Thanks for sharing guys. Congrats to the two of you who've made successful LTRs. No easy feat!

    hauptstimme, I hear this situation often. After you were no longer roommates, did you try working on the relationship and being lovers again or was the relationship simply irrecoverable?
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    Mar 27, 2011 3:14 PM GMT
    in_this_corner said
    hauptstimme said

    I finally left him just before our 4yr anniversary. We kind of just became roommates and not lovers anymore.


    Thanks for sharing guys. Congrats to the two of you who've made successful LTRs. No easy feat!

    hauptstimme, I hear this situation often. After you were no longer roommates, did you try working on the relationship and being lovers again or was the relationship simply irrecoverable?


    I'm not one to speak without thinking first. There was a comment he once made that I will never forget. He said, "You're music is stupid."

    Being a classically trained pianist and composer was/is my life. Perhaps spending 6-8 hours a day practicing wasn't the best idea for our relationship, but my professor at the time was not very keen on any one of us having a social life. The professor controlled every movement and interaction I made; we were all little puppets.

    It really started to fall apart after that. I had such a resentment towards him. I felt I wasn't getting the support i needed.

    We recently reconnected this year and I actually discussed this with him. I'm very happy for him and his partner. They're great. I'm glad to have his friendship back in my life.
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    Mar 27, 2011 6:29 PM GMT
    Circumstances mean that we live in different countries.... UK/Slovakia. We knew this when we met and so it defines our relationship in so much that we do not come home to each other - however, we use modern technology to keep in touch on a daily basis - we have the same inane/deep and meaningful conversations that all couples have, it's just that most of the time this is not face to face....

    ground rules - only 2 monogamy and a maximum of one month apart without seeing each other - the latter rule is not perfect, but you work with what you've got!!!

    Will we move in together? who knows... i am not asking him to move here, but if I/we could find me a job there or thereabouts i.e Vienna, I'd pack up and go. When we get to that stage, we'll work out what needs to be done, but until then, we enjoy the physical time we spend together and we work hard when we are separated!!!