Good as a hook up but not a good date? Wtf?!

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 27, 2011 9:25 AM GMT
    About 10 years ago when I was single I would hookup with this guy & the sex was fucking hot! It was just a sex thing & thats it.

    Fast forward to the present & me being single again a mutual friend of ours confided in me that hes always had a huge crush on me & wanted to date me. The ironic thing is Id always felt that way about him to.

    So I asked him out on an official date, made it clear I liked him, he said yes. We went on 2 dates with another couple & 2 dates alone, all went well, we had a great time but no kiss, sex or nothing! Just a hug bye!

    Finally he must have felt my dissappointment after our recent date. He apologized for being in a bad mood & said he wanted to see me again. I said Id love to & asked when I could get a kiss?

    He replies "i need to be courted" wtf! We've had awesome anonymous sex in the past, been on four dates now & cant even kiss me yet? I dont get it! All I want for now is a damn kiss, am I being stupid or is he crazy or what?

    To be honest just getting out of a 6 yr relationship where the guy withheld sex from me all the time im really in no mood to play these fucking games.

    What do I do? Im considering throwing in the towel on this guy.
  • Buddha

    Posts: 1822

    Mar 27, 2011 10:38 AM GMT
    Maybe he wants a fresh start now that it's a potential relationship?

    I don't lol although I'd probably be frustrated in your situation too, I found it a bit sweet.
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    Mar 27, 2011 12:16 PM GMT
    Maybe he's saying "I don't want you to think of me as a whore and have this relationship go to sex on date 4"
  • KissTheSky

    Posts: 2026

    Mar 27, 2011 12:37 PM GMT
    I think you handled it well by bringing up the kiss. I'd say it's worth one more date... if nothing happens then, I'd give up on this guy.
  • alphatop

    Posts: 1955

    Mar 27, 2011 12:45 PM GMT
    Judging from ur recent threads, u seem desperate to find another bf, yet u just finished one relationship. Dude, chill out, spend some time with urself....It's because u want so desperately to find a bf shit like this happens. Give it a rest for a while.....
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    Mar 27, 2011 1:40 PM GMT
    agree with antonomad. The guy may really like you and not want to be just a rebound. I'm sure he does know your situation? Sounds like he is setting some healthy boundaries.

    Like your last statement said about your ex withholding sex and how this slow progression is reminding you of that, leaving baggage in the past is hard if you haven't healed. It won't be fair to the next guy if you carry that with you, gotta get over that anger. I'm afraid you will continue to be disappointed and frustrated as you move forward prematurely.

    Best wishes Bud!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 27, 2011 1:52 PM GMT
    Maybe this guy wants to start with a clean slate w/ ya? That's why he's being so coy. Be patient. Play his games for a bit, unless you got a few more guys who you're also interested as potential bf. I think pursuing is half the fun, the other half is bed. icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 27, 2011 2:02 PM GMT
    You communicated your wants... he heard them.

    however; I feel the struggle from the last relationship, but this guy isn't your last guy. He would like something for something.

    Give it a little more like the other advices here.

    what's the phrase: gotta risk it to get the (now you already know) bisquit? icon_smile.gif

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 27, 2011 10:44 PM GMT
    Have you tried kissing him redbull? Maybe by be courted he means that you should make the first move. Just a thought.
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    Mar 27, 2011 10:48 PM GMT
    I think the romance of courting only increases the eventual pleasure. People change...maybe now he wants it to last as a relationship (not just a sex thing) and thus requests to be treated a little differentlyicon_question.gif
  • E_84

    Posts: 201

    Mar 27, 2011 11:02 PM GMT
    What boggles my mind is that in most gay relationships, sex is almost expected within 3 dates. If not, it's a crime or one party gets angry and/or offended. What happened to taking it slow or letting things happen naturally?

    Let me tell you one thing, if you want a successful relationship throw all expectations out the door and go with the flow. My thoughts written down...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 27, 2011 11:33 PM GMT
    I don't think the dude is playing games. My sense is that he wants to start with a clean slate, a tabula rasa if you may--and it may well be because he wants a real relationship with you. Humor him and play the game. You might be pleasantly surprised.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 27, 2011 11:40 PM GMT
    "when the dick is hard, the brains are soft"

    what i would do is either:

    A) write him off as a headache
    B) JO before dates so i can think clearly and keep going.
    C) call him up directly and ask him exactly what he means (this is unlikely to get you the most candid answer, although i would prefer it as a method if it did)
  • eddieross69

    Posts: 841

    Mar 28, 2011 12:13 AM GMT
    I don't understand why he isn't courting you?

    Relationships are two way streets if they are going to be successful. It reminds me of guys I've dated who liked to play "power games " in the relationship.

    The fact that you recognize a signal (withholding affection) that triggers a red flag is a good sign. So many times people leave one relationship and get right into another with only to find the same circumstances that broke up the first one.

    Like others have said, you're newly single. It sucks, especially after having someone around for such a long time. But take the time now to figure out what YOU want in a relationship and find a guy that has those characteristics. Along the way there will be hook-ups, new friends, and just plain old disasters. But ya gotta put yourself out there cause he ain't just magically gonna show up on your doorstep. Put it all in perspective and keep your sense of humor about it.

  • massbuildah

    Posts: 276

    Mar 28, 2011 2:17 AM GMT
    i agree with is a two way street, and you should both be courting each other!

    i also agree that you should take some more time with him, give it the clean slate everyone mentions.

    i also think, since you two know each other pretty well, you tell him about your last relationship and how the slow pace, no kiss is reminding you of the last guy...he may not be aware of how much it is affecting you.

    good luck!