What does it mean to revolve you entire life around your sexuality?

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  Mar 27, 2011 11:19 PM GMT

  I would like a genuine answer. I read it too often to ignore it now, but when the person in question is saying it they fail to thoroughly explain what would lead them to that assertion that one "wears their orientation on their sleeves."
  
  Please serious discussion. Thank You.

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  Mar 28, 2011 12:03 AM GMT

  In political discussions it is an arguement used by conservative gays to explain away the fact that most LGBT people vote liberal.
  
  It's a shallow arguement.
  
  Gay Liberal: How could you vote for someone who compares gays to pedophiles?
  
  Gay Conservative: Because... my life and voting record does not revolve around my sexuality!

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  Mar 28, 2011 12:15 AM GMT

  I find this so funny on so many levels. I think you just proved the OP's point even more...

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  Mar 28, 2011 12:21 AM GMT

  it can mean alot of different things.
  
  i tend to think if one of the top 5 adjectives one of your close friends (not some bigot who judges you as your acts) would describe you with is gay, then you're probably still coming to terms with yourself and integrating that into your personality. because we are not what we do, and there are probably 5 different things you do or embody that have nothing to do with sex. "loving" as an adjective would describe you as being affectionate, with the tangent that when you love romantically, it's with other men.
  
  However, for people who like to box other people in at the other extreme, it often means that you don't hide yourself so much that you are invisible. in other words, it's not that you don't pretend to be straight...it's not that you date men....it's not that you flaunt yourself....it's that you won't get on the back of the bus like a good little 2nd class person...in other words...if someone like this asks you if you had a date and you say "it went well, he was nice". then in their eyes, you are flaunting it, and asking for abuse. it's the type of mindset that is used to justify bigotry and abuse.
  
  

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  Mar 28, 2011 12:26 AM GMT

  I would call it flaunting your sexual orientation whenever possible.
  
  An example would be a college student who does a basic freshman writing class assignment that brings up the fact he is gay. He does it not because he feels it's a good topic but because he wants to make sure everyone knows he's here and queer.

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  Mar 28, 2011 12:40 AM GMT

  ATC84 saidI would call it flaunting your sexual orientation whenever possible.
  
  An example would be a college student who does a basic freshman writing class exercise that brings up the fact he is gay. He does it not because he feels it's a good topic but because he wants to make sure everyone knows he's here and queer.

  
  Agreed!

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  Mar 28, 2011 12:51 AM GMT

  ATC84 saidI would call it flaunting your sexual orientation whenever possible.
  
  An example would be a college student who does a basic freshman writing class exercise that brings up the fact he is gay. He does it not because he feels it's a good topic but because he wants to make sure everyone knows he's here and queer.

  
  
  i'm not going to disagree with you, but what if it were an equally self absorbed topic typical to that age group? Or what if he were to write about romantic love to try to impress a girl (if he were straight). Those are all part of growing up. I don't think of that as flaunting anything. just being young and naive.
  
  when i think of flaunting sexuality, i don't think of it as being gay specific. it's when people need to tell you way more gory detail than you need. example, 2 adults go on a date, i can assume there is a possibility of physical intimacy. i don't need a hi def version of events to know what 2 people can do together, regardless of what their plumbing is. it doesn't offend me though, but i do think of THAT as flaunting.

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• LJay
  
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  Mar 28, 2011 12:51 AM GMT

  The same thing it means when your life revolves around being a vegan, or a Baptist, or a basketball player, or a mom, or a college senior. Every thing you do somehow has some reference to it. Some simply cannot understand why the rest of the world sees it as boorish to be so preoccupied.

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  Mar 28, 2011 1:02 AM GMT

  DodgedBullet saidWhat does it mean to revolve you entire life around your sexuality?

  You mean like how the straight people have family pictures on the desks in their offices, talk about tittie bars, and brag to each other about the "young hottie" they're gonna score with tonight while their coworkers/friends tell their wives they're out of town on business?

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  Mar 28, 2011 1:02 AM GMT

  Sylas saidI find this so funny on so many levels. I think you just proved the OP's point even more...

  
  Bingo Sylas. Nailed it. Your response should be the message of the week if not year.

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  Mar 28, 2011 1:11 AM GMT

  To give my answer, I think it comes from the belief some have that their entire persona is defined by their sexual orientation. In other words, their view of self and opinions about most things are driven from their orientation. They view themselves not as an athlete, singer, etc, who is also gay, but instead as a gay person whose other interests and attributes are completely subordinate to their gayness. The wearing their orientation on their sleeve comes from emphasizing their gayness over all other attributes in interactions with others. [It is possible to answer this question without taking political potshots.]

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  Mar 28, 2011 1:15 AM GMT

  I think I still use it as an activist standpoint, not necessarily that I'm gay but that I'm oppressed. Being in that oppressed group, it allows you to objectively look at other oppressed groups and feel for the type of pains and sorrows they too have gone through. My sexuality does run my life (And I think that will change as I age) because I use it as a beacon for my motivation and passions.
  
  For example, if I'm in Mock Trials and I'm up against a straight guy...It makes me perform that much better to know that I can squash a straight person and prove something. Same goes with almost any type of activity. I live through my sexuality because society forces me to...Every day there is a reminder in which I must remember that I am gay, and that it has a toll on my every day life. There isn't a day that goes by where I'm not reminded so keenly of my difference to the rest of the people around me. It's a rather large difference, as much as people will try to minimalize it...
  
  The thing is, the minute society makes me stop caring about it (ie, they don't care) then my life will revolve around something else.

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  Mar 28, 2011 1:19 AM GMT

  Its like asking why do all the guys chew copenhagen...?
  
  or why do all gay guys have to be so feminine...
  
  It doesn't mean anything. It just is... and you move on...

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  Mar 28, 2011 2:12 AM GMT

  There are many components that make up who we are. Here's a list (source):
  

  My memories	My reputation	My childhood experiences	My previous emotional attachments
  My gender	My aesthetic sense	My current relationships	My present age
  My nationality	My professional roles	My past reading matter	My religious beliefs
  My body	My feelings	My creative achievements	My thoughts
  My aspirations	My fears	My successes	My inhibitions
  My loyalties	My education	My will-power	My state of health
  My conscience	My heroes	My unconscious mental processes	My life-style
  My habits	My skills	My understanding	My curiosity
  My regrets	My pleasures	My power of judgement	My differences from other people

  
  Surely, many more components could be listed. For example, I would include sexual orientation as another component in the above table. To me, that means that my self-perception is not dictated by sexual orientation alone, but that it's just another factor among many others. Those that "revolve their entire life around their sexuality" or "wear their sexual orientation on their sleeves" just place more weight/emphasis on how their sexual orientation plays into who they are (and how it impacts the other components).

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  Apr 09, 2011 5:05 AM GMT

  Thanks I appreciate the responses so far. Bump for more!

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