Any advice would be great...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 27, 2011 11:38 PM GMT
    I've been struggling with coming out for quite a while now, and I can never fully be able to bring myself to do it. It's incredibly difficult and I want to do it asap. I pretty much missed my chance this break and am beating myself over it mainly because I was 95% sure I was going to be able to do it this time around. I know for sure that I want to tell my sister first but i've been waiting for the perfect opportunity. I pretty much realized that the perfect opportunity is never gonna come so i'm just gonna have to blurt it out one way or another. I'm curious if I just do it over the telephone? How should I approach it? I'm probably coming back home in a month and I was thinking maybe I can just wait until I figure out how to say it exactly? What is the most logical approach?!
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    Mar 27, 2011 11:51 PM GMT
    Try not to get yourself too worked up over it (as hard as that sounds), just have a casual conversation and tell her during that. From experience, I've found that all you have to do is start the conversation, and the rest will follow naturally, try not to script it too much in your head.

    You'll be fine icon_biggrin.gif
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Mar 27, 2011 11:56 PM GMT
    I agree, just relax and do what seems appropriate for the moment.
    You need to be confident and know what you want out of the conversation.
    Above all, communicate how you feel about your sexualilty and any positive points you want to make. Always aim for the positive outcome... don't worry about getting the right moment.
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    Mar 28, 2011 12:01 AM GMT
    Why not come out to us first?
    Upload a public picture.

    Baby steps. icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 28, 2011 12:04 AM GMT
    Don't do it over the phone, always do it in person, always.
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    Mar 28, 2011 12:07 AM GMT
    Sounds like youre making it out to be something bigger than it is. The perfect chance is never gonna happen, so my advice is just to do it. The first time is the hardest for sure. But it only gets easier from there.
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    Mar 28, 2011 12:11 AM GMT
    well, i don't know you, so please take what i say with that in mind.

    it's not a single click thing. it's a process. the first process is to get to where you can feel comfortable in your own skin, and that you don't need to update the world around you to be safe

    because the overall world is not gay, you may find that it's a continual process. just because you came out in one place, doesn't mean everyone will know in the next one, which means you either repeat, or get over it and stop agreeing to the mass assumption that everyone is straight...

    hope that makes sense. well intentioned.
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    Mar 28, 2011 12:21 AM GMT
    Subjects like this are usually worse in 'anticipation' than in actuality. Like these guys giving you good advise above me here say, try to relax about the subject in your own mind. Chances are pretty high that your sister already has an inkling of your being gay.

    You remind me of myself when I was beating myself up for not telling my kids and stressing over how to tell them. Then when my daughter and I finally had the conversation, the only thing that bothered her was that I hadn't told her before. Ha !! But the conversation went well and we openly discuss everything, my son and I get along well since I came out to him too.

    Since then, with anyone I've decided to tell, its become easier and easier. Some in my family though are redneck as hell and bigoted, so I won't "throw my pearls before the swine" !!! Good luck to you !!!

  • DCEric

    Posts: 3713

    Mar 28, 2011 12:33 AM GMT
    If you were ready to do it, you would have done it. I wouldn't recommend over the phone, as that is a tad to impersonal, however going one person at time is a good way about it.

    Relax. Do it when you are there. In this case 95% doesn't cut it, once you are 100% sure, it will happen. Not to say it won't be scary, but that when you are ready, you will come out.
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    Mar 28, 2011 1:03 AM GMT
    Don't put metal in the microwave.
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    Mar 28, 2011 1:05 AM GMT
    First tell someone you trust who you know won't judge you. Then move on from there. I started with my mom, then my sister, then my dad. It went well with all three, although mom did cry a bit. It gets easier after you break the egg.
  • BardBear

    Posts: 533

    Mar 28, 2011 1:10 AM GMT
    Remember anyone you come out to will read your emotions towards it. If you are angry about coming out, it will show. If you are afraid of it, you could taint others feelings towards your being gay.

    It's organic, for lack of a better word. The more calm and relaxed you are about it, the more confident you'll feel and the better you'll present yourself.

    So RELAX. It really isn't a big deal until you make it that way.

    What else can we do to help you?

    Peace,
    Bardy
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    Mar 28, 2011 1:14 AM GMT
    I don't think there's one right way to discuss your sexuality with your friends or family. If you feel more comfortable doing it over the phone, then do it over the phone. I'm not quite sure why some guys think it needs to be done with a face to face conversation. Your friends and family don't have to sit you down and tell you that they're attracted to persons of the opposite sex. Write a letter to your sister if you think that will help you 'break the ice'.
  • monet

    Posts: 1093

    Mar 28, 2011 1:34 AM GMT
    Unless she's really, really stupid your sister already knows.
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    Mar 28, 2011 1:50 AM GMT
    Or... if you and your sister do a lot of joking and kidding with one another, take her somewhere that hot guys hang out... When sitting there and both of you ogling, just make a comment like, "WOW! Look at his bod, he's hot, huh?"

    Then you've removed the seriousness and make it more like you assumed she knew and it is no big deal.

    I'm halfway joking, but I came from a family of 7 boys. We always joked and pulled pranks... I wish this is how I'd come out to my closest brother. As I've since learned, I have a gay brother and a brother that is bi. LOL... I broke the way, and the other two never came out to anyone else in the family. I'm the only one that is out.

    Like others have said... It is so much easier than you think it will be. Once you do it, you will feel like a weight has been lifted from you, even if it doesn't go well.... but, with your sister, I would bet she'll just hug you and then want to watch guys with you. lol

    These days, even though people assume I'm straight....at first.... I never hide anything when talking. If anything comes up, and my partner isn't with me, I refer to him and talk like what we have is no different than what any couple has.

    Just be yourself. Keep it relaxed. Don't let it get tense or angry. Keep it simple. You'll be just fine.