Anyone else not have a home-base?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 28, 2011 2:59 PM GMT
    First off, ughhhhhh. So i'm not homeless, I just no longer have a home, the kind of "home is where the heart is" type thing. I used to have the normal family, normal house, nick nacks, family room, the whole package...then the parentals divorced. Dad travelled back and forth to Miami to be with his new found love, sister moved out permanantly (9 hours away), and mom sold the house and moved back to her hometown 8 hours away. I was in school at the time and lived with roomates, had to move in on my own, without parents helping like everyone else, that kinda sucked for the ego... icon_rolleyes.gif My mom's house became the closest thing i knew to a home, but everytime i went to visit, her new bf was there or there was a house showing because she just didn't wanna live there. My dad's new house will never be an option, new wife (that i blame for everything) and two new kids.
    Ive grown to accept my house here with my roomate as being my home, but its not the same. I do feel comfortable here and cant wait to be back here anytime i do go anywhere, even to my mom's house.

    Anyway, this all is really affecting me now because my mom officially sold and is moving in with her bf in California...thats 3 days drive away from me! I've accepted that i've lost my family, well, sister is debateable, but she has her own life and i haven't exactly been a part of it - not in a bad way, just never really involved.

    Im joining the military because i just can't focus on a career path, i successfully wasted thousands of dollars on school, I bartend and manage a shoe store...haha. Every love i thought i had just wanted me as a fuck bud, ive done some not so proper things for money when in a bind, oh and im balding. lol. fml to the tenth degree.

    If i go for psych help, its expensive and i ruin the only option i have, military. I dont know what im expectivng from this thread, ive unfortunately written a few of these before, and got the typical responses, which im not opposed to, they help. Misery loves company, so any similar stories?? Share em, we'll virtually hug it out icon_wink.gif
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    Mar 28, 2011 6:29 PM GMT
    its now worse...

    im deciding currently if i need to keep my old stuff or just have her throw it away..teddy bears and cowboy hats, fml...lol
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    Mar 28, 2011 6:47 PM GMT
    I was in your shoes in a way back in 92', I had moved south away from all family members ten years previous, divorced in 91' and moved to another state, and only had my kids for weekends at that time. I had just moved out of an over garage super dinky apartment, and in the process of resoring an old house where all my things were stored.

    I woke up at 7:15 Am December 19, 1992, and 15 minutes later, I smelled smoke, a few minutes later I stood in a long hallway on first floor and the hall ceiling filled before my eys with flames in a sudden burst to within a foot of my head. I ran as fast as I could up to a third floor bedroom to get my daughter and we lost her shoe trying to get out onto the second floor porch in a total smoke blackout. We got off on a ladder that someone put up on the porch for us.

    Within 10 more minutes the entire house was engulfed in flames and I lost everything I had kept after the divorce 8 months earlier, we only had the clothes on our backs, nowhere to go and very little cash in my pocket or bank account after all that had been going on.

    Different circumstances but similar homeless feeling. I feel you on this one because I've been there.

    Hang in there and things will get better, try to save a few momento's, you will be glad you did later, I wasn't left with much more than a small box that was salvageable. Good luck to you, you probably don't need pcych help, just time to get things put back together. Here's a hug !!! Keep in touch and inform as to how things are going now and then. Dennis
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    Mar 28, 2011 6:53 PM GMT
    pat3rob saidits now worse...

    im deciding currently if i need to keep my old stuff or just have her throw it away..teddy bears and cowboy hats, fml...lol
    Thats post says more to me than the entire post you did before it.

    You haven't decided to grow up yet.. its that simple.
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    Mar 28, 2011 7:17 PM GMT
    pat3rob saidits now worse...

    im deciding currently if i need to keep my old stuff or just have her throw it away..teddy bears and cowboy hats, fml...lol


    Don't throw it away, you might want it later on in life. icon_smile.gif
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    Mar 28, 2011 7:37 PM GMT
    I can relate. I had everything most adults are expected to have for a number of a years (an apartment, a job, my own dishes.. so on) but over the last few years have lost most of them for a number of reasons. I moved to across the country, was married but then came to terms with being gay, lost the job I had, moved back across country, moved back again. I lost and left things behind every time. Currently I live with family in Seattle, the city is amazing but the house I live in I don't really consider a home, I take care of my aunt and uncle more than anything. Thank fuck I still have a car. I've just decided to go back to school to better myself and get back onto the right track.

    I know it's not exactly the same as your story. It's tough being away from family and not having one localized area to call "home". I hope whatever you decide to do goes well. Hang in there.
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    Mar 28, 2011 10:44 PM GMT
    TropicalMark said
    pat3rob saidits now worse...

    im deciding currently if i need to keep my old stuff or just have her throw it away..teddy bears and cowboy hats, fml...lol
    Thats post says more to me than the entire post you did before it.

    You haven't decided to grow up yet.. its that simple.



    Hmmmm shades of truth in there ? . I can only go by what you've written and your profile which states that you are 25 y.o. which seems a little odd to me for a grown man to be pining this way

    Perhaps I don't "get it" with you because myself I left home at 17 to go to Fanshawe for a year and then the next year I was in Vancouver at 18 y.o. living on my own,, well sharing a place like you are now, 2000 mi away from my family. Consequently I didn't see much of them only every year or two at best and couldn't call them frequently like you can now because long-distance cost the earth in those days. Needless to say I loved it, had a great fun time working and partying.

    Are you sure you're just not suffering the winter blues/blahs. seriously. . I mean this has been one fucking long winter and there's still snow on the ground and it's the end of March. . It's even getting to me and I usually don't mind winter and snow.

    Yeah.. about the teddy bears etc... I will admit that I made sure my mom kept my stuffed Lassie dog I got when I was about 3.. and I still have it. LOL
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    Mar 28, 2011 11:33 PM GMT
    I used to experience similar feelings of 'pining away' before I had my own family. I went to college about 250 miles away which is not a lot, but for me it was because I was away for 6 years. It's incredible how much you miss out on and how lonely and useless you feel. Our house where my family used to live with our father before he died was destroyed in a hurricane after we had moved out.

    It's OK. People whose family units are broken apart often feel this way. You realize that you won't be seeing them anymore anytime soon, and it hurts more than "I don't have anywhere to go for holidays." It happens when you define yourself in a possessive way towards you family and think of yourself in relation to them. As you become used to the isolation, you will learn to realise that your family is no longer yours. But that they are independent beings who function without you.

    I think for everyone, at one point in our lives, home becomes a mental and emotional aspect rather than a physical location.
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    Mar 29, 2011 12:22 AM GMT
    Yes, kinda going through this right now.

    My running joke is that "i cant wait to get settled into my next temporary location".

    I've overcome some pretty heavy stuff the past couple of years. My resolution for this year was to "handle whatever is thrown at me, learn from it, rise above it, and move on". I'm doing that. When it starts getting too heavy, I smile and focus on today...