Aging gracefully...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 29, 2011 7:58 AM GMT
    Some Wise Guy wrote:For all flesh is as grass, and all the glory of man as the flower of grass. The grass withereth, and the flower thereof falleth away...


    I'm directing this at the over-40 RJ'ers, though I welcome all reasonable
    replies.

    So I am dreading the impending appearance of crow's feet, wrinkles, and proto-liver spots and other such reminders that my allotted life is passing.

    If I look really close, I can see the first hints of drier, less taut skin at the corners of my eyes...

    It's enough to put me off of going to the beach and remain bone white in the upcoming summer.

    How are/did/will you handle/-ing the "August" years of your life and beyond, once the coveted freshness of outer youth has passed away?

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    Mar 29, 2011 8:01 AM GMT
    Wait..."August"? lol What month am I in? May? AM I AT CINCO DE MAYONNAISE?!?
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    Mar 29, 2011 8:05 AM GMT
    I'm gonna botox that shit till it's so glassy smooth the only crow's feet I'll have will be actual birds flying into my face thinking it's a clear window.
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    Mar 29, 2011 8:05 AM GMT
    JAKEBENSON saidWait..."August"? lol What month am I in? May? AM I AT CINCO DE MAYONNAISE?!?


    If you wanna cheat, reckon a "month" as six years. Based on an average life expectancy of about 70-75 years for American Men.

    So at 38 here, that puts me in the July of my life. icon_razz.gif
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    Mar 29, 2011 11:21 AM GMT
    I love my 40's. I haven't had any work done, I dont do much other than moisturize everyday. I love being in my 40's, even though my life is more complicated due to increased pressures, responsibilities.

    Embrace, bro! Being gay means that at 50 years old, if you stay in the gym and watch what you eat, you can still go to clubs and dance on the speakers without a shirt and get numbers from young guys!! Being straight, you gotta stop that at 35.

    I think the secret, like many other things in life, is just accept who you are and enjoy every stage in life!
  • Ironman4U

    Posts: 738

    Mar 29, 2011 11:52 AM GMT
    I personally think it can be tough (in our youth-focused culture and the ageism that exists in gay culture), but you do what you can to counter the effects of time. My stance is I do what I can and try not to worry about the rest. At least that stretches out the inevitable and keeps you looking younger longer.

    I actually think a man that takes care of himself is sexier in his 40's than any other time in his life. You can still have a hot, muscled body and, by that age, you have marinated in your own masculinity and sense of self to be confident and sexy.

    I'm in my 50's now and am still able to maintain the body (albeit, it's harder than before) but I see the signs with my face more and more. I use moisturizer with SPF and hope for the best. I am encouraged by guys on here that are older than I am who are still looking great. They are beating the odds and as long as I know there are odds to beat, I'm going to go for it.
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    Mar 29, 2011 11:54 AM GMT
    Just strive to stay fit and healthy and informed...the rest will fall into place. icon_cool.gif
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    Mar 29, 2011 12:02 PM GMT
    So moisturize. Dove soap bar--the one marked "for sensitive skin." (It has no scent.) And Clinique has a great product line. Don't be afraid of the sexy ladies in the white coats at the department store. Just walk up and start talking to them. (Or ask your favorite hag to take you in by the hand.) Those ladies are trained to sell and they are gonna take you seriously. My Clinique go-to products are the Dramatically Different Moisturizing Lotion (in the Winter) and Moisture Surge (in the Summer). Neither one has any scent. This stuff is pricey, so see if you can get samples to decide if you like it first. If not, they usually will put a schmear on you right then and there.

    Guys on RJ write and say I look good for my age, and then they always add, "whatever you're doing." Like maybe I'm getting myself injected with a liquefaction of sheep testes or something. Actually, that's it--moisturize.

    Funny story, though. I also use Clinique Happy, their cologne for men. I like it because it mostly leaves a freshly-washed man smell and doesn't linger on clothes in the closet (unless you count a bit of dry citrus peel). Anyway, the last time I was in to buy, this sweet young thing with doe eyes instructed me in all seriousness to "spray a mist and walk through it." I fixed a steely glance on her and said, "Honey, in the showers I use, that's just an invitation to a locker room rape." I left her doubled over laughing. [Little edit there at the end--some guys weren't gettin' the joke.]
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    Mar 29, 2011 12:14 PM GMT
    JDuderrr said
    So moisturize. Dove soap bar--the one marked "for sensitive skin." (It has no scent.) And Clinique has a great product line. Don't be afraid of the sexy ladies in the white coats at the department store. Just walk up and start talking to them. (Or ask your favorite hag to take you in by the hand.) Those ladies are trained to sell and they are gonna take you seriously. My Clinique go-to products are the Dramatically Different Moisturizing Lotion (in the Winter) and Moisture Surge (in the Summer). Neither one has any scent. This stuff is pricey, so see if you can get samples to decide if you like it first. If not, they usually will put a schmear on you right then and there.

    Guys on RJ write and say I look good for my age, and then they always add, "whatever you're doing." Like maybe I'm getting myself injected with a liquefaction of sheep testes or something. Actually, that's it--moisturize.

    Funny story, though. I also use Clinique Happy, their cologne for men. I like it because it mostly leaves a freshly-washed man smell and doesn't linger on clothes in the closet (unless you count a bit of dry citrus peel). Anyway, the last time I was in to buy, this sweet young thing with doe eyes instructed me in all seriousness to "spray a mist and walk through it." I fixed a steely glance on her and siad, "Honey, that's just an invitation to a locker room rape." I left her doubled over laughing.


    This is so chickified, but I have found that the best one is plain old "Oil of Olay". It is not expensive, available at the grocery story and it works great.
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    Mar 29, 2011 12:18 PM GMT
    Ariodante saidI'm gonna botox that shit till it's so glassy smooth the only crow's feet I'll have will be actual birds flying into my face thinking it's a clear window.


    Atta Girl!
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    Mar 29, 2011 12:26 PM GMT
    Look closely. Age has beauty, and life just keeps getting better. Embrace your future. It's to enjoy not to fret.
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    Mar 29, 2011 12:33 PM GMT
    Apply body lotion always.

    Wash, tone, and moisturize your face always.

    AND DON'T FORGET EYE CREAM.

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    Mar 29, 2011 12:40 PM GMT
    I'm turning 50 next month so I'm thinking hard about this. I just had a conversation with an over-50 friend about aging gracefully and what that means. I'm lucky - I have pretty good genes, people routinely think I'm 10 or more years younger than I am. I want to keep it that way. icon_biggrin.gif

    First, I would go back in time 40 years and stay out of the sun without sunblock. Seriously, sun damage will kick you in the ass one day.

    Second, a few years after I started needing reading glasses I got multifocal contacts - the technology finally got to the point where it was acceptable. Not perfect results, but good enough, and I look a lot younger without the granny glasses.

    Third, I moisturize with a high SPF. I currently use Aveeno Ultra Calming Moisturizer with 30 SPF - it's fragrance free and doesn't bother my eyes.

    Fourth, I started using Retin A a few months ago. It can be tough to get used to for some guys, as you have to apply it every night and it can cause peeling and irritation as you get used to it. But long term use plumps up the collagen layer in your skin and otherwise helps to normalize skin cell growth, which helps with the little wrinkles. A lot. My dermatologist says it will also help protect against a recurrence of skin cancer (back to the first point). Basically, it (or a non-prescription retinoid) is the one of the only things that really works for wrinkles.

    I don't think I will ever use Botox. But I am sort of considering fillers under my eyes - that's the only thing that can really help under eye dark circles, which are more pronounced the older I've gotten. I think that may be too fussy, though.

    I feel kind of shallow just posting this. icon_wink.gif
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Mar 29, 2011 12:41 PM GMT
    Another birthday of mine is in a few days. I've been kind of bummed because the years are going by and I haven't really "lived" too much the last few years. It's hard to enjoy yourself when you struggle to find enough money to afford the gas to drive to work.

    Other than that, I am very thankful for my health and it seems I've been aging well. Genetics plus living healthy without any bad life-threatening habits have helped. Working out and keeping fit definitely helps as well. They say that if scientists could find a pill that gives you all the positive benefits that exercise does for your body.....well, you know the rest.

    What prematurely ages you and your skin like nothing else? My money is on smoking. I know 30 yr old smokers that have the skin of 50 yr olds.

    I buy top shelf skin care products. I know the ingredients, have read the books(cosmetic cop, etc) and have used most of the products. A one ounce product can last you months for your face.
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    Mar 29, 2011 12:50 PM GMT
    What is this aging of which you guys speak?
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    Mar 29, 2011 12:55 PM GMT
    Well, I'll be 49 this fall...holy cow...how did that happen....I've never used any skin care stuff...I just stay out of direct sun (no, i'm not a vampire)...drink plenty of water and let nature do what nature does...

    As far as "aging gracefully"....well, for instance: when I really started to loose my hair..I decided instead of trying to "retain my youth" by keeping the same haircut and pretending I wasn't balding...I decided to shave my head and try to make it into a feature instead of a liability...

    other than that, I stay as fit as i can by working out...and 2 years ago, I started to learn how to tap dance...which is great fun and great exercise...

    Also, I teach music for a living and I'm exposed to young folks' taste in music...helps me stay relevant...

    I can't believe 50 is nearly upon me...however, inside I have the same energy as I did when I was 20 (though I do need to nap from time to time)

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    Mar 29, 2011 12:56 PM GMT
    alphatrigger saidHow are/did/will you handle/-ing the "August" years of your life and beyond, once the coveted freshness of outer youth has passed away?

    Your being on this gay health site is already a help to you. Exercise, good diet, using sun protection, regular doctor visits, moderate alcohol, little drug use, and not smoking (aside from health issues, smoking gives you "smoker's face" and so I have no idea why so many gay guys do it, ruins your looks).

    I also got good genes from my parents, at least in terms of appearance (but I got their arthritis & heart problems, too). I knew I'd stay relatively young looking until my late 50s, just like they both had, and then take a quick downturn, which is exactly what happened. I've aged 10 years in less than 5, just like they did

    But in the last few decades many people in the US got a 10-year "bonus" which is why we talk about "40 being the new 30" and so forth. Better understanding of diet, better health care, exercising, just a healthier lifestyle overall than our parents or grandparents had. We do have a recent national problem in the US with being overweight, though, and that may begin to reverse some of those gains.

    Hell, I'm riding a bicycle all the way down to Key West again in a few months. Do you think my Father could have done that at 62? In fact, do you think he could have EVER done that? He thought gyms and bicycles and exercise were for school kids, not for "adults." And he ate the greasiest, fattest food. He'd be 100 this September, though he did live to be 85, thanks to genes alone, a generation who saw things differently than we do today. Had he taken better care of himself I swear he'd still be alive right now.

    And speaking of 80s, just Saturday we had dinner with a couple visiting from Boston. She's 82, and he's 87! When I was a kid there practically wasn't anybody ALIVE that old, or else they were in a wheelchair or a vegetable in a nursing home. She looked like 60s used to be, and he was doing pretty good too, as sharp & lively to chat with as anyone I know. Now that was inspirational to me.

    As for your specific question, alpha, now that the last vestiges of youth & vigor have left me I've begun to do other things within my abilities, including lots of gay community charity work. I have a partner as old as me, who's not a chicken hawk and so not repelled by my aging (nor me him). I know we want to admire ourselves in the mirror, but it's more important we have a lover who admires us for what we really are.

    And as I always say here, my goal is to "thrive where I'm planted." Well, now I'm planted in my 60s. Not my first choice, I can promise you, but it's one thing over which I have no control, no options. And so I intend to enjoy it as best I can. And if I manage to make it into my 70s I intend to thrive there, too, and beyond.
  • 2PecanDeBeurr...

    Posts: 302

    Mar 29, 2011 1:04 PM GMT
    Going to be "57" in July.
    Keep great attitude of laughter, positive thoughts and actions. Keep the body refreshed by water treatments (baths, showers, swimming).
    I have used baby oil for my sensitive skin since 14 yrs old. Vaseline softens the rough areas.
    Working out with weights, calisthenics, dancing, sports(kayaking, rock climbing, volleyball,rollerblading).
    I eat a diet mainly of fish, baked, broiled or grilled (occassionallhy I have steak).
    The "fine wine in time" is my motto.
    j.c.
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    Mar 29, 2011 1:05 PM GMT


    I'm 54 and in better shape than some 20 year olds.....and not as good as some 60 year olds.

    I have a lot of control over my fitness level. We all do. Eat well, exercise, PUSH YOURSELF.

    But when it comes to trying to be 'sexy' or sexually appealing to others; I gave up. I don't remember the exact age when I 'gave up' but I can tell you that I have felt so much better about myself since that moment.

    I still have guys, some much younger guys, who want to get naked with me. But experience has taught me not to let this stroke my ego.

    Conversely, being ignored by guys on the sexual hunt doesn't bother me at all.
    I waste less of my time.

    Aging gracefully means accepting that others may see you as TOO OLD.....and yet never letting this affect how you live your life.
  • twentyfourhou...

    Posts: 243

    Mar 29, 2011 1:16 PM GMT
    I am going to break the positive trend here and say, it sucks! Perhaps i just have not come to terms with the fact that i cannot lift as much as i use to, that i am starting to have trouble focusing on the fine print, get tired more easily, seem to hurt my back more easily, do have those "liver spots" developing, etc. While i recognize that i can run circles around many men my age, the fact is- i have pasted my peak and notice the downward trend - and i do not like it. I have never been one to use creams, moisturizers, botox, etc. The only thing i have had done was lasik surgery.
  • laxdude25

    Posts: 604

    Mar 29, 2011 1:27 PM GMT
    Hey, I am going to return to the positive tone here. I am early 50's. I feel great, I'm in better shape than a lot of guys in their 20's, my hair is thinning a bit, but the guys I am into think I am a handsome guy, confident and fun to hang out with, and once we fuck they also think I am hot and sexy too. I do a lot of sailing and skiing, so although I've used sun screen from the early days (my parents used to slather the kids in "Sea and Ski") I still show the effects of an active outdoors life. So be it. I drink lots of water, get sleep, still use sunscreen, and body lotion with a sunscreen, but no special wrinkle "treatments." Btw, I am involved in a business that is in the "anti-aging" cosmetic arena, and I can tell you that most of the products that guys talk about on this site for wrinkle treatment are no better than OTC body lotion. I exercise daily, but also incorporate exercise into my daily routine (walk and bike everywhere and take the stairs whenever I can), I eat healthy stuff (but also plenty of ice cream). Family life is good, work is interesting, friends are great. Oh, and don't forget to have as much sex as possible.
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    Mar 29, 2011 1:36 PM GMT
    try out TNS by skinmedica. really great products.
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    Mar 29, 2011 1:55 PM GMT
    Pushing 40 in the next few years I think I'm doing a great job of keeping a healthy life style with a great skin care system and a friend who is a dermatologist. I try to make sure I drink plenty of water, get a good nights sleep, exercise almost everyday.

    Men age great gracefully I think, and when they are in their 40's & 50's they truly look like a man. I don't want to have flawless skin, but I do wanna look and feel great for my age.

    By the way most of those department store brands such as clinique, clarins, etc. aren't the best. They have minimal power, try Kinerase or Epicuren. They are two amazing products that really do an amazing job.

    I have my cosmetologist license and my friend a dermatologist, we are a great team of skin care knowledge.
  • SoDakGuy

    Posts: 1862

    Mar 29, 2011 1:57 PM GMT
    A lot of it has to do w/ heredity. I lucked out having parents that look and act younger than their age. I inherited that. Hell, they don't even have crow's feet! My Grandma didn't get crow's feet until her mid 70s.

    They definitely take care of their skin, drink a lot of water and take care of themselves. And I do the same. icon_smile.gif
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    Mar 29, 2011 1:58 PM GMT
    There's nothing wrong or vain with taking care of your skin. It is the biggest organ in your body. It needs protection. There's no topical cream or regimen that will work if you don't use sunscreen religiously. UVA rays are available 365 days a year, and depleted ozone doesn't help.

    It's inevitable that our vascular system loses efficiency with age; everything gets slower. Obviously, we know how to keep it as efficient as possible.

    Sure, my friends tell me sometimes my skin looks like plastic. I respond, "Thank you, it will only last a day." I always look at people's skin very closely. It's amazing to see how degraded some people's skin is even at 22-23. The good thing is you can always prevent more damage.