Ex's! Can they be friends? Should you have sex with them?

  • musicdude

    Posts: 734

    Mar 29, 2011 11:56 PM GMT
    So, my ex broke up with me maybe about two months ago. Since we loved each other (still do) and we became such big parts of each others lives, we decided to stay friends. We still hang out, do dinners, go partying together and stuff and yes we sometimes (4 times so far) have sex. Now, I know the sex isn't the best idea but do you guys think that it is possible to stay friends with an ex?
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    Mar 30, 2011 12:03 AM GMT
    sounds like he just moved out.....what else has changed?........Keithicon_wink.gif
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    Mar 30, 2011 12:08 AM GMT
    I'm friends with most of my exes. But (!), if you really want to be friends and not drag out the remnants of your relationship, you need time apart first. And to stop having sex.

    My last ex and I did what you're doing now. We tried to be friends right away, kept hanging out and going to dinner, then started having sex again. Before we knew it, we were back together. However, none of the factors that lead to our breakup had changed. Needless to say, we broke up again, and the second time was brutal.

    After that, we didn't talk for a couple months. We just recently got back in touch with each other and are very slowly trying to be friends again. Now that I think about it, something very similar happened with another ex of mine before we became friends. Disturbing pattern...

    Obviously I don't know you or your situation, and it may be nothing like what I went through (repeatedly...sigh). However, I hope you at least find something worthwhile in reading my experiences. Good luck figuring it out!
  • FriscoJansen

    Posts: 2552

    Mar 30, 2011 12:40 AM GMT
    Possible but highly unlikely these days. I'm sure the love you describe is a different type of love cause I cant understand how ya'll parted yet remain in love love. When it comes to sex feelings of emotion are bound to pop up among one of the guys sooner or later and if the feelings are not reciprocated could cause further dealings down the road. So I think the mature thing to do is let go but it's best to do so gradually. Hang out here and there then just part. It's the mature thing to do so both will know that you've got to let go and you've both left on good terms. It makes it easier in my opinion. Who knows, maybe in the future you both can start a fresh chapter of a friendship that has no end.
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    Mar 30, 2011 12:44 AM GMT
    From the sound of it, y'all haven't broken up...just moved away from each other.
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    Mar 30, 2011 12:47 AM GMT
    I don't recommend remaining friends with an ex. Psychologically, as long as that person is around, you're not going to give any other prospect a real chance. If anything, you might create an awkward, quasi-competitive scenario for the next person you seriously date.

    Physical manifestations of the past normally keep you from moving forward. It may not be obvious to you or your ex, but it will be to others.
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    Mar 30, 2011 12:56 AM GMT
    ask yourself this: would you date someone in your scenario?

    because i would not even entertain the concept of taking someone seriously who was so obviously still involved in their last relationship.

    if you want to get back together, you're doing the right thing

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    Mar 30, 2011 1:28 AM GMT
    Follow your heart and do what makes you happy man. No right or wrong answer every person is different and every situation is different.

    My 2 cents:

    I’ve never understood why so many people think staying friends is the “mature” or “right” thing to do. Maybe I’m a cold person but when one of my relationships ends that’s it…I don’t want to hear from him or see him. It’s kinda like gtfo of my life, send me a post card in 10 years., peace out
  • Csrobbie2000

    Posts: 359

    Mar 30, 2011 1:33 AM GMT
    Well, I'm friend with all my exbfs, but definately no sex. I did it once in the past, and it backfired on me. In the words of our beloved Samantha Jones from Sex and The City "Sex with an ex can be depressing. If it's good, you don't have it anymore; if it's bad, you just had sex with an ex"
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    Mar 30, 2011 1:40 AM GMT
    Can you be friends?
    -Yes.

    Should you have sex with them?
    -NO. This is just MY opinion. In addition, although I still do love and care about my ex, I have NO desire to have sex with him whatsoever. I believe that once you've reached that point, you are 'officially' over him.
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    Mar 30, 2011 1:55 AM GMT
    From the immortal works of Romanovsky & Phillips:
    http://romanovskyandphillips.com/flauntitlyrics.htm

    Don't Sleep With Your Ex

    Bitter words slice through the night
    A desperate call, the final flight
    And then it hits you like a train
    Years of loving down the drain
    So why take even one step back
    When you know that it's a fact

    Refrain:

    Don't sleep with your ex
    Why would you complicate a life that's already too complex
    I know that you're lonely
    But you're better off alone
    Than to be borrowing a heart that you can never call your own

    Tears are falling from your eyes
    And anyone can sympathize
    You have a hurt you want to numb
    But he is not the place to run
    So you must be your own best friend
    It's time for this to end

    (refrain)

    Hope's a curse you cannot shake
    But a strong heart's unafraid to break
    You reach for him in search of clues
    Tomorrow you'll be more confused
    'Cause you don't need to lose him twice
    This is my advice

    (refrain)
  • cityguy39

    Posts: 967

    Mar 30, 2011 1:58 AM GMT
    Have you guys discussed what will happen if either one of you meets another guy? Nice breakup relationships can turn bad quickly once an unknown element is introduced, like a new guy. Be careful.
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    Mar 30, 2011 2:08 AM GMT
    Yes and probably not.
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    Mar 30, 2011 2:16 AM GMT
    You can be friends with him... If I had an ex I would still be friends with him ..

    But as far as sleeping together!?

    PSSH.. Sex?.. sex is cut OFF.. like Da Don DONE...
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    Mar 30, 2011 2:27 AM GMT
    Yes and yes, mine is a good friend of mine and the sex is still amazing!
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    Mar 30, 2011 2:41 AM GMT
    Any new boyfriend is going to be a lot less accepting of you having an ex as a friend if he finds out about your trysts. Be prepared down the line to sacrifice that ex - unless you cut the sex.
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    Mar 30, 2011 2:47 AM GMT
    haven't seen it happen ... real difficult though
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    Mar 30, 2011 3:51 AM GMT
    Yes, if you're both mature and no one betrayed the other one, you can remain friends with your exes.
    The way I see it is that my exes have some great qualities that originally attracted me to them, and just because we broke up, doesn't mean that the exes stopped being great guys. I also have no interest in dating one of my exes at some point in the future. We dated. It didn't work out. We move on. We could still be in each other's lives without dating each other.

    Having sex with an ex that you're friends with makes things tricky. Are either of you trying to get back together? Is spending all the time together keeping either of you from moving on? Would (should) a future partner have to accept that you're still friends with and occasionally have sex with your ex?

    If things work out for you two, then have fun. Make sure to be clear about your intentions before you continue having sex with your ex, or someone will end up getting hurt.
  • musicdude

    Posts: 734

    Mar 30, 2011 8:41 PM GMT
    i think that if i met anyone in my situation, i wouldn't really be turned off. I think that when people are able to stay friends with their exes it shows a certain social and personal maturity. If you started dating them because you saw them as being a great person with qualities you want in your life then why distance yourself from that after a break up if you still feel the same way about them? obviously, boundaries would need to be established and it would take time to get use to them but i think it could work.

    so...the reason why we broke up. He actually broke up with me because of the age issue. See, he was 20 years older than me. For him, he was afraid that, lets say 10 years from now, we would brake up. He would older, not as "hot", not as capable of attracting or meeting guys, and i would still be in prime (even more so than now) and still attracting other "hot" guys. Him being older would also mean he would have less time to find someone else and have a relationship before he died. Now, the age issue wasn't the only factor but it was the main one. At the beginning of the relationship it was an issue for me but i got over it. Then we started being more serious and eventually, when he started thinking more about our long term future, it became an issue for him.
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    Mar 30, 2011 8:48 PM GMT
    whats sex?
  • musicdude

    Posts: 734

    Mar 30, 2011 8:54 PM GMT
    well, you see timmy, sex is this really fun thing that grown ups do when they're naked and have raging boners. basically, they swap saliva, rub themselves against each other, put their hands, fingers and mouth everywhere on the other persons body and put themselves in positions that you usually only wrestlers do but while putting a certain something in a certain orifice. It usually all ends with moaning, screaming and one or both of them being wet and sticky icon_wink.gif
  • Hokenshi

    Posts: 387

    Mar 30, 2011 9:23 PM GMT
    yz250mxrida said
    My 2 cents:

    I’ve never understood why so many people think staying friends is the “mature” or “right” thing to do. Maybe I’m a cold person but when one of my relationships ends that’s it…I don’t want to hear from him or see him. It’s kinda like gtfo of my life, send me a post card in 10 years., peace out


    This. (minus the "peace out" bit)

    There were reasons you were attracted to him, but there were also reasons you broke up.
    In this case your ex has issues about his age, while I can see where he's coming from it's also a little paranoid to doom your future together. If he feels that way maybe he shouldn't be trying to bed 22 year olds?
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    Mar 30, 2011 9:27 PM GMT
    Where the heck is all this "new bf" stuff comming from, broke up w my ex and there is no new bf anywhere in sight...did I miss a step, why are there so many guys with a new bf so soon after they broke up.