Do you enjoy conversing with men by NOT asking them questions or is that just me?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 30, 2011 10:01 PM GMT


    So something I realized semi-recently is that I'm not fact-driven when it comes to getting to know men. How can you know someone if you don't ask them questions? Are you even interested in them? I am actually, quite a bit! I can pointlessly banter ad infinitum, but I've noticed guys have their set of questions they always ask when they're getting to know you. What do you work in? What's your living situation? What's your family like? What are you hobbies? What do you do for fun? Have you traveled? Where? What did you do?

    These are all valid questions, and I enjoy answering them when they are asked to me. But I don't feel the need to ask them back. I don't really feel the need to ask them any questions at all. Knowing these facts about someone doesn't do anything for me. You could say I don't really care about them one way or the other.

    But I do care about the person. I care about the sound of their voice, they way their face expresses emotion. I care about their eyes, the warmth of their hand. I care about how my name sounds when they say it, and I care about saying their name and letting them know it's important that their name is on my lips constantly. Their response to me not asking any questions is, unfortunately "I keep asking everything. You're not interested in getting to know me are you". Which is disheartening. It may be creepy, but my favorite way to get to know someone is just staring at them silently while holding them.

    These are social deviations, yes. I'm curious to know if there's anyone else who doesn't have a checklist of questions to ask when you meet someone and if it's ever been taken the wrong way.
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    Mar 30, 2011 10:06 PM GMT
    Ariodante said... How can you know someone if you don't ask them questions?
    Actions speak louder than words. Questions only lead to lies.
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    Mar 30, 2011 11:11 PM GMT
    Aside from resulting from curiosity, questions can be a crutch if someone is not comfortable with the art of conversation. In other words, someone not comfortable with their ability to go with the flow might have a stack of questions to ensure there are no pauses that they might consider awkward. Can make what was supposed to be a conversation seem like an interview.
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    Mar 31, 2011 1:24 AM GMT
    lol, aren't you asking me a question? icon_wink.gif


    xo -Doug
  • LEANDRO_NJ

    Posts: 1116

    Mar 31, 2011 1:37 AM GMT
    Ariodante,

    Your approach to getting to know someone is one I use too! unfortunately we live in an information driven society, who more often then not tend to forget that a real human connection is a sensory driven one! a type of a higher sense of perception a technology driven society do not understand much less care to explore! excellent topic by the way!


    Leandro ♥
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    Mar 31, 2011 2:18 AM GMT
    I don't treat new encounters as interviews; I ask very few personal questions because I can learn a lot about a person by not only what they volunteer about themselves and which questions they choose to ask but by conversing about larger issues. If someone misinterprets that as disinterest that's their loss. Of course, how someone reacts to being held and stared at also says a lot about both people!
  • disasterpiece

    Posts: 2991

    Mar 31, 2011 2:18 AM GMT
    Ariodante said

    So something I realized semi-recently is that I'm not fact-driven when it comes to getting to know men. How can you know someone if you don't ask them questions? Are you even interested in them? I am actually, quite a bit! I can pointlessly banter ad infinitum, but I've noticed guys have their set of questions they always ask when they're getting to know you. What do you work in? What's your living situation? What's your family like? What are you hobbies? What do you do for fun? Have you traveled? Where? What did you do?

    These are all valid questions, and I enjoy answering them when they are asked to me. But I don't feel the need to ask them back. I don't really feel the need to ask them any questions at all. Knowing these facts about someone doesn't do anything for me. You could say I don't really care about them one way or the other.

    But I do care about the person. I care about the sound of their voice, they way their face expresses emotion. I care about their eyes, the warmth of their hand. I care about how my name sounds when they say it, and I care about saying their name and letting them know it's important that their name is on my lips constantly. Their response to me not asking any questions is, unfortunately "I keep asking everything. You're not interested in getting to know me are you". Which is disheartening. It may be creepy, but my favorite way to get to know someone is just staring at them silently while holding them.

    These are social deviations, yes. I'm curious to know if there's anyone else who doesn't have a checklist of questions to ask when you meet someone and if it's ever been taken the wrong way.


    I don't really care about the questions and answers, but I'll ask them myself. It's not exactly the answer that interests me, but the way you'll interpret the question, the way you'll answer it, and the way it could lead us into an interesting conversation.

    Plus, few people feel comfortable with silences, especially nowadays. As soon as both people shut their mouth at the same time, the moment is perceived as awkward and not cool.

    In fact, I guess questions are there to let you "care about the sound of the voice, the face expressions, the eyes, the warmth of the hands" while avoiding those "awkward moments" (even if I think those silent moments are precious and telling...).

    Aaaah, alas ! The tragedy of awkwardness !
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 31, 2011 2:23 AM GMT
    You can get guys who are shy to talk about themselves by just asking them questions. Most people love to talk about themselves and asking questions shows you have an interest in their life.
  • Ironman4U

    Posts: 738

    Mar 31, 2011 2:33 AM GMT
    Questions show that you're interested in someone...interested in getting to know them and understand what they like, dislike, etc. I don't have a "set" of questions because every conversation is different, but I certainly want to get to know someone.

    Questions give someone permission to share something you want to know more about. Sure the conversation can and should happen, but questions are an important part of the dialogue when you are getting to know someone.
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    Mar 31, 2011 2:43 AM GMT
    I'll ask a few basic questions to get to know a guy like what do you do for work, etc, to try to get a feel for who they are but asking too many questions can be a turn off. I try to pepper the conversation with questions.