Am I relationship material?

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    Mar 31, 2011 4:45 PM GMT
    Hey all I am 19 and want to get back into dating again. I first tried it last year with dating sites, and while I met a few guys for either one-off dates or months, they weren't wholesome at all and I feel like I was the one stopping myself from going further to a relationship. I've always been opposed to casual hookups and really just want to settle down and have a partner lifestyle with someone (wishful thinking). I quit those dating sites and retreated from everything, thinking that sooner or later I would meet my match naturally.

    I've always been shy and reserved, a man of few words, but consider myself respectable and all. Even though most of the time I'm paranoid and irrational. A guy I chatted with once last year saw my photos and said "you look insecure and worried". Well he was right :-)

    Well I'm back on the sites but already feel like getting rid of them again. I just don't get any interest. I try to tell the truth about myself on my profiles and state that I am shy etc. I suggested that I'd get along better with other shy guys and within a very small age gap (18-22). Is that too much to ask for or am I just not ready for a committed, traditional relationship?
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    Mar 31, 2011 6:05 PM GMT
    Tough to say man, as I dont really know you. Also, its hard to give advice as I dont know Australia. Are there any gay parts of town in Aussie land? If so, try hanging out there to meet people.

    The internet is all right, I have found that it is ineffective at meeting people. You literally fly through tons of peeps to get a date, then chances are that date wont go anywhere.

    Also, the thing about internet dating is you get to know if you like the person before you get to know if you are attracted to them. I like to go the other way around.

    Go out, do stuff, join a gym, join interest groups, and so forth. Thats a good way to meet people.
  • turbid2wenty

    Posts: 74

    Mar 31, 2011 6:21 PM GMT
    This would be my answer, in a bit of a roundabout way: just keep living your life. I believe everyone finds happiness in different ways. Maybe at this point in your life, happiness is being single? Much like you, I was quite shy and reserved (MBTI: INFJ) throughout college and really only have a handful of close friends to show for it.

    Keep living your life. If in your travels, you meet a dude and continue to stay together, it was meant to be. Don't get swayed by the notion of what is a traditional relationship, and do discover what you want for yourself.
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    Mar 31, 2011 10:41 PM GMT
    Well you seem to know what you want: a guy around your age and someone who's shy too so they can understand you. I don't think you need to be with someone shy but rather with someone who can understand/accept that part of you.

    Knowing what you're looking for and who you are is a good thing. There's no real rush to have a bf. On the other hand, I can understand what you are wanting because I wanted the same thing when I was 19.

    My advice is just talk to people and make alot of friends. Especially since you are shy, just chat to people online (no need to meet or have sex with them). I remember that's what I did at your age (I was very shy too at the time).
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    Apr 01, 2011 2:15 PM GMT
    Chainers saidTough to say man, as I dont really know you. Also, its hard to give advice as I dont know Australia. Are there any gay parts of town in Aussie land? If so, try hanging out there to meet people.

    The internet is all right, I have found that it is ineffective at meeting people. You literally fly through tons of peeps to get a date, then chances are that date wont go anywhere.

    Also, the thing about internet dating is you get to know if you like the person before you get to know if you are attracted to them. I like to go the other way around.

    Go out, do stuff, join a gym, join interest groups, and so forth. Thats a good way to meet people.


    Yeah, Australia has major cities and I live in one of them. As far as I know there are two gay clubs in Perth and I have been to both, but when I was drunk. And I was more scared and self-concious and eager to get out than I was to look around and introduce myself, despite being drunk.

    To be honest the thought of joining a gym and working out in front of everybody scares me. I'm a bit of a recluse but a sweetheart, really.
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    Apr 01, 2011 2:19 PM GMT
    turbid2wenty saidThis would be my answer, in a bit of a roundabout way: just keep living your life. I believe everyone finds happiness in different ways. Maybe at this point in your life, happiness is being single? Much like you, I was quite shy and reserved (MBTI: INFJ) throughout college and really only have a handful of close friends to show for it.

    Keep living your life. If in your travels, you meet a dude and continue to stay together, it was meant to be. Don't get swayed by the notion of what is a traditional relationship, and do discover what you want for yourself.


    I think you're on to something. True, I wouldn't describe myself as being happy at the moment. But I have a lot of emotional/mental baggage and things are always coming up. So maybe this is masking things.

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    Apr 01, 2011 2:22 PM GMT
    microbiologist saidWell you seem to know what you want: a guy around your age and someone who's shy too so they can understand you. I don't think you need to be with someone shy but rather with someone who can understand/accept that part of you.

    Knowing what you're looking for and who you are is a good thing. There's no real rush to have a bf. On the other hand, I can understand what you are wanting because I wanted the same thing when I was 19.

    My advice is just talk to people and make alot of friends. Especially since you are shy, just chat to people online (no need to meet or have sex with them). I remember that's what I did at your age (I was very shy too at the time).


    I know there is no rush, and like you said I'm 19 so it's natural to feel this way. The thing is, this year I can't be bothered with online conversations. I hate having to log on to MSN to chat with a guy from a dating site. It's just not the same. Last year I was a natural and really got into it, I remember I actually got ahead of myself and was chatting with several different guys at once. I don't want to be like that again but I can't even hold an online chat with just one person. It's so lifeless and hopeless.
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    Apr 05, 2011 5:01 AM GMT
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    Apr 05, 2011 5:04 AM GMT
    youll be fine! there is a soul out there destined to be 1 with yours.
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    Apr 05, 2011 5:06 AM GMT
    zblue24 saidHey all I am 19 and want to get back into dating again. I first tried it last year with dating sites, and while I met a few guys for either one-off dates or months, they weren't wholesome at all and I feel like I was the one stopping myself from going further to a relationship. I've always been opposed to casual hookups and really just want to settle down and have a partner lifestyle with someone (wishful thinking). I quit those dating sites and retreated from everything, thinking that sooner or later I would meet my match naturally.

    I've always been shy and reserved, a man of few words, but consider myself respectable and all. Even though most of the time I'm paranoid and irrational. A guy I chatted with once last year saw my photos and said "you look insecure and worried". Well he was right :-)

    Well I'm back on the sites but already feel like getting rid of them again. I just don't get any interest. I try to tell the truth about myself on my profiles and state that I am shy etc. I suggested that I'd get along better with other shy guys and within a very small age gap (18-22). Is that too much to ask for or am I just not ready for a committed, traditional relationship?


    Dating sites are nice if you know exactly what you want in a man. Otherwise, it is going to be one giant mish-mash of trying out different men and expect to get hurt over those experiences.

    You are relationship material... everyone is relationship material...

    Example:

    I am NOT open relationship material but I am monogamous relationship material. Some men may be the opposite of me and that is fine. Some men may enjoy shyness and some may enjoy being outgoing...

    Ultimately, everyone is relationship material, you just have to find two pieces of material that fit together properly.
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    Apr 05, 2011 5:07 AM GMT
    _Mohammed_ said
    zblue24 saidHey all I am 19 and want to get back into dating again. I first tried it last year with dating sites, and while I met a few guys for either one-off dates or months, they weren't wholesome at all and I feel like I was the one stopping myself from going further to a relationship. I've always been opposed to casual hookups and really just want to settle down and have a partner lifestyle with someone (wishful thinking). I quit those dating sites and retreated from everything, thinking that sooner or later I would meet my match naturally.

    I've always been shy and reserved, a man of few words, but consider myself respectable and all. Even though most of the time I'm paranoid and irrational. A guy I chatted with once last year saw my photos and said "you look insecure and worried". Well he was right :-)

    Well I'm back on the sites but already feel like getting rid of them again. I just don't get any interest. I try to tell the truth about myself on my profiles and state that I am shy etc. I suggested that I'd get along better with other shy guys and within a very small age gap (18-22). Is that too much to ask for or am I just not ready for a committed, traditional relationship?


    Dating sites are nice if you know exactly what you want in a man. Otherwise, it is going to be one giant mish-mash of trying out different men and expect to get hurt over those experiences.

    You are relationship material... everyone is relationship material...

    Example:

    I am NOT open relationship material but I am monogamous relationship material. Some men may be the opposite of me and that is fine. Some men may enjoy shyness and some may enjoy being outgoing...

    Ultimately, everyone is relationship material, you just have to find two pieces of material that fit together properly.

    ^ This
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    Apr 05, 2011 7:02 AM GMT
    A few things to do here.
    What are your hobbies? Do you work? volunteer? do you play a sport? any particular interest?
    Find a social group for your interests, if it's gay or LGBT-friendly even better. If you want a relationship you need to date, and to date you should be meeting new guys that have some interest in common. You'll expand you network of friends and even if you don't find anyone to date in the new groups, maybe one of your new friends has a friend...
    If you look insecure and worried in your pics, recruit one of your friends to take some photos of you doing something you enjoy doing. You'll generate more interest with a pic where you look like you're having fun.

    Guys your age usually aren't looking to settle down, but it doesn't mean that things are impossible. If you're upfront about looking for something serious, you can weed out the guys just looking to hookup.
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    Apr 05, 2011 2:27 PM GMT
    Ermine saidA few things to do here.
    What are your hobbies? Do you work? volunteer? do you play a sport? any particular interest?
    Find a social group for your interests, if it's gay or LGBT-friendly even better. If you want a relationship you need to date, and to date you should be meeting new guys that have some interest in common. You'll expand you network of friends and even if you don't find anyone to date in the new groups, maybe one of your new friends has a friend...
    If you look insecure and worried in your pics, recruit one of your friends to take some photos of you doing something you enjoy doing. You'll generate more interest with a pic where you look like you're having fun.

    Guys your age usually aren't looking to settle down, but it doesn't mean that things are impossible. If you're upfront about looking for something serious, you can weed out the guys just looking to hookup.


    Aw thanks :-)
    I work in fast food, and I have made a few friends. There is not many staff though and none are single gays. We are planning an excursion to a LGBT club, but it's not in a rush to happen. I cashier a lot at work and I'm pretty sure that if I served a gay guy they would know I'm gay, and sometimes I have guys that I am sure are gay, but what can you do? Nothing. I used to volunteer but found it's not my thing. Same with sport, I don't like competition and rushing.
    This year I should be joining a language class though. I'd also like to find a creative writing workshop, because this is my main hobby and I want to develop it so I can write a novel.
    I agree about the photos thing :-) most of my pics are self pics, which generate the insecurity looks etc. My good pics taken by others happen to be when I am drunk since I lose most inhibitions about being photogenic! Being drunk is not a hobby or activity though.
  • love_jocks123

    Posts: 27

    Apr 06, 2011 4:42 AM GMT
    You and I have A LOT in common. I think we're exactly at the same point in our lives. I am 19 and completely confused about dating and relationships. I am also, pretty shy, timid and reserved.

    I just got out of an extremely confusing relationship with an amazing guy, but am now left confused as to where I fit or how I will fit in this world. I am currently trying to rid myself of being shy and being a little more flamboyant by joining a LGBT club on campus at my university. But, it's difficult, I feel lost and I kind of have no since of direction.

    However, I am forming my 'Family of Choice' right now and so far, I have an amazing support system. I've come out to a total of seven people that I love.icon_surprised.gif I don't know exactly where I'm going or how long it's going to take but I know I'm headed towards somewhere AMAZING!
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    Apr 01, 2012 5:15 AM GMT
    You will be fine dude. I can assure you that many, if not MOST, gay men have been in your shoes. Being young, and going out into the world can be a stressful time for both straight and gay people. Just most are not as vocal as you with dealing with their problems. Everyone os dealing with their own demons, just trying to make it through the day the best way they know how.

    I dont think I can offer any new advice that hasn't already been said, but you will grow out of it. But even if you finally grow out of this phase doesn't mean that you won't feel it again. It's a process called life. I thought I had my life figured out then BAM!, life throws you a curve ball.

    Just remember that life is filled with ups and downs.There will never be an age when you will have it all figured out. Learn to accept that and you will be alright.
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    Apr 01, 2012 6:11 AM GMT
    I feel you man, same thing here exactly except im a bit older than you and its still no different.

    I'm like you too in the sense where I avoid hook ups because it's not what I'm looking for. I'm determined to keep it that way but I think generally hook ups are the way that most gay people in relationships meet unfortunately.
    Still regardless, I'm traditional in the sense that I won't even consider going there with someone unless I'm in a relationship.
    Not sure if that's something you follow as well when you meant tradtional.

    Wish you all the best though, I can relate definitely.
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    Apr 02, 2012 1:54 AM GMT
    I see you list Bunbury as your first location, there are more genuine gay guys down south than there are in Perth.
    What ever you do dont think the gay world is like Connections and the Court!!!! They are strange morphs and clubs like that dont exist anywhere else in the world. Nor do the strange attitudes exist anywhere outside this little corner of the world. More gay guys have issues with being gay than do the straights.
    My advice would be join one of the local youth gay groups, you will meet more genuine young guys. The scene in Perth is riddled with drugs and poor judgement.
    Get a copy of the local gay rag anywhere in Northbridge or the inner city newsagents have them. If thats not an option there are available down south.
    My nephew just joined a group and is loving it, he's still underage so cant legally go to the club or the court although im sure he has done.icon_rolleyes.gif
    Perth is a strange gay city most guys are into serial monogamy they jump from one long term relationship to another and often think because of this they dont need to practice sfae sex! DUMB!
    If you want more info email me here and I can help you out with some contacts.
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    Apr 02, 2012 1:56 AM GMT
    Also if your not sure if someone is gay here, the code is

    Are you family? They will know what you mean, if not they are straight.
    Another is "did I see you at the Club?" The club is code for Connections.icon_smile.gif
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    Apr 02, 2012 1:59 AM GMT
    am i a material girl? lol


    a gay chatted me up one time and said i looked amazing and way too smart and I said, i know, thanks. the end (:
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    Apr 02, 2012 2:05 AM GMT
    I remember you from other threads... You got to trust in yourself for that answer first. No matter what good or bad things people say, tell yourself you're worth it. Damn worth it! Forget the assholes, brainiacs, wise guys, and smooth talkers.... do some soul searching. Tell yourself you're worth it, over and over like a mantra or prayer or whatever method you used to get centered on... and when someone tells you that you're not worth it; you can tell them to kiss your ass!