Why does it seem so hard to date inter-racially in the American gay scene?

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    Apr 01, 2011 3:34 AM GMT
    I hope I'm not coming off too dismal in my posts being that I've only been here for less than a week LOL. Trying to make a good impression.

    But I just keep thinking and this seems to be an issue I have to deal with. It just seems that as a mixed-raced Black guy the gay scene here in America is not open to actually dating a Black guy. Sex, that's not a huge deal. It happens.

    It's like, seems like majority of the people who hit me up first are other Black guys. Now, I am not saying I am not attracted to Black guys because I'm not one of those who won't date their own race. But, since I was in the gay scene beginning at age 13 I just do not find majority of the gay Black guys my type. I won't list why for fear of dissing my own, but they are all valid reasons.

    Now granted, I do believe it has alot to do with where I live and where I've lived, which isn't all that many places. I know places like D.C. and NYC and California have some of the finest Black dudes out there. Unfortunately I live nowhere near any of those places.

    And most of the Black guys I am attracted to are alas, straight or in the NFL or NBA icon_redface.gif

    But its like the amount of luck I've had otherwise with guys outside my race wanting to date is upsetting. And if they are, it's 99% of the time the same story: Yeah he's into Black guys, but so much that he's willing to fuck everyone that walks by. I have dated 3 guys like that, as soon as another Black guys comes by they can't resist.

    I just feel like I'm disadvantaged here in most of America when it comes to trying to date interracially. Yes, it happens I know. Yes I'm sure there is a happy couple who can share a story. But I've known enough gay guys over the years who have a deep aversion of dating another race, and it comes from both ends up the race chart.
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    Apr 01, 2011 3:41 AM GMT
    That's why you come to Canada.
    Sexy guys found in all forms who are willing to date people outside of their own race.

    Seriously, move to Canada. icon_razz.gif
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    Apr 01, 2011 4:25 AM GMT
    I've honestly thought about moving to Toronto...but I just moved to Denver LOL. I'm even thinking as far as Europe, Amsterdam...but I've never lived out of country so I think Toronto would be a big enough move for me.


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    Apr 01, 2011 4:27 AM GMT
    You will love downtown toronto... it's so vibrant and social icon_smile.gif
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    Apr 01, 2011 4:30 AM GMT
    Hypnotoad.gif

  • ohioguy12

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    Apr 01, 2011 4:32 AM GMT
    brianindenver said
    But its like the amount of luck I've had otherwise with guys outside my race wanting to date is upsetting. And if they are, it's 99% of the time the same story: Yeah he's into Black guys, but so much that he's willing to fuck everyone that walks by. I have dated 3 guys like that, as soon as another Black guys comes by they can't resist.


    Haha, I know exactly what you mean. Been down that road too many times.
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    Apr 01, 2011 4:51 AM GMT
    statistically (if you can fucking believe them) gays make up 10% of the population. Women, i am led to understand, are included in that figure. Now cut down to the male factor, black, south asian, asian, latino, american indian, caucasian and whatever other color the good lord put on earth and you very quickly narrow the playing field......not necessarily that no white guys are interested, but for me, just finding ANY guy that is interested is a major challenge......i wouldn't take it to heart...if someone finds you attractive, then that is going to happen regardless of your skin color,,,right?.......Keithicon_wink.gif
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    Apr 01, 2011 5:45 AM GMT
    You just picked the wrong city to live in .
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    Apr 01, 2011 5:46 AM GMT
    Homowardbound saidstatistically (if you can fucking believe them) gays make up 10% of the population. Women, i am led to understand, are included in that figure. Now cut down to the male factor, black, south asian, asian, latino, american indian, caucasian and whatever other color the good lord put on earth and you very quickly narrow the playing field......not necessarily that no white guys are interested, but for me, just finding ANY guy that is interested is a major challenge......i wouldn't take it to heart...if someone finds you attractive, then that is going to happen regardless of your skin color,,,right?.......Keithicon_wink.gif


    That makes alot of sense and I realize stats do play a big part of it. Why does it have to be so friggin hard to be with someone!? I see these Canadian geese walk around all the time and they are always in a couple. If I see one walking alone, I think; "did the mate die?" They seem to effortlessly find someone...but alas, only a male and female couple icon_sad.gif
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    Apr 01, 2011 5:50 AM GMT
    well, firstly, they are fucking geese, you (I hope) are not...being gay and finding the right monogamous loving for a lifetime guy is just a tad more difficult than being straight.....trust me, I worked in the straight camp all my life............sometimes you just have to get out of the dugout and hit the field. Go for the stars and be proactive....use your imagination and see what returns............know what i'm saying?..................Keithicon_wink.gif
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    Apr 01, 2011 5:56 AM GMT
    Well as long as you aren't hung up on whether they are uncut or not to consider them hot then you should be golden. LOL. In all seriousness, though, it seems like it's the people you are dealing with individually and where you might be located that seems to be the problem or, do I say, you might be the problem. I'm throwing it out there as a possibility since no one ever wants to believe that they might be the problem and I don't mean it in a disrespectful way or as way to start any crazy drama. I say this because far too often people have the habit of jumping the gun and assuming it's everybody else and never them. Again, I'm just putting it out there and I'm not saying you are the cause of it but when you say stuff like "And most of the Black guys I am attracted to are alas, straight or in the NFL or NBA" I have wonder if that is also directed to all other races as well?

    I am, however, flat out asking what it is about about Black people in general that makes it seem impossible for you to date them? You don't have to list them here (wise choice not to) but you can send an email pleading your case as to why you feel they are valid reasons.

    As far as dating others outside your race goes, well, that also is an issue that I think most minorities suffer through. As a mixed blk male myself I have a clear thought of what you are going through.

    You'll find your Prince Charming some day.
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    Apr 01, 2011 5:58 AM GMT
    Guy101 saidWell as long as you aren't hung up on whether they are uncut or not then you should be golden. LOL.


    Well, aren't you immature.
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    Apr 01, 2011 6:03 AM GMT
    Alpha13 saidYou just picked the wrong city to live in .


    Well I moved here for good reasons though. I mean, why do you say that? Have you lived in Denver before? I'd like to know!
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    Apr 01, 2011 6:13 AM GMT
    Homowardbound saidwell, firstly, they are fucking geese, you (I hope) are not...being gay and finding the right monogamous loving for a lifetime guy is just a tad more difficult than being straight.....trust me, I worked in the straight camp all my life............sometimes you just have to get out of the dugout and hit the field. Go for the stars and be proactive....use your imagination and see what returns............know what i'm saying?..................Keithicon_wink.gif


    Well I appreciate the words of encouragement, but I don't see how using my imagination is helping the situation???

    I don't mean to be brusque, but lets stop beating around the bush and saying, "its hard to find anybody' and deal with the topic. Obviously the gay lifestyle is OBSESSED with making only White, Latin and Asian men attractive. Which, I assume for various marketing purposes. However, what does it say or how does it make someone see themselves when after reading 85 pages in the local 'HotSpots' magazine and the only time a Black model is portrayed is when it has to do with HIV medications?

    Now, I don't want to stray too far from the subject...but I do believe the gay media contributes to alot of this. It's nothing to be angry or bitter about, but I just wonder why things are the way they are in this county's gay lifestyle. I can appreciate the comments about we being attractive and what not, but out there in the romantic playing field, that's not what I experience.

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    Apr 01, 2011 6:25 AM GMT
    _Mohammed_ said
    Guy101 saidWell as long as you aren't hung up on whether they are uncut or not then you should be golden. LOL.


    Well, aren't you immature.



    WOW! LOL. Well aren't you sensitive. Lighten up, buddy.

    In any case, OP, how long have you lived in Denver? I've visited Denver and I found it rather enjoyable.
  • tuffguyndc

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    Apr 01, 2011 6:28 AM GMT
    bro, i definitely understand where you are coming from. however, i was told denver was not a good place to date and there aren't many black people in that region. anyhow, i wish you luck in your search. i am sure you will receive it when you at least expect it
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    Apr 01, 2011 6:32 AM GMT
    Oh I'm pretty good for the moment since I'm not really looking for anyone. I'm just enjoying things as they unfold with no expectations from anyone. Who told you Denver wasn't a good place to date? I'm sure a few people from the state on here might be able to help you better then me in coming to a conclusion. I will say that if you aren't much of an outdoorsy person then you might find yourself in the wrong state.

  • ohioguy12

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    Apr 01, 2011 6:32 AM GMT
    _Mohammed_ said
    Guy101 saidWell as long as you aren't hung up on whether they are uncut or not then you should be golden. LOL.


    Well, aren't you immature.


    Lighten up. I assume he means there are a lot of guys who are hung up on things that don't matter such as cut or uncut, cock size, slim or muscular or any of the other things that people think matter, but in reality it don't matter.
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    Apr 01, 2011 6:34 AM GMT
    I like you, Ohio, even though I fancy MI. LOL.
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    Apr 01, 2011 6:40 AM GMT
    ohioguy12 said
    _Mohammed_ said
    Guy101 saidWell as long as you aren't hung up on whether they are uncut or not then you should be golden. LOL.


    Well, aren't you immature.


    Lighten up. I assume he means there are a lot of guys who are hung up on things that don't matter such as cut or uncut, cock size, slim or muscular or any of the other things that people think matter, but in reality it don't matter.


    No. He said that because there was a debate that was going on between him and I about uncut vs cut and he cried a fucking river because he was upset I would not date uncut men.

    And uncut vs. cut does matter.

    Maybe not to you, but to me.

    So, stop stating it as if it is a fact.
  • coastguy90814

    Posts: 661

    Apr 01, 2011 6:44 AM GMT
    I think you said it all with your comment, "And most of the Black guys I am attracted to are alas, straight or in the NFL or NBA". As the saying goes, "if you live in a glass house, you shouldn't throw stones". Now I don't necessarily agree with your experience but just as you have confined your likes for African American men than perhaps you shouldn't be so judgmental with those who might do the same. I am not in no way saying I agree with people that choose to not date of a different race or agree with people that say, "i'm not attracted to Black men, it's just preference", because i do believe there is some underlying prejudice here but I think the question you posed might have some complexities to it.
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    Apr 01, 2011 6:52 AM GMT
    Actually, you cried a river over it. More like an ocean. Not me and that's easily proven by seeing who has the most posts on the subject. That would be you with various other people commenting on the topic. Also I could care less who you dated. I just found the topic funny so please don't hype it anymore then it already is. Seriously, who are you? No one I need to be concerned about. That's who. LOL. Stop derailing posts.

    Coastguy90814, you make a very interesting point.
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    Apr 01, 2011 6:55 AM GMT
    Guy101 said
    I am, however, flat out asking what it is about about Black people in general that makes it seem impossible for you to date them? You don't have to list them here (wise choice not to) but you can send an email pleading your case as to why you feel they are valid reasons.

    As far as dating others outside your race goes, well, that also is an issue that I think most minorities suffer through. As a mixed blk male myself I have a clear thought of what you are going through.

    You'll find your Prince Charming some day.


    I am always asking myself what I'm doing wrong. And the first thread I created was pretty much going over that.

    But, I can't keep blaming myself forever for something that I know is truth. I have had several guys say stuff like, "I don't normally date Black guys but..." or "I don't do Black", or "I can't get hard with a White guy", and so on and so on.

    Yes...preferences. But, I probably hear it more in the gay lifestyle than I ever did in the straight circle. Before we judge on dick size, we judge race!

    As for your question re: What is it about Black people that makes it impossible to date? Well...number one, we are not impossible to date. When I first started out in the gay scene, I pretty much dated only Black guys, and they generally were the ones who hit me up first and naturally I gravitated towards that. But I fell in love with some and had long term relationships.

    However, living in Texas and now Denver I have not come across much of any that I found attractive. Why? I don't know.

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    Apr 01, 2011 7:00 AM GMT
    Guy101 saidActually, you cried a river over it. More like an ocean. Not me and that's easily proven by seeing who has the most posts on the subject. That would be you with various other people commenting on the topic. Also I could care less who you dated. I just found the topic funny so please don't hype it anymore then it already is. Seriously, who are you? No one I need to be concerned about. That's who. LOL. Stop derailing posts.

    Coastguy90814, you make a very interesting point.


    Clearly you are the one derailing - who is the one that initally posted the "uncut" comment in this thread?... oh that's right.. YOU.

    You found that I posted a reply to the OP and felt that you needed to instigate something.

    To the OP:

    sorry if this is adding bulk to your topic, have to defend myself.
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    Apr 01, 2011 7:01 AM GMT
    brianindenver said
    Guy101 said
    I am, however, flat out asking what it is about about Black people in general that makes it seem impossible for you to date them? You don't have to list them here (wise choice not to) but you can send an email pleading your case as to why you feel they are valid reasons.

    As far as dating others outside your race goes, well, that also is an issue that I think most minorities suffer through. As a mixed blk male myself I have a clear thought of what you are going through.

    You'll find your Prince Charming some day.


    I am always asking myself what I'm doing wrong. And the first thread I created was pretty much going over that.

    But, I can't keep blaming myself forever for something that I know is truth. I have had several guys say stuff like, "I don't normally date Black guys but..." or "I don't do Black", or "I can't get hard with a White guy", and so on and so on.

    Yes...preferences. But, I probably hear it more in the gay lifestyle than I ever did in the straight circle. Before we judge on dick size, we judge race!

    As for your question re: What is it about Black people that makes it impossible to date? Well...number one, we are not impossible to date. When I first started out in the gay scene, I pretty much dated only Black guys, and they generally were the ones who hit me up first and naturally I gravitated towards that. But I fell in love with some and had long term relationships.

    However, living in Texas and now Denver I have not come across much of any that I found attractive. Why? I don't know.



    Hmmm. Well I know exactly where you are coming from. I wasn't suggesting that you blame yourself so I apologize if it seemed that way.