New to gayness

  • JMex3

    Posts: 96

    Apr 01, 2011 9:12 PM GMT
    Alright, I know there's an abundance of coming out stories in this forum so I'll try to keep it short.

    I'm 23 now, have known I've been attracted to men since before I knew what sex or anything like that was around 5 I would say ( this is when I lived in Mexico). I came to the US when I was 8 because my parents got remarried. Fast forward middle school and high school everything went great I had/have a lot of friends all straight I have my group of guys and girls. Went to college was going to come out but got cold feet so I went all through college closeted made more friends there all straight once again had a gay roommate that I wasn't close with and my other roommates and I were very rowdy so he moved out haha. I graduated and have been working for my father's companies since then, still have the same friends from home and keep in touch with everyone from college.

    Around three weeks ago I went to Atlantic City with some friends needless to say they all passed out except for my good friend from college so she and I decided to go out we got pretty drunk since we hadn't seen each other in a while and we started talking about pretty personal stuff (keep in mind that in all the years that i've been getting drunk with my friends even to blackout status I never ever mentioned anything about me liking guys or anything like that I even went and hooked up with girls I guess I just instilled this into my brain or something, i don't know) so we're sitting there after she had just told me some pretty heavy shit and it just felt right and I knew that if i spoke the words there was no going back, I swear it was the single best feeling in the world, i still feel like i'm on cloud nine.

    But going back to the story, I told her and she was so supportive she was crying because she was happy for me I was so pumped about what i had just said i ripped my wife beater and yelled ' I like dudes' haha I didn't care what anyone thought at that point. At the same time I had been texting my best guy friend telling him i had something to tell him the next morning when i was sober.

    It all hit me the next morning I was so afraid and so hungover icon_eek.gif my friend didn't bring it up at first and my guy friend that i had been texting hadn't said anything to me by 2:30 pm so i decided to text him and he asked me..."so how shitfaced were you last night" at this point i had the option to blow it off as something stupid but i decided to be honest so i said that I was but i wasn't that drunk. He then proceeded to ask me what was up then and I explained it to him through text as best i could. I was so nervous I was shaking and then 2 mins later he texted me and told me that I never had anything to worry about and that he always had my back and we were best friends no matter what and something stupid like this wouldn't affect our friendship I was so so relieved.

    I kept telling some more friends and it's been three weeks now and i just feel liberated, i will probably not come out to my parents because being that they are Mexican they are extremely religious and I've overheard them saying that "the worst gift God could give you is a gay son"...soo after that i've always been a little hesitant.

    But for now life is good, real good. I'm still having trouble identifying with who I am, I know I'm gay but I'm all about sports, masculine dudes, drinking beers, just general fuckin around with your buds kinda guy. Hope to meet some friends on this, I feel like it's really hard to make gay friends I don't even know how to go about it. Oh well one step at a time.


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    Apr 01, 2011 9:58 PM GMT
    congratulations, the story-line is touching. makes me wish i came out later sometimes.

    g'luck icon_smile.gif
  • JMex3

    Posts: 96

    Apr 01, 2011 10:10 PM GMT

    Great story, James! Congrats for taking the first steps in your new life. So glad to hear you've got the support of your friends. I also sincerely hope that one day you can broach the topic with your parents, if/when you're ready --sometimes people surprise you.

    As you say, take it one step at a time. Play safe; have fun. And welcome to RJ! -Dave[/quote]

    Thanks Dave, I probably will eventually I just don't want to break my grandmothers hearts and as much as I hate to say it I still depend on my parents for a lot since it is a family business they could cut me off at any point. I'm mainly waiting until I'm self made and rely for nothing on them to come out, but we'll see.