Do you like the beginning of my gay short story?

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    Apr 02, 2011 2:37 AM GMT
    Its kind of weird but whatever. haha



    Luke knelt on the roofs edge and waited patiently. The night was lit by streetlights below; a problem Luke was focused on solving in the few moments he had left. His client wanted the man he was waiting for dead; it didn’t matter how or where, as long as the target wasn’t breathing when it was done. Luke’s methods were always clean and quick. If anyone was around this late they would barley get of glimpse of him.
    The door of the bar opened and the last customer, Luke’s target, stumbled out. Is it shameful to kill a man when he’s drunk? Luke thought. No, either way he’s dead.
    Luke stood, shirtless. He extended his wings, which spanned a few inches over six feet, as wide as Luke was tall. A remarkably lean muscular body supported the unique attribute. He watched his target stumble down the sidewalk as he stretched his strong arms preparing himself for the kill. He took a deep breath; his chest rising then falling as he exhaled.
    Closing his eyes, he concentrated, and then jumped from the ten-story building. Quiet as an owl, he glided down making sure to stay far from the lights. As he approached closer from behind he dropped lower. At the precise moment, when Luke was inches away, he reached out grabbed his target by the head and snapped his neck. It all happened in the blink of an eye, the man fell to the sidewalk and Luke continued on into the darkness.
    When Luke got home, Troy was sleeping. It was four o’clock in the morning, and Luke tried to be as quiet as possible to not wake up his boy friend
    Troy heard Luke come in, he was glad he was still awake because he got to watch Luke get ready for bed, and he didn’t like sleeping alone anyway. He watched as Luke turned on the small light sitting on the dresser, the mirror on the wall gave him a nice view of Luke’s upper body. He was so fine, not too muscular but still well built. His six pack lead up to his chest in a kind of “V” shape. Luke turned to the side as he took off his pants; the curve of his back was so sexy. His lower back curved inward, and when it got to his ass it was like Michelangelo had carved it out of marble, making the transition faultless. His legs were sexy to, if Troy wasn’t as tired as he was he would with no doubt be slipping off those black briefs his man was wearing.
    Troy always wondered how Luke’s body was so perfect, after all the man hardly worked out enough for such build. It was the feathered wings. They not only came with a curse but also a superior human muscle structure.

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    Apr 02, 2011 2:39 AM GMT
    nice story.
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    Apr 02, 2011 2:40 AM GMT
    It reads like you're describing the edited sequences of a soft core gay film rather than constructing a literary landscape.
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    Apr 02, 2011 2:44 AM GMT
    The story is alright. It needs more character development also whats is the significance of the wings. Is Luke the Angel of Death, its that why he kills people. Also who is Troy and how does he fit in the story? Also develop the plot a little more. Other then that I like the way the story is going. Just give the characters backround informations. Perhaps a flashback...icon_biggrin.gif
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    Apr 02, 2011 3:06 AM GMT
    No one is going to believe that Troy is too tired to slip those black briefs off of Luke's perfect body!
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    Apr 02, 2011 3:13 AM GMT
    I was half expecting this to end with the Fresh Prince of Bel Air intro lyrics.

    I'm almost disappointed that it didn't.
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    Apr 02, 2011 4:48 AM GMT
    Ariodante saidIt reads like you're describing the edited sequences of a soft core gay film rather than constructing a literary landscape.


    THIS ^