Why would he act this way?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 02, 2011 4:04 AM GMT
    Hey everybody, I was wondering if you could help me out.

    There was this guy who I saw everyday last year. It was instant attraction for both of us. For most of last year, he was so sweet to me. Always attentive, always around, staring at me non-stop, following me around. So gentlemanly if we ever went out and was always seeking my approval if he got a hair cut or how he looked when we went out. This same pattern happened all year.

    Then I decided I was going to tell him how I felt and that he was this amazing guy.

    A few days pass and he does a 180. He told his friends what a faggot I was. He told people I see on a regular basis. All of these guys are discrete bi-sexual. They have all been with guys. I now go to a different place.

    This happened last November and I can't shake this awful feeling. I feel so humiliated. I feel like I am nothing and no guy will ever want me. I cry non-stop and I feel so unwanted. Why would he act that way leading me on the whole time and the rip out my heart like did? I am in deep depression.

    I have seem probably twice and those times he would stare at me and he would smile at me. I have not talked to him I am so humiliated and confused by him. What did I do to deserve that? What possess somebody to act that way?

    I recently saw him and I asked him about what I said and he said he had no idea what I was talking about. I didn't know what to say then.

    Has anyone gone through this? I get worse everyday. I did nothing wrong. I have had such awful stuff happen to me in my life that I want to end my life. Did I ask for this? I feel ashamed of myself for giving my heart to a person who is capable of this. I honestly felt like there was no other guy. I mean he really toyed with me and he's just fine about it. My life has turned upside down as a result and I can't shake this. Did I deserve what got?

    If anybody out there has gone through this please reply. Thank you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 02, 2011 4:14 AM GMT
    If you know you did nothing wrong, from reading this,

    "Has anyone gone through this? I get worse everyday. I did nothing wrong. I gave had such awful stuff happen to me in my life that I want to end my life. Did I ask for this? I feel ashamed of myself for giving my heart to a person who is capable of this. I honestly felt like was no other guy. I mean he really toyed with me and he's just fine about it. My life has turned upside down as a result and I can't shake this. Did I deserve what got?"

    ..then the rest of your post doesn't fit. You did nothing wrong. He left, in a very distinct and public way, with this,

    " A few days pass and he does a 180. He told his friends what a faggot I was. He told people I see on a regular basis. All of these guys are discrete bi-sexual. They have all been with guys. I now go to a different place."

    I'm not sure why you'd torment yourself with more of him.

    -Doug

    PS How could you let some one like that dictate whether or not to end your life?
    Re:"I have had such awful stuff happen to me in my life that I want to end my life."

    Shouldn't a person with that much power over you be someone wonderful?
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    Apr 02, 2011 4:20 AM GMT
    I feel I did nothing wrong, not sure if it's the truth. I feel stuck. I have never felt this awful before. I'm confused by him, and ashamed of myself mostly for liking a guy capable of this. What does that say about me?

    That's what I originally thought. But, yeah I felt that bad. I am feeling a little better. But, I just want to know why he acted like this? Is this guy closeted? Oh , I forgot to say he told me he was into women. He's just not the same guy I first met and it all changed when I told him how I felt.

    I apologize for typos, I'm on my iPhone. I will go extra slow typing.
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    Apr 02, 2011 4:28 AM GMT
    gymrat100 saidI feel I did nothing wrong, not sure if it's the truth. I feel stuck. I have never felt this awful before. I'm confused by him, and ashamed of myself mostly for liking a guy capable of this. What does that say about me?


    It says you have the capability of loving despite flaws.

    It's admirable, but you should protect it as it's a valuable attribute and one you shouldn't let get damaged by others, because the right fit will come and you'll want this ability intact and as innocent in its approach as it was with this fellow. Just more wisely applied. icon_wink.gif


    -Doug
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    Apr 02, 2011 4:34 AM GMT
    Thank you, Doug. I am feeling better because of those kind words. You put things very well. You're giving me a lot to think about.
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    Apr 02, 2011 4:43 AM GMT
    gymrat100 saidThank you, Doug. I am feeling better because of those kind words. You put things very well. You're giving me a lot to think about.


    You're welcome. icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 02, 2011 4:46 AM GMT
    I just feel manipulated. And, whatever he did, he was successful. I hate to think of him as an abusive type of guy. But, is he? And, does vulnerability attract jerks? I'm just trying to find where I went wrong so I can fix it.
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    Apr 02, 2011 4:55 AM GMT
    gymrat100 saidI just feel manipulated. And, whatever he did, he was successful. I hate to think of him as an abusive type of guy. But, is he?


    Yep. Telling others you are such a faggot hardly seems hardly an act of romantic heroism.
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    Apr 02, 2011 6:31 AM GMT
    I don't want to seem harsh, but I've been there before and if you carefully look back, you probably missed some clues. I caught one..he cut his hair to please you....(hook you in for the dump)...oh well..remember to keep aware and awake next time
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    Apr 02, 2011 7:07 AM GMT
    What a douche bag.icon_evil.gif


    Last year I saw this guy for a month and even though we were trying to remain casual, it was becoming serious. Then when I told him how I felt, he did the 180 and text-ed that we should be friends...Whenever someone says that it usually meant to drop all contact which he did.

    I vowed never let myself get close to anyone ever like that. Plus I over hauled myself to look even better but remain as a single man.
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    Apr 02, 2011 11:07 AM GMT
    Fivealive saidWhat a douche bag.icon_evil.gif


    Last year I saw this guy for a month and even though we were trying to remain casual, it was becoming serious. Then when I told him how I felt, he did the 180 and text-ed that we should be friends...Whenever someone says that it usually meant to drop all contact which he did.

    I vowed never let myself get close to anyone ever like that.


    So he still controls you. icon_wink.gif

    -Doug
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    Apr 02, 2011 11:30 AM GMT
    meninlove said
    Fivealive saidWhat a douche bag.icon_evil.gif


    Last year I saw this guy for a month and even though we were trying to remain casual, it was becoming serious. Then when I told him how I felt, he did the 180 and text-ed that we should be friends...Whenever someone says that it usually meant to drop all contact which he did.

    I vowed never let myself get close to anyone ever like that.


    So he still controls you. icon_wink.gif

    -Doug

    hey doug this is aaron. i use to like you guys but can you take a break from being stupid for once?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 02, 2011 11:37 AM GMT
    DUB, stupid? How so?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 02, 2011 11:52 AM GMT
    Hmmm, no reply.

    Well here then...

    Letting an ex influence your future in the way the OP's is doing and Five's is doing is letting him control you. There's nothing stupid about this. I've walked in those shoes. It took someone telling me what I said here for me to see it for myself.

    Once upon a time I told myself, after getting burned, that I would never let myself get that close to someone again. If I'd done that I wouldn't be here with Bill. This is important stuff, and I thank a friend of long ago for the insight.

    -Doug



  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 02, 2011 1:23 PM GMT
    Can I ask why he would say he honestly had no idea what I was talking about? After I told him, it changed everything.
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    Apr 02, 2011 1:47 PM GMT
    I would try and consider not taking it so personally, think and say to your self this guy has issues and I'm so thankful that I got to see the real him. I have way better self worth and respect for people. I feel sad for people like this, they will never truly be capable of having a healthy relationship.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 02, 2011 1:51 PM GMT
    He may have some mental problems, bipolar or such, or he could just be an asshole, in any case leave it behind you and move on, you deserve better.
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    Apr 02, 2011 1:55 PM GMT
    I don't know, I'm just embarrassed that he told people what I told him in confidence.

    What I told you, are these signs of a guy struggling with his sexuality? Say for example what I told him and then him not being truthful saying he had no idea what I was talking. That was a weird experience but I glossed over it because there is nothing I can do. I think that this is not a rejection of me, but I rejection of his sexuality? Does that sound right?
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    Apr 02, 2011 1:55 PM GMT
    He doesn't control me Doug.

    I just no longer care any more to get close with someone unless they have proven something that makes me think other wise

    Sorry but I have my qualification checklist now because even if the guy seems compatible, I am not pulling out any stops.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 02, 2011 1:58 PM GMT
    He's not an asshole. I do sense something wrong. Maybe you're right about the mental condition.
  • mybud

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    Apr 02, 2011 2:12 PM GMT
    Dude...sounds like to me he's fighting aspects of his own sexuality....He started to dig ya then he felt guilty about it...To cover up this guilt...he leashed out at you....So why are you felling awful?????...His mind is fucking scrambled....it's on him...not on you....Brush off your ego.....consider the source and move on...look for your happiness while he lives in misery.........BUD
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 02, 2011 2:28 PM GMT
    Yeah he was all about me everyday. I don't want to blame myself so I'm trying to figure things out in case maybe I was not wrong. The advice has really helped me.
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    Apr 02, 2011 4:17 PM GMT
    Fivealive saidHe doesn't control me Doug.

    I just no longer care any more to get close with someone unless they have proven something that makes me think other wise

    Sorry but I have my qualification checklist now because even if the guy seems compatible, I am not pulling out any stops.




    Don't be sorry, Five, this is excellent stuff.

    "I just no longer care any more to get close with someone unless they have proven something that makes me think other wise .

    What I highlighted in bold changes your initial statement at the end of your first post considerably and is doing much of what I advised the OP ( and what I was told so long ago); protecting a marvelous capability/attribute (to love) because someone will come along that's worth it. icon_wink.gif

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    Apr 02, 2011 4:30 PM GMT
    gymrat100 saidI don't know, I'm just embarrassed that he told people what I told him in confidence.

    What I told you, are these signs of a guy struggling with his sexuality? Say for example what I told him and then him not being truthful saying he had no idea what I was talking. That was a weird experience but I glossed over it because there is nothing I can do. I think that this is not a rejection of me, but I rejection of his sexuality? Does that sound right?


    Absolutely. You said he and his freinds are all 'discreet' bisexuals?

    Well that means he doesn't want anyone to know about it his sexuality.

    And now that you've come "too close" emotionally (by telling him how you felt), he probably couldnt handle his own feelings... he probably freaked out that he was so attracted to another guy.

    So he decided to disavow the feelings that he has by destroying you and exposing you as the gay one.... to show that you and he are different. In his mind, doing this shows that he's still not gay, he doesn't REALLY want a man emotionally..... etc.

    You came too close and he exploded. This is not your fault... he needs a therapist.
  • MarvelClimber

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    Apr 02, 2011 4:40 PM GMT
    ZbmwM5 said
    gymrat100 saidI don't know, I'm just embarrassed that he told people what I told him in confidence.

    What I told you, are these signs of a guy struggling with his sexuality? Say for example what I told him and then him not being truthful saying he had no idea what I was talking. That was a weird experience but I glossed over it because there is nothing I can do. I think that this is not a rejection of me, but I rejection of his sexuality? Does that sound right?


    Absolutely. You said he's and his freinds are all 'discreet' bisexuals?

    Well that means he doesn't want anyone to know about it his sexuality.

    And now that you've come "too close" emotionally (by telling him how you felt), he probably couldnt handle his own feelings... he probably freaked out that he was so attracted to another guy.

    So he decided to disavow the feelings that he has by destroying you and exposing you as the gay one.... to show that you and he are different. In his mind, doing this shows that he's still not gay, he doesn't REALLY want a man emotionally..... etc.

    You came too close and he exploded. This is not your fault... he needs a therapist.



    Yup! You can't go through life blaming yourself for the actions of others. You were brave in not only acknowledging how you felt to yourself, but also in telling him. The fact that he can't handle it, is on him. Don't let him destroy you. It's easier said than done, but you must move on with your life. The people he spoke to, if they are really your friends, then they'll listen to you when you talk about what happened between you too.

    It hurts, but be strong. There are a ton of these postings about heartbreak. You'll find that a lot of people have experienced exactly what happened to you. Wallowing in sorrow won't help you recover. Hold your head high, and MOVE ON.