Can anyone tell me something good about going out to bars/clubs?

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    Apr 02, 2011 6:17 AM GMT
    Here we go again. Its the weekend. I bought a new outfit earlier this week and I'm really wanting to go out tomorrow, but It's just so hard to get motivated to go. I'm like wanting to go really bad, and talking myself out of it at the same time.

    It doesn't help that people keep saying the bars and clubs are a waste of time, drunks, flakes etc. but I seriously don't know of any other options. I have browsed some gay activities in the area but it just doesn't seem to be anything that fit my age group. I don't want to just go to an event and be the sore thumb of the group. Not that I have an issue with standing out, but I don't want to look as if I'm trying too hard to fit in with 40s and 50s bird watching groups icon_neutral.gif

    I just don't want to keep being disappointed going to the bars. Most of the time, I go in with an agenda to just keep neutral, have a drink and dance and not 'look' for anyone. But me being the outgoing type that I am, I may start a conversation with someone. Then they give me their number and then couple days later they turn out to just be living in the moment at the bar and once the sunrises they have no interest in seeing you outside the bar. and then I'm wishing I never went out in the first place.

    It's like, people always say, "just go to enjoy the music, the ambience blah blah blah...but I have music, ambience and drinks at home! Why would I want to go to a bar just to do that. I want to chat and meet people, but it's like innocent chatting and meeting turns into a big ordeal. I hate to sound like a downer, but every guy I've met in the club in the past 5 months that I've been in Denver have proven to be unreliable and flakey. They're all into me at the club, but then after that it's over. It just doesn't give me much confidence to go out and mingle with people!

    I know everyone isn't like that, but does anyone have any tips, suggestions or stories?
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    Apr 02, 2011 6:30 AM GMT
    Pretend I might be there. That should make it more enjoyable. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Apr 02, 2011 6:33 AM GMT
    brianindenver saidHere we go again.


    you have no idea
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    Apr 02, 2011 6:38 AM GMT
    brianindenver said Most of the time, I go in with an agenda to just keep neutral


    This is your problem.

    When I go out to a bar/club, it's with the intention of having fun, meeting friends, meeting someone new, and having a good time.

    If I had the agenda to just keep neutral, I'd probably go to sleep... or become Switzerland.
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    Apr 02, 2011 6:44 AM GMT
    Ermine said
    brianindenver said Most of the time, I go in with an agenda to just keep neutral


    This is your problem.

    When I go out to a bar/club, it's with the intention of having fun, meeting friends, meeting someone new, and having a good time.

    If I had the agenda to just keep neutral, I'd probably go to sleep... or become Switzerland.


    LOL, no I didn't mean it that way!

    I meant, I don't go in expecting anything (well, I lie...I expect to meet someone).

    I do expect to have fun and meet people...but then you have other people who say, "if you go in expecting to meet someone you're going to end up disappointed. Just go for the music and ambiance"

    I am not one of those guys who just stand in the corner all night with the drink pressed against my chest. I may do that for the first 20 minutes, or occasionally throughout the night but otherwise I'm dancing, mingling or walking around.
  • alphatop

    Posts: 1955

    Apr 02, 2011 1:04 PM GMT
    I like to go to clubs to dance the night away....and that is absolutely only reason why I go out. I learned ages ago that all cats are black in the dark, but once the sun is up,well...you said it yourself....totally different story. So, if you go out, no expectation whatsoever will make it easier to have fun. At least from my perspective.
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    Apr 02, 2011 1:50 PM GMT
    AntoNomad saidI like to go to clubs to dance the night away....and that is absolutely only reason why I go out. I learned ages ago that all cats are black in the dark, but once the sun is up,well...you said it yourself....totally different story. So, if you go out, no expectation whatsoever will make it easier to have fun. At least from my perspective.

    You and the OP seem to be expressing much the same things I often say here, regarding my own club philosophy when I was single. I went out to enjoy ME, and MY company, and that of the friends I was making there. If that resulted in a bedmate later that night, that was the bonus, not the objective.

    When the objective become finding guys then you automatically look desperate, and your whole attitude shifts to that goal, spoiling the good time you might otherwise be having. I suppose some drop-dead famous Hollywood hunk can breeze into a club for the sole purpose of snagging a guy, and that works for him, but for most of us I think it wouldn't.

    So I hear what the OP is saying, what I myself have done, and successfully. But I wonder if that really is what he's doing, or just tells himself he is? Part of the trick is to LOOK like you're really enjoying yourself, just by being there, which make you appear much more attractive to other guys.

    As for the nibbles he's getting, but no real bites, maybe the fishing hole is wrong, or the bait he's using. And remember that other fishing analogy I often use here, which requires a fisherman's patience: you drop bait a hundred times to get a nibble. And only with one nibble in 20 do you hook something. And if you manage to haul it in, it may not be a keeper, and you have to throw it back.

    A gay man needs the patience & persistence of a fisherman. That's why I've had so many trophies in my own life, despite coming late to the game and being poorly equipped. It's not talent, it's tenacity.

    I never give up, and neither should the OP. A slight change in tactics, perhaps, but he won't achieve his goals by forfeiting the game.
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    Apr 02, 2011 2:10 PM GMT
    I go to gay clubs only occasionally, and always with a group of fun, like-minded friends, and only to drink and dance. If you go to a gay bar or club thinking that you're going to meet the love of your life, you're going to end up disappointed, frustrated and regretful. And, even if you meet someone who's reasonably interesting, you're likely not going to hear from him again after your encounter because gay guys who routinely go to gay bars to find "tricks" generally lack follow-through and are not good boyfriend material in the first place.
  • mybud

    Posts: 11837

    Apr 02, 2011 2:27 PM GMT
    the only good thing about goin to the bar is if you go late enough you can pick up a good lookin drunk guy...convince him to take you back to his place...you then fuck him and leave before you have to buy him breakfast in the morning.....
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    Apr 02, 2011 3:01 PM GMT
    I haven't been inside a bar since 2009. And the only reason I went that time was because a friend dragged me there.

    I don't like smoke, the music is too loud, and I don't like being surrounded by a sea of strangers. I hate having to shout in a conversation just so the other person can hear me because of all of the noise from the music and crowd. If you've seen one drag show, you've seen them all. I also am not much of a drinker so going to a bar for a drink doesn't make sense. There really isn't anything there for me. I keep trying to figure out why the bars are always packed. What do people really see in bars that I don't? If I want music, I can play my cds or mp3s. I'd like to talk to people without having to shout over noise. A place that's more intimate. I like museum outings but those aren't really gay specific. I could dance, but I don't care for the electronic music that they play. I wish they had performances by live bands. What am I missing? It's just smoke, alcohol, push-button music from a vending machine, and meaningless chatter. There's just nothing there for me.
  • wellwell

    Posts: 2265

    Apr 02, 2011 3:18 PM GMT
    ...Unless you personally know the band that is playing, then NO !

  • misternick

    Posts: 234

    Apr 02, 2011 3:34 PM GMT
    Going out is fun sometimes. You're thinking too much about something that shouldn't require much thought at all.

    Lots of guys post the reasons they don't like going to bars... ok, cool, then don't go to bars. The place is still packed, though, so there're obviously people who enjoy it.

    The way we generally approach it is: Go, have a drink, if it's lame then leave. Either someplace else or home.
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    Apr 02, 2011 3:41 PM GMT
    Just don't go... ?
  • awm55

    Posts: 619

    Apr 02, 2011 4:03 PM GMT
    Put it this way, the chances of meeting someone who you are going to connect with in a dark venue where the music is so loud you have to shout to speak to anyone and everyone is drinking is slim to non.
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    Apr 02, 2011 4:15 PM GMT
    How about just going for you? Go to a club that plays music you want to hear so you can jump around and have a good time. If you meet someone, all the better... but if you don't, who cares? You'll at least have a good time on your own.

    This, anyway, has always been my approach.
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Apr 02, 2011 4:20 PM GMT
    i enjoy the spectator sport of "People Watching"

    new orleans in general, and new orelans gay bars in particular, give me ample oppertunity to persue this favorite pastime.

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  • NerdLifter

    Posts: 1509

    Apr 02, 2011 4:21 PM GMT
    awm55 saidPut it this way, the chances of meeting someone who you are going to connect with in a dark venue where the music is so loud you have to shout to speak to anyone and everyone is drinking is slim to non.


    Quoted for truth. If you are going to a club to find a relationship/dates... yeah it is not going to happen. (I am sure someone will post "hey, I met XYZ at a club and we have been together for W years." They are the exception.) My point is, the club is not the best place for what you are seeking. The chance of finding it there is very low, not impossible, but just unlikely.
  • dannyboy1101

    Posts: 977

    Apr 02, 2011 5:55 PM GMT
    The chances o finding a gay guy who is truly dateable whether u r in a gay bar, a brittney concert, line at Mcdonalds, at school, at the gym, in a church, through a gay social group is all the same... Pretty slim. Enjoy life and screw the other "humans". Take the phone numbers as a compliment and if something more comes well then go step by step. Most gay relationships ive encountered are founded on convenience and pretense. There's nothing wrong with you. Remember perception is reality oftentimes. Don't expect life to match the movies.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 02, 2011 5:58 PM GMT
    I had some delicious champagne in Hillcrest once.
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    Apr 02, 2011 5:59 PM GMT
    Well, another reason why I've lost some interest in going out (especially alone) is because few weeks ago this guy comes up to me at the bar all interested. Couple weeks later we went out again and he set up some shenanigan of a situation where he picked up someone else later that night and the guy he picked up was trying to argue with me about taking him home.

    To bring bar drama into my life will throw off all the effort I put into living and moving here, and I just don't want that to happen.

    Art_Deco said I suppose some drop-dead famous Hollywood hunk can breeze into a club for the sole purpose of snagging a guy, and that works for him, but for most of us I think it wouldn't.

    A gay man needs the patience & persistence of a fisherman. That's why I've had so many trophies in my own life, despite coming late to the game and being poorly equipped. It's not talent, it's tenacity.

    I never give up, and neither should the OP. A slight change in tactics, perhaps, but he won't achieve his goals by forfeiting the game.


    I have to disagree with paragraph 1. People walk into bars ALL THE TIME looking to snag a guy. I used to live on South Beach Miami so I know how it goes. You don't need to be Hollywood just to do that. Hell, I do that. Everytime I go out someone gives me their number or hits on me. But generally it's the wrong type of people: either not my type, or just living in the moment. that 3 hours and maybe some after that.

    Although I can appreciate your fisherman analogy, I can't say I'm completely agree with it. That's like saying it's a numbers game. And the energy put into dealing with a guy who is full of games is a lot higher than losing a fish.

    sportyred saidI haven't been inside a bar since 2009. And the only reason I went that time was because a friend dragged me there.


    Oh stop. I am so sick of this tired excuse for having gone to a bar. "My friend dragged me there".

    I'm not picking just on you, but so many guys always use this lame, played out excuse. Last time I heard that's kidnapping if he dragged you out somewhere. Was it by a collar around your neck? Did he put a gun to your head and force you? Were you in the car together and he just stopped in front of a club and told you to get out?
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Apr 02, 2011 6:43 PM GMT
    I used to LOVE going out to the bars.
    Until this past weekend, I hadn't been out to a bar in a long time.
    I've been taking medication that gives me a bad reaction if I combine it with alcohol.
    I realized that I have a LOT more fun if I'm drinking alcohol, and that the bars are a total bore without it.
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    Apr 02, 2011 6:47 PM GMT
    You get to dance and have fun. That's what I usually do there...You might end up getting a blowjob from a transgender in the bathroom but idk if everybody appreciates that
  • SFGeoNinja

    Posts: 510

    Apr 02, 2011 6:52 PM GMT
    DOMINUS saidI go to gay clubs only occasionally, and always with a group of fun, like-minded friends, and only to drink and dance. If you go to a gay bar or club thinking that you're going to meet the love of your life, you're going to end up disappointed, frustrated and regretful. And, even if you meet someone who's reasonably interesting, you're likely not going to hear from him again after your encounter because gay guys who routinely go to gay bars to find "tricks" generally lack follow-through and are not good boyfriend material in the first place.


    This is good advice, Dominus. I think you're setting yourself up for disappointment if you go to any bar, gay or straight, expecting to meet someone. You have to make your surroundings work. If you truly don't like the ambience or clientele of a place, then it's not their fault for being in business, it's your fault for not knowing your true preferences. Simply don't go there anymore, end of story. For bars you do like, bring a good group of friends with you and you'll see your attitude flip a 180. Good times out are about the people you share them with, not the bar itself - the bar is just a medium, nothing more.
  • SFGeoNinja

    Posts: 510

    Apr 02, 2011 6:59 PM GMT
    Studinprogress said
    awm55 saidPut it this way, the chances of meeting someone who you are going to connect with in a dark venue where the music is so loud you have to shout to speak to anyone and everyone is drinking is slim to non.


    Quoted for truth. If you are going to a club to find a relationship/dates... yeah it is not going to happen. (I am sure someone will post "hey, I met XYZ at a club and we have been together for W years." They are the exception.) My point is, the club is not the best place for what you are seeking. The chance of finding it there is very low, not impossible, but just unlikely.


    This is definitely true, my bf and I are the exception in having met at a dive college bar/pizza restaurant. In a club, your chances are even less bc of the loud bass and dim lights. For bars and clubs generally, you wanna use the venue as a jumping off point. Get their number in the club/bar and keep conversation to a minimum just because you're there to entertain your friends and dance, not meet the love of your life. If your crush of the evening is serious, he will walk you out at the end of the night, where you can go grab that late-night bite to eat, or perhaps a nightcap back at your place, if only so you can try to get to know each other. Not really a recipe for meeting Mr. Right, but give the guy a chance, you just never know how these things turn out, do ya?
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Apr 02, 2011 7:15 PM GMT
    Webster666 saidI used to LOVE going out to the bars.
    Until this past weekend, I hadn't been out to a bar in a long time.
    I've been taking medication that gives me a bad reaction if I combine it with alcohol.
    I realized that I have a LOT more fun if I'm drinking alcohol, and that the bars are a total bore without it.



    oh, i dunno.....i guess it depends on what you are after.

    i enjoy stopping off at my favorite bar in my gayborhood friday night after work, around 12:30 am, sit at the end of the bar, sip on a diet coke, bullshit/flirt with my favorite bartender that i had an intense 3 month fling with a few years ago, and "watch the floor show" of the colorful gay crowd come and go over the next couple of hours, all in varying states of sobriety and chemical enhancement.


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