Sex with a straight best friend. What's next?

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    Apr 02, 2011 7:41 PM GMT
    The first thing you need to know about me, I'm not a very emotional person. I had an extremely rough childhood (mental and physical abuse, perpetual "forgotten child" syndrome, kicked out after coming out at 17, etc.) and because of it all, I've developed a really thick skin. I don't get emotional over anything. Anything at all.

    About a year and a half ago, I met a guy (and his group of friends). As far as I was concerned, he was straight enough to where he'd never want to be with me. I've never in my life crossed that boundary - I place straight men in the same category as women. He and I became fast friends, and eventually best friends. We share that "secret language" where you just know what the other is thinking, all that good stuff.

    Well, around this time last year, I noticed he was treating me different than his other friends. He was very flirtatious with me. He'd hold my hand under the table, he licked my neck a lot at random, one time he sucked on my ear? I got really confused and expressed the confusion. He let me know he wasn't against the idea of trying homosexual sexual relations, but that he wouldn't want to try anything with me because "what we had was too awesome to risk".

    Everything was fine after that. Everything went back to normal, we became even closer as friends. He got a girlfriend, which was an even bigger relief to me. His girlfriend and I became good friends as well. Everything was great.

    In late December, just before my birthday, we had a drinking movie night at a friend's house. His sister came, too, who was the only one not drinking. It was a hilariously fun night, we all rolled around wrestling and tickling one another - it's not uncommon for this group of friends. We're all oddly close, it's strange.

    So, he asked his sister to go get food for us sometime in the middle of the night. When she agreed, he forced the other girl to go as well (it was her house). They left, and he immediately started tickling me and we wrestled for a few minutes, and then he just kissed me. It lasted a few minutes, but I stopped it.

    All these strange, confused feelings came rushing forward. I had no definition for what the feelings were - I hadn't even had feelings for anyone in years. I'd been in completely emotionless relationships without even realizing it. But now, I was actually dealing with legitimate feelings... for my "straight best friend".

    We briefly talked about it the next day. We agreed to just let it seem like it wasn't a big deal. And I was okay with that. Because I still had issues to work out. He told his girlfriend, too. Again, not a big deal for her. Apparently they'd had preconversation about it - I'll get to that in a minute.

    After that happened, we actually became even CLOSER.

    Along the way, strange things started happening.

    I often use the abrasive phrase "bl** me!" in a sarcastic way when I'm pretending to be offended by something. He started saying "bear it, I will". I assumed it was also sarcastic. One day of bowling, it happened again, and he responded the same way. Then he turned to another one of our friends who happened to be there and said, "You know, I feel like if he did bear it, I'd have to." Again, I assumed it was a joke, and replied, "Well, I'll keep that in mind for next time."

    One evening, we had a similar text conversation which ended, again in what I assumed was just a joke, a deal in which "whoever bears it first gets it first".

    This past Sunday, there was a party. A friend (the owner of the same home where we kissed) planned a movie night and we'd be drinking. I asked if I could crash there if I drank, she agreed. My straight best friend jumped at the opportunity and said he'd stay to.

    I got really nervous. I expected, if anything, we might kiss again. But I didn't know what to do. I went over, and it turned into a very long night. But after everyone started to leave, I had already sobered up. The host asked if I was staying, I said "not alone" and my straight best friend said, "I'll be here."

    Keep in mind, he was sitting on my all night, running his hands on my legs, resting it on my crotch, etc. I was kindof getting the hint, but also denying it could ever happen. So, after everyone left, he sat separate, and I figured, okay... we're good. But then he got off the couch and gave me about an hour long massage.

    I have a very sensitive back and neck. Extremely sensitive. He knows this. It's why I can't go anywhere and get a real massage. I can't help but jerk about and convulse and groan, etc. So, somehow, I ended up flung back against his chest and he kept going along my neck, meanwhile breathing heavily in my ear, and suddenly, he licked along my neck and had his mouth ajar and next to mine. I turned. He kissed me.

    Make out, make out, make out. Within ten seconds (SECONDS), his hand was down my pants. Another three minutes later, clothes were coming off. We went at it.

    After all was over, it was fine. We sat there a while, joking about it, teasing each other, etc. We stayed up until about 7 and left, he had work. He texted when he got home, it was fine. His girlfriend let me know she knew without her actually saying so, and I felt a little awkward about it, but knew they had prior conversations about it.

    The next few days were a little awkward. We were avoiding any discussion on the subject. A few of us went out to dinner and he asked me to sit next to him. We joked, we laughed, it seemed to get better. I figured it was my chance to talk to him. But instead of hanging out with us after dinner (as normal), he went home complaining he hadn't been sleeping. I was in the same boat. I hadn't slept since it happened.

    I texted him that he was lame (sarcastically, of course), not uncommon, and that we'd have to talk the following night. But he persisted and persisted that we talk over text right then and there (I'm all about confronting issues and getting them out of the way, but he is very anti-confrontation). I finally sufficed and told him I was confused and didn't know how to feel. His immediate response:

    "Good statement/question. I didn't exactly mean for that to be with you. But I don't regret it. I was going to try being with a guy, it was accidentally you. Sorry... I'm a bad person."

    The feeling I had that followed... I don't know how to describe it. Again, I've never been emotional. It was the first time in years I thought I might cry. It was like an astroid collided with my chest and an 18 wheeler with my back at the exact same time, and just left me pinned there... barely alive, but alive enough to feel it. Again, I didn't know what the feeling was/is. Just that it was really horrible, and the only word for it that I could describe it as was "guilt", but even that wasn't right.

    Our conversation when like this.

    Me: How does that work?
    Him: With?

    Me: Who was "I" meant to be?

    Him: Anyone but my best friend... lol. No one fat.

    Me: So in other words, you tried it, did not enjoy it, and that's that, correct? I do apologize.

    Him: No no. I'll try again. Probably.

    Me: With someone else, you mean?

    Him: Umm. Idk. Not trying to use anyone in my self exploration.

    Me: Here's why I feel like donkey sh** right now. I'm confused why it happened if you had no attraction to me or feelings for that matter. I'm completely terrified for no reason. I feel like I've failed you. I have no idea what the fu** is going on. Lol. It just feels really... weird, which isn't the right word for it, but it'll do.

    Him: Hmm. Well, I am me, so the simplest answer is 'cause it did'. I don't plan these things.

    Me: Okay. I apologize.

    Him: For?

    Me: Many things, I guess lol. Not having been on my A game, bothering you with discussion over this, etc. I know you don't like talking about sh**

    (I hadn't had a sexual encounter in some time. In a conversation weeks prior to our encounter, he was curious why I was rejecting so many guys
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    Apr 02, 2011 7:42 PM GMT
    (I hadn't had a sexual encounter in some time. In a conversation weeks prior to our encounter, he was curious why I was rejecting so many guys, and I told him I didn't want sex with someone I didn't care about anymore. That I'd done that in the past, and it didn't do anything for me. It wasn't exciting at all.)

    Him: a) wasn't bad. b) needs to be talked over.

    Me: Again, wasn't on my A game. Kinda pissed you made me a cheeseburger though, Dick. I iz a sirloin.

    (Here's where I was trying to lighten it. He's had this running joke since I met him, "Sex is like meat. A sirloin is great, but sometimes, all you need is a cheeseburger.")

    Him: Again, it was fine. Fine enough to where I'm not like, "omgz ewwie" even if you provided extra gel for my man hair.

    (yes. Mine got in his hair, Something About Mary style)

    Few more jokes happened here that don't matter.

    Me: Okay, so it meant nothing, correct?

    Him: It was fun.

    Me: Lol, surely. But why do I still feel like shit?

    Him: Umm, idk. You have fun?

    Me: Yeah

    Him: Convincing. If you want to feel better, take a prego test. I hear it makes some people feel better.

    Me: Well, I hadn't done anything in months and was slowly going insane. Of course I had fun. And already did. An EPT. Says I'm laying a chicken egg sometime soon.

    (Remember we went to dinner? All you can eat wings.)

    After a little more jokes.

    Him: More questions

    Me: A million, but not going as expected. Skipping ahead, what now?

    Him: Ask a million

    Me: Well, being called an accident wasn't exactly the best choice of words, my friend. Lol. How did the girlfriend conversation go?

    Him: True... no regrets, not bad, gonna do it again. Accident is because you are my bestie.

    Him again: Preconvo: I told her I wanted to try guys, stay or leave. She understood and just wanted me to tell her when I did. I'm a bad person.

    Me: You're obviously not a bad person. Truth told, I categorized you then as someone completely different. As in, when that was happening, you were not bestie ____, you where ____ pt. 2

    (I don't want to give names)

    Him: Interesting. More questions.

    Me: What brought on interest in trying guys?

    Him: Not trying guys before. I think people should try options before settling down. Would have saved your ex.

    (I dated a guy when I was 18 and he was 28. The guy informed me after 4 months that he was married to a woman, and had a 3 year old daughter with her. I broke up with him. He told me I was the only guy he'd ever been attracted to, blah blah blah. It's another story entirely)

    Me: Correcto. I still feel like apologizing.

    Him: Why?

    Me: Wish I knew. The only thing I can describe shit feeling as is perhaps some feeling of guilt, which I have no idea over what.

    Him: Guilty over what? Specific.

    Me: I have nothing specific. It's just there. Strongly. Idk why. I try to refrain from emotions. Hence (a list of exes names). Maybe that's why I feel guilty? Over them? Idk. I never really felt guilty over them.

    Him: I'm not hurt. I'd do it again. Hopefully better. I don't think you're feeling guilty. I think you are hurting. I'm a bad person.

    (If there's one thing I could never do, it's letting someone know they have an effect over me, especially a negative effect. I've never let someone know that they hurt me.)

    Me: Would you just shut up about being a bad person? You're not a bad person. I mean, you are, but not because of any of our situations. Lol. I don't think I know what hurting *means*. I closed that emotion after Jack. I was a total woman when that happened.

    Him: Shit happens. If you had fun, it was fun. If not, I'm sorry I used you.

    Me: LOL, I don't feel used. I told you I had fun. A blast, even. Just became very confused.

    Him: Now you win poor choice of words. Blast? Really? Blast?

    Me: My wording is tactful and precise.

    (More joking happened here; at one point he even asked for pointers and I told him to last longer)

    Him: You're not a gambling man.

    Me: I don't see how that is relevant.

    Him: Eh. Push your luck, you only live once. I'm not 13.

    Me: Never wanted to be one of those gay guys who tries to convert his friends. Would be easier to push luck if I would accept that you are an anomaly.

    Him: Any other areas of unclarity? Recommendations? Comments? Concerns? I'd like everything to be cleared.

    Me: None worth mentioning, though I won't feel awkward bringing them up later if anything arises. I think I got it. No feelings, no attraction, just fun.

    Him: What's not worth mentioning? And fun/educational

    Me: I wasn't insecure enough to mention them. "Sorry for skinny body, sorry for dry mouth, sorry for paleness". But it all bleeds into the attraction aspect anyway, lol.

    Him: I'm whiter and skinnier. Those are silly things. Last chance for tonight.

    Me: Precisely. One last uncertainty: this may happen again?

    Him: It may, or may not. Will I oppose? No.There is more to try and learn.

    I texted him the next day to clarify about the terrified thing. Really, I didn't want him thinking I'm in love with him or something dumb like that. So I said,

    "Oh, got to thinking a little and I don't think I clarified one thing. When I said, "completely terrified"... it's because I didn't want you to think differently about me or feel differently or act differently. The idea that our friendship has to change over that is a worst case scenario. Awkwardness is unnecessary, different interaction would be stupid. And I think that's where the guilt came in. It would make it seem lke I've done something wrong, and then I'd just apologize constantly. But yeah, I think that about covers it."

    No response to that. A bunch went to dinner that night, and it was about the most awkward thing I've ever experienced. He fought not to make eye contact with me or conversation. It felt like he had told everyone something, because no one made eye contact. I think I maybe had three words spoken to me the entire night. I had planned on going in there and just having fun like normal, but I was met with that. It was incredibly unnerving. One couple left early, and then it was just four of us left. Still, nothing.

    He attempted to make small comments to me that would make me laugh. I normally would find them funny, but I found myself forcing laughter because I felt so uncomfortable in silence. These were not comments I could reply to. But finally, I just got up, said my goodbyes and left. We hugged, but it would have been far too out of the ordinary to not hug. We always hug.

    I went to a friends' and just... exploded. I confessed everything, intimate detail. I told my friend why I was telling her - that he had his girlfriend to talk to about it. That they clearly had been discussing it. The one person I normally go to about it was off limits, as he was involved. This girl is extremely trust worthy, so don't focus on that. The conversation helped, though. She called me an idiot for letting it happened, called him an asshole, and expressed that she's thought for the last year that his girlfriend was a sham and that he has feelings for me.

    I got to thinking. All of my friends have confronted the issue. Everyone has always thought he has feelings for me, but I have none for him, based on our interactions in public AND when we think no one is looking. He's very affectionate, and I just sit there and take it or express my desire to cause him physical pain.

    By the end of the conversation with my friend, we were laughing and had moved on to another subject, and I just felt so much better. I thought, great. This will be easy then, as long as he sees that I'm not going to dwell on anything. I even texted him because another of our friends has tried multiple times to ask me on a date. He and I are close, and have always been, and he wants to take it to the next level. I've told him on numerous occasions that it can't happen. That I have no interest. I
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    Apr 02, 2011 7:43 PM GMT
    I'm very blunt, and I've never given him any hint that I have an interest.

    The night of the long text conversation, this friend who likes me was at dinner with us as well. I thought maybe my bestie told him to ask me out. So I texted my bestie asking, and we had a pleasant convo.

    What concerns me is... it's like he's hiding behind text. Everything is completely normal there, but in person, there's just this horrible tension. I've never felt tension like that before.

    I've been wracking my brain for how to just get him to act normally, I have no idea what to do. His girlfriend is coming for a visit tonight. I'm concerned it will be even more awkward, but I have to go to save face. I already made the commitment, and we rarely see her.

    I just don't know what to do. I've never had an experience like this. I hear about them. I've always avoided them, because they're so dramatic and over the top. I had no idea it was so hard.

    Is there anyone who's had a similar experience? Someone who can help me maybe? I'm 23, and I've got a thick skin. Just be as honest as you can.
  • JMex3

    Posts: 96

    Apr 02, 2011 8:05 PM GMT
    Wow man, a lot to take in. That's a pretty crazy story, I had something similar with my best friend from college, it never got to the making out but he was very touchy feely with me kissin my neck and grabbing my ass at parties or when we'd be out.

    I'm 23 as well and I can't even imagine if that had happened b/t my friend and I. Maybe he was experimenting with you but still that's pretty fucked up it's the worst when you develop feelings towards that person and the fact that he acted out on them must be very very confusing, i honestly don't know what i would do

    Wish I had some great advice man keep talking to him or hang out with him 1 on 1 and see what how he acts. Best of luck man.
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    Apr 03, 2011 6:51 PM GMT
    very similar situation email and/or IM me if your interested. i would love to talk about a subject like this. it has been stuck in my head for almost a year now
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    Apr 03, 2011 7:59 PM GMT
    Before I give you advice (great thread by the way...) I just wanted to let you know that you should pick up on slight things that can give you an impression on who he is.

    First off,
    Negasonic When she agreed, he forced the other girl to go as well (it was her house).


    What a rude man, even if they are friends, they should respect each other enough not to "force" her out of the room while it as her house. I am super close with my friends and if I want some privacy, I ask them if it is alright with them if I can stay in their room a little bit and get some alone time.

    Not "force" them out...


    it tells you that he has a "I don't give a shit about your feelings" personality and a "I am the man, and I can do what I want"...

    Now, with that said, can you see a connection between this and your story?

    I was reading the conversation and it definitely gives the impression that he doesn't "care" about your feelings...

    such as:


    "Shit happens. If you had fun, it was fun. If not, I'm sorry I used you...

    to which you replied: I did not feel like I was used...

    in essence though, I think it MAY (it might not but it MAY) be because you feel like he took advantage of you without following up on it.

    If he really cared about you, then he would not have done that and act so shallow in the conversation.

    It seems to me that he was using you as an experiment and he is willing to experiment with you more. You do not want to be a mere experiment of his and you should not. If he wants you, he needs to work hard for it and get into a relationship with you (whether it be an open one or a long term one).

    Sex without being in a relationship is exactly what this problem is... you will not get the attention you want from him because he has his gf that needs his attention and it will be a night thing.

    My advice, stay as friends, but do not fool around with him anymore. The
    past is the past, move on, you cannot take back what has already happened unfortunately.



  • Beeftastic

    Posts: 1747

    Apr 03, 2011 8:09 PM GMT
    When you have a thick skin, you protect yourself from any kind of intimacy. So when someone finally gets through, you can get hurt, BAD. Because you are so raw inside.

    I had a thick skin for years, and I realized later that the reason I had such a thick skin is that if anyone actually got inside, it would be so easy for them to manipulate and use me.

    You shouldn't hate this guy, it does sound like he likes you as a friend, but he just can't relate to you in the way you need.
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    Apr 14, 2011 8:04 PM GMT
    Thanks for the comments, guys. I really appreciate it.

    Just for an update on the situation:

    Things have gotten a little better. I decided to accept a few dates from a few guys just to alleviate the tension, but he got upset at me and I didn't understand why.

    The dates went really well, too. Working on second and third dates with some of these gentlemen. It's nice looking at new opportunities. If anything, I expect some good new friendships.

    Anyway, the tension finally subsided. We're part of the same production group (filmmakers), and our sister-production-group asked that he and I help with one of their latest projects. We had a long conversation on the way there, and it helped a lot. We were playful again and made fun of each other again.

    His girlfriend, however... wasn't as okay with it as she let on. She's told him on numerous occasions that she has no problem with it, yadda yadda. But she's turned on me completely, which I can understand, I suppose. However, she's being immature about the whole damn thing instead of practicing the art of honesty. He told her to leave me alone and that anything that happens between him and I is our business and has nothing to do with her.

    I have no plans to do anything with him again. We're friends, and that's as far as either of us wants to go, so there's no sense in either one of us trying anything else.

    Anyway, again... I really appreciate the responses, guys.

    @_Mohammed_ : I didn't mean he FORCED this girl out like... abrasively or anything, haha. He wasn't being rude or anything, and she agreed to it with relative ease.

    Also, I assumed he was acting shallow in the conversation because he was trying to make sure I wasn't being led on. Again, he doesn't like talking about his emotions or anything. I'm the confrontational one, as soon as there's a hint of a problem, I like to talk it out so it isn't an underlying issue. He's terrified about talking things out for some reason. So, instead, he hides behind fake meanings and fake conversation. I see it all the time. I know exactly how he is. I was really only hurt by him calling me an accident, and the idea that our friendship would have to change.

    Now that things are going back to normal, it's okay. I know he cares about me as a friend, and I think he's relieved with himself that he can finally act normally around me. I'm definitely relieved.
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    Apr 14, 2011 9:55 PM GMT
    Wow, this story went from fantasy to nightmare: "It was accidently you" - are you serious? That was really harsh. But i still got the impression he liked you as more than a friend from what i read, especially as he was angry with you after dating those guys; i could be wrong. I think things will get better with time though, as long as you both keep communicating with each other.
  • Nizzo

    Posts: 130

    Apr 14, 2011 10:21 PM GMT
    I believe you two will have sex again.
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    Apr 16, 2011 5:36 AM GMT
    Is anyone else having some Brokeback Mountain flashbacks, or am I alone on this?
  • LuvRockett

    Posts: 8

    Apr 22, 2011 5:49 PM GMT
    Negasonic saidThe first thing you need to know about me, I'm not a very emotional person. I had an extremely rough childhood and because of it all, I've developed a really thick skin. I don't get emotional over anything. Anything at all.


    Okay, I'll be honest with you, but I don't think you're going to like it. But you said you want honest feedback, so I'll tell you what I think I see here... no sugar coating...

    1. You say " I'm not a very emotional person. I don't get emotional over anything. Anything at all." It sounds like you don't know yourself very well because the way you've handled this whole situation shows that this is not true.

    2. Despite the fact that your friend seems to deny it, he's VERY attracted to you. For some reason, he doesn't know how to handle it properly. In my opinion, he acted like an asshole. It seems like he's not emotionally mature enough to deal with what he's feeling. That's what caused him to be somewhat distant after your encounter.

    3. It sounds like you don't want to admit it, but you are in love with him. The reason you keep wanting him to think that it was all no big deal with you, is because you don't want him to flip out and not be your friend anymore. You really want to hang on to this friendship/relationship, even if he is a jerk to you. You don't want to lose him.

    4. You are dealing with some personal insecurity issues, indicated by the fact that you somehow felt the need to continually apologize to him for the encounter. He used you for a sexual encounter and then basically "cast you aside" temporarily and you were falling all over yourself to tell him, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

    Don't ever do that. You have nothing to apologize to him for. If anyone should be apologizing, it should be him apologizing to you for doing what he did and not being able to consider your feelings or how it would affect you. If anything, his being distant to you after that encounter should show you how immature he is, and how he doesn't seem to respect you or your feelings very much. If I were in your shoes at this point, I would've told him, "okay, grow up and be responsible for your feelings and your actions and how they affect other people, and don't you dare treat me like that EVER again!" If you respond to him that way, then he will probably respect you, because he will see that you respect yourself as well, and will not tolerate being used.

    (A bit of advice: don't EVER tolerate being used by ANYONE, even if you are in love with them. Show them that you can draw the line, and if they don't show you more respect, you'll walk. If you do this, then they will likely see that your friendship/relationship holds value and they will treat it with more respect. If they aren't smart enough to see that your relationship holds value and start treating you with more respect, THEN WALK.)

    5. You made a pretty big deal out of the whole thing with the long text conversation you had with him. You may not have wanted him to know that this bothered you, or that you were hurt, but the way that you micromanaged and wanted to pin down every little detail in that conversation basically showed him that you WERE bothered by the whole thing, that you love him very much, and that you don't want to lose him. Even though he tried to play it cool, that all probably made him even more uncomfortable.

    6. If he says "I'm a bad person", why the hell do you keep trying to tell him that he's not a bad person? If he's saying that, then there's obviously some feeling behind it. Keep your mouth shut and let that idea ferment a little while. It sounds like to some degree he realizes that he did not treat you well and feels some remorse for it. He needs to think about that. Let him. It's not your job to convince him that he's not a bad person, and it's not your job to make him feel good about himself. It sounds to me like he NEEDS to think about how he handled that situation, so if he ever tries it again, he can be more responsible.

    7. His girlfriend is hostile toward you because she sees you as a threat that she cannot compete with. If there was another GIRL that her man was attracted to, she could compete with that. But if there's a MAN that her man is attracted to, she can't compete with that. She'll never be able to give him what you can give him, and she knows it. In all honesty, she's naive to think that their relationship is going to work out.

    In summary:

    At the very least your friend is bisexual. But most likely, he's gay, and doesn't want to confront the fact.

    He's very attracted to you.

    You're in love with him.

    You're both emotionally immature and that makes the situation difficult to handle for both of you.

    When you went all "Drama Queen" on him about his being distant from you after you had sex, that probably cooled his attraction for you a little bit. Now that you're dating other guys and he doesn't like it, it shows that his attraction and desire for you is still alive and well.

    Until both of you are able to be emotionally honest with yourselves about how you feel about one another, your relationship with him is probably going to be like a dramatic soap opera with ups and downs and twists and turns.

    The sexual tension between the two of you will continue to build as long as you both choose to deny or hide how you really feel about one another. Eventually that sexual tension is going to build up to the point to where he can't take it anymore, and he's going to initiate sex with you again. You'll give in without a second thought and the sex is going to be epic HOT!

    If and when that happens, after the sex is over, my advice to you is play it cool and keep your mouth shut. Just walk away with a satisfied smile on your face and wait for him to come back around to you again. Don't call him, and don't have some long dramatic discussion about what it all meant.

    The bottom line is that you both just need to be honest about how you feel about one another, have some hot sex, and get it overwith!

    Hope this helps... icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 22, 2011 6:50 PM GMT
    New poster and no pictures?
    No way I'm going to bother reading all of that.
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    Apr 22, 2011 11:46 PM GMT
    A1EX saidNew poster and no pictures?
    No way I'm going to bother reading all of that.


    +1
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    Apr 23, 2011 10:23 PM GMT
    I'm not surprised by a supposed straight guy turning out to have same-sex attractions but I am surprised that he bl++ed you. Not exactly a natural progression for a straight guy. He probably takes cues from gay themed porn.

    He's definitely attracted to you though. He's just aloof because that's what guys do when faced with awkwardness sometimes.
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    Apr 24, 2011 4:50 PM GMT
    LuvRockett said
    Negasonic saidThe first thing you need to know about me, I'm not a very emotional person. I had an extremely rough childhood and because of it all, I've developed a really thick skin. I don't get emotional over anything. Anything at all.


    Okay, I'll be honest with you, but I don't think you're going to like it. But you said you want honest feedback, so I'll tell you what I think I see here... no sugar coating...

    1. You say " I'm not a very emotional person. I don't get emotional over anything. Anything at all." It sounds like you don't know yourself very well because the way you've handled this whole situation shows that this is not true.

    2. Despite the fact that your friend seems to deny it, he's VERY attracted to you. For some reason, he doesn't know how to handle it properly. In my opinion, he acted like an asshole. It seems like he's not emotionally mature enough to deal with what he's feeling. That's what caused him to be somewhat distant after your encounter.

    3. It sounds like you don't want to admit it, but you are in love with him. The reason you keep wanting him to think that it was all no big deal with you, is because you don't want him to flip out and not be your friend anymore. You really want to hang on to this friendship/relationship, even if he is a jerk to you. You don't want to lose him.

    4. You are dealing with some personal insecurity issues, indicated by the fact that you somehow felt the need to continually apologize to him for the encounter. He used you for a sexual encounter and then basically "cast you aside" temporarily and you were falling all over yourself to tell him, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

    Don't ever do that. You have nothing to apologize to him for. If anyone should be apologizing, it should be him apologizing to you for doing what he did and not being able to consider your feelings or how it would affect you. If anything, his being distant to you after that encounter should show you how immature he is, and how he doesn't seem to respect you or your feelings very much. If I were in your shoes at this point, I would've told him, "okay, grow up and be responsible for your feelings and your actions and how they affect other people, and don't you dare treat me like that EVER again!" If you respond to him that way, then he will probably respect you, because he will see that you respect yourself as well, and will not tolerate being used.

    (A bit of advice: don't EVER tolerate being used by ANYONE, even if you are in love with them. Show them that you can draw the line, and if they don't show you more respect, you'll walk. If you do this, then they will likely see that your friendship/relationship holds value and they will treat it with more respect. If they aren't smart enough to see that your relationship holds value and start treating you with more respect, THEN WALK.)

    5. You made a pretty big deal out of the whole thing with the long text conversation you had with him. You may not have wanted him to know that this bothered you, or that you were hurt, but the way that you micromanaged and wanted to pin down every little detail in that conversation basically showed him that you WERE bothered by the whole thing, that you love him very much, and that you don't want to lose him. Even though he tried to play it cool, that all probably made him even more uncomfortable.

    6. If he says "I'm a bad person", why the hell do you keep trying to tell him that he's not a bad person? If he's saying that, then there's obviously some feeling behind it. Keep your mouth shut and let that idea ferment a little while. It sounds like to some degree he realizes that he did not treat you well and feels some remorse for it. He needs to think about that. Let him. It's not your job to convince him that he's not a bad person, and it's not your job to make him feel good about himself. It sounds to me like he NEEDS to think about how he handled that situation, so if he ever tries it again, he can be more responsible.

    7. His girlfriend is hostile toward you because she sees you as a threat that she cannot compete with. If there was another GIRL that her man was attracted to, she could compete with that. But if there's a MAN that her man is attracted to, she can't compete with that. She'll never be able to give him what you can give him, and she knows it. In all honesty, she's naive to think that their relationship is going to work out.

    In summary:

    At the very least your friend is bisexual. But most likely, he's gay, and doesn't want to confront the fact.

    He's very attracted to you.

    You're in love with him.

    You're both emotionally immature and that makes the situation difficult to handle for both of you.

    When you went all "Drama Queen" on him about his being distant from you after you had sex, that probably cooled his attraction for you a little bit. Now that you're dating other guys and he doesn't like it, it shows that his attraction and desire for you is still alive and well.

    Until both of you are able to be emotionally honest with yourselves about how you feel about one another, your relationship with him is probably going to be like a dramatic soap opera with ups and downs and twists and turns.

    The sexual tension between the two of you will continue to build as long as you both choose to deny or hide how you really feel about one another. Eventually that sexual tension is going to build up to the point to where he can't take it anymore, and he's going to initiate sex with you again. You'll give in without a second thought and the sex is going to be epic HOT!

    If and when that happens, after the sex is over, my advice to you is play it cool and keep your mouth shut. Just walk away with a satisfied smile on your face and wait for him to come back around to you again. Don't call him, and don't have some long dramatic discussion about what it all meant.

    The bottom line is that you both just need to be honest about how you feel about one another, have some hot sex, and get it overwith!

    Hope this helps... icon_smile.gif




    I think there is a lot of truth here.

    To the original poster, I appreciate you sharing your story. I went the through the whole "in love with a straight guy who was a best friend" thing. He and his girlfriend lived with me for about 15 months.

    We never had sex at all, but there was definitely that tension in the air. It was the hardest thing I ever went through emotionally.

    All I can say is I wish you luck. Would love to hear more as time progresses on how things are between the two of you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 25, 2011 12:02 AM GMT
    Again, thanks for more replies, guys. I really do appreciate them.

    To LuvRockett: Thanks a ton for such a lofty response. I agree with a lot of your points. However, I can't consider myself "in love" with him, because I feel like I'd be a lot more upset by the whole situation. I didn't feel any specific urge to cry or watch movies and eat fattening food. I just went on with life a little confused.

    I guess I'm a bit naive, but I can't disbelieve him when he says he has no attraction to me. I think it was purely experimental, and he has no idea how to communicate his point, so he comes across as a complete asshole. I'm sure he didn't MEAN to come across that way, I know him better than that. But the words still made him seem like a gigantic asshole.

    However, I'm starting to second guess that because of a recent development. He started texting me the other night, talking about his night and such. And then he randomly said he'd like to try it again, and asked how far I would be willing to take it. I told him I'd think about it and get back to him.

    I don't really see it happening again. I don't see the possibility for the opportunity to arise, so I can't imagine it happening. I don't know. I guess I'm just in denial.

    Again, thanks for all the advice and comments, guys. I know I'm new and haven't put up any pictures...... but I just needed a place to go and be anonymous and talk about something that I needed off my chest. You really have no idea how much this little thread filled with all my immature writing and your support has helped.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 25, 2011 12:05 AM GMT
    Negasonic saidSex with a straight best friend. What's next?
    gay_marriage.jpg
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 25, 2011 4:44 AM GMT
    You enjoyed it. He enjoyed it.
    If you keep over thinking the whole thing, you're going to fuck it all up.
    Just let it happen and see where it goes (or not).

    Good luck!
    Alan

  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Apr 25, 2011 1:50 PM GMT
    GAMRican saidYou enjoyed it. He enjoyed it.
    If you keep over thinking the whole thing, you're going to fuck it all up.
    Just let it happen and see where it goes (or not).

    Good luck!
    Alan




    yup!!
  • gatorboi

    Posts: 17

    Apr 30, 2011 12:09 AM GMT
    Wow, hits close to home. There must be a lot of other similar threads on this site. Anyone know of any?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 24, 2011 3:30 PM GMT
    GAMRican saidYou enjoyed it. He enjoyed it.
    If you keep over thinking the whole thing, you're going to fuck it all up.
    Just let it happen and see where it goes (or not).

    Good luck!
    Alan



    Agreed! Btw, keep the updates going if it makes you feel better or if you see a need to! It's a SUPER entertaining read even if i can't offer much advice. But you're obviously a no-drama person (which I greatly appreciate) and that should make sure the situation never gets too fucked up icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 24, 2011 3:34 PM GMT
    "Sex with a straight best friend. What's next?"


    What's next? You come to terms with the reality that he's NOT straight.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 24, 2011 4:04 PM GMT
    TheChrisGuy said
    GAMRican saidYou enjoyed it. He enjoyed it.
    If you keep over thinking the whole thing, you're going to fuck it all up.
    Just let it happen and see where it goes (or not).

    Good luck!
    Alan



    Agreed! Btw, keep the updates going if it makes you feel better or if you see a need to! It's a SUPER entertaining read even if i can't offer much advice. But you're obviously a no-drama person (which I greatly appreciate) and that should make sure the situation never gets too fucked up icon_smile.gif


    Yeah, I know. I want to hear how this all has unfolded. I sounds like LOVE blossoming.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 24, 2011 4:32 PM GMT
    GAMRican said
    TheChrisGuy said
    GAMRican saidYou enjoyed it. He enjoyed it.
    If you keep over thinking the whole thing, you're going to fuck it all up.
    Just let it happen and see where it goes (or not).

    Good luck!
    Alan



    Agreed! Btw, keep the updates going if it makes you feel better or if you see a need to! It's a SUPER entertaining read even if i can't offer much advice. But you're obviously a no-drama person (which I greatly appreciate) and that should make sure the situation never gets too fucked up icon_smile.gif


    Yeah, I know. I want to hear how this all has unfolded. I sounds like LOVE blossoming.


    Now now, we don't want to encourage him! (yessssss.....)