I am such a misfit...where do I fit in?

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    Apr 02, 2011 9:07 PM GMT
    Im sitting here on a saturday night feeling like a misfit toy from rudolph the reindeer christmas show. Maybe im like the dentist elf, as many of u are I guess...heres why....

    Im trying to get back to used to being newly single. Ive been to the bars the last couple weeks but getting tired of that shit. I love to dance but the closest gay bar for me is an hour away, sad right?

    Im not really looking for hookups even though im horny as hell, just not feeling the meaningless sex thing right now.

    I have friends....1 is a borderline alcoholic that is hugely obese so he never wants to do anything else. My other friends are 40ish and still stuck in their 20s as far as all they care about is bar hopping, or 1 night stands. Ugh, no thanks.

    Another friend just text me & invited me to a bday party an hour away but wants me to sleep with him & i dont want to go & give him the wrong idea.

    Another friend just invited me to come watch the game with him but hes wanted to sleep with me for a long time & i just dont want it to be too uncomfortable. So no.

    Ive thought of joining some support groups but they are an hour away & only once a month. Im even considering going to a gay friendly church here in town tomorrow just to meet different local people.

    So here I sit alone in my house. All I really care about doing is working out, watching movies, spending time with my kids & etc. So how am I as a gay man supposed to meet a good guy with all this bull shit going around me?

    We all know how the bar scene is, theres no gay social groups near here, so im pretty much shit outta luck unless I drive 1-3 hours away, even if I do meet someone that would constitute a ldr......ugh!

    So any advice? I feel like i just dont fit in anywhere & even guys i consider my close friends have obviously different goals in their life & ideas of what fun is.

    I just dont know what to do anymore.
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    Apr 02, 2011 9:57 PM GMT
    Welcome to the club. icon_lol.gif
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    Apr 02, 2011 10:01 PM GMT
    xrichx saidWelcome to the club. icon_lol.gif

    ^ This.

    As it seems, all the good ones are far away from each other. lol
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    Apr 02, 2011 10:04 PM GMT
    redbull said
    I love to dance but the closest gay bar for me is an hour away, sad right?



    Another friend just text me & invited me to a bday party an hour away



    Ive thought of joining some support groups but they are an hour away



    theres no gay social groups near here, so im pretty much shit outta luck unless I drive 1-3 hours away,


    So any advice?



    Move an hour away.
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    Apr 02, 2011 10:48 PM GMT
    redbull saidI am such a misfit...where do I fit in?
    With Tuaca or J├Ągermeister.
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    Apr 02, 2011 11:01 PM GMT
    Step one: Light a candle.
    Step two: Open a bottle of Dublin Dr. Pepper.
    Step three: Read a book or play Pokemon.
    Step four: ??????
    Step five: Profit.

    I am somewhat in your shoes, with a severe lack of appealing social things to do tonight, but I am enjoying the time to catch up on my leisure reading and videogames.

    Just find something to do by yourself that will make you more well-rounded or cultured, and yes, Pokemon definitely counts. As a more relevant example: that is how I learned how to cook by just buying a bunch of food and experimenting a few Saturday nights in a row at home in the kitchen alone in a brand new city. It will make you happier, it will give you something to talk about, and it will make you more interesting when you meet new friends or romantic interests ... like in line at the organic grocer when you hear your first ever pick-up line involving an eggplant. And you can correct the pick up line artist since you are now knowledgeable enough about eggplant to know how to identify gender. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Apr 03, 2011 12:18 AM GMT
    Maybe you're not ready to date. Didn't you have a recent breakup?
    You seem keen on finding excuses not to go out and meet someone new, so maybe just listen to yourself and take the time to do what you need to be doing.

    You're horny but don't want hookups, so you'll just have to take care of business yourself in the meantime.

    mixtape said

    Move an hour away.


    ^^This, when you're ready to date.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 03, 2011 12:25 AM GMT
    I think you could fit in my t-shirt
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 03, 2011 12:45 AM GMT
    honey...you don't fit in, you stand out, take the spot light, and FUCKING WORK IT!!!!
  • conservativej...

    Posts: 2465

    Apr 03, 2011 1:10 AM GMT
    Hum. I'm not sure I can relate. First off, I do not confine my social life to just gay men. How boring and ultimately defeating that would be.

    Surround yourself with your intellectual peers and I think you will find time flies.
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    Apr 03, 2011 1:13 AM GMT
    Cant anybody figure out his life on his own anymore? ... icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Apr 03, 2011 2:03 AM GMT
    I don't even know why you need to go out there and find a social life. You have a social life right here. What's wrong with us? Aren't we good enough for you?
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    Apr 03, 2011 2:07 AM GMT
    redbull saidAll I really care about doing is working out, watching movies, spending time with my kids & etc.


    Well, if thats what you really care about then DO IT. Theres nothing wrong with any of this if that s where you find your bliss.

    Thinking about going to your local church? DO IT.

    From your profile...
    "Sports I like: Baseball, Bodybuilding, Cycling, Rugby, Running, Swimming, Weight training, Volleyball, Rock Climbing, Racquetball"
    Thats a whole lotta stuff you like! DO IT. Join teams or leagues. Go on a rock-climbing adventure somewhere.

    My point is this: gay people are everywhere, doing the same things you are doing. I suggest you do what makes you happy and find the connections with people there who share your interests.

    Don't push force yourself into situations you've already told us you're uncomfortable with.

    And do NOT MOVE just so you can start to meet more gay people to date. Enjoy your life to the fullest doing what you get fulfillment from now. More and more people will cross your path, including those you want to date.
    Take care of you, the rest will follow.
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Apr 03, 2011 2:47 AM GMT
    We're ALL misfits.
    It's a small miracle that any of us get together...
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    Apr 03, 2011 4:33 AM GMT
    Aww, B - wish you lived in Tampa. I'd love to just hang out with you - maybe grab some coffee. Hugs, man! Keep your chin up
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    Apr 03, 2011 4:52 AM GMT
    I prefer to be the misfit. More me time.
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    Apr 03, 2011 4:59 AM GMT
    Honestly, it seems like either you need to move to a place where you'll be able to do the things you want or learn to enjoy being alone for now doing things that you love.

    You either make a change or enjoy what you have.

    And also, it seems like you have so many excuses to not hang out with your friends. Just loosen up, let go, and have fun!
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    Apr 03, 2011 5:00 AM GMT
    Thank God that you are a so-called misfit because it means you refuse to fit in with much of the gay community. I'm a misfit, as are many of my friends, and I'm utterly proud of that.

    I suggest checking out a good gay-friendly church. You can meet some good people there and check out God.
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Apr 03, 2011 5:00 AM GMT
    Come to Vegas....You'll fit right in with the rest of us. icon_wink.gif
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    Apr 03, 2011 5:01 AM GMT
    eh were all misfits.

    Maybe you should take time to figure out what else you actually want to do yourself. After you figure yourself out then you can go about adding in some friends that share your interests.

    Also you keep saying everything is at least a hour and a half away so maybe you need to change of location icon_smile.gif
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    Apr 03, 2011 5:05 AM GMT
    Squarepeg said
    redbull saidAll I really care about doing is working out, watching movies, spending time with my kids & etc.


    Well, if thats what you really care about then DO IT. Theres nothing wrong with any of this if that s where you find your bliss.

    Thinking about going to your local church? DO IT.

    From your profile...
    "Sports I like: Baseball, Bodybuilding, Cycling, Rugby, Running, Swimming, Weight training, Volleyball, Rock Climbing, Racquetball"
    Thats a whole lotta stuff you like! DO IT. Join teams or leagues. Go on a rock-climbing adventure somewhere.

    My point is this: gay people are everywhere, doing the same things you are doing. I suggest you do what makes you happy and find the connections with people there who share your interests.

    Don't push force yourself into situations you've already told us you're uncomfortable with.

    And do NOT MOVE just so you can start to meet more gay people to date. Enjoy your life to the fullest doing what you get fulfillment from now. More and more people will cross your path, including those you want to date.
    Take care of you, the rest will follow.


    I like what he said. One of my favorite quotes is "No matter where you go, there you are." Do stuff that makes you happy, and don't try to force the social stuff. When you do things that you love, you'll find other people who you can hang out with naturally. My best friend is straight. Start working on just enjoying life again, doing one thing at a time.
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    Apr 03, 2011 5:06 AM GMT
    Go to church, you may find more than just friends there, and I mean...a close relationship with God!
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    Apr 03, 2011 5:09 AM GMT
    mnboy saidI prefer to be the misfit. More me time.



    I would love to hang out with you.icon_wink.gif
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    Apr 03, 2011 5:24 AM GMT
    BananaSucker said
    mnboy saidI prefer to be the misfit. More me time.



    I would love to hang out with you.icon_wink.gif


    You probably wouldn't have fun. My idea of fun is sitting in the sun reading a book.. Most my friends don't like doing that icon_confused.gif I tend to believe they have mental deficiencies that dont allow them to appreciate silence and relaxation.
  • alphatop

    Posts: 1955

    Apr 03, 2011 6:05 AM GMT
    redbull saidIm sitting here on a saturday night feeling like a misfit toy from rudolph the reindeer christmas show. Maybe im like the dentist elf, as many of u are I guess...heres why....

    Im trying to get back to used to being newly single. Ive been to the bars the last couple weeks but getting tired of that shit. I love to dance but the closest gay bar for me is an hour away, sad right?

    Im not really looking for hookups even though im horny as hell, just not feeling the meaningless sex thing right now.

    I have friends....1 is a borderline alcoholic that is hugely obese so he never wants to do anything else. My other friends are 40ish and still stuck in their 20s as far as all they care about is bar hopping, or 1 night stands. Ugh, no thanks.

    Another friend just text me & invited me to a bday party an hour away but wants me to sleep with him & i dont want to go & give him the wrong idea.

    Another friend just invited me to come watch the game with him but hes wanted to sleep with me for a long time & i just dont want it to be too uncomfortable. So no.

    Ive thought of joining some support groups but they are an hour away & only once a month. Im even considering going to a gay friendly church here in town tomorrow just to meet different local people.

    So here I sit alone in my house. All I really care about doing is working out, watching movies, spending time with my kids & etc. So how am I as a gay man supposed to meet a good guy with all this bull shit going around me?

    We all know how the bar scene is, theres no gay social groups near here, so im pretty much shit outta luck unless I drive 1-3 hours away, even if I do meet someone that would constitute a ldr......ugh!

    So any advice? I feel like i just dont fit in anywhere & even guys i consider my close friends have obviously different goals in their life & ideas of what fun is.

    I just dont know what to do anymore.




    If u r misfit, u probably belong to "Little Britain"icon_neutral.gif