Caution; Bitching in progress-enter @own risk! ~ WHOEVER coined' the idea that all gay (guys') live in a stellar - immaculately clean household, is outright..

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 03, 2011 3:31 PM GMT
    ... .. ..,. just full of poultry manure and cow dung ! ! !Yes, that's right, I'm gunna vent a little here. So in effort of @ least 'trying' to be as succinct as I can, I'll do my best @ cutting to the primary gist of my bitch.

    I have lived in a specific house for about 5 consecutive years in a nice serene spot, in which I'm greatly humbled for. On my street,neighborhood, I have a few' gay-friends that happen to live about seven houses down from mine in our lil quaint Pacifica Subdivision neighborhood. There's two guys' who are/ and have been hitched for over four years' who are in their late 20's, who have a drop-dead gorgeous three story house that's completely decked the fu*k out head to toe - in a state of the art 'everything' you can plausibly think of by way of high end property. Its very top-notch and is kinda '-too rich for my blood-' type of house architecture set-up.


    the two boys in their late 20s and that are married that I mentioned above, and I; are fairly close. We are close in the way that one of the guys and I went to the same fraternity in undergrad. And I have known them both prior to their marriage and before they bought the property that is next to me.

    At any rate, here's the deal. The house that my married friends live in, without sounding overly derisive; ( well....... let's just say that the standard leaves a lot to be desired.) it's mind boggling really. At the genesis of our friendship their standard and upkeep and way the guys would keep their household was tolerable, and to be diplomatic; it really didn't bother me all that much. I mean, who am I to complain; I don't live there, and it's their lives, and their house. However; somewhere along the line throughout the course of our friendship, the hygiene and the overall cleanliness and conditioning of how they keep their house.. . ( I'm referencing the married couple)... is so outright deplorable, that I find myself being compelled to either avoid or hide strategically on a given day when one of them comes to ring my doorbell randomly.

    Here is the thing, to add insult to injury; what really gets me is that they have two children around the age of 7 each, and they happen to be twin boys. The boys come over randomly as well, and I find it to be even more of a moral dilemma; when I deliberately choose to be elusive with them as well.

    On one hand, I realize that life is in session; and people have to work and they have busy lives. However; on the other hand, that doesn't necessarily imply that certain people in society are totally devoid of household hygiene and cleanliness responsibilities. I mean, for shit sake; lately ( within the last 3 to 4 weeks) I have babysat for the guys, in order for them to have a romantic night and evening out; and upon entering their house it's almost as if I am walking in to a Compton section 8 office STR88888 UP!!!, but a whole lot worse !!!!!!!!!! it looks as though every room every part everywhere of the house has not been sanitized or cleaned in months. And I think to myself, ( maybe it's just frat boy left overs, and they haven't fully flipped over and got a grip yet )... . I don't know, but what I do know is that when they're gone on their date in the night, and I'm babysitting; I'm also cleaning. And,more likely than not, heavy cleaning at that!

    In short, my question that I have is:

    Should I just let it go and brush it off my shoulders completely without uttering a word to them at all, and (-' live and let live, type of thing '-)!!????

    Or-

    Should I lay the cards all out on the table in sheer candidness and let them know that I'm not only concerned about the standard of their personal living but how their kids are living as well, in regards to the conditioning!!?????

    Thank you all for any and all advice!! it is greatly appreciated... =D
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 03, 2011 4:39 PM GMT
    I know so many single women, perfectly coiffed, fashionably attired and meticulously groomed, whose homes fit that description. In fact I flat out told one that her apartment looked as if a bomb had gone off at Loehmann's. In the case of your friends' house the question is the degree. Is what you see indicative of a mental disorder like clinical depression, i.e. month old garbage overflowing, cat feces strewn about, piles of unread magazines and newspapers, hoarding and the need to navigate paths, and the legitimate possibility of a staph infection from every surface? If so as a friend who in babysitting has been in effect invited to regularly bear witness you're practically obligated to risk your relationship for the greater good and call them out and perhaps arrange some kind of intervention. Or is it mere slovenliness? If so, stop getting your panties in a twist trying to get them to change because they never will. Don't even dare to suggest (to any parent) that their parenting skills are less than stellar but you could tell them that you yourself couldn't keep up a household with two young children and don't know how they manage it but why not invest in a cleaning lady so they can spend even more time with them. (Sounds like they can afford one.) Or if you really have brass balls break out the rubber gloves and clean their bathrooms while the kids are sleeping - even if they resent more than appreciate your help you may embarrass them into action.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 03, 2011 4:44 PM GMT
    Some people are just wasteful- three floors for a family of four?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 03, 2011 4:48 PM GMT
    Get a Maid's Brigade, or some such cleaning company, door handle card and leave it on their front door handle.

    Do it at monthly intervals until they take the hint.
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Apr 03, 2011 4:51 PM GMT
    eagermuscle said stop getting your panties in a twist trying to get them to change because they never will.



    This.....people live in the manner they are comfortable with and you can not change them. icon_confused.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 03, 2011 4:52 PM GMT
    This is the way I see it. It's their home, their life. If it bothers you, don't agree to babysit. If they push it and ask why, let them know that you are uncomfortable being in that type of environment. However, try to do it in friendly kindness so as not to offend the friends. If they don't ask why you won't babysit, don't offer to tell them.

    Like others have said, they need a housekeeper.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 03, 2011 4:58 PM GMT
    Don't part ways with them, theres a lot of slobs out there, just be frank about their need to improve for the sake of the kids at least, suggest they pay you to do some cleaning. I'll bet those twins love you to death, so hang with them and be their 'proxy' uncle or whatever you come up with, but stay in their lives. Getting mad and parting ways because they are not up to your standards helps no one
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 03, 2011 5:06 PM GMT
    call a spade a spade

    tell the douchebags (term of endearment) to get their collective $hit together or you'll hire a drag queen called Mrs. Doubtfire to straighten out the situation . Martha Stewart's still in prison right?

    Explain yourself with scientific proof that while their children are developing a serious immunity to dirt, dust, and sloth is it a double blind study? And why weren't you (I) asked to participate-afterall you (I) babysit in the pigpen on a regular basis and that you have the added expense of a decontamination team to cleanse yourself afterwards. If they don't take kindly to it-they ain't your friends.

    as far as live and let live-fuck that noise.
  • Tiran

    Posts: 227

    Apr 03, 2011 5:08 PM GMT
    Or maybe you are OCD about cleanliness. You didn't cite examples for the conditions you mentioned, like overflowing garbage, rotting food or animal droppings etc. If its just some dust and they don't have everything put away all the time, they have lives and children, and thats not their priority. I have books and papers all over the place, and clothes in the bedroom, and dusting isn't a priority for me, but its not unhygienic (unless you are allergic to dust, I am not).

    Some of us have better ways to spend our time than worry about running a white glove over the top of our picture frames and door jams.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 03, 2011 6:22 PM GMT
    To sum it up, I think you should refuse to babysit their kids. You should not be placed in an area that makes you feel uncomfortable...period. If they ask why then tell them that you aren't comfortable sitting in a house that is not sanitary/clean/well-kept.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 03, 2011 6:24 PM GMT
    _Mohammed_ saidTo sum it up, I think you should refuse to babysit their kids. You should not be placed in an area that makes you feel uncomfortable...period. If they ask why then tell them that you aren't comfortable sitting in a house that is not sanitary/clean/well-kept.



    hahahah It funny that you're giving advise in handcuffs icon_lol.gif
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Apr 03, 2011 6:48 PM GMT
    Are you a cleanliness nut who always has his house ready for the cameras, or is there really a big problem at your friend's house ?

    It's not your house.
    They are not your kids.
    If you honestly feel that there is a health and/or safety issue where the kids are concerned, call Child Protective Services and turn them in. I'm pretty sure that you can do it anonymously.

    Otherwise, it's really not your business.
    If they cared about their house being neat and clean, it would be.
    If they wanted a maid (and could afford one), they would already have one.

    Since it bothers you this much, you should cut them out of your life.

    Seriously.
  • roadbikeRob

    Posts: 14352

    Apr 03, 2011 6:56 PM GMT
    Granted a clean, healthy living environment is very important but at the same token if it does not directly impact you in anyway than just go about your own personal business. Don't associate with these guys anymore. Everyone has the right to live as they see fit. None of us are perfect.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 03, 2011 7:03 PM GMT
    dekiruman said
    _Mohammed_ saidTo sum it up, I think you should refuse to babysit their kids. You should not be placed in an area that makes you feel uncomfortable...period. If they ask why then tell them that you aren't comfortable sitting in a house that is not sanitary/clean/well-kept.



    hahahah It funny that you're giving advise in handcuffs icon_lol.gif


    I am comfortable in handcuffs dek icon_razz.gif

    but good try though!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 03, 2011 7:04 PM GMT
    Um
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 03, 2011 7:08 PM GMT
    It sounds weird that you can describe these two guys as too rich for your blood w/ a top notch high end set up and yet at the same time they live like pigs. Usually when ppl acquire nice things they tend to care for them. Why would you distance yourself frm the kids, when you can be an example to them. If you have all this prior history w/ both guys, I don't see what the big deal is about you just saying "clean your shit up" They trust you w/ their twins. They should trust and value your opinion as well.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 03, 2011 7:12 PM GMT
    Hillie saidIt sounds weird that you can describe these two guys as too rich for your blood w/ a top notch high end set up and yet at the same time they live like pigs. Usually when ppl acquire nice things they tend to care for them. Why would you distance yourself frm the kids, when you can be an example to them. If you have all this prior history w/ both guys, I don't see what the big deal is about you just saying "clean your shit up" They trust you w/ their twins. They should trust and value your opinion as well.


    I agree.

    Offer to help and get the kids involved. Sometimes people just get overwhelmed when a situation is bad, and they start avoiding it. It sounds like they just have a lot on their plate.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 03, 2011 7:18 PM GMT
    My parents tell me that tidy house is always reflective of a person.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 03, 2011 7:51 PM GMT
    Since you are showing a concern for their children perhaps you should go over their as a concerned friend and "lay the cards out" and let them know how you feel and that you are worried for the children.

    I don't know what state you are in but I'm sure (not that you want to be over zealous) Child Welfare would be a lot more to-the-point about their cleanliness. If it's anything that jeopardizes the safety of the little ones then I think it is imperative you say something now before something happens later.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 07, 2011 6:35 AM GMT
    Caslon18000 saidGet a Maid's Brigade, or some such cleaning company, door handle card and leave it on their front door handle.

    Do it at monthly intervals until they take the hint.


    That above made me laugh so muchicon_exclaim.gificon_biggrin.gificon_exclaim.gif Thank you for that.... icon_smile.gificon_smile.gificon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 07, 2011 6:46 AM GMT
    Woow, after reading all the responses and weighing in upon the variety of (said) responses, I wanted to thank you guys for the helpful insight most of you guys rendered.... . It was nice...a .. . (sigh of relief) if you will ... . .to know that my personal thoughts were parallel/ very similar upon what most of you guys' wrote/or thought germane to the advice that was given..... .

    I just hope that the result of what goes down in a week or two, has a decent chance to be positive as well. ... . .icon_eek.gificon_surprised.gificon_eek.gif

    Time will til', I suppose... . . icon_wink.gificon_wink.gificon_wink.gif


    Again, thank you all - for the insight//advice you gave..... . icon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 07, 2011 7:02 AM GMT
    Once again I find myself in total agreement with Webster. Unless they have put the health of the kids at risk it really has nothing to do with you. If you CHOOSE to clean when you have been hired to babysit it is not really their fault. I know that you are worried about the example they set for their kids, but the kids will mature. If they have a tough time finding a mate, they will clean up after themselves...
    Webster666 said
    It's not your house.
    They are not your kids.
    If you honestly feel that there is a health and/or safety issue where the kids are concerned, call Child Protective Services and turn them in. I'm pretty sure that you can do it anonymously.

    Otherwise, it's really not your business.
    If they cared about their house being neat and clean, it would be.
    If they wanted a maid (and could afford one), they would already have one.

    Since it bothers you this much, you should cut them out of your life.

    Seriously.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 07, 2011 7:11 AM GMT
    west77 saidOnce again I find myself in total agreement with Webster. Unless they have put the health of the kids at risk it really has nothing to do with you. If you CHOOSE to clean when you have been hired to babysit it is not really their fault. I know that you are worried about the example they set for their kids, but the kids will mature. If they have a tough time finding a mate, they will clean up after themselves...
    Webster666 said
    It's not your house.
    They are not your kids.
    If you honestly feel that there is a health and/or safety issue where the kids are concerned, call Child Protective Services and turn them in. I'm pretty sure that you can do it anonymously.

    Otherwise, it's really not your business.
    If they cared about their house being neat and clean, it would be.
    If they wanted a maid (and could afford one), they would already have one.

    Since it bothers you this much, you should cut them out of your life.

    Seriously.


    Uhh huh, right... . . I pay heed to the first round of remarks that Webster666 wrote in his post yata yata.... . I.e - 'I mean, who am I to complain; I don't live there, and it's their lives, and their house. However; somewhere along the line throughout the course of our friendship, the hygiene and the overall cleanliness and conditioning of how they keep their house'.. etc. etc. etc..

    Duly noted there regardless though.... . . . . icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 07, 2011 8:00 AM GMT
    Their house. Their business. You don't live there and you are free to avoid going over there if you wish. If something like how they live their life in their house is gonna bother you then cut off the friendship so you don't have to deal with it. The kids aren't in danger (if they were I hope you'd step in) and it's not like they let their lack of cleanliness leave the house and enter yours. Mind you, in cutting off the friendship of this it sorta announces what kind of person you are at which point they might thank you for cutting off the friendship if you are gonna let something this that doesn't concern you at be a factor.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 07, 2011 8:05 AM GMT
    Guy101 saidTheir house. Their business. You don't live there and you are free to avoid going over there if you wish. If something like how they live their life in their house is gonna bother you then cut off the friendship so you don't have to deal with it. The kids aren't in danger (if they were I hope you'd step in) and it's not like they let their lack of cleanliness leave the house and enter yours. Mind you, in cutting off the friendship of this it sorta announces what kind of person you are at which point they might thank you for cutting off the friendship if you are gonna let something this that doesn't concern you at be a factor.



    uhhh yeaaa... .thanks' for the heads up there dude..... . .

    Jesus.. .. . . . . icon_rolleyes.gif