Obsessing over a guy...first major crush

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 05, 2011 9:56 AM GMT
    Help! So, I met this gay guy and I got his number and everything but I am too f-ing scared to do anything! He does NOT know I'm gay (though i've made hints by talking about "hot" male celebs) but I think he totally thinks I'm straight. Anyway, this guy is so amazingly attractive: dark hair, cute stubbly 5 o' clock shadow, lean body but not too skinny, attractive eyes and smile....on and on lol. But yeah I just invited him to go to the movies this Sat. so hopefully things will go well! I've been like obsessing over him for the past two months, he is seriously driving me crazy. Don't really know how I will tell him...Gah! Anyway, need some advice or share your crush experience.
  • BardBear

    Posts: 533

    Apr 05, 2011 10:01 AM GMT
    Deep breathing, friend, deep breathing. Okay, okay, okay. If he agreed to go to a movie with you, he must trust you or think you're cool, so you're okay there. Stop worrying!

    If he doesn't know you're gay, you have two options: Tell him and move on with your life or don't say anything and burn with angst and wonder if it was meant to be. Me? I'm one for getting a move on things. Be yourself. Act as if he already knows about you. It helps me tons. That way, you don't have to explain anything. See what develops!

    But enjoy the life you have right now. You're not on this planet forever and could miss a terrific opportunity.

    And then report back! Not many people get to act on their crush.

    Peace,
    Bardy
  • Aus92

    Posts: 328

    Apr 05, 2011 10:08 AM GMT
    Atleast in your case he's actually gay...

    My first intense crush was over a straight guy... oh what a fool I was back in the day...
  • hdurdinr

    Posts: 699

    Apr 05, 2011 6:34 PM GMT
    Oh be careful, just keep your expectations low. Prepare yourself for the fact he might just want to be friends, hard as that might be for you. Projections are powerful but recognise them for what they are. If he likes you back then great! Best of luck!
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    Apr 05, 2011 6:40 PM GMT
    Tell him what you are and that you like him .
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    Apr 05, 2011 7:13 PM GMT
    Have low expectations and calm down. 99.9% of guys are disappointments and you want to keep yourself safe bb. Fuck men.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 05, 2011 7:32 PM GMT
    Ha!

    It happens- but you'll get over him soon enough. I always do....
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    Apr 05, 2011 7:55 PM GMT
    From the way it sounds, you don't have too much to worry about. And at least to me, if I'm talking to another guy about hot celebs he's probably gay. This guy may already have a hint even if it doesn't seem like he does. And if he knows you're gay and gives you his number and consents to going to the movies, you may not be in too bad of a position.

    Yeah, there's a great chance it may not end well or he'll only want friends, but there's just as much of a chance that something good will come of it.

    Like said, be yourself! If he likes you, he should like you for what you are, not what you pretend to be in his presence. That said, unless if he says something, I'm not too sure about gushing on and on abotu how much you like him. If you think telling him you like him is the best thing to do, just say it simply like you think he's attractive and you wouldn't mind being more than just friends. If he understands or wants the same, you're set icon_smile.gif If he doesn't he isn't worth it.

    Good luck!
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    Apr 05, 2011 8:00 PM GMT
    That’s an interesting thread. That’s exactly what happened to me 2 months ago. Here’s my story:

    I was sitting in the auditorium listening to the instructor. There was that attractive guy sitting alone a few sits beside me. Every minute or two I looked around and I noticed he did the same, and every time our eyes met each other. Few days passed like this. One day, after the class was finished, I was having my coffee in my hand going to the exit door, then suddenly someone hit me so hard from the behind that I dropped the coffee. It was him. That was an accident. He said he was in rush and kept apologizing for like 2 minutes. So we got to know each other. We walked about 5 minutes to his next class and he told me he was 24 (I was a bit surprised). The whole class was supposed to run about 1.5 miles next week. So he asked me if we could run together. In other words, he made my day. I kinda thought he had the same feeling about me. So we became real friends and he was VERY cool. I mean it. Still we never talked about the whole “crush” thing. 2 months passed like that, and then I made my mind up. I had to make a move. Thinking about him all the time was just driving me crazy. So one day, after the class, we were walking together like usual. Then I asked him if he had time to have a coffee with me. We went to the nicest place on campus and grabbed a coffee. Then I let the word out. That’s what I said:

    -“ok, so, I wanted to say that I kinda liked you.” (my heart was beating damn fast)

    -“you like me like a friend or a boyfriend?”

    -“eerrr….”

    -“well I guess that means like a boyfriend. But the thing is I don’t go for guys”

    It was just like driving a dagger right through my heart.

    So now it was my time to keep apologizing. He said it was ok and he was happy that I was honest with him and said that I was still his friend and always would be. And now we’re still friends and both of act as if nothing ever happened, although I still have the same feeling about him.


    So I don’t mean to bitch about it, but just don’t expect great things to happen. Prepare yourself for any possible situations. I really hope everything goes well for you. icon_wink.gif
  • suedeheadscot

    Posts: 1130

    Apr 05, 2011 8:19 PM GMT
    Hi there,

    Just joined this site - hope you are all doing fine.

    Listen - the first crush can be horrific, especially if you haven't really been "out" and done much social contact before. I work in HIV Health Promotion and I have to teach courses in this kinda thing (believe it or not) and one of the best things I was taught was that if you are meeting people and talking to them while being incredibly attracted to them, stop thinking along the lines of "will he like me or won't he?" or, in your case, "is he gay or not?" (although if he's liking hot male celebs I thinks that just a wee bit of a giveaway!)

    Instead, focus this one thought in your head: "I wonder what will happen". That means that by focusing on this one thought, there is a number of outcomes : you could just be friends, you could break his heart, he could break yours, you could never see each other again, he could turn out to be the biggest wanker ever etc. But you're not focusing on the "will he like me?" thought and in turn your body language/attitude etc all changes by focusing on this one thought (due to a psychological model called "situation-thoughts-actions-feelings" which I won't bore you with on this thread!!!)

    Anyway, I hope this does help - it has helped calm me down a bit on dates when I've been a bit nervous!!

    Best of luck - let us know how you get on!
    Ewan
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Apr 05, 2011 8:23 PM GMT
    luvitohateit said 99.9% of guys are disappointments.


    Are you serious....say it ain't so...icon_eek.gif
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    Apr 05, 2011 8:42 PM GMT
    malefeet said
    luvitohateit said 99.9% of guys are disappointments.


    Are you serious....say it ain't so...icon_eek.gif


    I'm 99.9% serious ;)
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    Apr 05, 2011 9:23 PM GMT
    Yep it sucks I'm kinda in the same perdictament I have a huge crush on this guy who works at this coffee shop. Supposedly he's bi like me but u can never take other peoples word. I've kinda flirtted with him but idk and dnt wanna put myself out there to be rejected and humiliated fml:/
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 05, 2011 9:42 PM GMT
    My first crush was when I was in grammar school; he moved away. I don't know what happened to him : (

    After all these years, I still think of him from to time.
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    Apr 05, 2011 10:09 PM GMT
    Awww.... GL .. r u plaining to tell him ? i say try to shock him .. n kiss him while watch movie ... a romantic French Kiss ... going to make him get attracted to u !
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    Apr 05, 2011 11:20 PM GMT
    Get him drink
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    Apr 06, 2011 3:57 AM GMT
    Aww...i really wish a happy ending!!


    Playin the devil's advocate here, but I say just be upfront and let him know how you feel when you get a chance. So you don't prolong this agony of thinking and not knowing.

    (This is based on personal experience where I had the chance to really get close to my obsession (still my obsession) but was too scared to do anything. Then I realized he was leaving school this May and here I am thinking what I would give to just have those two hours again with him icon_cry.gif

    So go for it!!!