Did/Does anyone have that 'being gay is wrong feeling' and does anyone have stories on how they dealt with it?

  • JMex3

    Posts: 96

    Apr 05, 2011 10:53 PM GMT
    In my previous posts I shared that I recently came out to about 15 of my closest friends. I'm now 23.

    I've known since I can remember that I was attracted to guys and being brought up in a very strict Mexican, Roman- Catholic environment was not always easy. It wasn't until I had moved to the US around 8th or 9th grade that I just realized I was a full fledged gay lol in the beginning I KNEW or thought I knew that I was supposed to be with girls but even when I tried watching straight porn I'd mainly focus on the dudes and if I climaxed watching gay porn right after I came I'd feel...idk it was such a weird feeling I think ashamed, embarrassed if you will. That happened for a while and now I can watch gay porn and all that fine but after I told my first friend that I was gay a few weeks ago I regretted it the next day and I didn't even say ' I'm gay' because saying those words just felt wrong I pretty much beat around the bush and just said that 'i kinda like dudes' she was completely fine with it.

    I don't know if I just over analyzed the situation but I guess having so many years to think about the consequences of coming out I would make up all these scenarios in my head but it was the worst 'what if' scenarios so it was pretty much self torture. It was instilled in my brain that being gay was bad at an early age and my family made it clear that they didn't approve here are two incidents that happened that I just knew I would never come out to my parents (atleast my mentality now)

    Example 1
    In high school when I was around 17 I was in my room w/ my friend watching tv my mom came to my doorway looking really pissed she goes... James I need to see you in the kitchen right now... I follow and the entire way I'm thinking, did she find booze? weed? did I forget something? but when we get to the kitchen she caught me completely off guard and goes " Are you gay?'' I must've turned a million different shades of red (hard to accomplish when you're mexican lol) but I quickly responded with a firm NO. She then proceeded to tell me that she saw me spank my friend in my room (which never happened) and she started to cry and goes " I love you but if you were gay I don't think I could love you anymore"...to which i replied 'well good thing i'm not'.

    Example number dos

    My aunt mom and grandma were in the dining room and I was in the kitchen and a topic came up on tv about gays and I overheard them saying.."A gay son is the worst gift God could give you" and it definitely had some type of impact on me. In my head I thought ' if this is how unreceptive my family is about the topic why would my friends be any better if my family is the one that's supposed to be behind you 100% blah blah blah.

    I definitely have some resentment towards my mom, and I never had a good relationship with my dad. My sister and my friends have been my rocks through two divorces and a lot of other bumps in life. But anyway everytime I thought about gay or gayness it was as if someone was in my head slapping my wrist like I was a little kid that did something wrong. Regardless in the end I just had to say it because it was honestly eating me alive and I know how some people don't see the importance of vocalizing their sexual preference but I just felt like I couldn't be myself around my friends and I felt like I was lying to them.

    Since coming out things are much better I finally came out to one friend and said the words "I'm Gay" without stuttering or whispering it or being ashamed. I am what I am don't tell me it's a choice because it's definitely not, I sometimes wish I was straight just because it would make things easier. I wanted a family, kids, wife, dog etc. but I'm starting to learn how to play the hand that life dealt me and the flop kinda sucked, the turn got better and I'm going all in for the river! and I'm pretty sure I'll win

    Sorry for the inconsistency of this post but I was writing it as I was feeling it. Does anyone else have any similar stories and how they conquered these feelings?




    Cheers!
    James
    -Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end-
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    Apr 06, 2011 3:21 AM GMT
    I had it growing up.. its really rather hammered into you by general culture... and is very hard to get rid of.... it usually takes a while to come to terms with it.. the only way to do it is to face it and not run from it
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    Apr 06, 2011 3:32 AM GMT
    You deal with it by knowing and accepting that some people will always consider it bad. You can't change other people and how they feel about it in the same way that you can't change the fact that you are gay.
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    Apr 06, 2011 3:36 AM GMT
    Same background, Roman Catholic and my Dad was military so we lived on bases and moved around alot.


    You have to overcome a lot for sure. You go through a process of distillation where you really learn to seperate out the bullshit from society from what you know is true in your heart. Its not easy but its every cent worth it.
    You start to associate with different types of people than what you had growing up...you decide to do this and then do it. This includes actively breaking away or dissociating from destructive forces. You have to actively seek out positive people with positive energies who lift you up and don't bring you down. THe majority of people out there will do nothing but bring you down. This is just true. The more you go through, the more you survive, the more character you build.....you can literally see the seperation as you age, from those around you. There are a lot of clones out there. They do whatever they've seen around them and have never had to think for themselves. Get on your knees and thank God you are not like this.



    Story
    "there was a baby circus elephant who couldn't break free from his leg chain, though he tried and tried. Eventually, he gave up altogether. Years later, he still had the little chain around his leg. Although he was strong enough now to break free, in his mind he had long since accepted that he could not. Emotional chains are the hardest to break."


    don't be the elephant.



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    Apr 06, 2011 3:45 AM GMT
    You should have said, "No. Actually, the worst gift God can give you is a mother who loves you conditionally".
  • MagillaNectar

    Posts: 72

    Apr 06, 2011 4:09 AM GMT
    For me it was therapy. I needed to know the person who I would confide in wouldn't leave me in the end. This was a huge fear for me, being alone. I've gotten better with it but I'm not fully there. If I had to put a percentage on it, I was at like 2% 4 years ago, now I'm at a 65% - so pretty big improvement. I'm still working on it and I think within the next year it will come together or at least hoping. The key, I believe, is to keep pushing step by step remembering you will be happier if you go through with it. So, I pretty much support therapy if you have a good therapist. It's very easy to get a bad one though. Also, it can be expensive but there are free clinics - not sure where though. Anyway, here's to pushing forward.
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    Apr 06, 2011 4:23 AM GMT
    try coming out to egyptian-muslim (to the extreme) parents at the age of 14.

    getting your head slammed against the wall by your dad multiple times for being a "disgrace" to his bloodline and saying that he would enjoy watching me burn in hell for choosing that path.

    getting your back hit multiple times with the shoes of your mom because you are equivalent to dirt.

    Getting thrown out on the street for three days (luckily i lived with my best friend during that time).

    The only way I was able to live with my parents was because I promised them not to think gay thoughts ever again and that I was straight. (yes they think gay is a choice so they told me to change back to being straight).
    Up until now, they think I am straight... and they want me to get married to a woman when I turn 21.

    yea...
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    Apr 06, 2011 4:27 AM GMT
    No one has it easy.
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    Apr 06, 2011 4:29 AM GMT
    Sylas saidNo one has it easy.


    yea obivously... but some cases are more "extreme" than others.
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    Apr 06, 2011 4:31 AM GMT
    There's nothing wrong with being gay. If someone thinks there is, they're either ignorant or stupid. It's as simple as that. But it can take years to undo the feelings that there may be something wrong with being gay.
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    Apr 06, 2011 4:44 AM GMT
    unfounded7 saidThere's nothing wrong with being gay. If someone thinks there is, they're either ignorant or stupid. It's as simple as that. But it can take years to undo the feelings that there may be something wrong with being gay.



    That makes so much sense..and I think that's where we are at. We have this logical acceptance of it, but our feelings haven't caught up. I'm going to say it again, only because I see it all the time. Bisexual erasure. Why are we still stuck in this dynamic of dualism in either gay or straight. You're either gay or straight.
    I honestly think we need to spend more time and money educating people about the nature of bisexuality - we talk about it like it doesn't exist - we don't talk about it...
    It might be easier for some people to understand homosexuality if they first understand bisexuality - for some people it makes the bridging easier and less drastic.

    We have all this acceptance of same sex stuff - but its like the roles of society haven't adapted to fit the new archetype yet. How does a gay man lead his life. Does he have a life long partner....what about a bisexual man. There are crumbling foundations in which we are sort of slipping in new paradigms that we invent as we go along - awkwardly.

    I know I'll catch flak for saying this but sometimes I wish we could take something from old cultures (which allowed more room for different expressions of sexuality as a cultural norm; other than you get married (to a woman) and that's that.)
    How could we have gone so backwards...
  • gymrat1

    Posts: 132

    Apr 06, 2011 4:52 AM GMT
    Sylas saidSame background, Roman Catholic and my Dad was military so we lived on bases and moved around alot.


    You have to overcome a lot for sure. You go through a process of distillation where you really learn to seperate out the bullshit from society from what you know is true in your heart. Its not easy but its every cent worth it.
    You start to associate with different types of people than what you had growing up...you decide to do this and then do it. This includes actively breaking away or dissociating from destructive forces. You have to actively seek out positive people with positive energies who lift you up and don't bring you down. THe majority of people out there will do nothing but bring you down. This is just true. The more you go through, the more you survive, the more character you build.....you can literally see the seperation as you age, from those around you. There are a lot of clones out there. They do whatever they've seen around them and have never had to think for themselves. Get on your knees and thank God you are not like this.



    Story
    "there was a baby circus elephant who couldn't break free from his leg chain, though he tried and tried. Eventually, he gave up altogether. Years later, he still had the little chain around his leg. Although he was strong enough now to break free, in his mind he had long since accepted that he could not. Emotional chains are the hardest to break."


    don't be the elephant.

    love the elephant analogy


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    Apr 06, 2011 5:09 AM GMT
    Sylas saidSame background, Roman Catholic and my Dad was military so we lived on bases and moved around alot.


    You have to overcome a lot for sure. You go through a process of distillation where you really learn to seperate out the bullshit from society from what you know is true in your heart. Its not easy but its every cent worth it.
    You start to associate with different types of people than what you had growing up...you decide to do this and then do it. This includes actively breaking away or dissociating from destructive forces. You have to actively seek out positive people with positive energies who lift you up and don't bring you down. THe majority of people out there will do nothing but bring you down. This is just true. The more you go through, the more you survive, the more character you build.....you can literally see the seperation as you age, from those around you. There are a lot of clones out there. They do whatever they've seen around them and have never had to think for themselves. Get on your knees and thank God you are not like this.



    Story
    "there was a baby circus elephant who couldn't break free from his leg chain, though he tried and tried. Eventually, he gave up altogether. Years later, he still had the little chain around his leg. Although he was strong enough now to break free, in his mind he had long since accepted that he could not. Emotional chains are the hardest to break."


    don't be the elephant.





    we're exactly the same...i grew up living in a roman catholic way in a roman catholic country (make sense)... and my dad is in military too (not mentioning he's a top sniper of the country and a war tactiques professor)...

    when i came here in china, new environment, new people, and new life for me...say hello to freedom!...

    sometimes being gay/bi makes me feel uncomfortable and those other dramatic issues attached to it...but at the end of the day it is still me who's gonna live my life...not my mom, not my aunt...but ME...

    by the way, i am not out yet about my sexuality...let's say i'm like a sheep lost around the bush...but i never hated my self for being gay...i just need to take courage to accept the stings attached...

    with great gay power comes great gay responsiblity...---spidergay lol

    cheers!
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    Apr 06, 2011 5:12 AM GMT
    Sylas saidI'm going to say it again, only because I see it all the time. Bisexual erasure. Why are we still stuck in this dynamic of dualism in either gay or straight. You're either gay or straight.
    I honestly think we need to spend more time and money educating people about the nature of bisexuality - we talk about it like it doesn't exist - we don't talk about it...
    It might be easier for some people to understand homosexuality if they first understand bisexuality - for some people it makes the bridging easier and less drastic.


    Something I often struggled with after I 'came out' were the girls that I had feelings for, as they didn't fit into the "you're either gay or straight" way of thinking. While my sexual attraction to them wasn't nearly as strong as it is for guys, there was still an attraction there. I knew that being gay wasn't a choice, so I really didn't know what to do with the feelings I had for those girls. As I've come to realize that attraction and sexuality are fluid, I no longer feel that there is/was something wrong with me for being attracted to both sexes.
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    Apr 06, 2011 5:17 AM GMT
    _Mohammed_ saidtry coming out to egyptian-muslim (to the extreme) parents at the age of 14.

    getting your head slammed against the wall by your dad multiple times for being a "disgrace" to his bloodline and saying that he would enjoy watching me burn in hell for choosing that path.

    getting your back hit multiple times with the shoes of your mom because you are equivalent to dirt.

    Getting thrown out on the street for three days (luckily i lived with my best friend during that time).

    The only way I was able to live with my parents was because I promised them not to think gay thoughts ever again and that I was straight. (yes they think gay is a choice so they told me to change back to being straight).
    Up until now, they think I am straight... and they want me to get married to a woman when I turn 21.

    yea...


    well you'd better pray to allah that they never see your RJ profile........That'd be a hell of a conversation icon_confused.gif
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    Apr 06, 2011 5:18 AM GMT
    dekiruman said
    _Mohammed_ saidtry coming out to egyptian-muslim (to the extreme) parents at the age of 14.

    getting your head slammed against the wall by your dad multiple times for being a "disgrace" to his bloodline and saying that he would enjoy watching me burn in hell for choosing that path.

    getting your back hit multiple times with the shoes of your mom because you are equivalent to dirt.

    Getting thrown out on the street for three days (luckily i lived with my best friend during that time).

    The only way I was able to live with my parents was because I promised them not to think gay thoughts ever again and that I was straight. (yes they think gay is a choice so they told me to change back to being straight).
    Up until now, they think I am straight... and they want me to get married to a woman when I turn 21.

    yea...


    well you'd better pray to allah that they never see your RJ profile........That'd be a hell of a conversation icon_confused.gif


    Yes it would...
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    Apr 06, 2011 7:15 AM GMT
    My self hate and feeling I could not gay cos God was not going to use me as a person who was gay, and I wanted to be married etc drove me to ex gay therapy where for nearly ten years I was involved. I came out last year and having sex with men just felt natural. I'm still working it through, but I'm more accepting of myself tho I have to unlearn all the crap ex gay therapies taught me.
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    Apr 06, 2011 7:18 AM GMT
    AneeqS87 said
    _Mohammed_ saidtry coming out to egyptian-muslim (to the extreme) parents at the age of 14.

    getting your head slammed against the wall by your dad multiple times for being a "disgrace" to his bloodline and saying that he would enjoy watching me burn in hell for choosing that path.

    getting your back hit multiple times with the shoes of your mom because you are equivalent to dirt.

    Getting thrown out on the street for three days (luckily i lived with my best friend during that time).

    The only way I was able to live with my parents was because I promised them not to think gay thoughts ever again and that I was straight. (yes they think gay is a choice so they told me to change back to being straight).
    Up until now, they think I am straight... and they want me to get married to a woman when I turn 21.

    yea...


    Wow, I guess I am really lucky then. I am kind or was (maybe still am?) in a similar situation. I came out to my parents 3 times (2 with both my parents and 1 with my mom) and it always ended in tears. That was back when I was ... 16 or 17 years old. They told me to go "research" if I want to be gay. And they gave me 1 week to do the research. After the 1 week, I had the option of deciding to be gay and be thrown out... or... promise them I won't be gay and get to stay with them. I obviously chose the 2nd option and stayed with them.
    I ran away, I think 2 years ago, and was staying by myself that I rented from a friend's mom. I was also working a minimum pay job so that was making ends meet but barely... Eventually I went back since my grandparents and my uncle found out that I lived separately and they pleaded for me to come home, and I did not like that gut-wrenching guilt of making them feel upset with me. I love my family now, even through everything I have gone through.
    I had to keep lying to my parents (I am a world-class liar... I can make fake stories up on the spot and cover my tracks really well... but only with my parents) about where I went when I used to go to school pub nights 3 years ago. It was never fruitful for me in finding a guy but I just danced the night away with a few of the female friends I had. I had my 1st alcoholic drink at the age of 21 in those pub nights and got wayyyy too drunk. I was giggly and depressed all at the same time. I think I got rejected from someone who didn't want to dance with me in the pub night and I just cried for a whole 2 hours. I was fine after I sobered up though.
    I think I haven't drank alcohol since then (even though I would love to again) or gone out with friends... Now I don't have friends... or if I do, they all busy with their lives and my parents won't let me go out unless it is for studying.
    My parents, fortunately, have never beaten me physically, which I am really thankful for when I read your story. That really sucks for you icon_sad.gif
    I have been indirectly verbal abused to the point of being on a fence permanently. My mom is extremely religious now and she used to indirectly tell me about how gays are perceived in our religion and all that. Now, I cannot do anything such as meet up with a guy or anything really since I have been brainwashed to the point of return. I think that if I get touched by a guy intimately in any way whatsoever, I will go to hell. But, I really want to explore my sexuality so I can figure out what the hell I am.... Since I got married (by emotional coercion from my family), I have become really uncomfortable when talking to girls face-to-face so I don't talk with anyone anymore... not even guys since I have always been shy of talking to any guy, gay or str8 (my gaydar sucks so I just assume they all are stricon_cool.gif since I was 10 years old.
    Now, I am so socially inept that I don't know where to start to make friends since I feel really guilty of talking to another girl (since I have a wife now, it is ingrained in my brain that she is the only one I talk to... somehow), and if I do anything with guys, I feel guilty due to religious reasons (and the feeling that whatever homosexual feeling I have is wrong and I should not act on it... as long as I don't act on my urges, I have safe from god's wrath).
    I also feel that my mom is always suspicious of me whomever I am with, whether guy or girl, so I feel guilty of ever making her cry again for me. I have this constant inner, moral tug-of-war everyday that I cannot win. Nowadays, I always over-analyze any foreign situation that I am in and always end up not going along with it.
    My mom tells me I should not have friends and it is a good thing for me, so I can focus on my studies fully, have a career, get a job and support my wife, and later, kids.
    Damn, it got lengthy. Sorry about that. But I felt like just saying everything out since this is kinda anonymous... mostly lol. Not like I have a life outside my home so there is a very little chance of me feeling bad of telling all of this and someone confronting me on it... hopefully heh.
    I always realize that I have it a LOT better than most people since I never got beaten physically... just indirect emotional coercion/abuse =/


    I know that feeling all too well - the emotional pain one goes through while living a lie to the ones they wished would accept them the most.

    I used to cry myself to sleep when I was 14 every night for a good 3 months because I hated how I was muslim and gay and what that meant.

    I try to cry now but I can't... they basically drained out all my emotions with those hateful days.


    But, enough with my emo-side, I am over that and I am a stronger person because of that.
  • RHUK

    Posts: 273

    Apr 06, 2011 7:41 AM GMT
    _Mohammed_ saidtry coming out to egyptian-muslim (to the extreme) parents at the age of 14.

    getting your head slammed against the wall by your dad multiple times for being a "disgrace" to his bloodline and saying that he would enjoy watching me burn in hell for choosing that path.

    getting your back hit multiple times with the shoes of your mom because you are equivalent to dirt.

    Getting thrown out on the street for three days (luckily i lived with my best friend during that time).

    The only way I was able to live with my parents was because I promised them not to think gay thoughts ever again and that I was straight. (yes they think gay is a choice so they told me to change back to being straight).
    Up until now, they think I am straight... and they want me to get married to a woman when I turn 21.

    yea...


    How did such abusive parents have such a level-headed son? Youre a much braver man than I. Im afraid of telling my mum and the worst she'd do is cry a bit.
    What are you going to do when you turn 21 and they expect you to marry?
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    Apr 06, 2011 7:57 AM GMT
    RHUK said
    _Mohammed_ saidtry coming out to egyptian-muslim (to the extreme) parents at the age of 14.

    getting your head slammed against the wall by your dad multiple times for being a "disgrace" to his bloodline and saying that he would enjoy watching me burn in hell for choosing that path.

    getting your back hit multiple times with the shoes of your mom because you are equivalent to dirt.

    Getting thrown out on the street for three days (luckily i lived with my best friend during that time).

    The only way I was able to live with my parents was because I promised them not to think gay thoughts ever again and that I was straight. (yes they think gay is a choice so they told me to change back to being straight).
    Up until now, they think I am straight... and they want me to get married to a woman when I turn 21.

    yea...


    How did such abusive parents have such a level-headed son? Youre a much braver man than I. Im afraid of telling my mum and the worst she'd do is cry a bit.
    What are you going to do when you turn 21 and they expect you to marry?


    That's when things get complicated... right now they are talking to the parents of females I know and are not really "arranging" but want to see if it would be ok if we both could get to know each other. My mom told me that if I don't like the woman or she is not interested in me then the marriage won't happen but if we are both interested in each other, it will be done.

    They want me to be self-sufficient and expect me to be so when I graduate from university (which is right when I turn 21).

    I will tell them I am not ready to marry yet up until I am able to move out of the house and live on my own.
  • JMex3

    Posts: 96

    Apr 06, 2011 1:59 PM GMT
    Sylas saidSame background, Roman Catholic and my Dad was military so we lived on bases and moved around alot.


    You have to overcome a lot for sure. You go through a process of distillation where you really learn to seperate out the bullshit from society from what you know is true in your heart. Its not easy but its every cent worth it.
    You start to associate with different types of people than what you had growing up...you decide to do this and then do it. This includes actively breaking away or dissociating from destructive forces. You have to actively seek out positive people with positive energies who lift you up and don't bring you down. THe majority of people out there will do nothing but bring you down. This is just true. The more you go through, the more you survive, the more character you build.....you can literally see the seperation as you age, from those around you. There are a lot of clones out there. They do whatever they've seen around them and have never had to think for themselves. Get on your knees and thank God you are not like this.



    Story
    "there was a baby circus elephant who couldn't break free from his leg chain, though he tried and tried. Eventually, he gave up altogether. Years later, he still had the little chain around his leg. Although he was strong enough now to break free, in his mind he had long since accepted that he could not. Emotional chains are the hardest to break."


    don't be the elephant.






    Wow it's good to know that others are going through the same thing (well not good but comforting) and i really really like the elephant analogy, awesome.

    Mohammoed sorry you have it so tough man, that's the exact reason I'm afraid to come out to my parents for fear of those consequences. Definitely give you props for doing it at such a young age, I'm waiting until I'm completely detached from my parents in the monetary sense so I can tell them I just have a few more things I want to accomplish and then I'll attempt to tell them. Best of luck to you though.
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    Apr 06, 2011 2:10 PM GMT
    _Mohammed_ saidtry coming out to egyptian-muslim (to the extreme) parents at the age of 14.

    getting your head slammed against the wall by your dad multiple times for being a "disgrace" to his bloodline and saying that he would enjoy watching me burn in hell for choosing that path.

    getting your back hit multiple times with the shoes of your mom because you are equivalent to dirt.

    Getting thrown out on the street for three days (luckily i lived with my best friend during that time).

    The only way I was able to live with my parents was because I promised them not to think gay thoughts ever again and that I was straight. (yes they think gay is a choice so they told me to change back to being straight).
    Up until now, they think I am straight... and they want me to get married to a woman when I turn 21.

    yea...



    Dude what a fucked up story that is, kinda puts my own shit into perspective.

    And why oh why do you always hear these stories of out of proportion violence from muslims? I mean, slamming a 14 year old with his head to the wall, is never justified.

    I really hope that you'll be independent soon, so you can move out and take care of your own finances. If I were you, I'd walk up to my dad, grab his head, and bang it to the wall good right after announcing you're leaving. It doesn't sound like there's anything worth salvaging.

    Some cultures really make me cringe, and this is one of them. icon_evil.gif
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    Apr 06, 2011 2:13 PM GMT
    _Mohammed_ said
    RHUK said
    _Mohammed_ saidtry coming out to egyptian-muslim (to the extreme) parents at the age of 14.

    getting your head slammed against the wall by your dad multiple times for being a "disgrace" to his bloodline and saying that he would enjoy watching me burn in hell for choosing that path.

    getting your back hit multiple times with the shoes of your mom because you are equivalent to dirt.

    Getting thrown out on the street for three days (luckily i lived with my best friend during that time).

    The only way I was able to live with my parents was because I promised them not to think gay thoughts ever again and that I was straight. (yes they think gay is a choice so they told me to change back to being straight).
    Up until now, they think I am straight... and they want me to get married to a woman when I turn 21.

    yea...


    How did such abusive parents have such a level-headed son? Youre a much braver man than I. Im afraid of telling my mum and the worst she'd do is cry a bit.
    What are you going to do when you turn 21 and they expect you to marry?


    That's when things get complicated... right now they are talking to the parents of females I know and are not really "arranging" but want to see if it would be ok if we both could get to know each other. My mom told me that if I don't like the woman or she is not interested in me then the marriage won't happen but if we are both interested in each other, it will be done.

    They want me to be self-sufficient and expect me to be so when I graduate from university (which is right when I turn 21).

    I will tell them I am not ready to marry yet up until I am able to move out of the house and live on my own.




    Yikes. My mother comes from the Iron Age but I think yours come from the Stone Age! Yikes! I am so sorry you are having to go through this with probably little support than what you find online. Thank God for the internet, huh? You definitely are a very brave soul to come out so young and to such unloving parents. That bravery will get you through this and it will get better. Hang in there. Much love!
  • RHUK

    Posts: 273

    Apr 06, 2011 11:50 PM GMT
    _Mohammed_ said

    That's when things get complicated... right now they are talking to the parents of females I know and are not really "arranging" but want to see if it would be ok if we both could get to know each other. My mom told me that if I don't like the woman or she is not interested in me then the marriage won't happen but if we are both interested in each other, it will be done.

    They want me to be self-sufficient and expect me to be so when I graduate from university (which is right when I turn 21).

    I will tell them I am not ready to marry yet up until I am able to move out of the house and live on my own.


    Wow... thats sounds really tough. Hopefully you'll get a job right out of university and get your financial independence quickly! (I noticed on your profile you're doing organic chemistry, thats what I'm doing, I get my masters next year icon_cool.gif )
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    Apr 07, 2011 4:34 AM GMT
    My parents are conservative and religious. My parents made me go to a counselor when I was a little kid because I wanted to play with Barbie dolls and make outfits for them. I didn't want to go. I wanted to play with my friends instead. I thought there must be something wrong with me.

    When I was a teenager I'd get on the computer when no one was around to check out gay porn. My mom checked the browser history and my parents had a talk with me. They wanted me to confirm that it was me checking out the sites. They wanted to know if I was gay, and when I said I was they didn't want to hear it. They only were willing, at that time, to think that maybe I was curious.

    How I dealt with it: I moved away and learned to be confident being me.