Uh, okay.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 06, 2011 8:13 PM GMT
    I always get this from guys that break up with me, and it always pisses me off:
    "I think you're a really sweet guy and you'll make someone out there very happy."

    Yeah, right, that's great. Thumbs_up.gif

    Why can't I just find somebody who wants to be friends-with-cuddles?
    Friends as in you don't have to completely love each other to hang out and cuddles as in sleeping in the same bed.
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    Apr 06, 2011 8:18 PM GMT
    Friends with cuddles is like mixing business with pleasure. It's great, but if you don't really want them... you tend to feel bad about it.


    Meh. Who am I to discuss this topic?
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    Apr 06, 2011 8:24 PM GMT
    TrevorMark saidFriends with cuddles is like mixing business with pleasure. It's great, but if you don't really want them... you tend to feel bad about it.

    Meh. Who am I to discuss this topic?

    Well I mean you would want to have sex with them too. I just need guys to calm the fuck down and not consider their relationships with me so goddamn serious.

    The most recent guy who said this is someone I would totally want a fuckbuddy relationship with but he apparently like, wants to get married and shit. Ugh. He broke up with me because I corrected him twice on what is and is not "business casual". That's like arguing medicine with a doctor. icon_neutral.gif
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    Apr 06, 2011 8:26 PM GMT
    Anduru said
    TrevorMark saidFriends with cuddles is like mixing business with pleasure. It's great, but if you don't really want them... you tend to feel bad about it.

    Meh. Who am I to discuss this topic?

    Well I mean you would want to have sex with them too. I just need guys to calm the fuck down and not consider their relationships with me so goddamn serious.

    The most recent guy who said this is someone I would totally want a fuckbuddy relationship with but he apparently like, wants to get married and shit. Ugh. He broke up with me because I corrected him twice on what is and is not "business casual". That's like arguing medicine with a doctor. icon_neutral.gif

    I have a feeling you're just not finding someone who likes you, for you. Even I know parts of your personality that that guy didn't see just by what you post in the forums.
    Eh... some people, ya know?. You'll find someone. icon_smile.gif
  • TrentGrad

    Posts: 1541

    Apr 06, 2011 8:30 PM GMT
    TrevorMark saidFriends with cuddles is like mixing business with pleasure. It's great, but if you don't really want them... you tend to feel bad about it.


    Meh. Who am I to discuss this topic?


    And on the other hand, if you love cuddling them, but they find someone they want to date, the cuddling usually stops pretty quick, and the emotional attachment you had to them can cause you a world of pain.

    Good analogy...never mix business with pleasure. ;)
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    Apr 06, 2011 8:31 PM GMT
    Anduru saidI always get this from guys that break up with me, and it always pisses me off:
    "I think you're a really sweet guy and you'll make someone out there very happy."


    That's better to hear than "You're a horrible person, and my life is worse for having known you."


    You've given up on love? That's so sad.
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    Apr 06, 2011 8:33 PM GMT
    TrentGrad saidGood analogy...never mix business with pleasure. ;)

    My boss and I go out for dinner and hang out when we're not working. icon_lol.gif
  • TrentGrad

    Posts: 1541

    Apr 06, 2011 8:35 PM GMT
    Anduru said
    TrevorMark saidFriends with cuddles is like mixing business with pleasure. It's great, but if you don't really want them... you tend to feel bad about it.

    Meh. Who am I to discuss this topic?

    Well I mean you would want to have sex with them too. I just need guys to calm the fuck down and not consider their relationships with me so goddamn serious.

    The most recent guy who said this is someone I would totally want a fuckbuddy relationship with but he apparently like, wants to get married and shit. Ugh. He broke up with me because I corrected him twice on what is and is not "business casual". That's like arguing medicine with a doctor. icon_neutral.gif


    Well it's better to avoid the fuckbuddy relationship with someone who is looking for something more than that...so while he may have missed the mark with the break up line, you're both probably better off moving on.

    Just be careful...when you go into the fuckbuddy stratosphere, occasionally you meet one guy who seems like a keeper...and that's when things get very complicated!
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    Apr 06, 2011 8:37 PM GMT
    Ermine saidThat's better to hear than "You're a horrible person, and my life is worse for having known you."

    You've given up on love? That's so sad.
    I guess, but it's like, give me a fucking GOOD reason for breaking up with me. Especially since one of the first things people know about me is that I'm going into fashion, it should be expected that they can't argue fashion with me.

    I haven't given up on it, I'm just postponing it until I can wake up every day without feeling like this:
    tumblr_lai6hmmxkX1qd76sao1_500.gif
  • TrentGrad

    Posts: 1541

    Apr 06, 2011 8:37 PM GMT
    Anduru said
    TrentGrad saidGood analogy...never mix business with pleasure. ;)

    My boss and I go out for dinner and hang out when we're not working. icon_lol.gif


    I stand corrected. icon_surprised.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 06, 2011 8:38 PM GMT
    TrentGrad said
    Anduru said
    TrentGrad saidGood analogy...never mix business with pleasure. ;)

    My boss and I go out for dinner and hang out when we're not working. icon_lol.gif


    I stand corrected. icon_surprised.gif

    It was meant more sexually. lol
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 06, 2011 8:39 PM GMT
    At least you had boyfriends and all.
  • TrentGrad

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    Apr 06, 2011 8:40 PM GMT
    AnduruI guess, but it's like, give me a fucking GOOD reason for breaking up with me. Especially since one of the first things people know about me is that I'm going into fashion, it should be expected that they can't argue fashion with me.



    Hey...this is the new millenium...just be grateful you didn't get a text message breakup icon_exclaim.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 06, 2011 8:40 PM GMT
    TrentGrad saidWell it's better to avoid the fuckbuddy relationship with someone who is looking for something more than that...so while he may have missed the mark with the break up line, you're both probably better off moving on.

    Just be careful...when you go into the fuckbuddy stratosphere, occasionally you meet one guy who seems like a keeper...and that's when things get very complicated!

    The guys I usually end up meeting aren't usually "keepers" - mostly because they're about 10 years older than me so the generation gap provides obvious differences and I'd feel self-conscious bringing them home to meet my parents.

    The only guys that I would bring home to introduce to my parents don't live anywhere near me. icon_neutral.gif The curse of having online friends that are much cooler than everyone else.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 06, 2011 8:51 PM GMT
    TrentGrad saidHey...this is the new millenium...just be grateful you didn't get a text message breakup icon_exclaim.gif

    I had to chase down this motherfucker to eventually find out WHY he broke up with (aka disappeared on) me.
    One day he stopped replying to my texts, wouldn't answer the phone, didn't reply to a couple of emails and didn't reply on facebook.

    Months later, I got a new phone with a new number, so I texted him again saying "Hey what's up?"
    He replies "not sure who this is sorry :-)"
    "It's Andrew. How's it going?"
    no reply
    24 hours later I text "you could at least have the decency to reply to me"
    "Hello, what do u want?"
    "What do you mean what do I want? I want to know what happened to you."
    he then claimed that i had been "nowhere to be found" and apparently i found it "more important to criticize [his] outer self than the good person who brought [me] into his home to be kind and generous to [me]."
    He said "there's a sweet guy in [me] but [I] have a lot of growing up to do. [He] wish[es] [me] all the best & that's all [he] really [has] to say about it."


    I replied explaining myself and he replied again:
    "Just chalk it up to bad timing I guess. I truly do think ur a sweetheart, and I do wish u everything u dream for - u deserve to be happy."
  • TrentGrad

    Posts: 1541

    Apr 06, 2011 8:54 PM GMT
    Anduru said
    TrentGrad saidWell it's better to avoid the fuckbuddy relationship with someone who is looking for something more than that...so while he may have missed the mark with the break up line, you're both probably better off moving on.

    Just be careful...when you go into the fuckbuddy stratosphere, occasionally you meet one guy who seems like a keeper...and that's when things get very complicated!

    The guys I usually end up meeting aren't usually "keepers" - mostly because they're about 10 years older than me so the generation gap provides obvious differences and I'd feel self-conscious bringing them home to meet my parents.

    The only guys that I would bring home to introduce to my parents don't live anywhere near me. icon_neutral.gif The curse of having online friends that are much cooler than everyone else.


    So why are you having problems meeting young guys around your age in Toronto? I mean, this city does have one of the highest concentrations of gay people on the continent...and probably also one of the highest concentrations on the planet.

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    Apr 06, 2011 8:56 PM GMT
    TrentGrad saidSo why are you having problems meeting young guys around your age in Toronto? I mean, this city does have one of the highest concentrations of gay people on the continent...and probably also one of the highest concentrations on the planet.

    because i'm a fucking loser who sits in his room being to depressed to go out
    i don't drink or smoke or anything so parties and bars aren't exactly ~my thing~
    most people i know my age in the city are just friends. the ones that i've met that aren't my friends usually go to parties and shit and are kinda dumb in general.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 06, 2011 8:56 PM GMT
    "The most recent guy who said this is someone I would totally want a fuckbuddy relationship with but he apparently like, wants to get married and shit. Ugh. He broke up with me because I corrected him twice on what is and is not "business casual". That's like arguing medicine with a doctor."

    Anduru, I don't think he broke with you over what is or isn't business casual.

    He told you the truth. Heck, I told you something like this just the other day.

    "I think you're a really sweet guy and you'll make someone out there very happy."

    You want a fuckbuddy; he's looking an LTR with a married future. So I guess I'm wondering why, if you want a fuck-buddy, you'd want a guy who wants to get married?
    icon_question.gif

    -Doug
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    Apr 06, 2011 8:59 PM GMT
    meninlove said Anduru, I don't think he broke with you over what is or isn't business casual.

    You want a fuckbuddy; he's looking an LTR with a married future. So I guess I'm wondering why, if you want a fuck-buddy, you'd want a guy who wants to get married?
    icon_question.gif

    -Doug

    I never told him that I wasn't looking for an LTR. I was exaggerating at the married part (i think) but he seemed really into me before he disappeared.
  • TrentGrad

    Posts: 1541

    Apr 06, 2011 9:00 PM GMT
    Anduru said
    TrentGrad saidHey...this is the new millenium...just be grateful you didn't get a text message breakup icon_exclaim.gif

    I had to chase down this motherfucker to eventually find out WHY he broke up with (aka disappeared on) me.
    One day he stopped replying to my texts, wouldn't answer the phone, didn't reply to a couple of emails and didn't reply on facebook.

    Months later, I got a new phone with a new number, so I texted him again saying "Hey what's up?"
    He replies "not sure who this is sorry :-)"
    "It's Andrew. How's it going?"
    no reply
    24 hours later I text "you could at least have the decency to reply to me"
    "Hello, what do u want?"
    "What do you mean what do I want? I want to know what happened to you."
    he then claimed that i had been "nowhere to be found" and apparently i found it "more important to criticize [his] outer self than the good person who brought [me] into his home to be kind and generous to [me]."
    He said "there's a sweet guy in [me] but [I] have a lot of growing up to do. [He] wish[es] [me] all the best & that's all [he] really [has] to say about it."


    I replied explaining myself and he replied again:
    "Just chalk it up to bad timing I guess. I truly do think ur a sweetheart, and I do wish u everything u dream for - u deserve to be happy."


    Ah...well I guess what would've pissed me off wouldn't have been the words he used...it would've been that he was too cowardly to say them months ago!

    You're better off without him!!!
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    Apr 06, 2011 9:04 PM GMT
    TrentGrad saidAh...well I guess what would've pissed me off wouldn't have been the words he used...it would've been that he was too cowardly to say them months ago!

    You're better off without him!!!

    but why does he have to make it sound like he would have dated me if only I weren't so [negative quality about my personality]? icon_mad.gif
  • TrentGrad

    Posts: 1541

    Apr 06, 2011 9:18 PM GMT
    Anduru said
    TrentGrad saidSo why are you having problems meeting young guys around your age in Toronto? I mean, this city does have one of the highest concentrations of gay people on the continent...and probably also one of the highest concentrations on the planet.

    because i'm a fucking loser who sits in his room being to depressed to go out
    i don't drink or smoke or anything so parties and bars aren't exactly ~my thing~
    most people i know my age in the city are just friends. the ones that i've met that aren't my friends usually go to parties and shit and are kinda dumb in general.


    C'mon hon...don't talk like that. When I asked the question, I didn't mean it to come across as my asking "what's wrong with you?" I was just surprised that you were finding it hard to meet guys your age here in Toronto.

    You don't have to drink booze to go to a bar or a club...get a soda, or a juice. Enjoy the music and the eye candy.

    You're a cute lad...no doubt you'll turn heads. You just want to turn the right ones...so no Sunday afternoon visits to Woody's...unless it's changed, the predators are positively creepy there at that time. If I turned their heads the last time I was there, I can just imagine how they'd react to you. ;)

    Why don't you go down to the 519 Centre and see if they have any young gay social groups. Or contact Toronto Pride and see if they need any volunteers for Pride events or something like that? No, you don't have to dance on a float like a gogo boy...but you may well meet one with substance if you have a chance to work on one of the floats. ;)

    You're not a loser...but I think the key for you is finding a place where you can interact in person with other young gay guys your own age. You're too cute to be a wallflower stuck in your bedroom. icon_smile.gif

    Of course you could also use this service to meet some young guys who perhaps you could go out for lunch or dinner with. The Churchmouse & Firkin in the heart of the Church-Wellesley village used to have the most beautiful servers...it's pub food, but it's a relaxed atmosphere where you could sit down and really get to know another guy.

    Maybe go see your family Doctor and let them know that you're feeling depressed? Or is this related to how all of this ended up recently with your ex?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 06, 2011 9:29 PM GMT
    TrentGrad saidC'mon hon...don't talk like that. When I asked the question, I didn't mean it to come across as my asking "what's wrong with you?" I was just surprised that you were finding it hard to meet guys your age here in Toronto.

    [enjoy music]
    You're a cute lad...no doubt you'll turn heads. [creepers at woody's]

    Why don't you go down to the 519 Centre and see if they have any young gay social groups. Or contact Toronto Pride and see if they need any volunteers for Pride events or something like that? [substance]

    [interaction vs. wallflower] icon_smile.gif

    Of course you could also use this service to meet some young guys who perhaps you could go out for lunch or dinner with. [church st.]

    Maybe go see your family Doctor and let them know that you're feeling depressed? Or is this related to how all of this ended up recently with your ex?

    I've been to bars, that's where I met the guy I'm talking about. I've been to youth groups, they aren't my thing. I've been out since I was 14 and I'm completely comfortable with my sexuality. I can't stand the pride parade and I'm too lazy (see: depressed) to volunteer.
    I tend to not hang out in the village in general unless my friends take me there, because I used to go to bars etc. when I was underage (they let me in because I had a beard I guess) and I got over it by the time I was 19.

    It takes me an hour on the TTC to get downtown and even though I have a metropass I won't go downtown if I don't have plans with anyone.
    I've seen a psychiatrist since I was 6 and I'm on a lot of anti-depressants. icon_confused.gif
  • TrentGrad

    Posts: 1541

    Apr 06, 2011 9:34 PM GMT
    Anduru said
    TrentGrad saidAh...well I guess what would've pissed me off wouldn't have been the words he used...it would've been that he was too cowardly to say them months ago!

    You're better off without him!!!

    but why does he have to make it sound like he would have dated me if only I weren't so [negative quality about my personality]? icon_mad.gif


    Take what he said with a grain of salt. For starters, he just up and abandoned you: a really shitty thing to do. Secondly, he tells you that you have some growing up to do: if we ignore his abandonment, that's still not a bad thing hon because you're still a kid!

    Don't overthink this, because it'll drive you crazy if you let it! You're better off without him...this has freed you up for bigger and better things! icon_smile.gif
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    Apr 06, 2011 10:17 PM GMT
    Anduru said He broke up with me because I corrected him twice on what is and is not "business casual". That's like arguing medicine with a doctor. icon_neutral.gif


    I get that it's not cool to have someone argue with you about something you know more about because it's your profession or intended profession.

    But did he ASK for your opinion about what is and what is not "business casual" or did you just offer up your correction? People generally don't like being corrected. Just a thought.

    Of course, none of that excuses just breaking off contact with no explanation.