graniteknighte saidI lay here in bed... it just hit my, my father has never in my life loved me.....
I am shocked and crying...
That's a crappy feeling. Sorry to hear that.
This can be a great point in your life. The question is: What will you do now?
You can be overcome with sadness and let it bring you down for the rest of your life or you can move onward and maybe even be stronger from it.
Remember that parents are human too, and they make mistakes. Yes, they should have loved you and been good parents, but you're an adult now. You choose how you will view and live life. My dad was a good dad, but he really didn't show me a lot of love directly. I don't think he knew how because of his own upbringing. I could be mad about that and brood about it, but why? That will just make me more of a negative person. So, now when I'm around him I show him what a great man I am by being strong, taking care of myself, being good to him and my mom, talking with him, etc.
So, my advice is to continue becoming a great man, even if you don't think your dad gave you what you needed. You'll find great strength in moving forward despite anything that happened in your past. And, what to do with your dad? The same. Have great character and strength around him. You mind find that a new relationship grows from it.