It just hit me

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 07, 2011 3:40 AM GMT
    I lay here in bed... it just hit my, my father has never in my life loved me.....


    I am shocked and crying...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 07, 2011 3:41 AM GMT
    Neither of my parents really did. They kept me around because it looked good on them.

    I know how it is. It gets better, I swear. icon_smile.gif
  • cmdrkoenig67

    Posts: 163

    Apr 07, 2011 3:50 AM GMT
    You'll be okay, Granite. My father didn't love me, until I moved out (he only became interested in me and my life then) and my mother was an abusive parent. Your life will get better and you'll find friends, lovers and others who will love you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 07, 2011 3:53 AM GMT
    I dunno- all I know is abuse
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 07, 2011 4:04 AM GMT
    I don't know your life. But what I do know, is that there are people out there that will love you. Surround yourself with good loving people. Sometimes people take people for granted, if you distance yourself they might realize what they have more. If they don't, no loss, no parents who are unwilling to love their child are worth worrying about, there are a lot more people in the sea.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 07, 2011 6:21 AM GMT
    graniteknighte saidI dunno- all I know is abuse


    Just remember not to pass that abuse along, and please don't think that you did something wrong... If you are thinking that? Parents are not always good parents or people, but you are the difference that can be a difference. There is someone out there who does and will love you.icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 07, 2011 6:26 AM GMT
    You will eventually find other people who love you just as much as family would. I consider those individuals my chosen family, and they're just as good as blood related. icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 07, 2011 6:45 AM GMT
    *hug*
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 07, 2011 7:25 AM GMT
    vlcsnap2010112923h51m47.png
    Oh my gosh! My dad would never do that he loved me.
  • gallus81

    Posts: 350

    Apr 07, 2011 8:10 AM GMT
    graniteknighte saidI lay here in bed... it just hit my, my father has never in my life loved me.....


    I am shocked and crying...



    is he still alive?

    if so, there is still hope
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Apr 07, 2011 8:13 AM GMT
    I'm sorry to hear this! Love yourself and your friends you will be okicon_idea.gif
  • Serch85

    Posts: 154

    Apr 07, 2011 1:12 PM GMT
    Join the club... icon_neutral.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 07, 2011 1:30 PM GMT
    people give what they can. the thing about being straight is that you can have kids without a grand plan for it, so you may not be at all equipped to parent at the age to raise someone else. you may not have the emotional resources to do a good job. my father has openly admitted he was a bad example of being a father, and it made it easier to be his friend, because i could stop treating him like a father, which he really wasn't. he did what he could. he protected me. fed, clothed me. taught me some skills. was he affectionate when i was growing up? not at all. he was awful at times. he did what he could. we have to play the hands we are dealt. even if someone took your childhood from you, if you dwell on it past the point of getting over it, you are handing them the rest of your life too.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 07, 2011 1:32 PM GMT
    graniteknighte saidI lay here in bed... it just hit my, my father has never in my life loved me.....


    I am shocked and crying...


    That's a crappy feeling. Sorry to hear that.

    This can be a great point in your life. The question is: What will you do now?

    You can be overcome with sadness and let it bring you down for the rest of your life or you can move onward and maybe even be stronger from it.


    Remember that parents are human too, and they make mistakes. Yes, they should have loved you and been good parents, but you're an adult now. You choose how you will view and live life. My dad was a good dad, but he really didn't show me a lot of love directly. I don't think he knew how because of his own upbringing. I could be mad about that and brood about it, but why? That will just make me more of a negative person. So, now when I'm around him I show him what a great man I am by being strong, taking care of myself, being good to him and my mom, talking with him, etc.

    So, my advice is to continue becoming a great man, even if you don't think your dad gave you what you needed. You'll find great strength in moving forward despite anything that happened in your past. And, what to do with your dad? The same. Have great character and strength around him. You mind find that a new relationship grows from it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 07, 2011 2:00 PM GMT
    I share a small segment that lasted 17 years.

    I was 19 when I came out to my family and my mother was harsh, cruel and downright vile in her words to me.

    She seemed to start to accept it after a few years, and then at the 7 year mark, the same hatred returned.

    Fast forward another few years, everything is ok.

    Fast forward again, hate, anguish, trouble, why? I hate your boyfriend, etc, nothing I could do was going to please her.

    Laborday 2010. Sitting at a wedding, speaking about my life, looks like she was interested.

    10 days later, I do nothing good for the family and I'm a self-centered, ego-tistical son of a bitch.

    I had just lost my job in the last 30 days before this conversation so I was a bit vulnerable and did not need this kind of communication.

    I was going to move back near them for their support, and I'm glad that I said NO. I'm going to continue living where I am and move forward.

    I'm DONE taking the mental abuse and I will not tolerate her in my life any longer. My dad tries to patch things and it is way too late.

    His lies are as bad as hers. I told him 2 weeks ago when he called, that if she dropped over tomorrow, do not bother me. I have other things to do.

    I had to be comfortable with the following statement and believe it.

    I DO NOT CARE WHO YOU ARE, YOU ARE NOT GOING TO TREAT ME AS SECOND CLASS HUMAN BEING

    Surround yourself with genuine people. People that take interest in you, those that will, will look out of your interests. Listen to them and find your way.

    Wish you all the best. And if you want to speak more, feel free to drop a note in the inbox.

    What is that smell. Almost the weekend!!!
  • acousticpunk

    Posts: 76

    Apr 07, 2011 2:19 PM GMT
    Hang in there buddy.

    You'll realize as time goes on that you'll forge friendships and find yourself in circles that become your family. You will make lifelong friends that will love you and stand by your side just as a family member would. Why do you feel like you need your father's approval to be a man? Take these feelings, analyze why you feel the way you do and learn a lesson from it all. Then you'll be able to move on.

    I hope you feel better.

    If you need anyone to talk to, I'm game, and so are plenty of other guys here.
  • mybud

    Posts: 11830

    Apr 07, 2011 2:28 PM GMT
    Dude...Some men have problems expressing love to other men...that's including some fathers...This community is here to support ya...If this helps the stranger that's typing this response loves ya like a bro....BUD
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 07, 2011 2:33 PM GMT
    I am so sorry to hear this! The best advice I can give is to cry it out. Get out all your emotions and don't bottle them up! Life can suck, but you can also control a good portion. One day, you can make your own family, love them like your dad never loved you. That's honestly what I want to do some day.

    I was never too close to my dad, and he passed away in December. I regret not being closer to him when he was alive, but I know things have worked out postlife. My mom says she loves me and she honestly believes it, but she really doesn't. She doesn't take an interest in me, can't name any significant thing about me, she barely knows me and tries to buy my love. So I understand how you feel. I know it's not the exact same situation, but it's similar. It's bullshit, to be honest. But we can learn and grow so much from it. I don't know you, but I feel you and I'm here for you! Best of wishes.
  • matt13226

    Posts: 829

    Apr 07, 2011 2:34 PM GMT
    sorry to hear that bro but im sure it will all work out you will meet a great guy and if you guys decide to adopt kids you will be better parents to your kids than your parents ever have been or will be.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 07, 2011 2:51 PM GMT
    I am so sorry. All I can say is, I know what you're going through. Hugs.
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Apr 07, 2011 2:54 PM GMT
    graniteknighte saidI dunno- all I know is abuse


    Physical?....Mental?....Emotional?....Sexual?....no matter what...rely on your friends to help you survive. icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 07, 2011 6:59 PM GMT
    Physical, Emotional and Psychological

    Thank you guys so much for your help
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 07, 2011 7:45 PM GMT
    *hug*