A problem with gay men I've observed

  • brycetippe

    Posts: 688

    Apr 09, 2011 12:21 AM GMT
    A lot of gay men I've talked to won't be attracted to a guy unless they treat them poorly.
    AKA. distant, sometimes act if they're uninterested, etc.
    And one someone IS interested in them and shower them with affection, they are turned off.
    I could be totally off point, and just be talking to the wrong people... but it seems like this is the case.
    I'm not saying everyone is like this... just some people.
    Thoughts? Agree/Disagree?
    And if you agree, why do you think that is?
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    Apr 09, 2011 12:25 AM GMT
    That's a bunch of fucking bullshit! You deserve a spanking for even posting that!
    Now bend your ass over my knee! icon_twisted.gif
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    Apr 09, 2011 12:29 AM GMT
    Hmmm i guess i can agree with the distant kinda part as i have been told by my bf and a number of friends im kind of cold and dot express emotion easily
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    Apr 09, 2011 2:14 AM GMT
    You're not completely off base. There's definitely truth in wanting something you have to chase with diminishing desire once you obtain it.
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    Apr 09, 2011 2:15 AM GMT
    fuck that noise. NORMAL PEOPLE are nice, not clingy and not distant, normal.
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    Apr 09, 2011 2:19 AM GMT
    It's not just gay guys. Some women have that same problem. A couple of them are my friends.
  • gallus81

    Posts: 350

    Apr 09, 2011 4:47 AM GMT
    that's just typical human behaviour ... i'm sure someone smarter than me has written a thesis on it, and could tell us the how/why/etc, but in simplistic language, i think it's just how people treat people they want to sleep with.

    i think you'll find if someone genuinely likes/loves you, none of that will apply. if it does, then it's just about the sex.
  • starboard5

    Posts: 969

    Apr 09, 2011 5:11 AM GMT
    There could be something to this for a lot of us, particularly those of us who had damaging relationships with our dads. If you had a distant and/or disapproving dad a pattern of seeking to win acceptance can be set early on and then as an adult you go on trying to fix that relationship in your adult relationships. But it's impossible. Even if you win the acceptance or approval of your object, he then becomes someone else, not the ghost you're trying to connect to and you lose interest. All very unhealthy stuff.
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    Apr 09, 2011 5:16 AM GMT
    People want what they can't have. It's not just a gay thing.
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    Apr 09, 2011 5:21 AM GMT
    Maybe your "showering of affection" is coming across as solicitous and smothering.
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    Apr 09, 2011 5:31 AM GMT
    brycetippe saidA lot of gay men I've talked to won't be attracted to a guy unless they treat them poorly.
    AKA. distant, sometimes act if they're uninterested, etc.
    And one someone IS interested in them and shower them with affection, they are turned off.
    I could be totally off point, and just be talking to the wrong people... but it seems like this is the case.
    I'm not saying everyone is like this... just some people.
    Thoughts? Agree/Disagree?
    And if you agree, why do you think that is?


    Yeah that's sort of how women think too.
  • jperfit

    Posts: 593

    Apr 09, 2011 5:56 AM GMT
    If that is the case be prepared to live a very lonely life
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    Apr 09, 2011 5:58 AM GMT
    Funny- I noticed my girl friends are the same way.
  • charlieviiper...

    Posts: 328

    Apr 09, 2011 5:58 AM GMT
    i don't think its a gay thing, i think it's a human thing

    a book i read couldn't have stated it any better

    "we accept the love we think we deserve"
  • Sayrnas

    Posts: 847

    Apr 09, 2011 6:06 AM GMT
    Yup.

    Have this friend(?) that I was into and chased him for a while but he treated me like crap. So, I got tired of him and just stopped talking to him.

    Out of the blue he was text me or whatever wanting to hang. We'd set something up and then he'd flake. Rinse repeat another two times... so I got back at him for being a flake and called him out on all his horse crap.

    Now, he wants to hang out even more! The more catty and the more I call him out on his crap, the more he wants to be around me. Last time I saw him, he ignored me thus I had myself a good time without him and stole all his friends. Then he asks if I had a good time the next day. I told him "I had fun. It may not have been with you but I had fun." Next text said that he was happy to see me.


    ...pussy.
  • Sayrnas

    Posts: 847

    Apr 09, 2011 6:06 AM GMT
    charlieviiperi saidi don't think its a gay thing, i think it's a human thing

    a book i read couldn't have stated it any better

    "we accept the love we think we deserve"


    Sad but true.
  • suedeheadscot

    Posts: 1130

    Apr 09, 2011 6:37 AM GMT
    There is something to be said about men enjoying the pursuit, and really wanting something. I myself find if I'm attracted to someone and they make it very easy, I'm turned off a little!
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    Apr 09, 2011 6:50 AM GMT
    Men love a challenge. In the gay world it's so hard to create that balance between playing hard to get and showing a little bit of interest.

    Regardless, men are men and the hormones that drive straight men are no different from gay men. That's why it's so much harder to pursue and approach gay men that men chasing women.

    Best way is, find that person who looks at you. Who gives you the eye. Everytime I went after someone who didn't look at me, they weren't interested. But the ones who did, were.

    Never show anyone too much interest in the beginning. Women, men, pets, possessions. Show just enough to show you are interested, but not so much that they know you're hooked.
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    Apr 09, 2011 7:04 AM GMT
    gee I wish I was smothered with affection !
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    Apr 09, 2011 7:27 AM GMT
    agree 100%
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    Apr 09, 2011 7:51 AM GMT
    It has nothing at all to do with gay / straight. The simple fact is that many guys don't like feeling smothered. I believe that people (and their relationship) preferences can be broken down to those who want to always be close, those who need space and those who can function either way. No doubt people can change preferences over time, but many will not.

    If you need / want that constant closeness you are probably best off with your own "type." While I don't tolerate being treated "poorly" in a relationship, I refuse to be with somebody who is smothering. I don't want to hear from somebody every day, and if I don't talk to you for two days and you think it is a federal crime we will not "click."

    Somebody can correct me if they feel I am mistaken, but usually men prefer some space and women are more apt to want to be close. Neither style is "wrong", and I disagree that it has anything to do with being "treated poorly." In my mind, you are treating me poorly if you think that I can be around people (including somebody I like / love) 24/7 and expect that of me...

    I suppose I may have misunderstood the question, but how I read it you are only commenting on the style of relationship that you want and are judging people who disagree with that as having "poor" relationships.
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    Apr 09, 2011 7:53 AM GMT
    fasterpace saidgee I wish I was smothered with affection !


    I wanna be s'mored. Mmmm, marshmallowey.
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    Apr 09, 2011 7:57 AM GMT
    brycetippe saidA lot of gay men I've talked to won't be attracted to a guy unless they treat them poorly.
    AKA. distant, sometimes act if they're uninterested, etc.
    And one someone IS interested in them and shower them with affection, they are turned off.
    I could be totally off point, and just be talking to the wrong people... but it seems like this is the case.
    I'm not saying everyone is like this... just some people.
    Thoughts? Agree/Disagree?
    And if you agree, why do you think that is?


    YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Even if someone i attracted to you and you start being nice to them they lose interest. But if you ignore a guy or treat him badly (even the ones you like) they will usually wind up being interested in you.
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    Apr 09, 2011 8:02 AM GMT
    I'm not entirely convinced tho.

    Some guys have no problem jumping in the sack immediately, while others will play a "hard to get" game which actually can annoy and frustrate people.

    I totally get the smother thing, but many guys get a sense of power from always being distant etc. To me, it seems like there are serious psychological issues and when guys play games like that, I feel like I want to smack them down cos they know they're simply being annoying and stupid, and not everyone goes for that. Flirtation is one thing but playing games, being evasive etc is the sign of a screwed up mind.
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    Apr 09, 2011 8:05 AM GMT
    Just to clarify, I'm not talking bout willingness to have sex- I'm talking bout even meeting a guy for a coffee.

    And my biggest bugbear is guys who will show themselves naked on a profile, yet say "I'm shy". Give me a break. Some of them are just stupid.