Why do I keep using my ex's name to call my current? Need help!

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 09, 2011 5:41 AM GMT
    I absolutely love my boyfriend, he's everything I was looking for. Totally caring, and responsible for the best sex I've ever had. icon_biggrin.gif

    We've been together for two years now, and it happened three times already that when I want to call for his attention I used my ex's name and that totally freaked him out. The first two times he was angry and shouting and all but last night it happened again and all he did was to look at me and with a low voice he asked me: " when will it stop?".

    I stayed with my ex for 4 years and we still work for the same company but I very very rarely see him.

    I hate to hurt his (current) feelings and I wish I could stop it but it keeps coming out! And I promise you guys, I don't miss my ex at all, don't have hidden feelings or anything else.

    I think one reason for that happening could be that they are the two only guys I've been with where English was the common language used between us so maybe that's something to do with it? Maybe?

    Thoughts, ideas, and mostly tips to end it will be very appreciated.
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    Apr 09, 2011 7:34 AM GMT
    Anyone?icon_rolleyes.gif
  • Bunjamon

    Posts: 3161

    Apr 09, 2011 12:54 PM GMT
    Assue your current boyfriend that the fact that you accidentally say your ex's name doesn't mean anything. It sounds like he might have low self-esteem. He can't expect you to have only ever loved him and thought about him. We all have histories that we can't extricate ourselves from, and you're allowed to think about your ex whenever you want, and even say his name if you want to.

    That is, unless you say it when you're having sex. icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 09, 2011 12:56 PM GMT
    My ex used to sometimes call his exe's name out when he was fucking me. I think it was on purpose because I would start choking him and he would have some really intense asphyxia enhanced orgasms.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Apr 09, 2011 1:02 PM GMT
    I have always chuckled when my Dad calls his longtime girlfriend by my
    deceased mother's name.... she's nothing like my mother.

    You need to be pretty careful about doing that... I'd try and get over it.
    If my bf called me by his former partner's name (once wouldn't matter, but thereafter)....


    If it continues to be an issue, I'd have a converation with him about it and tell him how you feel and how much HE means to you.
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    Apr 09, 2011 1:03 PM GMT
    Bunjamon saidAssue your current boyfriend that the fact that you accidentally say your ex's name doesn't mean anything. It sounds like he might have low self-esteem. He can't expect you to have only ever loved him and thought about him. We all have histories that we can't extricate ourselves from, and you're allowed to think about your ex whenever you want, and even say his name if you want to.

    That is, unless you say it when you're having sex. icon_wink.gif


    I did say to him that it meant nothing, it was just a name swap without any meaning, but it didn't help at all....

    And THANK GOD it didn't happen while we were having sex... yeticon_neutral.gif
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    Apr 09, 2011 1:05 PM GMT
    HndsmKansan saidI have always chuckled when my Dad calls his longtime girlfriend by my
    deceased mother's name.... she's nothing like my mother.

    You need to be pretty careful about doing that... I'd try and get over it.
    If my bf called me by his former partner's name (once wouldn't matter, but thereafter)....


    If it continues to be an issue, I'd have a converation with him about it and tell him how you feel and how much HE means to you.


    Thanks for the insight icon_smile.gif

    I told him he is the one I was looking for, he's everything I want in life, he feels the same but then... BANG... wrong name comes along.... I think I need shock therapyicon_rolleyes.gif
  • DCEric

    Posts: 3713

    Apr 09, 2011 1:10 PM GMT
    Start thinking his name every time you look at him. If you make a deliberate effort to call him by the correct name in your head, after some time you will no longer make the same mistake. It will take a few weeks, but that is how I stopped calling our new dog by the name of the dog I grew up with.

    "That is Hatteras" (in my head) every time I see him.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 09, 2011 1:14 PM GMT
    Thanks Eric, that's a good idea, actually. I guess another possible reason for that happening in the first place is because both names are so foreign to me... aahh those middle eastern names!icon_evil.gif
  • TheAlchemixt

    Posts: 2294

    Apr 09, 2011 1:17 PM GMT
    If I had a boyfriend that did what you did and you said it meant absolutely nothing, then I would not mind. I would actually find it funny! It's not like you do it on purpose.
  • Bunjamon

    Posts: 3161

    Apr 09, 2011 2:15 PM GMT
    My dad calls my mom by my sister's name all the time. It's a running gag at our house when we're all together. Your boyfriend needs to realize that it's really totally harmless.
  • mybud

    Posts: 11837

    Apr 09, 2011 2:47 PM GMT
    My opinion....there's still feelings present for your ex....ever heard of a freudian slip????? It's unconscious wishes or motives pertaining to your ex...Take time to think and understand what you liked about your ex that your currently not gettin from your present bf...Deal with your feelings...it's important....BUD
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Apr 09, 2011 2:52 PM GMT
    as my former best friend/first guy i had sex with and current bf's name both begin with the same letter, are both mono-syllable names and sound similar; i've groaned out the wrong name on occassion....he (my current bf) and I both laugh about it.


    trust me on this guys: any man who can make you laugh while ya'll are fucking is worth keeping!!


    icon_biggrin.gif
  • Phosphor

    Posts: 7

    Apr 09, 2011 5:19 PM GMT
    If you were with the guy with the name for four years I think it's just a habit. Now you are 2 years into a new relationship and it is familiar.

    If you think about the times when you've wanted to get his attention and write down his name I think it could help. Its like taking notes. You'll remember something when you go through the actions of writing it and seeing what you've written in your head.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 09, 2011 5:47 PM GMT
    Oh, wow. I can't believe this happens to someone else. I did this same thing a few times the first year I was dating my current boyfriend. In fact, 6 years later, I nearly caught myself doing it again when we were visiting some old friends that were part of mine and my ex's circle.

    It's just habit. The guys couldn't be more different, and let me tell ya, I had good reason to break up with the other guy. But it's impossible not to have similar experiences that you had when you dated someone previously (grocery shopping, walking the dog, etc), and if you're concentrating on other things the wrong name just pops out.

    My boyfriend just rolled his eyes when it happened.

    It goes away in time.

    And just be sure to talk shit about your ex a lot!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 09, 2011 6:02 PM GMT
    That's why I call all my boyfriends My Love.

    My Love, what time is it?

    What do you want for dinner, My Love?

    Where do you want to go tonight, My Love?

    My Love, where's the remote?

    Etc.

    Problem solved.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 09, 2011 6:06 PM GMT
    rnch saidtrust me on this guys: any man who can make you laugh while ya'll are fucking is worth keeping!!


    icon_biggrin.gif


    Agreed
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 09, 2011 6:16 PM GMT
    Don_Guerrilla_de_Sodom saidMy ex used to sometimes call his exe's name out when he was fucking me. I think it was on purpose because I would start choking him and he would have some really intense asphyxia enhanced orgasms.


    Hot.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 09, 2011 6:24 PM GMT
    Calling your current BF your ex's name is not something to be taken lightly and your BF might be questioning how serious the relationship is if you keep doing it. Seriously, that is sort of an issue.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 09, 2011 6:56 PM GMT
    I think maybe the problem is that you work at the company where your ex is + you're calling your new bf by his namen + you're still saying it 2 years into the relationship + you're banging your ex (j/k).

    Normally, I'd say the name thing is no big deal because I've had women at work call me by their husbands names and my grandma calls all of her grandkids by each other's name. Your situation seems to have some extra things in there. Good luck on that.
  • BeerIsYummy

    Posts: 65

    Apr 09, 2011 7:21 PM GMT
    He's freaking out because you called him your ex's name three times over the past TWO YEARS? That's ridiculous. And you're not even doing it during sex, which would be awkward.

    He needs do grow up and get a basic understanding of how the mind works. Our brains don't function 100% correctly. Calling someone the wrong name is common. The reason you use your ex's name is because he's a boyfriend (in a similar situation related to you) just like parents' mistakenly call their kids their sibling's name. You spent 4 years calling someone you cared for a certain name. Every once in a while the wrong synapse is going to fire and the wrong name is going to slip out.

    This is seriously not a big deal. And there's nothing you can really do about it. Just like you can't prevent Deja Vu or the "Tip of the Tongue" phenomena.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 09, 2011 7:23 PM GMT
    Whats the gape, space, respite period between BFs?
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Apr 09, 2011 7:25 PM GMT
    Guy101 saidCalling your current BF your ex's name is not something to be taken lightly and your BF might be questioning how serious the relationship is if you keep doing it. Seriously, that is sort of an issue.



    it's only an issue if you are an immature, insecure, low self-esteemed drama queen.



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  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 09, 2011 8:16 PM GMT
    rnch said
    Guy101 saidCalling your current BF your ex's name is not something to be taken lightly and your BF might be questioning how serious the relationship is if you keep doing it. Seriously, that is sort of an issue.



    it's only an issue if you are an immature, insecure, low self-esteemed drama queen.



    icon_rolleyes.gif


    WOW! Really? Says the guy in an open relationship (immature, low self-esteem, drama and insecure in a nutshell). I suppose saying someone elses name wouldn't seem like a big deal then.

    You got anything else you wanna add or maybe you should go ask one of your partners for some help. LOL.

    You want some of this? Bring it.
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Apr 09, 2011 8:19 PM GMT
    Guy101 said...You want some of this? Bring it.



    take a midol and chill, Nancy...


    icon_lol.gif