First date deal-breakers - the moment you know it's an EPIC FAIL

  • KissTheSky

    Posts: 1981

    Apr 09, 2011 10:32 PM GMT
    A couple of years ago a guy approached me in a bookstore and asked me out. He was in his 30s.... seemed smart and kind of funny so I said yes. We went to eat dinner that weekend. He seemed really charming and was definitely cute. I found out he was an attorney and he drove a Mercedes -- so obviously he had some money (which I don't care about but it is relevant to what happened later).
    I had drunk a couple of beers and was a little buzzed, and thinking he was pretty awesome, and then he dropped the bomb: he was completely closeted and we could never be seen in public in his home town, where his parents lived, nearby where I live. None of his "friends" knew he was gay and so I could never meet any of them. He told me the reason he couldn't come out was that his parents would freak out.
    I was sort of stunned and wasn't sure what to say so I kind of low-keyed it and we went back to my place... ended up making out a little and then out of the blue he dropped bomb #2:
    he was supporting his parents financially! But was still afraid to tell them he was gay! icon_eek.gif
    Even in my semi-buzzed state I was horrified. I told him they were in no position to run his life since he was a grown man and especially when he was paying all their bills.
    That was the end of that date. He called me the next day but I said this can't go anywhere, sorry. icon_rolleyes.gif (He mentioned that he was Jewish, which made it harder to come out, which was just one more ridiculous thing)

    If anyone else has first-date horror stories (or comedies!) I'd love to hear them.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 10, 2011 12:15 AM GMT
    I work around a whole shitload of Jews...hell even my boss is Jewish.
    And I'm openly gay, and accepted by everyone there.
    Tell him he's a fucking pussy. icon_wink.gif
  • oyoung

    Posts: 97

    Apr 10, 2011 4:58 AM GMT
    lol...
    WOW~~ this is a nice drama~~~icon_razz.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 10, 2011 5:00 AM GMT
    When it turns into a therapy session. Or the guy is smug and completely judgmental.

    NEXT icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 10, 2011 5:03 AM GMT
    The first time I met up with a guy was when I was 22. I found him online and met him at the mall. I got in his car and we drove around to look for a private place. He ended up cuming in his pants while we were driving around talking (I never even touched him). I asked him to drop me off back at the mall and that was the end of it. Very disappointing for a first meeting with a guy.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 10, 2011 5:04 AM GMT
    dopitt saidThe first time I met up with a guy was when I was 22. I found him online and met him at the mall. I got in his car and we drove around to look for a private place. He ended up cuming in his pants while we were driving around talking (I never even touched him). I asked him to drop me off back at the mall and that was the end of it. Very disappointing for a first meeting with a guy.


    My God. I can't even imagine. Hahahaha....
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 10, 2011 5:24 AM GMT
    dopittThe first time I met up with a guy was when I was 22. I found him online and met him at the mall. I got in his car and we drove around to look for a private place. He ended up cuming in his pants while we were driving around talking (I never even touched him). I asked him to drop me off back at the mall and that was the end of it. Very disappointing for a first meeting with a guy.


    That's kinda hot
  • KissTheSky

    Posts: 1981

    Apr 10, 2011 5:30 AM GMT
    dopitt saidThe first time I met up with a guy was when I was 22. I found him online and met him at the mall. I got in his car and we drove around to look for a private place. He ended up cuming in his pants while we were driving around talking (I never even touched him). I asked him to drop me off back at the mall and that was the end of it. Very disappointing for a first meeting with a guy.


    AND WE HAVE A WINNER!
    lol, that's quite a story. At least every date after that had to be an improvement, right? icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 10, 2011 5:46 AM GMT
    KissTheSky saidA couple of years ago a guy approached me in a bookstore and asked me out. He was in his 30s.... seemed smart and kind of funny so I said yes. We went to eat dinner that weekend. He seemed really charming and was definitely cute. I found out he was an attorney and he drove a Mercedes -- so obviously he had some money (which I don't care about but it is relevant to what happened later).
    I had drunk a couple of beers and was a little buzzed, and thinking he was pretty awesome, and then he dropped the bomb: he was completely closeted and we could never be seen in public in his home town, where his parents lived, nearby where I live. None of his "friends" knew he was gay and so I could never meet any of them. He told me the reason he couldn't come out was that his parents would freak out.
    I was sort of stunned and wasn't sure what to say so I kind of low-keyed it and we went back to my place... ended up making out a little and then out of the blue he dropped bomb #2:
    he was supporting his parents financially! But was still afraid to tell them he was gay! icon_eek.gif
    Even in my semi-buzzed state I was horrified. I told him they were in no position to run his life since he was a grown man and especially when he was paying all their bills.
    That was the end of that date. He called me the next day but I said this can't go anywhere, sorry. icon_rolleyes.gif (He mentioned that he was Jewish, which made it harder to come out, which was just one more ridiculous thing)

    If anyone else has first-date horror stories (or comedies!) I'd love to hear them.


    I have a feeling bomb #3 would have been "I'm married."


    Went on a blind date many years ago. Talked on the phone a few times...he had an incredibly sexy voice. He suggested we meet for a drink, no more, just to see if the feeling is mutual. So, met up....the voice was all he had going...picture Woody Allen if he had a younger brother....
    Anyhow, after the standard "I'll call you"....heheheh....I was so glad to get in my car and go home.
    Now...fast forward to Saturday ...I pick up the morning paper from the porch...open it up....and there's a big picture of my previous night's date on the front page...being charged with molesting teenaged boys........icon_eek.gif
    Truth really is stranger than fiction.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 10, 2011 7:06 AM GMT
    I met a guy online... we emailed, then talked on the phone, then agreed on a date, I met him at his house and he cooked dinner.

    He looked just like his pic, handsome as hell and was a pretty charming guy, great cook too. Good job, nice home.. blahblahblah.

    Problem was, he had gingivitus from HELL! He sat on the other side of the table from me and his breath was so repulsive I found myself leaning away from the table.

    He wanted to make out and I did kiss him, but I bailed as fast as I could. I couldn't get past it... I hope that doesn't sound shallow, because in every other way the man was hot as hell.

    bleh.
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Apr 10, 2011 7:11 AM GMT
    dopitt saidThe first time I met up with a guy was when I was 22. I found him online and met him at the mall. I got in his car and we drove around to look for a private place. He ended up cuming in his pants while we were driving around talking (I never even touched him). I asked him to drop me off back at the mall and that was the end of it. Very disappointing for a first meeting with a guy.
    damn, you are good buddy. damn, you made someone come and you didn't even have to do any work
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Apr 10, 2011 7:13 AM GMT
    sdgman saidI met a guy online... we emailed, then talked on the phone, then agreed on a date, I met him at his house and he cooked dinner.

    He looked just like his pic, handsome as hell and was a pretty charming guy, great cook too. Good job, nice home.. blahblahblah.

    Problem was, he had gingivitus from HELL! He sat on the other side of the table from me and his breath was so repulsive I found myself leaning away from the table.

    He wanted to make out and I did kiss him, but I bailed as fast as I could. I couldn't get past it... I hope that doesn't sound shallow, because in every other way the man was hot as hell.

    bleh.
    wow, that is pretty bad. i do not think that makes you shallow. however, you could have told him about it. maybe he could have done something about it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 10, 2011 7:15 AM GMT
    very very very conservative jewish family. my mother's family had kept middle eastern traditions which by jewish standards, are some of the most traditional and closed minded traditions. yet, when i came out at the age of 14, risking being thrown out of my comfortable life... my mother called my grandmother who is essence, had the last word in any ordeal. she said, if G-d made him that way, who are you to say to terat him like hes broken. G-d makes nothing broken and we as humans can't begin to understand how complex things can be. with that said, my mother sucked it up and so did the rest of my family.


    people like him piss me off! how dare you use your family, religion or work as a crutch! All those things are very important to me but far more important is being honest with myself and loving who I am. If your family can't accept that, then you've got to face the facts and learn to live for yourself.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 10, 2011 7:21 AM GMT
    tuffguyndc said
    sdgman saidI met a guy online... we emailed, then talked on the phone, then agreed on a date, I met him at his house and he cooked dinner.

    He looked just like his pic, handsome as hell and was a pretty charming guy, great cook too. Good job, nice home.. blahblahblah.

    Problem was, he had gingivitus from HELL! He sat on the other side of the table from me and his breath was so repulsive I found myself leaning away from the table.

    He wanted to make out and I did kiss him, but I bailed as fast as I could. I couldn't get past it... I hope that doesn't sound shallow, because in every other way the man was hot as hell.

    bleh.
    wow, that is pretty bad. i do not think that makes you shallow. however, you could have told him about it. maybe he could have done something about it.


    Ha... we were in our mid 30s, I hardly think it was a new condition. Just something he learned to live with or didn't notice.
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Apr 10, 2011 7:30 AM GMT
    a deal breaker for me is bad breath or a fem guy.
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Apr 10, 2011 7:34 AM GMT
    sdgman said
    tuffguyndc said
    sdgman saidI met a guy online... we emailed, then talked on the phone, then agreed on a date, I met him at his house and he cooked dinner.

    He looked just like his pic, handsome as hell and was a pretty charming guy, great cook too. Good job, nice home.. blahblahblah.

    Problem was, he had gingivitus from HELL! He sat on the other side of the table from me and his breath was so repulsive I found myself leaning away from the table.

    He wanted to make out and I did kiss him, but I bailed as fast as I could. I couldn't get past it... I hope that doesn't sound shallow, because in every other way the man was hot as hell.

    bleh.
    wow, that is pretty bad. i do not think that makes you shallow. however, you could have told him about it. maybe he could have done something about it.


    Ha... we were in our mid 30s, I hardly think it was a new condition. Just something he learned to live with or didn't notice.
    ha ha ha i guess you have point. or maybe no one bothered to tell him his breath was bad. did you tell him? plus if he has bad breath it can usually be reversed. not that i am saying you should be the one to tell him but i am just saying
  • d_1M

    Posts: 598

    Apr 10, 2011 7:41 AM GMT
    easy i wont write a efin book about it.

    bad breath, and femenine, like flaming.
  • suedeheadscot

    Posts: 1130

    Apr 10, 2011 7:46 AM GMT
    I sat down in a bar with someone I really thought I was going to get on great with. In walked this guy who looked fatter than his pics on his profile, wearing some kind of brown cloak that made him look like Ben Kenobi, sat down and prattled away in a really high voice about his IBS.

    Taxi!!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 10, 2011 7:46 AM GMT
    D_1M saideasy i wont write a efin book about it.

    bad breath, and femenine, like flaming.



    wouldn't you know whether the person is a fem before you meet them in person?
  • suedeheadscot

    Posts: 1130

    Apr 10, 2011 7:48 AM GMT
    Not if its an online date - they tend to be hazardous and I seem to be taking my life in my hands a few times!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 10, 2011 7:53 AM GMT
    suedeheadscot saidNot if its an online date - they tend to be hazardous and I seem to be taking my life in my hands a few times!!



    why wouldn't you exchange numbers and talk first? oy
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 10, 2011 8:01 AM GMT
    I had met a guy online last year October. He is 20 years my senior, a bodybuilder, and still in the closet. We stay about 1500kms (950miles) from each other, though he pays for airline tickets for me to go see him every other weekend and sometimes for a week. His family and friends didn't know he's gay. He also would not touch me in public or hold my hand at a restaurant. So it's like he does not want people to know he is gay and in a relationship with me. So eventually after giving up trying to convince him to live for himself and not others, I kinda broke it off with him about 2 months ago, just to find out a week later he admitted to some off his family that he is gay. We then kinda went on from there. He's busy telling the rest of his family he is gay, and plans to introduce me to his friends, as his lover. So I really admire him for doing that. And he is practicing at showing more feelings (both privately and publically).

    Thing is, we are TOTAL opposites. I am social, he is introverted, I like to party it up on fridays and weekends while he likes burying his head in books. I like to say what I mean and feel while he keeps the peace by being nice (and he has the best gentleman-like manners ever!). But there is this amazing attraction that bonds us. I don't know what or why, but it is really out of this world. We don't agree on most things, but because of this attraction, we don't care.

    It will take time to adapt to each other, but what would have been a deal breaker, now turned into a deal-maker. I can never be with someone that isn't comfortable with their sexuality. Lucky for me, this guy wants to be with me and was willing to get to know himself better.
  • suedeheadscot

    Posts: 1130

    Apr 10, 2011 8:20 AM GMT
    jrunner25 said
    suedeheadscot saidNot if its an online date - they tend to be hazardous and I seem to be taking my life in my hands a few times!!



    why wouldn't you exchange numbers and talk first? oy


    It just doesn't happen sometimes! Though it be kinda wise to!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 10, 2011 8:21 AM GMT
    suedeheadscot saidI sat down in a bar with someone I really thought I was going to get on great with. In walked this guy who looked fatter than his pics on his profile, wearing some kind of brown cloak that made him look like Ben Kenobi, sat down and prattled away in a really high voice about his IBS.

    Taxi!!!


    Did this really happen, or are you borrowing scenes from A Confederacy of Dunces? Was the guy's name by an chance "Ignatius"?

    icon_cool.gif
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Apr 10, 2011 8:28 AM GMT
    I'm kind of surprised he reveiled financial information to you on the first date.
    I can certainly understand you talking about "gay issues" like how he "came out" (and to find out he hasn't).. but finances, not usually first date stuff.

    The only thing I can really relate is "lunch dates", where I'm chatting with a new friend over lunch (since I have a bf). There isn't anything really "date like" other than we are sitting and talking. I would say the biggest "bomb" is when the guy just talks about himself and never asks about you.