Mental illness and being gay....

  • Import

    Posts: 7193

    Apr 10, 2011 3:58 AM GMT
    is there any correlation??

    A person with a background and credentials in the field told me that most gay men are bi-polar. icon_confused.gif

    The reason why im asking this is because my ex-boyfriend was recently diagnosed with all sorts of mental illnesses. Like clinically diagnosed. He had to be put in a hospital because he was going crazy.

    Recently, my bf and I broke up about 3 or 4 weeks ago. I moved out of the apartment and so did he. I was devestated and so was he. However, ever since we broke up he has been acting quite irradically and strange.
    He withdrew and spent $9000 in 2 days on shit. He bought a piano and bought all these books on magic and different crosses like crucifixes.
    He rented out this small office in boca raton and was living in it. The kicker is there was no electricity or furniture in the place. He was living like an animal. His sister went and got him and she told me about all these strange notes written all over the place and how the office was filled with trash and had no electric, therefore no air conditioning and no running water.
    He had shaved his head, he had shaved one leg and not the other and patches of hair missing off his arms (he was middle eastern so he was quite hairy). He was walking around the street in his pajamas and some random belt on.

    I couldnt believe it. The person I had loved and known as such a sophisticated and stable person had gone insane. He blew all this money, shaved random parts of his body, bought all these crooses and books on magic, etc. He also had told me that he was from a different planet. A planet called pleaides, as he was in tune with God. icon_confused.gif

    His sister "baker acted" him. Meaning, he was involuntarily taken to a mental hospital for observation. Since then, he has been put in this facility where he will remain for 30 days and i guess rehabilitate him.

    What I'm trying to understand is how have I been with this person for over 2 years and not seen any signs of him being crazy? How could I have missed this?> To me, he seemed relatively stable, smart and had it all together with a well-paying job, nice car, good friends, etc.

    Somehow he just lost it all in a matter of a few weeks. It's craziness o me, I almost cant believe it.
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    Apr 10, 2011 2:07 PM GMT
    First of all, the person with credentials sound prejudiced. I bet you could find a lot of other credentialed people that would refute him and back it up with studies.

    Don't beat yourself up over your ex. I know it's hard because you most likely still have feelings for him.

    Many times, people are able to hide their mental and emotional problems from those around them including those closest to them.

    I'm sorry you are going through this. It will get better. Once he's released again, the most important thing will be for him to always take his meds. It's common for someone to get to the point that they think they are "okay" so they stop the meds and the problems rear up again.

    I wish you the best.
  • cowboyathlete

    Posts: 1346

    Apr 10, 2011 2:15 PM GMT
    Your ex was just one person, he does not represent all gay men.
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    Apr 10, 2011 2:21 PM GMT
    Psychotic depression, or bi-polar. Both of which are transient and therefor; will pass.


    Judging from your ages ( I assume you are around the same age) ..schizophrenia would have showed up by now. (so it isn't that..).



    And no just because you have same sex attractions you are not mentally ill. That correlation is ridiculous.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Apr 10, 2011 2:27 PM GMT
    cowboyathlete saidYour ex was just one person, he does not represent all gay men.



    The point I was going to make... you ask one question in your headline, but spend your post talking about your ex-boyfriend.

    Most of the studies I've heard has confirmed that there is a larger percentage of gay men that seem to have issues (I'll say it that way) than
    straight ones. That doesn't mean "the majority" or "most" are bi-polar.
    I find that very hard to believe. Gays have had important life goals stacked against them and while things have improved, it does add additional pressure that straights don't have to face.

    By the say, I hope things improve with your ex... he does sound like he needs some major assistance.
  • dtx1

    Posts: 155

    Apr 10, 2011 2:55 PM GMT
    Import said

    What I'm trying to understand is how have I been with this person for over 2 years and not seen any signs of him being crazy? How could I have missed this?> To me, he seemed relatively stable, smart and had it all together with a well-paying job, nice car, good friends, etc.


    Ask any mental health professional (a good one, that is...not like the one who suggested to you the gay-bipolar link) about the relationship between stress and the triggering of an episode of mental illness in persons predisposed to mental illness.

    Stress and stressful life events are the enemy of all of us, but especially to those who may be predisposed to mental illness. It is not uncommon for a person who is predisposed to mental illness to spiral downward and out of control when faced with a major life stressor (break up, loss of job, major life change). Many persons living with underlying tendencies toward mental illness can hold it together and both appear and function fairly well when life is going well and surrounded by a good social support system. But when these predisposed persons are faced with major stressors, some suffer a breakdown of adaptive functioning. This is certainly true of persons with bipolar disorder tendencies.

    In short, mental illness is not an all-or-none thing. Tendencies and predispositions may exist and not be exposed until the person is faced with a major life stressor and suffers a breakdown in adaptive functioning.

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    Apr 10, 2011 3:06 PM GMT
    Sylas saidPsychotic depression, or bi-polar. Both of which are transient and therefor; will pass.


    Judging from your ages ( I assume you are around the same age) ..schizophrenia would have showed up by now. (so it isn't that..).



    And no just because you have same sex attractions you are not mentally ill. That correlation is ridiculous.
    alas.. you need some real help with the DSM IV.
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    Apr 10, 2011 3:27 PM GMT
    The only form of "mental illness" that I could see being remotely correlated with being gay is anxiety-depression and I would see it more as a state of mind versus "illness". Given the fact that being gay was once thought of as a mental illness itself you just have to take each case separately.

    Stress is mental so if it can cause heart attacks, panic attacks, hypertension and other physical disorders, it can definitely trigger mental episodes. Sorry to hear.
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    Apr 10, 2011 4:23 PM GMT
    dtx1 said

    Stress and stressful life events are the enemy of all of us, but especially to those who may be predisposed to mental illness. It is not uncommon for a person who is predisposed to mental illness to spiral downward and out of control when faced with a major life stressor (break up, loss of job, major life change). Many persons living with underlying tendencies toward mental illness can hold it together and both appear and function fairly well when life is going well and surrounded by a good social support system. But when these predisposed persons are faced with major stressors, some suffer a breakdown of adaptive functioning. This is certainly true of persons with bipolar disorder tendencies.



    I agree with this also. Your ex may have been predisposed to mental illness and was living with underlying stress for a long time.

    Running a business and keeping it profitable can do that. But the event of a breakup could have made him snap and pushed him over the edge. This happens to seemingly well adjusted people, they've become good at hiding it over the years.

    Though, when a traumatic life event happens they have a breakdown. Mental illness could run in his family too, not sure if I believe this or not but some people say mental illness is passed down in the genes.

    However, many people think the GLBT community is more prone to depression than straight people. Though, it really depends on the individual.
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    Apr 10, 2011 7:16 PM GMT
    TropicalMark said
    Sylas saidPsychotic depression, or bi-polar. Both of which are transient and therefor; will pass.


    Judging from your ages ( I assume you are around the same age) ..schizophrenia would have showed up by now. (so it isn't that..).



    And no just because you have same sex attractions you are not mentally ill. That correlation is ridiculous.
    alas.. you need some real help with the DSM IV.




    Blocked.

    You are a really vindictive, nasty person. I sincerely hope that you get better.
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    Apr 10, 2011 7:26 PM GMT
    Sylas said
    TropicalMark said
    Sylas saidPsychotic depression, or bi-polar. Both of which are transient and therefor; will pass.


    Judging from your ages ( I assume you are around the same age) ..schizophrenia would have showed up by now. (so it isn't that..).



    And no just because you have same sex attractions you are not mentally ill. That correlation is ridiculous.
    alas.. you need some real help with the DSM IV.




    Blocked.

    You are a really vindictive, nasty person. I sincerely hope that you get better.
    temper tantrum? Correcting your misinformation with factual data make me a vindictive nasty person huh? icon_rolleyes.gif
    Hmmmm....
    You might grow up some day.. icon_wink.gif
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    Apr 10, 2011 7:39 PM GMT
    Import saidSomehow he just lost it all in a matter of a few weeks. It's craziness o me, I almost cant believe it.

    My late partner started acting erratic as Christmas, 2003 approached. I thought at first he was just drunk most of the time, and indeed he was drinking heavily.

    Then the morning of January 4 he woke up in a state of dementia. I had trouble getting him dressed and into the car, and on the way to the ER he kept trying to open his car door and get out as I was driving, and he was talking gibberish.

    In the ER he thought he was in a hospital in Texas, though we'd been living in North Dakota for 2 years. He was admitted, and tests came back a week later with a finding of PML, a fatal viral brain infection related to his HIV. I put him into a nursing home, where he died 5 weeks later, his condition incurable.

    Psychosis can strike that quickly. So can some brain diseases, as with my late partner. Does yours have HIV?
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    Apr 11, 2011 3:27 AM GMT
    I think that if there is a higher rate of mental illness in the gay community it is more correlational with the lack of acceptance by society combined by a lot of social pressure within out own community that are aggravating factors. It sounds like your ex may have had some sort of breakdown. Just because something seems solid doesn't mean it's unbreakable. I hope your ex gets the help he needs.

    Your friend has a biased double standard because straight people get diangosed with mental illness, and have psychotic breakdowns all the time, and no one says "oh, tsk tsk...he/she's straight you know."
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    Apr 11, 2011 3:29 AM GMT
    Yes, they are one and the same. Please, believe the asshole who told you that.
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    Apr 11, 2011 3:33 AM GMT
    Oh, and only gay people wig out after a breakup. You never EVER read about straight people doing that... or stalking their exes, or stalking and killing their exes. That's why only gay people get restraining orders taken out on their asses.

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    Apr 11, 2011 11:55 AM GMT
    I think your ex may have his statistics kinda fucked up, but yeah there are a large number of gays who are bi-polar.
    This is 100% due to religion. All "religious" gays need to drop that shit before they go crazy.
    Being spiritual makes much more sense, and doesn't cause mental disorders like religion does.
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    Apr 11, 2011 12:40 PM GMT
    I don't know if there is any significant link but my first boyfriend was bi-polar, and my second definitely had 'issues' and self-destructive behaviour around alcohol, self-esteem and abandonment issues. And a lot of gay guys I know have had problems with substance abuse, depression etc.
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    Apr 14, 2011 3:00 PM GMT
    sdgman saidOh, and only gay people wig out after a breakup. You never EVER read about straight people doing that... or stalking their exes, or stalking and killing their exes. That's why only gay people get restraining orders taken out on their asses.



    +10...and then there's that Loreena Bobbitt gal...
  • lostlogic

    Posts: 223

    Apr 14, 2011 3:09 PM GMT
    They say I'm crazy...

  • MagillaNectar

    Posts: 72

    Apr 14, 2011 3:22 PM GMT
    Mental Illness has a lot of varying degrees and yeah there's a correlation but it's not causal. The obvious, gay people tend to be ostracized leads to stunted development in maturity (lack of confidence and depression, self-damaging relationship patterns, superficiality in looks, etc.). And because of always feeling like your on the outside, this can cause you to become submissive or dominating in personality and then end up that way in relationships which isn't really a healthy relationship since happiest partners are equal. All because they weren't allowed to healthfully express and explore their emotions and wants growing up because some fucks who were insecure about it didn't want to see it happening. I definitely used to exhibit a lot of these problems and still do but not nearly as much anymore.

    I have no idea what happened with your boyfriend and only a lot of time with a very qualified professional can figure that one out. The important thing to remember though is he has to WANT to change. If he doesn't, he never will no matter what people force him to do.
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    Apr 14, 2011 3:28 PM GMT
    Magilla, you're onto something there.

    Studies I've read said that straight and gay women have roughly the same levels of illness, but the incidence is higher among gay men than their straight male counterparts.

    Lesbians are much more accepted in straight society than gay men.
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    Apr 14, 2011 3:34 PM GMT
    I've actually talked to a couple of counselors before because I just knew I was crazy, they told me I was one of the most well-adjusted people they've met
  • bad_wolf

    Posts: 1002

    Apr 14, 2011 3:37 PM GMT
    Dia-thesis stress - explains that anyone could have a biological disposition to a mental illness but at some point in their life they need an environmental or social trigger to activate it.

    Distress is one of this triggers and for a gay man / lesbian woman or bi's I think there are many sources of distress as a result of your sexuality than heterosexualism. If there is a correlation it's not because you're gay it's because it sucks to be gay in todays world.