Can some one please tell me how to move on with my life? My whole life is on hold and I think about him day and night. What is going on here?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 11, 2011 3:23 AM GMT
    I'm a 23 year old male who is officially obsessed with my 23 yr friend/co-worker and seriously need help. I can't go the day or even to bed without thinking about him. He is handsome, intelligent strong, funny, fun loving. I try ignoring him, not thinking about him, but he dominates my mind. He used to hug me, tell me he miss me, or he wants to do me all sort of stuff that made things even worse for me. So I told him that I was attracted to him. He responded that he was straight and has a girl friend and we could still be cool if I didn't act weird. I haven't been weird..Some times he can be a jerk to me and ignores me and he never texts me back when I text him which makes me sad and depress. He eats my stuff without asking and then tells me I buy things and he eats them. He joking ask me to buy him tickets to the all star game he knows I'm obsessed with him by now. He depends on me a lot to turn in paper work for him. When I go home early he always says no or ask why I'm leaving so soon. Or at lunch he'll tell me hurry up and eat before my food gets cold which makes my love grow even stronger for him(is he doing this on purpose I told him I did not like thinking about him that way) Other times he looks into my eyes or jokes with me. Or he'll talk to me super nice. I feel he can easily manipulate me because I have so much love for him even tho I will get hurt. I'm all confused. What should I do? I know I'm going to end up hurt bad if I keep this up.
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    Apr 11, 2011 3:40 AM GMT
    Drop the religion. It does nothing but creates severe emotional problems that will manifest themselves into dangerous mental disorders later in life...then you'll be on antidepressants and other high powered drugs for the rest of your life.
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    Apr 11, 2011 3:46 AM GMT
    paulflexes saidDrop the religion. It does nothing but creates severe emotional problems that will manifest themselves into dangerous mental disorders later in life...then you'll be on antidepressants and other high powered drugs for the rest of your life.


    Wow... This is so.... wrong.
  • gallus81

    Posts: 350

    Apr 11, 2011 3:48 AM GMT
    1) Drop the religion
    2) The guy is a fool
    3) Find other friends to hang out with socially
    4) Join a gym, or do SOMETHING that will make you feel better about yourself
    5) Find people who actually appreciate you, as this guy does not
    6) Post a pic of yourself on this site so people can relate to you better, and we can all be friends and live happily ever after icon_smile.gif




    Harsh, yes, but sometimes we need a kick up the bum as a wake-up call in life.
  • premed

    Posts: 18

    Apr 11, 2011 3:58 AM GMT
    catdig1987 saidI feel he can easily manipulate me because I have so much love for him even tho I will get hurt.

    From the rest of your post, it seems like he's purposefully manipulating you. Why would you want to be with a jerk like that?
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    Apr 11, 2011 4:02 AM GMT
    girl pull yourself together. *slap*slap*
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    Apr 11, 2011 4:06 AM GMT
    The description you gave makes the guy seem incredibly manipulative. That being said, the best thing to do is to shut him off. Reason being is that manipulative people thrive on reactive energy. Anything they do that can get a response from you in any way will only egg them on further.

    Mental strength and willpower is the way to go. As said above, join a gym and build up some extra self-confidence. Find more friends to hang out with and do things to take your mind off of him. If you keep yourself occupied it's easier to avoid thinking of him.

    Ignore his sarcastic quips and brush off anything he says. If possible, avoid doing any favors for him at work and let him focus on his own duties. You've got your life to live and you aren't supposed to live it around his.

    Obsession leads to nothing good. It works in movies but only about 1% of the time in real life. Which leads me to this question...is it actually "love" that you feel for him? Or could it be infatuation? It's incredibly difficult to discern between the two most times...but in this case, would you really want to love someone who goes so far to watch you jump through hoops for his own amusement? Sounds pretty cruel to me.
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    Apr 11, 2011 4:07 AM GMT
    You need to go here...

    Area WIN

    ...and stop all the boo-hooing

    No Seriously They're Tears Of Joy ... your mascara is running!

    Now get yourself all prettied up...

    This Is Scary In So Many Ways ... and go find yourself a new man

    or you could try the chicken dance...

    Chicken Dance! ... it might get your mind off him and cheer you up.

    But really...

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    Apr 11, 2011 4:25 AM GMT
    You get over him by stop doing all the shit you do.

    He'll be fine, so will you. Move on, you're ruining your life, he will never date you.
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    Apr 11, 2011 4:52 AM GMT
    unless you plan to be part of manipulative, obsessive, controlling relationships right now and in the future, just say 'no' to this guy and the situation...you're setting yourself up for some potential bad picks of guys to be involved with.

    And by the way, you say he is "fun loving",...guess what, treating you like dirt, as he has done just from the info you've provided, isn't fun-loving; it's cruel.

    I agree with the prior posts that say you need to find other people and hang out with them. Find people that don't take advantage of you...
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    Apr 11, 2011 4:52 AM GMT
    You have to control the situation, instead of the situation controlling you. Regardless of your feelings for someone who can't return the love, you need someone who is willing to walk on water for you. Who will declare how he feels instead of you yearning for him to say something. A man of substance, right? Just like you'd be.

    -Doug

    PS at this point Mom would say, "Don't throw your pearls before swine, which are perfectly fine animals, but haven't a clue about pearls and have no use for them."

  • laguna07

    Posts: 124

    Apr 11, 2011 5:02 AM GMT
    You're getting a lot of bad advice here because the people who are commenting are not feeling your pain in any way. I sounds like you are dealing with DEPRESSION, so first you should go to your doctor and ask for an anti-depressant and if you are having trouble sleeping, then a prescription medication for sleep. After that if you have the means you should consult with a therapist to help you get through this (you may never completely get over it, but you can learn to deal with it and move on). Good luck.
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    Apr 11, 2011 5:07 AM GMT
    laguna07 saidYou're getting a lot of bad advice here because the people who are commenting are not feeling your pain in any way. I sounds like you are dealing with DEPRESSION, so first you should go to your doctor and ask for an anti-depressant and if you are having trouble sleeping, then a prescription medication for sleep. After that if you have the means you should consult with a therapist to help you get through this (you may never completely get over it, but you can learn to deal with it and move on). Good luck.


    Both Bill and I walked several miles in his shoes when we were single and alone and yearning. Both of us have a pronounced sense of empathy. We had no one to say what I just said to the OP.
    Our journeys were difficult, but could have been easier with warmly put alternative perspectives.

    -Doug
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    Apr 11, 2011 5:20 AM GMT
    I had a very similar experience back in high school. I was head over heels for this guy and he would flirt back with me and everything until one day I told one of our mutual friends that I was gay. He freaked out at me and ignored me for a few months. I cried my ass off every night thinking that I should have just kept everything inside, but honestly thats the last thing I should have been doing. He even told me shit like "gays are worse than blacks which are worse than mexicans" and "if I was gay I'd kill myself."

    Congrats on coming on this site and asking for advice, but just try your best to distance yourself from him. I know the hardest part is realizing that he doesn't have the same feelings that you do for him and it SUUUUCKS, but from the sounds of it you realize how badly he is treating you. Just accept that and preoccupy yourself with other things. Go work out, read a book, just keep your head up, and just try to have fun when you're away from him. Most importantly don't blame yourself for this. Nothing you have done has caused this and don't think that it could have turned out differently. He probably is straight, I know that just feels like a dagger in the heart to hear that, but try try try to get over him.

    Best wishes!
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    Apr 11, 2011 5:23 AM GMT
    laguna07 saidYou're getting a lot of bad advice here because the people who are commenting are not feeling your pain in any way. I sounds like you are dealing with DEPRESSION, so first you should go to your doctor and ask for an anti-depressant and if you are having trouble sleeping, then a prescription medication for sleep. After that if you have the means you should consult with a therapist to help you get through this (you may never completely get over it, but you can learn to deal with it and move on). Good luck.


    Could be I lost my mom a few years ago and I have to to be the men of the house working three jobs. Maybe I'm just burnt out. Thanks for the advice
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    Apr 11, 2011 5:26 AM GMT

    Make sure you're assessed by a mental health professional before taking antidepressants. I'm hoping no doctor will simply hand out those pills just because a patient asks for them.

    -Doug

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    Apr 11, 2011 5:32 AM GMT
    I think you should go to a therapist all this advise you are getting is great but from the sound of this post I don't think any of it is gonna help you need some serious face2face sessions with a therapist.
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    Apr 11, 2011 5:56 AM GMT
    Don't let anyone ever take you for granted or use you. Love, affection and any relationship or friendship is a two-way street. You should either confront him or avoid him altogether. He's definitely sending you mixed signals and charming you to manipulate you.

    I'm sorry about your mom. When you are coping with a loss and a lot of stress, it makes you quite vulnerable -. You just need to get through this phase to recuperate and then you'll find the strength to pull your life together and handle this well. Till then, think positive, do something relaxing and pleasant for yourself everyday and turn to friends when you need to talk!
  • laguna07

    Posts: 124

    Apr 11, 2011 6:00 AM GMT
    Comment to "meninlove." Physicians prescribe drugs not therapists. Certainly therapists can make that recommendation to an MD. Family practitioners do not just hand out pills...it is ignorant of you to suggest that. Clinical depression is a serious illness that most cannot properly deal with without medication and therapy. This young man is experiencing a common misfortune that many of us experience sometime in our life.
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    Apr 11, 2011 6:03 AM GMT
    You could try ...

    funny pictures
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 11, 2011 6:20 AM GMT
    You could always try killing him and raping his still warm corpse. Or therapy and meds.
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    Apr 11, 2011 6:27 AM GMT
    [quote][cite]laguna07 said[/cite] After that if you have the means you should consult with a therapist to help you get through this (you may never completely get over it, but you can learn to deal with it and move on)../quote]

    I agree. Get some help. You don't need to struggle through this on your own, there are plenty of heathcare professionals that are trained to help you understand your feelings, emotions and figure out how to handle your attraction.
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    Apr 11, 2011 10:45 AM GMT
    laguna07 saidYou're getting a lot of bad advice here because the people who are commenting are not feeling your pain in any way. I sounds like you are dealing with DEPRESSION, so first you should go to your doctor and ask for an anti-depressant and if you are having trouble sleeping, then a prescription medication for sleep. After that if you have the means you should consult with a therapist to help you get through this (you may never completely get over it, but you can learn to deal with it and move on). Good luck.



    this is your GOOD advise? icon_eek.gif
    take an anti deppresion..
    take sleeping pills..
    do you think medication is a solution ??

    and to the op: you know you have to get over him,its a matter of time,try to see what he is doing to you [ from some of the stuf you write ,for me he sounds a bit cruel]
    maybe you can change the place you work,or in a nother place at the same work.
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    Apr 11, 2011 12:50 PM GMT
    laguna07 saidComment to "meninlove." Physicians prescribe drugs not therapists. Certainly therapists can make that recommendation to an MD. Family practitioners do not just hand out pills...it is ignorant of you to suggest that. Clinical depression is a serious illness that most cannot properly deal with without medication and therapy. This young man is experiencing a common misfortune that many of us experience sometime in our life.


    Note to laguna- psychiatrists are professionals and dispense drugs whenever needed. A physician is not a mental health professional/specialist. I'm a little intrigued that you can diagnose clinical depression so expertly from one post or two by the OP.

    -Doug
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    Apr 11, 2011 2:00 PM GMT
    the guy is a jerk who is using you. he's toxic to you and you need to avoid him. it sounds like you are all young, so it may not seem like it matters, but you're setting yourself up for a lifetime of similar patterns that you have the power to break now before they are really set in stone.