long distance relationships

  • rob_92

    Posts: 12

    Apr 11, 2011 11:32 PM GMT
    hi guys.
    I just wanted to know what everyone thinks about long distance relationships. How far away is to far? Do they usually work out?
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    Apr 11, 2011 11:41 PM GMT
    My best advice is if you're going to attempt a long distance relationship then it needs to be an open relationship. That way neither one of you are missing each other too much or keeping too much tabs. And if you want to be serious then someone needs to be moving and have plans to do so within a reasonable amount of time.

    I'm dating this guy in Albuquerque who I see when I go down there. In the past 5 months we've met about 4-5 times already. Works out every time.

    Distance should not be a factor. If you fly from New York to Los Angeles once a month then that's more convenient than someone who lives in the town next over and only sees each other every 3 months.

    Hell, my neighbors live right next door to me and I haven't seen them in 2 weeks.
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    Apr 11, 2011 11:56 PM GMT
    rob_92 saidhi guys.
    I just wanted to know what everyone thinks about long distance relationships. How far away is to far? Do they usually work out?


    I dated someone for a year and a half. He lived about 4 hours away.My twin is in a similar situation. Both of us had issues with our relationships because the longer they are away the more "distant" they become. I would say they don't work out. Mine didn't.
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    Apr 12, 2011 12:08 AM GMT
    MNandWI said
    I dated someone for a year and a half. He lived about 4 hours away.My twin is in a similar situation. Both of us had issues with our relationships because the longer they are away the more "distant" they become. I would say they don't work out. Mine didn't.


    That's why I suggest open relationship. And 4 hours is not far at all. In the western states, 4 hours doesn't even get you to the next major city!

    I also feel you may need a reason to be going to the particular place as well if its long distance. Frequent work visits, family, great vacation spot. Not just going just to go.

    For example, when I was living in Dallas I wouldn't try to date anyone from Houston because I had no reason to go there very often...
  • gallus81

    Posts: 350

    Apr 12, 2011 12:12 AM GMT
    I live 2,300kms from my bf, see each other every couple of months, and has been on for around 12 months ... so far so good.
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    Apr 12, 2011 12:16 AM GMT
    brianindenver said
    MNandWI said
    I dated someone for a year and a half. He lived about 4 hours away.My twin is in a similar situation. Both of us had issues with our relationships because the longer they are away the more "distant" they become. I would say they don't work out. Mine didn't.


    That's why I suggest open relationship. And 4 hours is not far at all. In the western states, 4 hours doesn't even get you to the next major city!

    I also feel you may need a reason to be going to the particular place as well if its long distance. Frequent work visits, family, great vacation spot. Not just going just to go.

    For example, when I was living in Dallas I wouldn't try to date anyone from Houston because I had no reason to go there very often...


    To some people, open relationships are NOT relationships.

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    Apr 12, 2011 12:20 AM GMT
    Allathlete said
    To some people, open relationships are NOT relationships.


    Well that's the only way I could see a long distance relationship working out. Also, to some people (including me) you can't make a REAL relationship seeing each other every couple of months either.

    To some people, a LDR isn't a real relationship.
  • rob_92

    Posts: 12

    Apr 12, 2011 12:21 AM GMT
    thank you for the advice. I am not in a relationship and I don't think i will start one. I'm crushing on a guy I know but he lives almost on the other side of the world so I don't think I would get to see him very often. Also if I did go to see him I wouldn't be able to go home with him because he still lives with his parents and is in the closet.
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    Apr 12, 2011 12:25 AM GMT
    brianindenver said
    That's why I suggest open relationship. And 4 hours is not far at all. In the western states, 4 hours doesn't even get you to the next major city!

    I also feel you may need a reason to be going to the particular place as well if its long distance. Frequent work visits, family, great vacation spot. Not just going just to go.

    For example, when I was living in Dallas I wouldn't try to date anyone from Houston because I had no reason to go there very often...


    True, it's not that far but with no real reason to go besides my ex and high gas prices, its tough on us poor college folk ;) And like another posted, I don't consider open relationships a relationship, so not really an option icon_smile.gif Local dating for me!
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    Apr 12, 2011 12:25 AM GMT
    i live 3000 kilometers from my BF, im in central saskatchewan, hes in southern florida. We tried the open relationship, but for us, its easier to be mmonogamous. we've set the ground rules, and communication is key. we talk for hours every night, watch movies and baseball games together over MSN, vidcall each other even while doing everyday things, that way it feels like ur together even when theres a big distance. we even fall asleep together over MSN. it works for us, but it def wont for many. It is very hard, u need alot of self control and alot of trust in ur partner. You also need to be compromising.
  • docbailey2005

    Posts: 362

    Apr 12, 2011 12:32 AM GMT
    Can't do it, won't do it. I need to physically lay next to my lover every night nto too mention i'm a bit insecure so no way no how!i
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    Apr 12, 2011 12:53 AM GMT
    Long distance relationships are possible, but only if both people are committed to making it work.... There is something to be said about looking forward to seeing your partner..and with distance you cant take that person for granted as much as if they were right by your side day in and day out. As long as you can see each other on a regular basis say twice a month or once a month why can't it work. Also, when you get to see each other you are in a great mood and they get you at your best. Good luck to ya!
  • turtleneckjoc...

    Posts: 4685

    Apr 12, 2011 2:24 AM GMT
    This thread is very timely because I am likely going to be in one.........met him right here on good 'ol RJ......
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    Apr 12, 2011 2:38 AM GMT
    My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for 1 year and 4 months. 450 km away but we see each other about 3 weekends a month. We both drive and it's going great!

    We both been with enough guys that we know what we want. So there is no desire to cheat. People may say we are naiive but we do believe in each other enough to try and make this work. By summer he will try to move up here with me icon_smile.gif

    I think if you see a possibility of the two of you being in the same town/city eventually and they make you feel amazing, then I would deem that worth taking a risk for. Of course a couple things need to align (you both have money to invest in a costly but rewarding relationship).

    My last relationship was also long distance. That didn't work out because I couldn't see the end of the distance...and he saw gay sex as a sin :S

    I digress (sorry!)
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    Apr 12, 2011 2:51 AM GMT
    u can only try icon_smile.gif
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    Apr 12, 2011 5:14 AM GMT
    GATOR01 saidLong distance relationships are possible, but only if both people are committed to making it work.... There is something to be said about looking forward to seeing your partner..and with distance you cant take that person for granted as much as if they were right by your side day in and day out. As long as you can see each other on a regular basis say twice a month or once a month why can't it work. Also, when you get to see each other you are in a great mood and they get you at your best. Good luck to ya!



    +1


    Open Relationships may work for some, but I could never see that working for me regardless of how often I get to see the person. As far as I'm concerned, the heart wants what the heart wants. And if I want someone, no one else stands a chance. Doesn't matter their geographical location. You're still going to be thinking about them.

    Distance is difficult - naturally when you have strong feelings for someone, you want to be around them often. But it's workable. Communication is one of the biggest factors to success. And ultimately there would have to be a conversation about relocating. Either one or both of you will end up moving so you can be together on a more regular basis. When/if that happens is unique per couple, I guess.
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    Apr 12, 2011 5:49 AM GMT
    "if I did go to see him" is a scary statement.

    You are 18. I went to Europe three times before I finally learned to do it without running out of money and planning and although most people are probably more organized than I am, it's a scary thing to be across the world. Would you be dependent on him at all for part of it?

    Unless money isn't a problem for you, look a little closer to home. Boys are already expensive, but you weight the cost of certain ones in an effort to be smart about it, too.
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    Apr 12, 2011 5:54 AM GMT
    Werewolf saidThey are tough but not as hard as they seem. Trust and communication are key factors. I'm military and move around often to include the obvious deployments. I don't believe in open relationships and neither have the people I've dated. I've been single by choice for a while now since I moved back to the usa. Mainly due to the fact that I was going to volunteer for a lengthy deployment. The funny thing is that usually, the person you start to like never lives in the same town... Ain't that a @#*ยก icon_lol.gif lol It is what it is.


    Heeeeeeeeeeeeey icon_smile.gif
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    Apr 12, 2011 5:55 AM GMT
    theyre doable, as long as communication is there.. tough, and not for everyone, but doable.
  • JayneCobb

    Posts: 709

    Apr 12, 2011 5:56 AM GMT
    I live roughly 80 miles from my BF, about an hours drive. Not super far but we only really get to spend time with each other on the weekends due to both of us being poor and the damn gas prices being so high.

    So far its going phenomenally icon_smile.gif.
  • drypin

    Posts: 1798

    Apr 12, 2011 6:07 AM GMT
    I'm just wondering what "long distance" is for people. Outside my area code? More than a one-hour drive?
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    Apr 12, 2011 6:34 AM GMT
    drypin saidI'm just wondering what "long distance" is for people. Outside my area code? More than a one-hour drive?


    value of boy

    minus

    time and money spent to see him from your salary

    times

    the chance that your youthful dreams of the big wide world and everything possible is divided by your realization that sometimes they aren't meant to and that's ok, too.

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    Apr 12, 2011 6:38 AM GMT
    UMMMMM, its sucks! Dont do it, that is my opinion icon_biggrin.gif
  • rob_92

    Posts: 12

    Apr 12, 2011 7:46 AM GMT
    I would probably run out of money pretty fast lol. I am getting my bartending licence soon and I want to go traveling and try and find jobs doing that. Like I said before though I probably wont start a relationship with him because he lives so far away and it would cost way to much to go back and forth. I don't think I could ever see us moving to live with one another and that kind of sucks but i'm sure there are alot of people that are closer to home.

  • Apr 14, 2011 3:55 AM GMT
    Long distance is the wrong distance. That's a dealbreaker ladies.