No out but need a friend

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 12, 2011 12:44 AM GMT
    Hey there everybody, or singular person, what ever the case.

    So I have finally am embracing the fact that I am gay, but I can not come out yet. I'm a christian but I know that I am not choosing to get turned on by really hot guys, my body just goes for it so how is that a sin if i can control it? I still have a lot to figure out before I come out, but I could really use someone to talk to this about and just be a friend. Maybe then I'll feel more normal. ehh. I'm 19 so someone around that age would be great. I know I know I dont have a photo, for obvious reasons, but I will send you one privately (not perverted!) if I think I can trust you.

    So a bit about me, Im very goofy and sarcastic, if you cant take a joke or dont like to go on adventures (that may be a wee bit unnecessarily dangerous) then dont respond. I like to have fun, plain and simple. I train in capoeira and love exploring, hiking, rock climbing snowboarding Paint balling, balling in general. No just kidding....so thats it.

    Yeah.......
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    Apr 12, 2011 1:00 AM GMT
    As I keep telling people: Drop the damn religion. It will cause serious mental disorders later in life, and you'll be on meds for the rest of your life trying to cope with your inner turmoil.

    Even if you do choose to keep the religion, remember that being in the closet = living a lie. So then you get to ask yourself which is the "real" sin...lying, or being gay?

    Aside from that, I do wish you the best and hope you can come to terms with yourself. It's not easy, but once you get through the initial "coming out drama" it really does get better...not to mention the emotional freedom of no longer having to hide. Then, and only then, can you be truly happy. icon_biggrin.gif
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Apr 12, 2011 1:09 AM GMT
    paulflexes said

    Even if you do choose to keep the religion, remember that being in the closet = living a lie. So then you get to ask yourself which is the "real" sin...lying, or being gay?

    Aside from that, I do wish you the best and hope you can come to terms with yourself. It's not easy, but once you get through the initial "coming out drama" it really does get better...not to mention the emotional freedom of no longer having to hide. Then, and only then, can you be truly happy. icon_biggrin.gif


    As someone who was a church pianist for 20+ years.....I have to agree with Paul. icon_wink.gif
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    Apr 12, 2011 1:34 AM GMT
    First, assuming you wish to keep your faith in god, which I did, it's a good idea to investigate where this idea of wrongness is coming from, and it's usually from people.

    This is what the bible said Sodom's sin was (and it wasn't gay sex). Here, read for yourself.

    Ezekiel 16

    " Now this was the sin of your sister Sodom: She and her daughters were arrogant, overfed and unconcerned; they did not help the poor and needy. 50"

    There was huge argument amongst scholars about a thousand years ago and THEY decided Sodom's sin was anal sex.

    -Doug

    In the new testament there's much chatter about homosexuality but there are two things to remember: the bible has been edited, reinterpreted and revised ad nauseum.
    As well, remember that although it contains great and beautiful parts, it was written by people that KNEW the Earth was flat. If you suggested otherwise they likely would have killed you. If you had created a paper airplane? Same result, because thou shalt not suffer a witch to live.
    If a couple couldn't concieve, it was the woman who was barren, never a man's low sperm count. They also thought it took truckloads of the stuff to get a woman pregnant.

    Mental illness? No such thing. What's that? It's all demons, that's what, lol! So my friend, take a little comfort that the book has to be taken in context with it's authors.

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    Apr 12, 2011 1:47 AM GMT
    I will not drop my damn religion for my own convenience. I am not my own god and to do that would be to deny all truth. I was reaching for help but instead you bash my core believe system. What a great person you are! I know you had my best intentions in mind, just check your self before you say something. I hope the gay community is more accepting then that. shhhhheeesh
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    Apr 12, 2011 1:56 AM GMT
    response to meninlove

    Its good to know your out there! I did not know that about sodom, can you share where you found this information? yes I know that the bible was edited that is why I am starting to read the unedited version. I forget what they call it but most major libraries have it. Long process but it will be worth it.
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    Apr 12, 2011 2:06 AM GMT
    regeneret223 saidresponse to meninlove

    Its good to know your out there! I did not know that about sodom, can you share where you found this information? yes I know that the bible was edited that is why I am starting to read the unedited version. I forget what they call it but most major libraries have it. Long process but it will be worth it.


    It's in the Old Testament, which the new testament stems from. It's in just about every version, but those zealots with a personal prejudice chose to ignore it.

    Here's something for you, which is a cautionary passage for those that use god for persecution of others.

    Corinthians 1:13

    "Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels and have not love,
    I am become as sounding brass or a tinkling cymbal.
    And though I have the gift of prophecy and understand all mysteries and all knowledge,
    and though I have all faith so that I could remove mountains and have not love,
    I am nothing.
    And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor,
    and though I give my body to be burned and have not love,
    it profith me nothing.
    Love suffereth long and is kind.
    Love envieth not.
    Love vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, doeth not behave itself unseemly.

    Is not easily provoked.
    Thinketh no evil.
    Rejoiceth not in inequity, but rejoiceth in the truth.
    Bareth all things.
    Believeth all things.
    Hopeth all things.
    Endureth all things.
    Love never fails.
    But where there be propheses they shall fail,
    whether there be tounges, they shall cease,
    whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away.
    For we know in part, and we prophesy in part,
    but when that which is perfect is come, then that which is in part shall be done away.
    When I was a child I spake as a child,
    I understood as a child, I fought as a child,
    but when I became a man I put away childish things.
    For now we see though a glass dark plain, but then face to face.
    Now I know in part, but then shall I know even also as I am known.
    And now abideth faith, hope, love - these three, but the greatest of these is love."

    And this greatest of truths is forgotten in their zeal to find sin and point fingers.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 12, 2011 2:18 AM GMT
    regeneret223 saidI will not drop my damn religion for my own convenience. I am not my own god and to do that would be to deny all truth. I was reaching for help but instead you bash my core believe system. What a great person you are! I know you had my best intentions in mind, just check your self before you say something. I hope the gay community is more accepting then that. shhhhheeesh


    regererat, these men escaped religion's persecution. They are also very dear friends and wonderful men. This is their truth and it deserves respect.

    -Doug

    PS do explore our profile. I'm christian and my husband is an atheist, who I love truly, madly and deeply.
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Apr 12, 2011 2:39 AM GMT
    regeneret223 saidI will not drop my damn religion for my own convenience.


    Religion is man made, and is based on trying to get to God through rules and regulations and works. Man made religions all are based on people's efforts at reaching God and being made right with Him through their own efforts. God's plan for man's salvation and for being right with Him is told throughout the Bible, in the Old Testament and the New Testament. God's plan is not based on people's efforts and good works, but is based on His amazing Love and amazing Grace for us whether gay or straight.....it's all a matter of whether you actually believe there is a God or not. To each his own, to thine own self be true. icon_wink.gif
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    Apr 12, 2011 4:24 AM GMT
    I am not here to bash out what is and what is not. I just wanted some one to talk and relate to. That is all.
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    Apr 12, 2011 6:10 AM GMT
    I can say from experience that it is difficult to not be out and needing someone to talk to. Most guys either want sex or a relationship not just a friendship. Even typing this and thinking about my past and my present I can't say much about being closeted other than its really difficult and can be really lonely. I'm not 100% closeted anymore but might as well be but I figure slow a steady wins the race right.

    On the religion thing, I grew up really really fundamental Christian (ok so first not bible thumping baptist but more like liberal Mennonite) and I personally think its the only way to be Christian. That is if I were going to be... To be quite honest I'm in limbo about my faith and have been for oh... 7 years now. Struggling with my religion is part of my religion. So from that I can say just be ok with struggling with yourself, it will either make you stronger with your faith or stronger without it. Don't give up your faith yet just leave it there for now and work through it.

    You've got a lot to work through, a lot of emotions and conflicting thoughts and trust me working your way through that logical landmine will make you a better person.
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    Apr 12, 2011 6:18 AM GMT
    paulflexes saidAs I keep telling people: Drop the damn religion. It will cause serious mental disorders later in life, and you'll be on meds for the rest of your life trying to cope with your inner turmoil.


    Don't listen to Paul.
    Stick with a religion, any religion.
    Thinking causes wrinkles.
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    Apr 12, 2011 7:02 AM GMT
    you guys all need to grow up. whether you are an evangelist christian or and evangelist athiest YOU ARE STILL AN EVANGELIST. And you are both equally annoying. the problem is not religion, or the lack of it. The problem is EVANGELISM. Let everyone believe what they want. If the want a relationship with God(s) respect that. If they don't respect that too. He didn't come here shoving his beliefs down any of your throats. Show him some respect and do the same.


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    Apr 12, 2011 7:17 AM GMT
    Hey guy!

    I may not be your age, but I was in your shoes 18 years ago... all I can say is, it's ok to be gay, and you don't have to let go of your faith over it. I took a path which today I regret taking, trying to "fix" this "problem." In the process I got married, had two kids (though not biologically mine), and it all fell apart almost 2 years ago. In Germany we say that lies have short legs (meaning they don't get very far before being discovered.)

    There was another thread here recently addressing the Leviticus passages that was quite interesting. Corinthians, which in newer translations reads "homosexuals" (a 19th century term), refers specifically to callboys, their pimps, and their Johns, all in the context of temple prostitution.

    What I recommend doing is finding a church that will love you the way you are. After I finally did come out, I went to a United Methodist Church which offers the reconciling ministries program. There are others who will not condemn you for who you are. Most of all though, be true to yourself. Don't let anyone else tell you how you need to live your life. That's entirely between you and God.

    Oh, and stay clear of ex-gay ministries. They only cause damage, psychologically, emotionally, even financially. Been there, done that.



  • BIG_N_TALL

    Posts: 2190

    Apr 17, 2011 1:24 AM GMT
    I'm a little older than you, but good luck with the search and coming out! icon_biggrin.gif
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Apr 17, 2011 1:28 AM GMT
    dude, if you are sincere there are tons of ways you can meet guys without having to show your face. if i were you i would check out connexion.org and or checkout meetup.com they have great sports leagues and social groups you can join
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 17, 2011 1:54 AM GMT
    It would help a lot if you drop the whole "I'm a christian, so I have to be straight" thing. It won't workout. All it will do is cause a huge mental ball of chaos.

    I went to a huge christian church here in Louisville growing up called Southeast Christain Church. I dealt with all my gay struggles at a younger age, and my parents forced me into counseling.... at this church. Let's just say it didn't help at all.

    I know my rights from wrongs, and although I don't classify myself with any religion any longer, I am just as good of a person, and even better than most christians I know.
  • mybud

    Posts: 11819

    Apr 17, 2011 2:44 AM GMT
    Dude...since your a christian...there's something to think about???? If you were created in God's image...physically and mentally....How could you be a mistake? Embrace your gayness....Cause what he creates is perfection...And one of his greatest creations is YOU man....The guilt you voice is your own guilt..cause God doesn't judge...Right?....Good Luck...BUD
  • needleninja

    Posts: 713

    Apr 17, 2011 2:51 AM GMT
    its your choice whether or not to be religious. same as whether or not to be out to others. however it comes with a price just like all choices. thats why i prefer reality and get on with things that i find more important.