Is my boyfriend just taking me for granted?

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    Apr 12, 2011 1:17 AM GMT
    Hi there everyone.
    I'm a new member and really looking for some advice.

    I've been with my boyfriend for two years now and I'm very much in love with him.

    Recently though, I'm becoming a bit concerned and thinking lots....

    He has always been a bit selfish in bed, which didn't bother me but is starting to get on my nerves. Sex is always on his terms, whenever I seem to initiate sex, he's either tired or busy - we generally have sex twice a week or more.
    When we do have sex, it's fantastic but I always seem to do most of the work. I feel like I deserve just as much pleasure. Surely I want to be with someone who wants to have sex with me Am i right? Is this normal in relationships?

    We've talked about it recently where he said 'I'm bad in bed aren't i?' I said no but asked him to make more of an effort.

    He rarely pays me compliments - usually things like 'You used get your hair cut differently next time' or 'don't wear that again'.
    We usually joke with each other a lot but I'm feeling very insecure at the minute (especially as I have put on a little weight at the mo due to stress at job and am currently trying to get back to the gym).

    Sorry for the 'Dead Sea Scroll' post but just need some advice - what should I do?
    I really do love my boyfriend but really having a crisis moment!
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    Apr 12, 2011 1:32 AM GMT
    c0083s said....We've talked about it recently where he said 'I'm bad in bed aren't i?' I said no but asked him to make more of an effort.
    Well, is he?

    c0083s said... but I'm feeling very insecure at the minute
    Tell him that and if he loves you too, he will want to make you feel better.

    Your boyfriend is not a mind-reader, if you have problems you need to talk to him. Open communication!
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    Apr 12, 2011 1:40 AM GMT
    bhp91126 said
    Your boyfriend is not a mind-reader, if you have problems you need to talk to him. Open communication!


    Yup. And be direct. Don't beat around the bush. If it helps, before you talk to him, make sure to write some of the points you want to emphasize and tell him . Sometimes when you're in the moment, you don't do or say things you want to. Well, that happens to me at least...
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    Apr 12, 2011 2:55 AM GMT
    Instead of finding stuff you don't like, focus on the stuff that you appreciate about him. Don't try to change your man because if you do, it'll always lead to either fighting or breaking up. If you really feel like there's something really bothering you, let him know in a gentle / subtle way. Two years is a sensitive time because that's when you regain your eyesight from the blinding stage, and you start to see the person for who he really is. Good luck!!
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    Apr 12, 2011 7:52 AM GMT
    51A1Yxc01EL._BO2,204,203,200_PIsitb-stic

    Consider getting this book. It's about how to use animal training principles in your domestic life.
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    Apr 12, 2011 8:08 AM GMT
    Sex problems at two years sounds about right.

    There's no magic formula. Sometimes just seeing too much of someone makes them generally unattractive, I think.

    Like a slowing metabolism when you get older, you've got to do more and more to keep the same result. It's the natural progression of time.
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    Apr 12, 2011 4:48 PM GMT
    pre_mortem said51A1Yxc01EL._BO2,204,203,200_PIsitb-stic

    Consider getting this book. It's about how to use animal training principles in your domestic life.


    LOL!! Train your BF like how you train a puppy? I like that.
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    Apr 12, 2011 6:44 PM GMT
    pre_mortem said51A1Yxc01EL._BO2,204,203,200_PIsitb-stic

    Consider getting this book. It's about how to use animal training principles in your domestic life.


    I can just imagine, you need to get your boyfriend to stop chewing your shoes. He'd best stop sniffing other guys crotches and butts!
    If you use a clicker to train your boyfriend, it would be too funny.


    Your boyfriend may be complacent in the relationship, but the bigger issue is your inability to communicate with him.
    You said that he's selfish in bed, but when he asked you about it, you dismissed it.
    You say that your boyfriend doesn't pay you compliments. You feel insecure with your appearance, yet you can't talk to your boyfriend of all people about his comments that make you feel insecure.
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    Apr 12, 2011 6:56 PM GMT
    [quote][cite]


    Your boyfriend may be complacent in the relationship, but the bigger issue is your inability to communicate with him.
    You said that he's selfish in bed, but when he asked you about it, you dismissed it.
    You say that your boyfriend doesn't pay you compliments. You feel insecure with your appearance, yet you can't talk to your boyfriend of all people about his comments that make you feel insecure.[/quote]

    I was gonna say this sounds very passive aggressive. self sabotage.
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    Apr 14, 2011 8:00 PM GMT
    Cityaznguy said
    pre_mortem said51A1Yxc01EL._BO2,204,203,200_PIsitb-stic

    Consider getting this book. It's about how to use animal training principles in your domestic life.


    LOL!! Train your BF like how you train a puppy? I like that.


    Well, not like a puppy. Humans and dogs are the only animals to react in any kind of meaningful way to negative reinforcement. So like you would train a cat or a killer whale really. What I really liked about the book was that she had to give up on trying to use negative reinforcement on her husband (in her case nagging and passive aggressiveness) for the training to work. And he managed to train her a little bit too. It's a very good book, really.
    There's an article version of it on NYT: http://www.nytimes.com/2006/06/25/fashion/25love.html