What would you do?

  • rob_92

    Posts: 12

    Apr 12, 2011 4:30 AM GMT
    So about a week ago I was hanging out with a bunch of my friends and we were all having a good time. We watch a couple of movies and rocked out on some nintendo 64. I desided that I was going to spend the night because I didn't want to walk home at 4am in a crappy part of town. As we are getting ready for bed one of my best friends from 9th grade starts hitting on me. The other two people that were there were a couple and they were sleeping together. She didn't know I was gay and starts making her move. I kind of freaked out and slept on the chair. The rest of the week she hasn't talked to me. Should I have told her that I am gay? I really don't want to just lose our friendship over this but she is the type of person to go around telling everyone that I am gay. I don't know what to do.
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    Apr 12, 2011 4:53 AM GMT
    Hmm...at a crossroads of sorts. Seems the question is To be out or not be out, assuming none there know you are gay. Or tell another truth without the whole truth and let her know you won't cross that line with a friend.
  • rob_92

    Posts: 12

    Apr 12, 2011 5:00 AM GMT
    I'm in the process of coming out. I have told some of my friends but only close friends or the people that I live with. She is a good friend but has a hugh blabber mouth.
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Apr 12, 2011 5:02 AM GMT
    Can't you just emphasize the fact that you are friends and becoming anything more than friends would ruin the friendship. I always used the line that I thought of "her" as a sister. icon_wink.gif
  • rob_92

    Posts: 12

    Apr 12, 2011 5:04 AM GMT
    I gave that a try and I still haven't gotten a reply from her. I mean if she can't be my friend again when I tell her i'm not into her I don't know if the friendship can continue.
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    Apr 12, 2011 5:50 AM GMT
    Then it will HER selfishness that kills the friendship, not your rejection or sexuality. Will bother you either way, but will in no way be your fault.
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    Apr 12, 2011 11:13 AM GMT
    He woman can forgive you to try to bed her while she doesn't want it, but will never forgive you not to try when she wants it ;)
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    Apr 12, 2011 3:03 PM GMT
    This has nothing to do with you, but with her. You two have been friends for a few years and she tried to change the boundaries of the friendship. It didn't work out and now she is feeling embarrassed. It's something she needs to work through.
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    Apr 12, 2011 3:06 PM GMT
    Well you can always say you are not into her in that way
  • TrentGrad

    Posts: 1541

    Apr 12, 2011 3:08 PM GMT
    rob_92 saidSo about a week ago I was hanging out with a bunch of my friends and we were all having a good time. We watch a couple of movies and rocked out on some nintendo 64. I desided that I was going to spend the night because I didn't want to walk home at 4am in a crappy part of town. As we are getting ready for bed one of my best friends from 9th grade starts hitting on me. The other two people that were there were a couple and they were sleeping together. She didn't know I was gay and starts making her move. I kind of freaked out and slept on the chair. The rest of the week she hasn't talked to me. Should I have told her that I am gay? I really don't want to just lose our friendship over this but she is the type of person to go around telling everyone that I am gay. I don't know what to do.


    You could tell her it kinda creeped you out because something about her reminds you of a (enter female relative)...hence, you are only open for friendship with her.

    Or if you want to be out, you could tell her you're gay.
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    Apr 12, 2011 3:10 PM GMT

    Most of all she's probably mortified. One suggestion: Tell her that you're gay, and that you know her well enough to know that she's going to want to go around telling people - it's not an insult, it's a fact. And you'd rather she let you come out at your own pace... you're only telling her cuz she means a lot to you and want her to understand why things went down the way they did. If she's worth anything as a friend, she'll understand and keep her trap shut. If she doesn't, tell all of her friend she munches carpet.

  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Apr 12, 2011 3:13 PM GMT
    Well if she's a huge "blabber mouth" as you put it, she probably wouldn't be one of the friends I'd worry about confiding your sexuality in. If I had a friend that "blabbed" my personal business, I doubt if she'd be a close friend for long!

    icon_mad.gif
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    Apr 12, 2011 3:18 PM GMT

    Maybe she's just too embarrassed to contact you after she was obviously rejected...
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    Apr 12, 2011 3:18 PM GMT
    Don't let her be the one that decides when and how you come out to everyone. It sounds like if you tell her the truth, she will (essentially) have made that decision for you by telling eveyone. I would approach her with an innocent "are you pissed at me?" smile, look her in the eye, touch her shoulder, you know like icon_confused.gif. Feel out the conversation and when (and if) she loosens up a little use the line the others suggested, bassically you dont want to ruin your frienship, you hope that hasn't already happened. Good luck man, tough one.
  • MuscleComeBac...

    Posts: 2376

    Apr 12, 2011 3:23 PM GMT
    Iceblink saidThis has nothing to do with you, but with her. You two have been friends for a few years and she tried to change the boundaries of the friendship. It didn't work out and now she is feeling embarrassed. It's something she needs to work through.


    QFT

    It's not always about you. This one's about HER. Be her friend now, she'll be a good friend to you when you come out to her later.
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    Apr 12, 2011 3:25 PM GMT
    i'd go ahead and write her off unless you want to out yourself to everyone.

  • bad_wolf

    Posts: 1002

    Apr 12, 2011 3:29 PM GMT
    How good a friend is she, someone you could trust or is likely to run her motor mouth to the point where coming out to her means coming out to the local hemisphere of the Earth?!
  • rob_92

    Posts: 12

    Apr 12, 2011 8:18 PM GMT
    I desided to tell her. Last night I talked to her on facebook and she seems really cool about it. I would have rather told her in person but she lives two hours away and I have no car, She swears that she wont tell anyone but only time will tell if she does or not. Thank you all for the suggestions and all the help.
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    Apr 12, 2011 8:23 PM GMT
    Glad it worked out, but really, this situation would have been NO different if you were straight and unattracted to her.

    If she'd tried that with a straight guy that wasn't attracted to her he'd have also slept in the chair.

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    Apr 12, 2011 10:11 PM GMT
    HndsmKansan saidWell if she's a huge "blabber mouth" as you put it, she probably wouldn't be one of the friends I'd worry about confiding your sexuality in. If I had a friend that "blabbed" my personal business, I doubt if she'd be a close friend for long!

    icon_mad.gif


    I totally agree!!
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    Apr 12, 2011 10:13 PM GMT
    rob_92 saidI desided to tell her. Last night I talked to her on facebook and she seems really cool about it. I would have rather told her in person but she lives two hours away and I have no car, She swears that she wont tell anyone but only time will tell if she does or not. Thank you all for the suggestions and all the help.


    Brave guy... If she blabs she's not worth your friendship I hope it works out
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    Apr 12, 2011 10:14 PM GMT
    newbie26 said
    rob_92 saidI desided to tell her. Last night I talked to her on facebook and she seems really cool about it. I would have rather told her in person but she lives two hours away and I have no car, She swears that she wont tell anyone but only time will tell if she does or not. Thank you all for the suggestions and all the help.


    Brave guy... If she blabs she's not worth your friendship I hope it works out


    only one new bie here
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    Apr 12, 2011 10:20 PM GMT
    Yeah, just tell her if you trust that she's isn't going to go around telling everybody else. Unless you don't care that she does, of course. Btw I have this one friend that is always touching me and tries to touch my dick and tries to kiss me, even though she knows i'm gay. lol I don't mind it because it doesn't turn me on.
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    Apr 12, 2011 11:22 PM GMT
    That's up to you if you want to come out to her.
  • chris_dallas

    Posts: 340

    Apr 12, 2011 11:24 PM GMT
    tell her u think ur better as friends and stuff for now unless u really think she will be able to keep the secret....u might be surprised though cuz ive told some blabber mouths and they have kept quite for the last 2 years as far as i know lol