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    Apr 12, 2011 4:50 AM GMT
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    Apr 12, 2011 12:05 PM GMT
    meemo21 said
    Its been a month and we haven't talked. I'm lost, dazzed confused, zoned out, heart broken, sad. You name it. I have been to the hospital 3 times in the last month because my heart rate becomes so high that I need an ambulance to take me in.


    srsly?
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    Apr 12, 2011 12:21 PM GMT
    Your behavior is both obsessive and self-destructive. It is serious enough that it impacts your quality of life e.g. not being able to work productively. In my opinion, the best help you can get here is to suggest you see a therapist to help you understand why you are feeling and acting as you are, and how to improve.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Apr 12, 2011 12:30 PM GMT
    You do need to see a counselor. You need to learn to move forward in your life and rely on yourself for your well being.... not your friend or mother.

    We all have had people who have touched our lives in a way we value.
    He sounds like he has been truly awesome to you, but you need to move forward in a healthy way and learn self reliance.

    Best wishes to you, I hope things improve.
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    Apr 12, 2011 12:54 PM GMT
    meemo21 saidWarning: This is loooong I'm sorry.

    Last June my best friend came back into my life after 4 years of not talking because he was over seas. We became instantly close again and spent every moment together. I love him so much with all my heart, he means the world to me. He is straight and I'm gay although we don't talk about it I know that he knows I'm gay. The reason why I know is because I am myself around him and I kind of act gay. He even teases me about it. Anyways, when he came back to my life at the time I was living on my own and it was my first time ever doing so. We just bonded so much and we spent every second of our time together he would even sleep over every night cause I'd be like I'm too scared to be alone. At one point in July the electrical company cut off electricity to my house because I racked up an 800 dollar bill and my mom refused to help me pay it. So as you can imagine I was screwed. I ended up at his place just me and him and we became even closer we'd sleep beside each other, cuddle watch movies, fight, argue we just really bonded. He even became controlling of me and what i'd do. It was like we were in a relationship. When we'd drink id always kiss him on the cheek and he'd kiss me back he cuddle me into him. He was my protector he was my best friend, my love my everything. At the time I was in school (I had summer school) he would always wake me up and drive me to my classes, he would even help me study for my tests. We were together all the time for once in my life I felt safety. I felt like nothing in the world could stop me. I lived at his place from the beginning of July till mid September. We would share our money everything he never made me feel like I owed him anything. My mom let me move back in with her mid September I cried so much my first night. It was my first night sleeping without him and I was so sad I hated being without him. I hated not having his warm body next to me and that safety blanket that was around me that I had become so used to was gone. We still hung out everyday and we spent time together I slept at his house often and everything went back to normal and I became used to not being around him 24/7.

    We started becoming distant a few weeks after moving back in with my mom and just fighting a lot. We couldn't stand each other and everything about him made me angry. I hated him and he hated me. When we fought it would get ugly and he'd tell me how he hated me how I meant nothing to him. I would just swear at him and tell him how I hated him nothing more. But the things he would say hurt so much that one night we were all out with friends and I just blew up on him and cut him out of my life. We stopped talking for a month and I moved back on with my life like he was never in it. I got a job and I was back to normal. A month or so after I got a text from him one night saying "I miss you, and I love you so much. Even though you don't deserve it". I sent him back I love you two and I miss you two. Even though I didn't miss him and I didn't know if I had still loved him. Keep in mind this is my best friend not my boyfriend or anything this is a straight guy that is saying this stuff. I never even felt sadness during the time we stopped talking. To be truthful I felt nothing.

    ------------------------------
    Why do you keep insisting he is straight? He may claim he is straight but just be at a wrong time in his life to come out. I haven't seen a straight man that acts like this (and I have seen many to be honest with you)... cuddling together? That act is intimate believe it or not... I have a very close straight friend - we would sleep over and watch movies and play jokes on one another but cuddling (as in arms around each other?) ... no....
    ------------------------------

    [quote] A few weeks later he ran into my friend and asked her about me. The same night he ran into her he texted me that he missed me and to congratulate me on getting a job. My heart melted for him out of no where and I asked him to come have lunch with me the next day. When he showed up we had lunch and while we talked I'd just stare at him and think how much I hated him. He started telling me how he met this girl and how he loves her and they were just getting to know each other. He showed me her picture and I just laughed and told him that she was ugly. I don't know if I was jealous or she really was... Maybe both.. Anyways I went back to work and all during that week we would text and he would randomly show up during my breaks to eat with me. We started going back to our old life and we slowly started spending every minute together again. A few weeks after we started talking again him and that girl stopped talking. And from then on we went back to normal and I loved him. It felt like someone pumped life in me again. Our fighting continued and whenever we fight it gets really ugly. He says really messed up shit when hes mad and later tells me that he never means it. [/quote]

    ------------------
    Typical relationship. Bonding involves loving and hating... what keeps it going is forgiving after hating on one another.
    So, typical...I hear a similar story every other day here on res. =P

    ------------------


    [quote] Up until this February 14 everything was great. I mean we fought here and there but I had him and he had me. Whenever one of us threatened to walk away the other would drag them back in. On February 14 we got into a random fight about how hes sick of me How I never go with the flow and how I never want to do what he wants to do. He became so mean to me to the point where I began to cry. He cut me out of his life and told me to fuck off. I texted him that I missed him and all that and we tried to work on things again it lasted for a week and we fought again about something lame. (I wanted to watch a movie, he wanted to do something with this other random guy). So I became mean to him and taunted him via text msgs. He told me that he has had in and cut me off again. Yet again we talked again and we tried to work on things. things were going okay but he avoided me a lot and he distant himself from me a lot to the point were I was feeling very confused and hurt. He again cut me off after a random fight we had over text. Because i confronted him about how hes been distant.
    [/quote]
    ----------------------
    From just this paragraph, it seems as though BOTH of you are bipolar... happy, mad, happy, sad... lather, rinse and repeat.
    ----------------------


    [quote] Its been a month and we haven't talked. I'm lost, dazzed confused, zoned out, heart broken, sad. You name it. I have been to the hospital 3 times in the last month because my heart rate becomes so high that I need an ambulance to take me in. I cry randomly at work and I asked to quit but my boss talked me out of it. Instead I work part time now. I sit in my room and just think about him. I become anxious regularly and feel like I'm going to die. When I text him He never responds to me he did a few times to tell me to leave him alone that we can never be friends again that its done. That he is just sick of me and he had it. I feel like I'm losing myself. I feel dead its the weirdest feeling in the world I feel like I'm on auto pilot like everything I do is robotic but I'm gone like my mind is not there. I become scared when I realize the way i feel and my heart starts to beat fast. I'm quiet which is weird to people cause I'm usually loud. Every one asks me whats wrong and I'm just so sick of it. I feel empty, hurt. All my friends tell me he will be back when I try to tell vent to them. I don't know if they are trying to make me feel better or they really believe he would. My heart is brok
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 12, 2011 12:57 PM GMT
    My advice:

    Go do something you enjoy doing to divert the attention away from this man. You share such a deep emotional connectio with this man that it will be heart-breaking for you to break it up with him, but it is destroying your life. You got hospitalized, you lost your job (or was about to) and you get hated on by him yet loved by him... you need to move on and do something you enjoy doing.

    Read your favourite book series, go watch a movie with your other friends, play video games, invest your time into a sport or even making yourself a better person overall.

    I'd say toss this into the trash... you are really getting hurt
    .
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    Apr 12, 2011 1:01 PM GMT
    "My heart melted for him out of no where and I asked him to come have lunch with me the next day. When he showed up we had lunch and while we talked I'd just stare at him and think how much I hated him."


    Have you ever considered you might be bi-polar? You're asking for advice, so I'm going to give it to you straight up.....

    From what you've written, it's obvious to me that you're way to immature to be in a relationship (yes, even with a gay man.) Children are ruled by their emotions and say "I hate you" when they get upset, but adults in healthy relationships do not. You strike me as one of those gay guys who thinks it's cute to act bitchy to get what you want. Even the way you refer to him is bitchy. He is not your warm safety blanket.....he's a person. You're using him to soothe your insecurities and that's not what he was put on this planet for. And this has nothing to do with the fact that he's confused about his sexuality.....this is all about YOU.

    Now about him....

    I understand the attraction to "straight" men. My best friend (who is "straight") came onto me so strong when we first met that for the first month of our relationship I thought we were dating. So called straight guys flock to me for some reason. HOT straight guys! My friends are in awe about this. It feels great while it lasts. When I was younger, I got my heart crushed many many times by these confused guys. Now I just ride the wave for what it is and refused to get attached. Relationships with people who are confused about their sexuality never end well. Get the hell away from this guy before you get hurt even more. You're not ready for a relationship with a stable gay man at this point, and you're certainly not equipped to deal with Stable Mable.

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    Apr 12, 2011 1:04 PM GMT
    I would also note that both "Mohammed" and I were both typing the words "bi-polar" at the same time. That should tell you something!
  • Space_Cowboy_...

    Posts: 3738

    Apr 12, 2011 1:10 PM GMT
    relationship not healthy, you're both poison to one another. But I feel you when you say you miss him. Time heals all and in time you'll be on your way again just keep going. It sucks but in the long run you'll be better off
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    Apr 12, 2011 1:42 PM GMT
    Scruffypup said"My heart melted for him out of no where and I asked him to come have lunch with me the next day. When he showed up we had lunch and while we talked I'd just stare at him and think how much I hated him."


    Have you ever considered you might be bi-polar? You're asking for advice, so I'm going to give it to you straight up.....

    From what you've written, it's obvious to me that you're way to immature to be in a relationship (yes, even with a gay man.) Children are ruled by their emotions and say "I hate you" when they get upset, but adults in healthy relationships do not. You strike me as one of those gay guys who thinks it's cute to act bitchy to get what you want. Even the way you refer to him is bitchy. He is not your warm safety blanket.....he's a person. You're using him to soothe your insecurities and that's not what he was put on this planet for. And this has nothing to do with the fact that he's confused about his sexuality.....this is all about YOU.

    Now about him....

    I understand the attraction to "straight" men. My best friend (who is "straight") came onto me so strong when we first met that for the first month of our relationship I thought we were dating. So called straight guys flock to me for some reason. HOT straight guys! My friends are in awe about this. It feels great while it lasts. When I was younger, I got my heart crushed many many times by these confused guys. Now I just ride the wave for what it is and refused to get attached. Relationships with people who are confused about their sexuality never end well. Get the hell away from this guy before you get hurt even more. You're not ready for a relationship with a stable gay man at this point, and you're certainly not equipped to deal with Stable Mable.



    I couldn't have said it better than myself.

    Seriously my suggestion to cut out the drama. All this aches and pain really is not taking you anywhere. Also focus on your job and career will you!! Find a hobby or join an activity group...Something that will help focus your mind.
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    Apr 12, 2011 2:10 PM GMT
    I think im unstable...buut, yeah i agree with Mohammed and the guy that replied to his post. icon_smile.gif u need a therapist or counselor. And i totally understand your pain icon_sad.gif .....i hope u will find peace in your mind and soul... icon_smile.gif

    Idk..this song sounds ironic(no offense icon_sad.gif ).
    icon_sad.gif
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    Apr 12, 2011 2:21 PM GMT
    Your post saddens me because your pain is so palpable. I hope you find peace and resolve all your issues soon. Good luck!
  • TrentGrad

    Posts: 1541

    Apr 12, 2011 2:22 PM GMT
    I don't understand what you're looking for here.

    I mean, read what you wrote: when you both lived together initially, it sounds like you went through a period of infatuation...and when that wore off, you were both incredibly ugly to one another!

    Of course you miss him so much...that's the way addicts are! Indeed, I'd say based on what you've said, that you're the one who caused most of the tension in this "relationship": he gets a girlfriend he loves, and you laugh and call her ugly; he wants to hang out with another friend...and you have a problem with him wanting to hang out with this other "random guy" when he could hang out with you, etc...

    I'm not trying to be mean...I am however trying to be direct: you need to find a good therapist and work through this, because with everything that has happened, you've become obsessed with him...and he very clearly at this point seems to want you to leave him alone!

    _Mohammed_Why do you keep insisting he is straight? He may claim he is straight but just be at a wrong time in his life to come out. I haven't seen a straight man that acts like this (and I have seen many to be honest with you)... cuddling together?


    He may have been straight-curious...or he may well be bisexual or closeted gay. I agree that his behaviour is certainly unusual by most heterosexual male standards.

    Then again, if he were gay or bisexual, it is also unusual that the two of them wouldn't have had sex if they were sleeping in the same bed...so I wouldn't rush to conclude that he isn't what he says he is because, at the end of the day, we aren't really getting his perspective here.

    Indeed, I don't think it ultimately matters if he's straight, bi or gay at this point: it's time for the OP to move on with his life!

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 12, 2011 3:28 PM GMT
    He's gay. Get married.
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    Apr 12, 2011 3:56 PM GMT
    You are born alone and unfortunately you die alone. Love is one of those things you pick up along the way. Enjoy it for what it was or is! Hope for more. Have big stories to tell! Just DONT kill yourself over it!
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    Apr 12, 2011 4:07 PM GMT
    This is a soap opera. The Young and the Restless doesn't have shit compared to your life.
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    Apr 12, 2011 4:09 PM GMT
    I nearly lost the will to live reading this thread
    I rather join French Foreign Legion
    Then having to reading this thread again.
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    Apr 12, 2011 4:11 PM GMT
    Caslon18000 saidHe's gay. Get married.


    Yes marriage SOLVES everything!! icon_lol.gif
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    Apr 12, 2011 4:54 PM GMT
    TrentGrad said

    He may have been straight-curious...or he may well be bisexual or closeted gay. I agree that his behaviour is certainly unusual by most heterosexual male standards.

    Then again, if he were gay or bisexual, it is also unusual that the two of them wouldn't have had sex if they were sleeping in the same bed...so I wouldn't rush to conclude that he isn't what he says he is because, at the end of the day, we aren't really getting his perspective here.

    Indeed, I don't think it ultimately matters if he's straight, bi or gay at this point: it's time for the OP to move on with his life!



    Just because two men slept together does not mean they need to have sex together.

    I know many gay men who won't do anything until they get married and they are fine with that.

    Also, no straight man would allow a gay man to sit in his lap with his arms around him with his head on the side of the gay man's neck (one form of cuddling - which is what the OP and his "straight" friend did a lot - maybe just a different variation of it).

  • str8hardbody9

    Posts: 1519

    Apr 12, 2011 5:00 PM GMT
    socalfitness saidYour behavior is both obsessive and self-destructive. It is serious enough that it impacts your quality of life e.g. not being able to work productively. In my opinion, the best help you can get here is to suggest you see a therapist to help you understand why you are feeling and acting as you are, and how to improve.


    I totally agree your obsessive & self-destructive. You need to see a therapist. Life goes on and move on.
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    Apr 12, 2011 5:30 PM GMT
    _Mohammed_ said
    TrentGrad said

    He may have been straight-curious...or he may well be bisexual or closeted gay. I agree that his behaviour is certainly unusual by most heterosexual male standards.

    Then again, if he were gay or bisexual, it is also unusual that the two of them wouldn't have had sex if they were sleeping in the same bed...so I wouldn't rush to conclude that he isn't what he says he is because, at the end of the day, we aren't really getting his perspective here.

    Indeed, I don't think it ultimately matters if he's straight, bi or gay at this point: it's time for the OP to move on with his life!



    Just because two men slept together does not mean they need to have sex together.

    I know many gay men who won't do anything until they get married and they are fine with that.

    Also, no straight man would allow a gay man to sit in his lap with his arms around him with his head on the side of the gay man's neck (one form of cuddling - which is what the OP and his "straight" friend did a lot - maybe just a different variation of it).



    Oh sure they would - back in the days before we even knew what a homosexual was.

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    Apr 12, 2011 5:33 PM GMT
    OneGeezer said
    _Mohammed_ said
    TrentGrad said

    He may have been straight-curious...or he may well be bisexual or closeted gay. I agree that his behaviour is certainly unusual by most heterosexual male standards.

    Then again, if he were gay or bisexual, it is also unusual that the two of them wouldn't have had sex if they were sleeping in the same bed...so I wouldn't rush to conclude that he isn't what he says he is because, at the end of the day, we aren't really getting his perspective here.

    Indeed, I don't think it ultimately matters if he's straight, bi or gay at this point: it's time for the OP to move on with his life!



    Just because two men slept together does not mean they need to have sex together.

    I know many gay men who won't do anything until they get married and they are fine with that.

    Also, no straight man would allow a gay man to sit in his lap with his arms around him with his head on the side of the gay man's neck (one form of cuddling - which is what the OP and his "straight" friend did a lot - maybe just a different variation of it).



    Oh sure they would - back in the days before we even knew what a homosexual was.



    only a grandfather/father-son relationship.... other than that...no man with his woman would go up to another man and take him in his arms give him a kiss on a cheek and cuddle with him in bed...


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    Apr 12, 2011 7:16 PM GMT
    meemo21 saidHey everybody, thanks a lot for reading my thread even thought it was so long. I appreciate all your suggestions. After I wrote that yesterday I felt so much better.

    Answers:
    For the people that suggested it was a bi-polar relationship:
    In a weird way it was, we would fight then make up. The reason why I would hate him sometimes is because I'd remember all the mean stuff he'd say to me when we'd fight. A lot of times the things he would say would be just so mean and hurtful it was crazy.

    Moving on.
    I will move on I want to. But every time I wanna let go I'm just sad because I'm faced with the truth of losing him and than I realize that maybe just maybe we will be back together.

    Still lost, still confused. I wish I can just fast forward my way out of this mess to a new chapter in my life.

    Again thanks a lot for your input and opinions you are all so sweet and it brought me comfort writing about what happened thanks!


    Glad you realized that you need to move on.
    I suggest seeing another friend of yours to talk to and chill while the "moving on" is occuring so you don't think of going back to that guy.

    cheers,
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    Apr 12, 2011 8:19 PM GMT
    I just have to say this:

    If you love someone, set it free, if comes back to you is yours forever, if not it never was yours.

    If you truly love him, let him go!!

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    Apr 12, 2011 9:05 PM GMT
    It might be worth considering this:

    "As adults, codependent people have a greater tendency to get involved in "toxic relationships", in other words with people who are perhaps unreliable, emotionally unavailable, or needy. And the codependent person tries to provide and control everything within the relationship without addressing their own needs or desires; setting themselves up for continued unfulfillment."