Dalitude: Fact or Myth? Cities That Gay Guys Say Have The WORST GUYS..Your Thoughts..

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 26, 2007 10:59 AM GMT
    Ok, so I was thinking about how here in Dallas, gay guys are known for the "Dalitude", which is a very stuck-up pretentious guy. Dallas has a horrible reputation. It's very real.

    An asshole basically.

    Friends or guys I know that come here always say Dallas has some mean horrible guys. I've been with guys from LA and NYC, which I thought would have the worst guys, but I beg to differ.

    My question is, from your experience, what guys in which cities tend to be the worst (relating to being snooty) versus your own city? Also, is it all in our heads really? Aren't there assholes wherever you go or do certain cities have something that just stands out (and not in a good way)? Just curious because this is something often discussed.

    ~sP
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    Jun 26, 2007 2:51 PM GMT
    Stockholm and Boston are the bitchiest gay scenes I've ever experienced. I grew up in Providence (ten times as fun as Boston) and then moved to NYC (the best city ever). New Yorkers sometimes pull an attitude, but they have a reason. Bostonians and Stockholmers both have "small capital syndrome": places that never really measure up to a real metropolis, but unlike Providence (where people care more about having a good time than being great), they aspire to BE something... good luck, you sourpuss bitch faces.
  • atxclimber

    Posts: 480

    Jun 26, 2007 2:55 PM GMT
    Doesn't it depend on the context? Are you talking about guys specifically at the clubs & gyms? Those are pretty competitive settings, usually. Are the guys really that bitchy if you meet them at grocery stores, at book readings, in a cafe, etc.?
  • Laurence

    Posts: 942

    Jun 26, 2007 3:13 PM GMT
    I think you sort of answered your own question. There are assholes and jerks everywhere, especially on the Gay scene, where having attitude seems to be more the norm than not.

    However I've found that here in the UK, that Northern towns are friendlier than the Southern places, Gay and straight. London, where I live has a great scene and large number of Gays and Lesbians, but can be unfriendly.

    In Spain. Barcelona has a better looking crowd but Madrid guys are friendlier and have less attitude.

    In Brazil. Guys in Rio however are not only the cutest but are the ones with the least attitude.

    In the States. I've been to a few places and found most American guys to be friendly (if not a little intense) and accepting.


    Loz
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    Jun 26, 2007 4:06 PM GMT
    Washington DC is pretty bad - bad attitude, bad closet cases, etc. I encountered plenty of out of control narcissists in Los Angeles, but they were balanced out by quite a few quality guys. And the closest city to me now, Reno, is just plain scary...
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    Jun 26, 2007 4:25 PM GMT
    Hmm... I don't have much experience with that, having explored mostly around PDX, which in general is pretty darned holier-than-thou, in a naked-emperor sort of way.

    But just to look at the other side of the coin for a minute... I most often hear gay guys here being referred to as "stuck-up" by sloppy fat (and yes, old) guys who can't seem to understand why the object of their desire won't immediately get naked and have sex with them.
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    Jun 26, 2007 4:42 PM GMT
    mindgarden said: "...I most often hear gay guys here being referred to as "stuck-up" by sloppy fat (and yes, old) guys who can't seem to understand why the object of their desire won't immediately get naked and have sex with them...."

    I agree with this, witness some whining posts in other forums.

    Stuck up --- thinking you are better than the other person because of looks, physical conditioning, social "status...

    Not stuck up --- Not able/willing to return sexual interest from a person towards whom you have no sexual attraction.

    I sense that many posts from guys bemoaning the lack of return of sexual interest from guys on this site is the latter, not the former. Same is true about "cities" and the issue about whether the guys are "worst" there.

    There have been posts in forums here from guys who were "slim" wondering why "big muscled" guys are not interested, and from older overweight guys wondering if ageism has to do with the lack of interest in them from very fit guys.

    I sense that some/many guys feel that the guys to whom they are sexually attracted MUST be attracted back, otherwise those guys are snobby, or attitude-full.

    Sure, snobby, attitude-full guys exists...but let's not confuse lack of sexual attraction to snobbiness.
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    Jun 26, 2007 5:46 PM GMT
    Of course, since it's the city I live closest to, I'had have to say San Francisco gays can be just down right mean. They will tell you to your face you're not attractive...(eww right). Other cities that have made my list: Los Angeles (of course), Calgary Ablerta (you'd be surprised), and Vancouver.
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    Jun 26, 2007 6:16 PM GMT
    I do see the whole "They aren't attracted to me so he's just a bitch" thing going on however, there is a difference between letting it be known that you aren't attracted to someone, and being a complete bitch about it, contrary to popular belief it is possible.

    On the same side of that coin those that tend to make the judgement that someone dosn't return attraction is just a stuck up bitch, 9 times out of 10 you come on way too strong and end up bringing out the bitch in a person so chill and just breathe when somebody tells you "no".

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    Jun 26, 2007 6:18 PM GMT
    Now to answer the original question, I hate The Community in Denver. Most of them look at you like you're a different species once they find out you're from anywhere south of Aurora. Makes me sick.
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    Jun 26, 2007 7:22 PM GMT
    jaybird62, I agree that there are people with attitude all over. And, yes, there are the beauty queens/gym bunnies who will outright be rude, read that awful...to guys they are not attracted to.

    But notice the thread here...so far we've heard about Dallas, Stockholm, Boston, Los Angeles, New York, San Francisco, Portland, Washington, Calgary and Vancouver. It has nothing to do with geography...and everything to do with the fact that in the gay community, there are circuit party guys who are rude, self-absorbed twits, who don't care a wit about anyone else, and puts a value on a person based upon looks.

    Note again, I don't quarrel with anyone's sexual target...everyone is entitled to that.

    But to be rude, or cruel...there's no excuse.

    I think that rudeness is independent of geography, and more dependent on the fact that a fraction of our gay brethern are like that.
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    Jun 26, 2007 7:26 PM GMT
    I must be lucky. The only person who's ever rude to me is that checkout girl at the super market. It's probably because she has to keep asking me to identify some vegetable she's never seen.

  • dfrourke

    Posts: 1062

    Jun 26, 2007 8:58 PM GMT
    interesting question, but I can't believe it has to do with cities...just the circles we tend to find ourselves in...

    I know I score high in the looks department and that has afforded me less attitude from others...that and my stint in NYC toughened me up a bit...

    My response here really would depend on what was going on in my life when I was paying attention to the guys around me...I am in a "hands off" dating situation right now...and some of the people I speak with seem like nice guys, but just oversexed...I usually don't hang around people with whiney, bitchy, or needy attitudes [so I don't really see it]...

    I also believe my reactions to guys go along way also...when I am serious about something...I have been told I have been intimidating...when I smile...it's hard to be bitchy...

    Every city I have lived in has had @ssholes and alluring guys...thankfully the universe spread them out for all of us to enjoy.

    - David
  • bigguysf

    Posts: 329

    Jun 26, 2007 9:48 PM GMT
    I agree the hot hunky guy (dfrourke) above me... :)

    Seriously though, here in SF it's tough. But it's probably that way in many cities depending on the "type" you fit into.

    I have had many issues with San Francisco, and have bitched to my friends about way too much over the years I'm sure. And I honestly believe that it's partly an issue of the city being so very Caucasian and Asian (with so few blacks), that many guys don't know quite what to make of me. But whenever I go to New York, I feel like I belong there. And I'm sure it doesn't hurt that New York has a much larger black population that is more integrated into the larger gay social context.

    Many guy however would never agree with that assessment of New York, and may in fact think San Francisco is the greatest town since sliced bread. I don't think there is an easy answer of which city has the best guys, or the worst guys. It's a pretty complex equation of who you are, what you look like, and how you fit into that particular social landscape.

    Someone above mentioned Portland negatively, but I found guys there to be extremely friendly (with no strings attached). So go figure...
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    Jun 27, 2007 1:03 AM GMT
    I found SF guys to be a bit stuck up as well as reluctant to start a conversation. I'd imagine it must be hard being a minority there.
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    Jun 27, 2007 10:41 AM GMT
    Yeah, I'm just referring to gay guys in cities in general regardless of where you happen to encounter them..it's interesting how different cities have men who act totally different...I've seen it.

    ~sP
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    Jun 27, 2007 3:25 PM GMT
    Hey Mike:

    I'm surprised you listed Vancouver! I've lived in many of the major cities in Canada (Halifax, Montreal, Ottawa, Toronto and Vancouver) and I found Vancouver was by far the friendliest in English Canada.

    I think you guys hit a number of points. You're going to get people everywhere who won't get this hint that you aren't interested.... they'll call you "stuck-up" for that.

    I've had so many great experiences in Vancouver. But then I'm trying to avoid the bar scene. I think like any city, it's all about where you go, what you do and the kind of energy you're putting out.
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    Jun 27, 2007 5:10 PM GMT
    Ok, you guys have me nervous about going to San Francisco now, so my question is where a decent more laidback place to go shoot a game of pool or something in the evenings when I'm there? More of a sports bar or video bar type of environment maybe?

    I also agree with what ATX Climber said. The bar scene tends to bring out the worst in people. I run with a guy who is extremely nice and down to earth out on the roads or trails. You get a couple of drinks in him, and get him in a bar, he acts like a jerk. I think we all know people like this.
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    Jun 27, 2007 5:10 PM GMT
    Ok, you guys have me nervous about going to San Francisco now, so my question is where a decent more laidback place to go shoot a game of pool or something in the evenings when I'm there? More of a sports bar or video bar type of environment maybe?

    I also agree with what ATX Climber said. The bar scene tends to bring out the worst in people. I run with a guy who is extremely nice and down to earth out on the roads or trails. You get a couple of drinks in him, and get him in a bar, he acts like a jerk. I think we all know people like this.
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    Jun 27, 2007 5:27 PM GMT
    I live in Boston.. and well... I f*cking hate it. The guys are nice, one-on-one without alcohol and minus any attraction. Once you get more than one together... it's all down hill. It is a battle to see who can be ruder and more arrogant than the next. I stopped going to the gay bars, unless I want to get laid, because of that (and that was within a few months of living here).

    Santa Fe is AWESOME, if you're over 30. The people are WICKED nice and low-key. The scene is small, but everyone would much rather have a good time and enjoy the weather than be bitchy.

    I think city people have become brainwashed into thinking rude is chic. And as we all know, to be chic is to be gay. It's all kind of stupid.
  • imaxim

    Posts: 94

    Jun 27, 2007 6:23 PM GMT
    Ok, you guys have me nervous about going to San Francisco now, so my question is where a decent more laidback place to go shoot a game of pool or something in the evenings when I'm there? More of a sports bar or video bar type of environment maybe?

    The comments about black gay men's experiences in SF have no real bearing on that of others. It is a very unique phenomenon which is caused by a number of factors (I think our low numbers are really just a symptom). Sexual interest aside, most people here (including the gay community) are very laid back and nice compared to other gay centers... however, sexual interest often has a strong influence on platonic interest, especially for singles; hence, the comments above.

    As bigguysf alluded to, this is something you'd never notice was even there unless you were affected by it. The main complaints I hear from your demographic (around here) are usually more along the lines of finding and maintaining a serious relationship in a city of so many guys, rather than a lack of available options. The city also has many other things to offer (both gay and otherwise), but that's a different topic. I think you'll actually enjoy SF quite a bit.
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    Jun 27, 2007 7:06 PM GMT
    imaxim said: "...The main complaints I hear from your demographic (around here) are usually more along the lines of finding and maintaining a serious relationship in a city of so many guys, rather than a lack of available options...."

    I think that there is lots of "competition" in the SF area...meaning lots of guys looking for the "one". That might be a factor.

    I also exclude the club scene from my observations because I am too old for that. So, going to SF clubs might be offputting...I don't know.

    But just considering "friendliness" of gay guy to gay guy...let's consider what someone else on a Forum thread characterized the "gay temple", Golds Gym

    I go to Golds Gym in Oakland, which at least at the times I workout has a clientele that is probably 70% gay. I've made lots of acquaitances, good friends, and my closest friend there.

    Now, it may be different at Golds Gym in the Castro in SF (maybe my friend dfrourke would care to comment, since he goes to that one, I believe). It could be that that gym is frequented by "circuit party" boys...and that someone coming in off the street would really find lots of attitude there.

    I just don't believe that any one city that has a large gay population is immune from gay snobs and rudeness. I believe there is plenty of rudeness to go around.

    For "Gay Jocks", let me tell you, the SF Bay Area is wonderful for runners, hikers, triathletes, rock climbers...any one who has a love of being actively athletic outdoors.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11648

    Jun 29, 2007 12:55 AM GMT
    You know what...I cut my proverbial gay teeth in places with attitude
    Manhattan LA and now in Miami
    everywhere you go you're gonna find guys with "attitude"
    it's one of those things that only work if you play into it
    pretentious guys are just that...pretentious
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    Jul 02, 2007 5:14 PM GMT
    Imaxim is right, in SF there are too many options for sex, and a lot of people don't want to settle down into a relationship for that reason.
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    Jul 03, 2007 9:19 PM GMT
    You know, I live in Columbus Ohio, which apparently is a pretty gay city. I didn't really know about this moving here, but whatever. Anyways, I find the gay men here to be by the most part.... let's see, how do I put this delicately.... flaming queens. It's not so much the attitude that I've noticed, it's just the general population of gay people here seem to be raging homosexuals. It's all well and good to be gay, but it seems like a lot of the gays here in C-bus take it to extremes. Very effiminate and just not very sporty or athletic.