Why haven't I seen more instances of masculine (men you would never guess were gay) ..coming out?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 12, 2011 9:03 PM GMT
    There was some thread on gay tv shows a while ago with some british show that was actually really good. This young guy he was around 20 had to come out and face his sexuality. If its around me, i'm not seein it. Where are all these guys - cuz I know its happening.

    Think it would be easier and validating to see more of it around you , sort of helps you feel less alone and there is strength in numbers you know?

    So where are these guys?
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    Apr 12, 2011 9:20 PM GMT
    sweet heart there are literally thousands of gay men around you.
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    Apr 12, 2011 9:23 PM GMT
    I don't agree with your title and it sounds something like a back handed compliment that an ignorant Hetersexual would give to a gay guy for example: "I wouldn't expect a guy like you to be gay" or "You're masculine for a gay guy" What's that supposed to mean? Sorry that's not a compliment!
    Like in this video where the most thumbed up comment is: "He doesn't look gay"

    and the next comment with 6 thumbs up by user---concertsde You're the first person who isn't like 'faggly' and 'feminine' with a coming´╗┐ out story
    .-


    and this guy too:



    What does gay look like? First off gay is not a visible minority like being a race or being a woman or crippled, so I wish people would stop saying "looking gay" The only way you can "look gay" is by sucking cock. Heterosexual men do not have some innate monopoly on masculinity so I wish some gay men would stop putting them on a pedestal, especially coining silly terms like "Straight Acting" Lesbians don't make up dumb jargons like "Straight Acting" to describe non Butch Lesbians?
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    Apr 12, 2011 9:26 PM GMT
    lilTanker saidsweet heart there are literally thousands of gay men around you.


    Seriously you'd think some of the gay dudes here live in a bubble with all the preconceived notions and blanket statements made about other Gay males on this forum.
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    Apr 12, 2011 11:32 PM GMT
    DodgedBullet said
    lilTanker saidsweet heart there are literally thousands of gay men around you.


    Seriously you'd think some of the gay dudes here live in a bubble with all the preconceived notions and blanket statements made about other Gay males on this forum.


    Wtf is your problem? Chill out, dude. .. yeah, i may be surrounded by them, but I don't see it. Do you ever stop to ask yourself where the other person is coming from, first, by making the post, or do you immediately think of your own reaction??...

    I live with a straight roommate, with straight friends, and we go out on weekends. Some times I need a little support. I certainly don't come on here to get bashed about it.

    Come on man.
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    Apr 12, 2011 11:34 PM GMT
    haha. cause they don't wanna be part of this circus.
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    Apr 13, 2011 12:20 AM GMT
    You are seeing them all the time, but just don't realize they are gay. They don't wear signs that identify them as gay and they are not stereotypically flamboyant.

    That is the tragic part of all non-stereotypical young gay guys, which are actually the majority, I bet. They don't have gaydar yet and recognize only what they know as gay, those tired old stereotypes from TV. icon_mad.gif

    Any solutions, how can a young gay guy meet/find other gay guys his age in a safe environment?

  • macguyver32

    Posts: 75

    Apr 13, 2011 12:33 AM GMT
    realman77 saidhaha. cause they don't wanna be part of this circus.


    +1!!!
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    Apr 13, 2011 12:39 AM GMT
    Check Out this article on Gareth Thomas, I think its what you are looking for.


    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1237035/British-Lions-rugby-legend-Gareth-Thomas-Its-ended-marriage-nearly-driven-suicide-Now-time-tell-world-truth--Im-gay.html
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    Apr 13, 2011 12:45 AM GMT
    I'll tell ya this, it is annoying as hell when you get asked 20 times a night,"are you lost? You know you're in a gay bar, right?" or,"who brought the breeder?" Or at the end of the night you approach a guy and he figures out,"holy shit you're gay?! If I had known that I would've talked to you way earlier" I just don't give off whatever vibe I am apparently supposed to be giving off
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    Apr 13, 2011 12:48 AM GMT
    Sylas said
    DodgedBullet said
    lilTanker saidsweet heart there are literally thousands of gay men around you.


    Seriously you'd think some of the gay dudes here live in a bubble with all the preconceived notions and blanket statements made about other Gay males on this forum.


    Wtf is your problem? Chill out, dude. .. yeah, i may be surrounded by them, but I don't see it. Do you ever stop to ask yourself where the other person is coming from, first, by making the post, or do you immediately think of your own reaction??...

    I live with a straight roommate, with straight friends, and we go out on weekends. Some times I need a little support. I certainly don't come on here to get bashed about it.

    Come on man.


    I think you need to take your own advice. This topic is nothing new and has been done to death that was my point. People simply need to get out more and stop allowing themselves to be spoon fed lies and stereotypes perpetuated by The Media.

    Did you even read the suggestions given to you about making new friends and being friendly?:http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/1490289/

    I think I'll stay clear of your posts now knowing how offended you get at innocent comments.
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    Apr 13, 2011 12:56 AM GMT
    Thank you for all the members who posted useful, and constructive advice... I will definately check out that link!


    P.S. Yes I did read it. Thank you.
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    Apr 13, 2011 1:09 AM GMT
    ATX611 saidI'll tell ya this, it is annoying as hell when you get asked 20 times a night,"are you lost? You know you're in a gay bar, right?" or,"who brought the breeder?" Or at the end of the night you approach a guy and he figures out,"holy shit you're gay?! If I had known that I would've talked to you way earlier" I just don't give off whatever vibe I am apparently supposed to be giving off


    Exactly what I was going to say.. I do physical labor as part of my job. My knuckles get cut up, I have calluses on my hands, I don't wear Aussie bum underwear... lol the vibe is just not there for me either. It probably never will be....

    However, to sylas, I am an out of the closet (except at work) 21 year old.
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    Apr 13, 2011 1:13 AM GMT
    Have to say I get a little tried of guys trying to set me up on dates or tell me what girls are into me or why I'm going after some "tail". Then I come out to them and everything gets awkard for awhile then goes back to like nothing ever happened. Then sometime I get lumped in with all the flammers and gay whores on campus.

    Why are more masculine men not out....um we are we just happen to be masculine so you can't tell we are gay by talking to us or watching us walk down the street. We are out, we just don't "wave a flag around" all day like the guys you can tell do.
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    Apr 13, 2011 1:13 AM GMT
    ATX611 saidI'll tell ya this, it is annoying as hell when you get asked 20 times a night,"are you lost? You know you're in a gay bar, right?" or,"who brought the breeder?" Or at the end of the night you approach a guy and he figures out,"holy shit you're gay?! If I had known that I would've talked to you way earlier" I just don't give off whatever vibe I am apparently supposed to be giving off

    Ok, this is bullshit, spread thickly over strongly internalized homophobia! ... icon_rolleyes.gif ... Seek professional help and STFU.
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    Apr 13, 2011 1:18 AM GMT
    Well a lot of masculine gays I know could care less about "grabbing" attention by showing that they are totally gay, they tend to grab more attention based on physical appearance or the fact that they are good at sports and shit.

    Its just how it is. Some people want attention anywhere they can get it, some get more than enough and don't want it to get more complicated.

    Just sayin

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    Apr 13, 2011 1:22 AM GMT
    I wish I knew more of these guys.
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    Apr 13, 2011 2:20 AM GMT




    DO WANT icon_neutral.gif
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    Apr 13, 2011 2:28 AM GMT
    Caslon18000 said
    ATX611 saidI'll tell ya this, it is annoying as hell when you get asked 20 times a night,"are you lost? You know you're in a gay bar, right?" or,"who brought the breeder?" Or at the end of the night you approach a guy and he figures out,"holy shit you're gay?! If I had known that I would've talked to you way earlier" I just don't give off whatever vibe I am apparently supposed to be giving off

    Ok, this is bullshit, spread thickly over strongly internalized homophobia! ... icon_rolleyes.gif ... Seek professional help and STFU.


    And then there's the ones who call you an internal homophobic for saying exactly verbatim what is said to me on a nearly constant basis, explain how, rather than exclaim personal attacks

  • Apr 13, 2011 2:38 AM GMT
    realman77 saidhaha. cause they don't wanna be part of this circus.


    was pondering a lengthy response, but this one basically summed it up.
  • B71115

    Posts: 482

    Apr 13, 2011 2:53 AM GMT
    ATX611 said
    Caslon18000 said
    ATX611 saidI'll tell ya this, it is annoying as hell when you get asked 20 times a night,"are you lost? You know you're in a gay bar, right?" or,"who brought the breeder?" Or at the end of the night you approach a guy and he figures out,"holy shit you're gay?! If I had known that I would've talked to you way earlier" I just don't give off whatever vibe I am apparently supposed to be giving off

    Ok, this is bullshit, spread thickly over strongly internalized homophobia! ... icon_rolleyes.gif ... Seek professional help and STFU.


    And then there's the ones who call you an internal homophobic for saying exactly verbatim what is said to me on a nearly constant basis, explain how, rather than exclaim personal attacks


    That guy has issues. Ignore him.
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    Apr 13, 2011 4:31 AM GMT
    There are a ton of masculine gay guys! Actually, most of my gay friends are masculine. The ones that I have that are feminine, are cool too. There are a lot more masculine gay guys than people think. One reasons why they aren't as obvious: they don't fit the stereotypical gay qualities, lisp, rainbows everywhere, britney and gaga talkers, fashion... etc. I don't want to sound weird, or uninformed about feminine gays when I respond. I don't want to lock anyone into a box or categorize. Masculine gay guys blend in better and go unnoticed. Actually, at times, its kinda offsetting to me even when gay guys even ask that if I'm straight. One day hopefully, the world won't lock everyone into boxes. Hopefully. =D
  • MarvelClimber

    Posts: 511

    Apr 13, 2011 4:50 AM GMT
    DodgedBullet said

    What does gay look like? First off gay is not a visible minority like being a race or being a woman or crippled, so I wish people would stop saying "looking gay" The only way you can "look gay" is by sucking cock. Heterosexual men do not have some innate monopoly on masculinity so I wish some gay men would stop putting them on a pedestal, especially coining silly terms like "Straight Acting" Lesbians don't make up dumb jargons like "Straight Acting" to describe non Butch Lesbians?


    For the win!
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    Apr 13, 2011 4:55 AM GMT
    Sometimes I wish that I wasn't so old.
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    Apr 13, 2011 5:13 AM GMT
    I'm right here! For me, it's still kind of awkward when I tell people (especially girls when I'm out with friends) that I'm gay. At least half the time, probably more than that, a girl who is hitting on me either thinks I'm just trying to get rid of her, or that I'm joking and it's some kind of way to pick up girls. I had to make the decision for myself and decide if I wanted to either live a lie, date women, possibly get married and have kids, and know the whole time that my life is a lie and I'm not completely happy... or to do what I did and tell the truth. It was hard to do, but being a "masculine gay guy" makes it easier, from my experience. Straight guys don't have as much of a problem with me, especially when they realize I can beat them at a lot of physical activities.

    It was hard at first though, and I can definitely see why a lot of masculine gay guys could make the other choice and stay in the closet, especially in areas that aren't particularly gay friendly. It may sound like I'm being conceited, but it takes a lot of courage and self respect to be able to come out when it's a real choice, and not something people can see from the moment they meet you. The guys who aren't coming out simply can't, or won't, face the possible reactions and prejudice that come with being who they are.

    Ok done typing. Sleep time.