Just a quick comment on something I've noticed...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 13, 2011 3:49 PM GMT
    I've read a lot of the recent forum posts by users who are all like "There are gay guys everywhere, you're just not looking hard enough." or "Keep looking, love will find you eventually."


    Come on people.... We average single guys are not fucking stupid, we know to keep looking or all the other "supportive" crap that Ive heard people say to me especially in the past... You don't know what we go through you really don't know... For example, I live in a small former steel town of 16,000 or so people.... we have no true youth population because the demographic of the town is the "Middle Aged/Old People's place to live out the rest of their lives and just die." There is no gay population in my town, no clubs no bars nothing... I know someone will suggest "Why not travel to a bigger city to find someone for you." because my dear sirs that suggest that interesting little tidbit, I am more or less physically incapable of driving so yeah that out of the picture... I'm just your average American kid who happens to be gay, I'm not ripped, I'm not a super jock like so many of you... I'm just average, And I want an opportunity too.

    I don't know what you guys want... but I'm honest, I'm gentle, I'm loving and caring. I'm here.......
  • Aus92

    Posts: 328

    Apr 13, 2011 3:52 PM GMT
    www.oasisactive.com
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 13, 2011 3:54 PM GMT
    how would that dynamic of your location be different if you were straight? if no one is your age in your area, would being straight change it much?

    the other side of it is that if you have a rural location, and a lack of supply, you end up filtering your way down to nothing. but if you change location, you end up with a different set of problems related to quantity not fixing the quality issue. moving to a gay mecca wouldn't make your world problem-free.

    just some thoughts. i have sympathy for your POV
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Apr 13, 2011 3:58 PM GMT
    I know of your circumstances, I used to live in a small country town of only 2000 people. Then I moved To Nashville....a little better but still not enough....then finally to Vegas. Sometimes circumstances force us to take things slower than we would wish. Anyway, I'm here for you. Hope to hear from you. icon_wink.gif
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    Apr 13, 2011 3:59 PM GMT
    The difference being I referred to gays my age in my town... there are naturally plenty of straights... so i'd be able to walk down to the local park and basically pick up a girl easily...

    My town isn't "rural" per se, we're no farmers with acres and acres of land... but its just small town america... its a shithole,

    As to your point about moving to a gay mecca, it would at least be better to have a gluttony of gay guys to filter through as opposed to absolutely no one icon_razz.gif
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    Apr 13, 2011 4:00 PM GMT
    Please excuse me while I LOL. icon_lol.gif

    I grew up in a farm town of less than 3000 people, and had a jack-off buddy from age 16 till I graduated high school.

    You go/went to high school, right? Were there other people your age, or were you the only person in school? Now consider the FACT that ~10% of the male population is gay. If you can't find a man, it IS because you're not looking hard enough.
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    Apr 13, 2011 4:08 PM GMT
    graniteknighte said
    As to your point about moving to a gay mecca, it would at least be better to have a gluttony of gay guys to filter through as opposed to absolutely no one icon_razz.gif


    It might seem better at first, but give yourself time. It can be worse. From the frying pan into the fire.

    As for what Paul says, it's true, but I was in your shoes. I later found out that other guys had boyfriends and I was clueless. It was like growing up in a desert, unaware of what was really around you. I still have the worst gaydar on earth.
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    Apr 13, 2011 4:10 PM GMT
    paulflexes

    Please excuse me while I LOL.
    I grew up in a farm town of less than 3000 people, and had a jack-off buddy from age 16 till I graduated high school.

    You go/went to high school, right? Were there other people your age, or were you the only person in school? Now consider the FACT that ~10% of the male population is gay. If you can't find a man, it IS because you're not looking hard enough.


    Four years of HS from 2006 to 2010 just graduated this past June... the difference between you and I is dude first off you're 40... sorry for the ageism but shit was probably different for you back in the day, you could get away with being discreet and having a buddy like that, not only did I never have a buddy like that my family wouldn't have allowed it. Second off, I didnt grow up where I currently live(long story short mother wanted me to move here to spend time with father who moved down here to take care of his mother who was in failing health) so yeah... going in to HS I knew no one and expected nothing... I'm quite adept at reading people and knowing them for gay or straight. I was one of less than 10 people I'd wager as gay in my HS of over 900 people, of which 6 were lesbians/female one was a flamer and not my type and the other was the flamer's rich "Daddy" type.....


    So yeah I know my school.
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    Apr 13, 2011 4:16 PM GMT
    graniteknighte said
    Four years of HS from 2006 to 2010 just graduated this past June... the difference between you and I is dude first off you're 40... sorry for the ageism but shit was probably different for you back in the day, you could get away with being discreet and having a buddy like that, not only did I never have a buddy like that my family wouldn't have allowed it. Second off, I didnt grow up where I currently live(long story short mother wanted me to move here to spend time with father who moved down here to take care of his mother who was in failing health) so yeah... going in to HS I knew no one and expected nothing... I'm quite adept at reading people and knowing them for gay or straight. I was one of less than 10 people I'd wager as gay in my HS of over 900 people, of which 6 were lesbians/female one was a flamer and not my type and the other was the flamer's rich "Daddy" type.....


    So yeah I know my school.


    I'd say back in the day it was probably harder to actually find someone than it is today, because it wasn't nearly as accepted as it is today. The case may be you will just have to be patient until either you 1) stumble across another gay (which has happened to me several times) or 2) are able to eventually move somewhere where there is a larger population and more gays around. Maybe get to know the gays in your town and see if they know other gays....use networking!

    You are young and you may just need to be patient until you can change your circumstances.
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    Apr 13, 2011 4:18 PM GMT
    The patience thing may be key... but I was serious about there being not really anyone but religious Christian Conservatives here...
  • tazzari

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    Apr 13, 2011 4:32 PM GMT
    I'm trying hard to think of something encouraging to say, but I can't come up with much. You're in a tough spot.

    One story that might help - a little - is how my partner and I met: via an ad in the paper. He found my ad months after I'd discontinued it. he lived in Nevada, I lived in Washington. We talked, wrote, visited - and in the end we moved in. It took time, it took some faith. But it happened.

    Are you going off to college? Go to a bigger school - that will help. Don't despise meeting on-line (though my experience since my partner's death has been discouraging). There's Connexion, gaydar.... And DON'T let being lonely lure you into settling for less than good, or doing something stupid.

    You're young, articulate, good-looking. It doesn't help to hear it, but things do get better.

    Good luck; a lot of us will be thinking about you.

    Nat
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    Apr 13, 2011 4:40 PM GMT
    TazzariI'm trying hard to think of something encouraging to say, but I can't come up with much. You're in a tough spot.

    One story that might help - a little - is how my partner and I met: via an ad in the paper. He found my ad months after I'd discontinued it. he lived in Nevada, I lived in Washington. We talked, wrote, visited - and in the end we moved in. It took time, it took some faith. But it happened.

    Are you going off to college? Go to a bigger school - that will help. Don't despise meeting on-line (though my experience since my partner's death has been discouraging). There's Connexion, gaydar.... And DON'T let being lonely lure you into settling for less than good, or doing something stupid.

    You're young, articulate, good-looking. It doesn't help to hear it, but things do get better.

    Good luck; a lot of us will be thinking about you.

    Nat


    I am a college freshmen in my second semester(1 month left of classes yay) going to a community college because well frankly, my mother socked away what she could(father did nothing) and I am grateful but my family has never been nor never will be wealthy, so the big schools are kind of out of the picture. I am lucky to afford what I can... I don't despise meeting online, why else would I be here, it's just frustrating dealing with the particular hard of cards I was dealt in life. I want my next card damnit and I want it to be a good one. Otherwise, I'm stuck in a rut.
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Apr 13, 2011 4:40 PM GMT
    graniteknighte said...Come on people.... We average single guys are not fucking stupid....



    you are far from being "average"! aweome profile pic.


    icon_cool.gif
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    Apr 13, 2011 4:42 PM GMT
    Thanks...
  • masculumpedes

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    Apr 13, 2011 4:54 PM GMT
    graniteknighte said
    I am a college freshmen in my second semester(1 month left of classes yay) going to a community college because well frankly, my mother socked away what she could(father did nothing) and I am grateful but my family has never been nor never will be wealthy, so the big schools are kind of out of the picture. I am lucky to afford what I can... I don't despise meeting online, why else would I be here, it's just frustrating dealing with the particular hard of cards I was dealt in life. I want my next card damnit and I want it to be a good one. Otherwise, I'm stuck in a rut.


    I do understand. I couldn't go to college until after I started my very first public job because my parents were too poor. I understand your frustration however only you can do something about your current situation....maybe not now...but for sure later. icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 13, 2011 5:01 PM GMT
    So what do I do now?
  • masculumpedes

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    Apr 13, 2011 5:03 PM GMT
    graniteknighte saidSo what do I do now?


    As bad as it sounds....you do like I did.....have a ton of patience until you can change your current situation. However, there have to be a few gay guys at the Community college.....maybe you are just a bit hesitant to try and approach them? I know it can be scary at first. icon_wink.gif
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    Apr 13, 2011 5:09 PM GMT
    I'm never hesitant... never. the difference with community college is that it is so much still like highschool... sure you can hang out and socialize with people a bit before classes but then you are herded off to class with your peers and sit there for extensive amounts of time as the professors drone on icon_razz.gif A friend of mine Romeo is gay... but because our schedules run on different days(and he lives in the county where the school is and I don't (yay out of county rates)) I don't see him much, that and he's looking more for friends right now so yeah...


    Patience it is then?
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    Apr 13, 2011 5:18 PM GMT
    graniteknighte saidSo what do I do now?


    Focus on school, friends, life. I felt the same way you do, & I live in a city of 1.6 million people. There's more opportunity for adult men in a big city, but I think high school/ college sucks for everyone no matter where you are.

    You don't need to drive to be able to move either. Focus on school for the time being, and if you want more opportunity, change your location.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 13, 2011 5:19 PM GMT
    What don't I have that would facilitate such a movement(either a change of schools or to a big city)
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    Apr 13, 2011 5:25 PM GMT
    graniteknighte saidWhat don't I have that would facilitate such a movement(either a change of schools or to a big city)


    The fact that you don't want to be living in a vicinity of 16,000 people anymore. A lot of people "move to the big city". You're not the first person to aspire leaving a one horse town.

    I'm not saying moving is THE best option, but it's A option. How many posts do you read here about guys complaining about loneliness? They all live in big ass cities. Life sucks for everyone. Living in a small town definitely makes it a LITTLE harder, but moving doesn't exactly guarantee 6'4 beefcake in your bed every night.
  • tazzari

    Posts: 2929

    Apr 13, 2011 5:30 PM GMT
    You might poke around and see what scholarships you could hook, so you could move to a bigger place. There are gay scholarships out there, though usually for people with really hard cases.

    There's loneliness everywhere. I worked for an Olympic team for years, and while I was out, the chances of finding someone were somewhere between zilch and less than zero - there's a tradeoff between what you want to do, and what's available, although your situation is a bit different (I was wildly pleased to be doing what I was doing... ).

    So as others have said, and hard as it is, patience.... But with your good looks and intelligence, you will find someone.
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    Apr 13, 2011 5:35 PM GMT
    staple_ said
    graniteknighte saidWhat don't I have that would facilitate such a movement(either a change of schools or to a big city)


    The fact that you don't want to be living in a vicinity of 16,000 people anymore. A lot of people "move to the big city". You're not the first person to aspire leaving a one horse town.

    I'm not saying moving is THE best option, but it's A option. How many posts do you read here about guys complaining about loneliness? They all live in big ass cities. Life sucks for everyone. Living in a small town definitely makes it a LITTLE harder, but moving doesn't exactly guarantee 6'4 beefcake in your bed every night.


    I was referring more to money, I don't have the funds to be able to pick up and go to NYC or into Philly or anywhere really and that's what's holding me back, or another thing that does, the lack of funds...

    Also I'd like my order of beefcake please with a side order and cuddling and lots of hugging icon_smile.gif
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    Apr 13, 2011 5:39 PM GMT
    graniteknighte saidI'm just your average American kid who happens to be gay, I'm not ripped, I'm not a super jock like so many of you... I'm just average, And I want an opportunity too.

    I don't know what you guys want... but I'm honest, I'm gentle, I'm loving and caring. I'm here.......


    Don't be too hard on your self. You're nice looking--I'd bone you in a heartbeat.
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    Apr 13, 2011 5:49 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidPlease excuse me while I LOL. icon_lol.gif

    I grew up in a farm town of less than 3000 people, and had a jack-off buddy from age 16 till I graduated high school.

    You go/went to high school, right? Were there other people your age, or were you the only person in school? Now consider the FACT that ~10% of the male population is gay. If you can't find a man, it IS because you're not looking hard enough.


    that's risky business in high school, i had kids saying i was gay just cause i showed no interest in girls and people were trying to fight me on the bus and shit. there was a guy who used to try and hold my hand at lunch, i didn't really know how to react at the time, plus, didn't want to be stuck in a school full of thugs while people know im gay.