Can't seem to stay away from this guy even though he irritates me!

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 13, 2011 8:41 PM GMT
    I was going to put this in the dating section but technically me and the guy aren't in a relationship.

    I've known this guy now for about 5 months on and off. I am attracted to him except for the fact that he lives his life like a bum. He works menial jobs, and there's just always some depressing dramatic view on life. Or someone else that he knows.

    Last night i had him over to spend the night. Well he just went on and on about all the problems he's gone thru in the past week. And then this morning i ask him what he's going to do for the rest of the day cause i had plans. He just says, "well i don't have any money so i'm just going to panhandle on the streets so i can get money to go back home. I offered him a ride back home...which is 65 miles from my place. He didn't want to. I was not going to give him money because i already did that 3 times the other week. And he has been going on for the past 3 weeks on how his friends kick him out every morning because they have to work.

    I told him before that i can't deal with babying someone and constantly having to lecture him about getting his shit together and stop moping around town being a bum. It seems like he has good intentions but there's never any progress. He blames everything else on outside influences for not being able to get his life together. It's really draining to be around him but at the same time i'm into him somewhat. And plus he always keeps calling me to hangout and like an idiot i keep picking up the phone for him.

    What's the best way to get away and stay away from him without feeling bad?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 13, 2011 8:45 PM GMT
    brianindenver saidWhat's the best way to get away and stay away from him without feeling bad?
    The bad feeling will eventually go away. Just sayin'. icon_wink.gif
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    Apr 13, 2011 9:35 PM GMT
    So basically, you are a bum buddy! cool! icon_cool.gif
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    Apr 13, 2011 9:37 PM GMT

    As I state in my profile....
    Above all....NEVER settle for less than you know you are worth!!!
    Dump him NOW... it will only get worse!!
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    Apr 13, 2011 11:36 PM GMT
    hangulmal saidSo basically, you are a bum buddy! cool! icon_cool.gif


    LOL...good one.

    What gets me is that he comes from a relatively decent suburban family home and I've met his mom before. But at the same time he makes it out that they are some kind of dysfunctional family but I can't help but think that maybe he's dysfunctional.

    Sometimes I just tell myself that we're just fuck buddies and that's it...but I don't even want to fuck someone who's in the position he's in.

    Sometimes I think he's just slow or something in the head. He even has an old beater of a car that's sitting in the driveway of his parent's house and the only thing he's done to even get close to it is get a permit.

    Then he complains that he only makes $5 an hour all the time and that he's poor, and I ask him, "Well, WHAT are you going to do about it? If you don't like it, find something else to do! Why are you stilll working privately for these people, why are still friends with people who kick you out early in the morning and WHY are you telling me about it if you keep coming up here and allowing them to do it?" And he just sits there and doesn't say anything or makes up some excuse which means nothing.

    I'm just like ARrrghh, now it's becoming MY issue. Because I keep answering his calls, keep hanging out with him and now I feel that I'm to blame because I keep putting myself in his proximity because I feel a bit bad for him.

    Well no more. The type of people I deal with on a day to day basis at work are all well-off individuals and that's generally who I prefer to surround myself around. I know we all hit low points are struggle at some point in life, but for him it's like it never changes! When he met me, I was at a low point. Within a matter of weeks and months I turned things around dramatically and got my act together. Yet he's still bitching about the same shit from last year and hasn't done a single thing to change it. It's like, whenever I have sex with the kid, I just don't even want to be around him anymore.
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    Apr 14, 2011 12:00 AM GMT
    I had a friend like that.. then it sorta clicked that he was only around, Because he had a place to stay, food to eat, shower and even money. Long story short, i kicked his ass out. Lol it was easy cause his straight and didnt feel no attraction for him.. you sure his just not using you and takin advantage of the situation by using his sob stories.
  • Csrobbie2000

    Posts: 359

    Apr 14, 2011 1:44 AM GMT
    I used to date someone like that - well not a bum but so not very career and goal oriented. It's heart breaking to see him drifting through life without knowing what he wants to do or having any inspiration to do what he wants to do. I couldn't handle that after a while. He still owes me $3000, but I figure it's money I will never get back.
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Apr 14, 2011 3:49 AM GMT
    dude, its very very simple. hey dude, i like you and i think you are cool people. however, it seems you have way too much going on and i just do not feel like we make very good friends. i think we should probably stop hanging around each other.
  • needleninja

    Posts: 713

    Apr 14, 2011 3:52 AM GMT
    i have already had a person who wasnt optimistic about life. its not something i want to go through again, considering he never really thought positive about situations that went on.
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    Apr 14, 2011 3:59 AM GMT
    You are young, but one thing you'll learn with time...the best people to have in your life are the ones that add value to it and that lift you up. And vice versa. And I think you're adding the versa, he's bringing the vice. His problems are his problems. You can offer help, but if he doesn't want it or doesn't act to change things on his own, there isn't much you can do. I say do what you can to help him help himself, but if he won't do it on his own, then you have to leave him be.
  • TheAlchemixt

    Posts: 2294

    Apr 14, 2011 4:15 AM GMT
    This guy sounds like a leecher. Be careful!
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    Apr 14, 2011 4:19 AM GMT
    Why would you feel bad? You have no responsibility or accountability for this person. He is using you and others.

    If he turns himself around, then have him back in your life. It's his job to do this, not yours. Supportive does not equal being taken advantage of.
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    Apr 14, 2011 6:44 AM GMT
    NoSuchPerson saidYou are young, but one thing you'll learn with time...the best people to have in your life are the ones that add value to it and that lift you up. And vice versa. And I think you're adding the versa, he's bringing the vice. His problems are his problems. You can offer help, but if he doesn't want it or doesn't act to change things on his own, there isn't much you can do. I say do what you can to help him help himself, but if he won't do it on his own, then you have to leave him be.


    I know...I certainly understand that. This guy certainly does not lift me up and in fact all day today I've felt so blah and drag after he left. I had to spend 2 hours in the gym just to shake off the blues from having him around LOL.

    I just feel bad sometimes because I know what it's like to be in that position (when a bunch of bad things happen all at once and no one wants to help). And I feel obligated to help him because people have given me a hand. But with him, he is doing nothing to improve! He told me all last year how much he hated Denver, how he was going to move and start a new life. 6 months later, none of it materialized and his excuse? "I got scared to move to a place I didn't know anyone".

    I suggested he go to school and get free government grant money. He's a high school drop out and that seems impossible for him. I really don't know what else to tell him. He seems like a 13 year old stuck in a 22 year old's body LOL. The issues he's going thru is stuff a teenager would go thru: crappy job, struggling to get a license, living at home with his bitching mother...just roaming the streets from house to house like a runaway...

    I think I've come to the conclusion where I just need to store his number as "don't answer" and maybe perhaps that will keep me away from him. But all he'll do is just call me from another number and engage me in conversation. icon_rolleyes.gif And when living alone, it's hard to say no to company most days icon_redface.gif

    I never saw him as 'using' me but now that you said it, I think it makes perfect sense. He's using us as a crutch because he's too sorry to get his life together.

    He also asked me 'for help' shopping for clothes that make him look good. But I don't want to go shopping with someone who stinks and doesn't wash their clothes. In fact, today when I was dropping him off I told him, "look, I washed your clothes the other week so I will say this; YOU STINK! you can't be hanging outside for hours wearing the same clothes and not washing them!" And he comes here and fucking stinks up my house and I have to wash everything when he leaves. It's just so gross and so embarrassing to be in the store with him and he's smelling all raunchy and shit. I just cannot deal with that. I'm done!

    tuffguyndc saiddude, its very very simple. hey dude, i like you and i think you are cool people. however, it seems you have way too much going on and i just do not feel like we make very good friends. i think we should probably stop hanging around each other.


    I told him that a few months ago. I told him that we are not compatible and listed the reasons why. When I came back from Florida after nearly 2 months, he seen my profile again online and messaged me. And the very first thing it was? Nothing good. It was, "I almost died, I was in the hospital blah blah blah..."

    And few weeks ago he "almost died" again from a relatively mild and curable ailment. So I told him, "you might as well have died then!". You keep talking about how you almost died then obviously you don't believe you can survive icon_evil.gif

  • alphatop

    Posts: 1955

    Apr 14, 2011 6:51 AM GMT
    Is that bum on RJ?icon_eek.gif
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    Apr 14, 2011 7:06 AM GMT
    AntoNomad saidIs that bum on RJ?icon_eek.gif


    Noooo....and he doesn't know anything about this site. But he seems to be on adam4adam 24/7, in which I've officially severed all ties with that website.